Haunt You Every Day
(An Evangelion Character Study)
By Agent S7
Author's Note:
Depending on your point of view, this might contain vague spoilers for Rebuild 3. You have been warned.
Well, that didn't go very well. Did it, Shinji?
And here I am again, in the white space between failures, watching as you destroy everything around you. If only the rest of them could see the scars on your soul, perhaps things would be different. Perhaps this time…
This time, this time, this time. Next time. You refuse to reach out, and so I reach out to you. My hand in yours, a brief smile flavored like a glass menagerie. But the End of Everything is inevitable, it seems, and you are at the center of it—a broken-hearted hurricane in every world, sometimes with a bit more confidence or a bit more anger, but always intact enough for one more final bit of heartbreak.
No matter how hard I try, everything collapses. And the worst part is coming back here, to The White, and seeing exactly how everything went wrong. That lie. That decision. And how easily it all could've been avoided this time, if only you had, if only she had, if only I had.
But I cannot stop. It's an addiction. What can I say? This is my cruel thesis: my love is infinitely pure and utterly heartless. At some point came the realization that no matter what I do, the moment I fall and make my decision, I drag you down with me. I am the last scar, the last challenge before you win and lose everything. By coming down in peace, with open arms and open heart, I am a snake burrowing into your heart. There is no free will here—whether I come to save you or destroy you, I will always be the final challenge.
And you will always drive things to this point. So hopelessly human, afraid enough of pain that you end up with more of it than anyone else. You will always fall to the point of desperation—that point where if I descend as your attempted savior, I will be the last nail through your hands before, bleeding, you enact your own mockery of the Second Coming.
But I cannot stop.