His Success
Even now, he's beautiful. I have to keep that thought in my head, have to keep my eyes on his face. I don't think I'll be able to keep digging if I look below, if I see the blood
He would have been the greatest leader the forest has ever seen. He would have united our squabbling Clans and purified the forest. He would have wiped out his enemies. He would have . . .
He would have made Blackfoot his deputy. He would have taken a mate who could have his kits. He would have scorned me. I gave up everything for him! Couldn't he look at me, just once, just once, at least treat me as the loyal warrior I have striven to be?
It's not his fault. I failed him. I turned down his offer to follow him out of ThunderClan. I failed to kill the half-Clanner. I was born the wrong sex.
I can't keep on like this. I force my eyes away from his, and start scrabbling at the dirt again. He must be buried. He will be revenged. If it is the last thing I do, he will be revenged! Firestar will die. He will pay for what he did to Tigerstar.
I couldn't be whom he needed, and I couldn't even save his life, but this one last time, I will not fail him. I will honour his memory, as he deserved.
X-X-X
It's night now. I have taken the entire day to bury him, but it is somehow more fitting to bury him now, with the digging as the vigil I couldn't give him. We will never share tongues, not even after his death.
I slowly lower the mutilated body of my beloved into the freezing earth and scrape dirt over him. It takes all my control to stay calm for that. When at last I can no longer see any of him, I whip around and shout to the stars.
"I will avenge you, Tigerstar! I will not fail you this time!" I pause, and then say, more quietly, "And then I will join you in StarClan. Please, please, forgive me."