Ten Things I Hate About You – A DASEY Version
Ten Things I Hate About You – A DASEY Version
A/N: I do not own LWD nor do I own TTIHAY.
Not that I wouldn't mind owning Michael Seater and Heath Ledger.
Oh, I should also say that even though he is dead, Heath Ledger's memory will always live on. He was a brilliant actor and human being. The world will not be the same without him.
I hate him. I seriously hate him! How could he be so insensitive! So rude! So pompous! So crude! So selfish! So…so…so DERKish! I know just what I will do! I will sit down and make up a list, yes, a list of everything I hate about him. That's just what I'll do. I'll make a list.
Casey McDonald grabbed a pen and a piece of paper and sat down at her desk and began.
Number One: I hate the way you talk to me and the way you cut your hair.
Casey nibbled on the tip of her pen as she thought back to that day at school. She and Emily had been discussing the latest issue of Teen Vogue as well which outfit Ellen Paige looked better in.
"I like the black dress she's wearing on the red carpet picture," Casey had said.
"But the one of her in the shirt looks so much…cooler."
"The dress is classy."
"The shirt is retro."
It was in the midst of this conversation that they had spotted Derek and his crew of Sam and Ralf standing by Derek's locker. Casey's heart almost skipped a beat when she saw him glance her way.
"Look, it's Sam, Ralf, and Derek," Emily had said.
"Let's go over and say hi," Casey suggested.
So the girls had made their way over to where Sam, Ralf, and Derek stood. From what they heard of their conversation, Casey could tell Derek had been talking about the new girl in their math class – Melinda. Her cheeks flushed as she waved at the boys.
"Hi," she said softly.
"Hey, Casey!" Sam and Ralf greeted her in their normal cheerful manner.
"What do you want, Space Case?" Derek demanded, "Look, I've told you a thousand times not to talk to me at school. Do you want to ruin my rep?"
"We just wanted to say hi," Emily interrupted, "So, what's up?"
"Not much," Derek said slyly, "Except for the fact that Melinda Harrison just asked me out."
"That tramp?" Casey raised an eyebrow, "Seriously, Derek, do you just go out with any blonde bimbo that happens to adjust her bra each time she walks past you?"
"At least I have a date," Derek spat out, "Unlike…some people," he looked Casey over, his eyes full of judgmental skepticism.
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me. At least I have a date. No one wants to date a grade grubber like you!"
Casey didn't remember anything else except staring down at her pink ballet flats and thinking to herself, why does he have to talk to me like that and why did he have to get that totally hot haircut yesterday? He makes it so hard to hate him.
Casey pulled the pen from her mouth and quickly began to write again.
Number Two: I hate the way you drive my car
Her mind drifted back to last weekend. It had been Derek's weekend to drive the car that they shared. He had insisted upon driving it everywhere. Saturday was their joint shift as Smelly Nelly's and Casey had naturally let Derek drive there.
She remembered the way he adjusted the seat, pushing it practically to the back seat, the way he moved the mirrors so not only could he not see the drivers behind him but so he could see himself. She remembered the way he had changed the radio stations to rock and blasted the volume to the loudest decimal.
"You know," she had said, "I hate the way you drive our car."
"So?"
"So, you move everything as if just to annoy me."
"Oh wow, Spacey! You know, I think you're actually on to something with this!"
"Derek, seriously. Do you honestly have to change everything in our car?"
"Yes," his answer was simple, flat, and emotionless.
They had driven the rest of the way in silence until Derek had decided to put the pedal to the metal and driven 95mph on the highway causing Casey to scream at him.
"Are you trying to get us killed!"
"Not both of us," he had grinned, increasing the speed.
"Slow down!"
"Make me!"
"Derek!" she had shouted, "This is my car too you know!"
"Yeah, I know; I just don't care," he smirked at his stepsister as he slammed the breaks on just as he was about to rear-end the driver in front of him.
"Derek!"
"Spacey!"
"I HATE the way you drive our car!"
Casey read over the two things on her list before adding the third.
Number Three: I hate it when you stare
Ugh, that's so true!
Casey rolled her eyes as remembered back to prom night.
She was just about ready to go inside the gym and find Max. Instead, she had lingered outside with Derek. She had remembered how she had wished he had been her prom date instead of Max. She wished he'd asked her instead of Sally.
She had finally been ready to go inside and find her date when Derek stopped her. They had talked for a little bit longer. All the while, Derek had been staring at her. His glance had literally made her blush. What is he thinking in that big, egotistical head of his, Casey had asked herself. Did he think she was pretty? Did he think that the dress was the wrong color for her? What was he thinking about?
"What?" She had asked.
"You look…"
"Don't, Derek," she had raised a hand, "If you're going to say something along the lines of 'you look ridiculous,' just don't, okay."
"I wasn't going to say that," Derek had said, "I was going to say you look…nice…but now because you had to go all Spacey on me, I don't think I'm going to say it any more."
"But you just did."
"Nope, I take it back."
"You can't take it back."
"I can and I did. Should have thought about that before you decided to assume what I'd say."
"Look, I'm sorry I assumed you'd say something rude," Casey had said softly, "Okay?"
"Okay. And for the record, you do look really beautiful tonight," Derek had added quickly before leaving her standing at the door as he rushed off to find Sally.
Casey had stood there totally bewildered and confused before Max came over and said, "There you are. Would you honor me with a dance?"
Max.
Stupid Max and his stupid blue tuxedo.
I wish Derek would have just asked me to prom instead. And what the hell did he mean when he said I looked really beautiful? Oh my God he has to be the most confusing person in t he history of confusing persons. Seriously, he's right up there with Michael Jackson when it comes to confusing people. And that is why I hate the way he stares. Because it makes me wonder what he's thinking about. And when he does tell me what he's thinking about when he stares, it just confuses me even more.
Yes, that is exactly why I hate the way he stares.
Casey put her pink pen to the paper once again and continued with her list.
Number four: I hate your big dumb combat boots and the way you read my mind.
Those stupid old boots of his. They smell downright vile! And what the heck is up with him seeming to read my mind all the time?
Casey thought back to a few days ago. Derek had taken off his combat boots and waved his feet around in the air.
"Mmm…what do you think, Spacey?" He had asked.
"Huh?" Her eyes had been glued to the television screen.
"I asked what you…never mind. Normally you'd have been all 'Der-ek you're feet smell vile' or something."
"Oh," she had said emotionless, "Fine, Derek you're feet smell vile. Happy?"
"Not really. What's up?" He had asked.
"Nothing. It's not like you care."
"I don't," he had been quick to reply, "It's just…only I can make you really mad and if anyone else did, well I'm gonna have to pound them for stealing my job."
"Derek," her voice was soft, "It's nothing."
"It's never just nothing with you Casey. Tell me, what's up."
And she had. She had told him all about her B on her English test and how she never, ever made Bs. Especially in English. He had put his arm around her and told her to ease up on herself. That she'd get an A next time. That sometimes people just have off days. He had been there for her. He had known something was up when everyone else seemed to not notice…or care.
I hate the way he thinks he can just get inside my head and read my mind. How is it that of all people HE is the only one that knows when there is something truly wrong going on in my life?
Casey shook her head and continued writing.
Number Five: I hate you so much it makes me sick. It even makes me rhyme.
Her mind began to travel back to this morning.
Derek had been fixing himself a bowl of cereal. Casey had asked him to pass the milk. He had. Of course, he did so after hawking a loogie into it.
"Der-EK!" Casey had screeched in her usual manner.
"What? Oh, did you want to drink that?" Derek had asked.
"Derek, you're disgusting. You're such a disgusting little prick. It makes me sick!"
"Okay, Dr. Seuss, whatever."
"I HATE YOU!" She had shouted before running upstairs.
"Love right back at you, sis," she had heard him call after her.
He's so annoying! Okay, focus Casey. Let's get back on track here. Number six.
Number Six: I hate the way you're always right.
Casey's mind drifted back to yet another memory of her and Derek.
"You know, Spacey, despite this lie you're telling everyone, I know you're not happy."
"What do you mean?" She had asked.
"You tell everyone you're happy here and they all believe you. Except me."
"I'm happy."
"No…no you're not."
"Fine," Casey had sighed, "I'm not."
"See, I'm always right. Oh, don't make plans for tomorrow night."
"Why not?"
"Because some of my friends and I are going to the movies and I'm thinking about inviting Emily – the girl next door – so you can meet everyone."
"You'll…you'll introduce me to you're friends? I thought you said I was an embarrassment."
"You are. But that's just a sacrifice I'm willing to make," he had said, "Besides, you and Emily are the biggest airheads in the world. You'll get along great."
"Thanks, Derek."
"Don't mention it. I don't want you ruining my rep or anything."
"Of course not," Casey had smiled shaking her head, "So why are you doing this?"
"Because, despite what you say, you aren't happy. You clearly miss your old friends so I decided instead of having you mope around the house for the next three years we have to live under this roof that I'd introduce you to people."
"Thanks, Derek. That's sweet."
"Uh-uh, one thing you need to know about me, Space Case is that Derek Venturi is never, ever sweet."
But he was and that's another thing Casey found herself hating about him.
He can be totally sweet – like he was that day – and then yell at me and make fun of me in front of all his friends. Why can't he just be sweet all the time? That's another reason why I hate him – he flip flops from sweet to mean back to sweet and once again back to mean And he says I have mood swings!
Number Seven: I hate it when you lie.
Once again, Casey's mind drifted back to a past memory of her Derek.
"I hate you!" Derek had shouted at the top of his lungs, "I hate you so much Casey McDonald. I wish you never even moved here! I wish my dad never married your mom!"
Yes, Casey thought as she nibbled on her pen again, I hate it when he lies.
Number Eight: I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry.
Casey thought back to a few weeks ago. Max had just dumped her for a girl named Dannie. Dannie was blonde, pretty, petite, and followed Max around wherever he went. Of course, Casey was crushed when her supposed Prince Charming in shining armor turned out to be nothing more than a mere frog in aluminum foil.
After school, she had flopped down on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and M&Ms and her copy of Casanova.
She needed a good laugh and let's face it, Heath was hot.
"What's up?" Derek had asked as he flopped down in his chair next to her.
"Go away, Derek," Casey had said.
"What are you watching?"
"Nothing. Go away."
"Look, I know about you and Max," Derek had said. His voice had been soft, gentle even, "And I just wanted to say he's a loser."
"You've always thought he was a loser."
"Yeah well now I have other reasons for thinking so."
"Like?"
"Like him dumping you for a slut like Dannie."
"You dated Dannie."
"That's beside the point."
"Uh-huh," Casey had given Derek a look and turned back to Heath Ledger in tights.
"Hey."
"Hey yourself."
"Smile."
"What?"
"You heard me – smile."
"Derek…"
"Unless you want me to tickle you."
"You wouldn't," Casey's eyes had grown wide.
"Oh, I would."
"Fine, I'm smiling," Casey had said, forcing a smile onto her lips.
"Not good enough."
"Yes it its!"
"No it isn't," Derek had then hopped over the arm of his chair and jabbed his fingers into Casey's sides.
"Der-EK!" Casey had screeched.
"Made you laugh," he had said, inducing more laughter from Casey.
"You know, you aren't bad, Venturi."
"Yeah, well I have my moments," he had said before sauntering up the stairs and disappearing into his bedroom leaving Casey sitting alone on the couch shaking her head in bewilderment.
Her thoughts then traveled to a few days later. Their living room had suddenly turned into a battle ground as Casey and Derek began to fire insults like bullets. Derek's day had been far from good and he had decided to take his anger out on his personal punching bag – Casey.
"You know maybe if you weren't such a goodie-good Polly Preppy Pants then maybe Max wouldn't have dumped you to go out with Dannie Davids."
"You…you don't mean that," Casey's eyes had filled with tears.
She had still been hurt over Max despite Derek's attempts to cheer her up a few days prior.
"God knows if my girlfriend acted the way you did I'd dump her in a second."
"Take…take that back."
"Hey, it's true."
"No…no it…it isn't."
"Casey, are you crying?" Derek had asked, his voice suddenly laced with concern.
"Yes, Derek, yes I am," Casey said as tears streamed down her cheeks, "Yes I am. This is what happens when you act like a jerk. You make people cry."
"I…Casey…I'm…"
"Forget it, Derek."
"I didn't want to make you cry."
"Yeah well I hate it when you act like this. If you only treated me badly a few days out of the month then maybe I'd forgive you but you act like this every freaking day, Derek Venturi. Every day you cut me down. Do you like to see me hurt? Do you get pleasure from my pain?"
"No…it's not like that…"
"Well it sure as hell seems like it."
"Case…"
"No. I'm done. I'm done forgiving you," Casey had said before storming up to her bedroom and slamming the door.
Of course, she had forgiven him by the next day and all was forgotten.
Or so it seemed.
Why would he say that, Casey asked herself as she continued to nibble on her pen, why would he hurt me like that? I hate it when he makes me laugh but I hate it even more when he makes me cry. Sam, Max, Mom, Dad, George, Lizzie, Edwin, Marti, Emily – they all can make me cry and I'd get over it but when Derek makes me cry…the pain is the worst in the world. I hate that about him.
Number Nine: I hate when you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call.
Casey flashes back to a few months ago.
Derek was going on a camping trip with Sam and Ralph. He'd be gone for the whole weekend. It'd be the longest Casey and Derek had been apart since she'd moved in.
"You'll call, won't you?" Nora had asked as Derek loads his bags onto the roof of Ralph's car.
"Yeah," he nodded, "I will."
"Be safe!" Nora had called after them as the car pulled away from the driveway.
That night Casey sat up reading. That night, the phone only rang once.
It had been a wrong number.
Casey stayed up all night not getting a wink of sleep. She had vowed to herself that she'd stay up until Derek called to tell her mom he was safe. No such phone call came. Casey was wracked with worry. What if he was in a car crash? What if a bear had attacked their campsite and his cold, dead body was lying in the mud completely mutilated and alone.
Of course, Derek had been just fine. Irresponsible, but fine.
"Derek!" Casey had cried when he had walked through the front door Sunday afternoon.
"Casey!" He had said, mocking her.
"Why didn't you call?"
"Since when did you become my mother?" He had asked, tossing his bag onto the floor.
"I…I was just…"
"Uh-huh," Derek said, cocking an eyebrow, "Whatever, Spacey."
"Look, I was worried okay."
"You…you were worried about me?"
"You didn't call."
"You're right. I didn't."
"Call next time, okay?"
"Okay, Mother," Derek had said, but his eyes had a teasing glint in them.
I hate that I was worried about him. I hate that I missed him so much. I hate that he didn't have the courtesy to call.
Number Ten: But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you…
…not even close…
…not even a little bit…
…not even at all.
I should hate him. I should despise him. But I don't. If anything I love him and that- that is the reason why I hate him – because I love him.
Casey put down her pen and folded up the list and placed it into her journal. She didn't hate Derek – she couldn't hate Derek. She couldn't hate him because she was in love with him and it was driving her crazy.
Not that it was a far drive.
A/N: Okay, I know it was long but please, please, please, PLEASE review. It'd make my day if you let me know what you thought. Thanks! I hope you enjoyed it. If so, let me know. If not, let me know. Thanks guys!