Chapter 1: They Walked Away
Climbing out of his car, Braiden Simmons yawned and gave his body a long stretch. Blinking against the mid afternoon sun, he turned his head in circles trying to work the kink that had taken up residence there during his long drive from San Francisco. Taking a step forward he pushed the door closed on his rented Ford Taurus and closed his eyes for a moment. He shouldn't be here. Why had he stopped?
Spinning around on his heels, gravel crunching beneath his feet as an inter debate began lobbing its protests at him. He looked down at the maroon sedan he had just exited and grunted in frustration. Staring down at a hand he brought up to the door handle in front of him, he vehemently willed it to lift the plastic lever so he could escape, but it refused. Instead the limb lied painfully still against the warm metal of the car as if amputated from his body. 'Get in the car and just drive away' he told himself, 'No one will know you were here. You CAN just go,' his brain reasoned with his heart. Yet in spite of his determination and the common sense his brain preached at him, he pivoted slowly around, his feet taking him hesitantly forward. As he moved into the wind, he wondered if his feet and legs had a mind of their own or if they were simply reacting out of memory, forcing him forward to a place his heart and mind dreaded going.
Across the gravel driveway and down the winding sandy path they took him. He could walk this path blind folded, seeing after all, this place was the stage that all of his dreams of the past five years played on every night. As he moved forward down the footpath, he took in the long blades of grass and over grown vegetation. The once well-trodden path now showed weeds and brush peeking up through the sand and along the path where once was nicely kept landscaping.
Turning the final curve on the path, he came to a stop at the top of the weathered staircase leading down to the beach below. His hand came up and grasped the graying wood of the handrail; it was rough and splintered beneath his hand. Squinting his eyes against the sun and looked down at the land below him. The scenery stretching out before him was recognizable, yet strangely alien at the same time.
Familiarity washed over him as he took in the expanse of the sandy beach that lazily stretched out to the north and a small out cropping of rocks jetting out into the surf to the south. Even as his traitorous soul found intimacy and comfort in the sight before him, an unsettled feeling crept up his spine and into his brain. Though familiar, the space before him as different, it seemed that time had not only weathered and changed him but this beach as well. And though the major geography had not changed, the energy of the place had.
Five years ago, when he had last been here this beach, it had been alive, bubbling with life. From surfers splashing in the ocean, to sunbathers on the sand taking in the afternoon sun, to the happy families picnicking along the water, it was a private beach where local residents came to play. But now as he looked out at the solitary sand, he realized that sometime in the recent past, this place had just simply died.
'Humph! That's fitting', he grumbled darkly to himself.
Despite his desperate desire to run, Braiden gingerly made his way down the rickety gray staircase. Reaching the last step, he sat down on a warped board and loosened the straps of his sandals. Pulling his feet from their constraints, he buried them in the cool soft sand beneath him.
A warm breeze stirred his hair, causing him to look up and out at the ocean from which it had traveled. For long minutes he sat unmoving, his feet buried up to his ankles, his gaze fixated on the blue water stretching out before him. In spite of his unmoving body and his calm looking exterior, a war raged within his mind. A war Braiden knew he was going to lose. The very fact he was even sitting on this step, was evidence of his impeding defeat.
The first to surface where images. Not memories exactly, just images, like snapshots in his mind. He shook his head, trying dislodge them but they clung to him like the seaweed to rocks.
With a sigh he reaching down and picked up his sandals, then stood.
*flash* Smiling faces, one light, one dark
Lifting one foot, then the other, he unburied his feet and began walking toward the surf.
*flash* Brown curls blown up by the wind, the sun turning them golden in its evening rays.
Stepping onto wet sand, his feet sunk beneath him as waves turned ground around him soft.
*flash* Soft full lips, smiling at him
Giving his sandals a toss onto higher ground, he crouched down and scooped a handful of wet beach into his hand.
*flash* Two bodies pressed together, arms wrapped around, legs entwined, lips pressing, sand covering damp skin.
Standing hastily, he angrily slung the hand full of sand out at the water, 'Why did I come? Why am I doing this to myself? It's been five years!' his heart screamed. "WHY!" he shouted aloud to the roaring ocean. The howling wind and the sound of the waves crashing along the beach was only answer.
Taking a few fast breaths to cool his anger, his shoulders slowly slid down and his breath regulated. He knew why he had stopped, this beach was his soul's home and the only place left in his world where he could still feel her. And why today of all days? Because today was July 13th, the anniversary of the day this beach had become his prison. Five years to this very day, this picturesque waterfront caged his heart, imprisoning him forever to memories.
His eyes shut against the bitter memory as it turned in his stomach, rose up through his chest, and finally came to rest in his mind. With mighty force, the persistent memory he had diligently been burying for the past five years, replayed itself in vivid color and painful accuracy.
****Raising his wrist, Braiden pushed back the sleeve of his black hoody to look at his watch for the eighth time in the past 10 minutes. He sighed, and flopped back against the blanket he sat upon.
She was late. She was never late. Letting out a long breath, he stared up into the bright blue early morning sky. His eyes followed a cloud as it lazily made its way cross the heavens, changing shapes as it went. 'That kind looks like my dad,' he thought as the billows formed what appeared to be a man with an ample midsection. 'I wish I brought my camera,' he thought. The sound of a laughing child brought Braiden's head literally and figuratively out of the clouds.
Turning his head to the side, he gazed out at the other early rises who dotted the sand. A jogger with his dog ran out towards the horizon, an old couple strolled in the surf, a child with his mother building a sandcastle dangerously close to the waves and one lonely sunbather, were the extent of the early morning beach goers.
At 6:17am the sandy coast was relatively empty of visitors, which was the very reason they chose 6am as their regular meeting time. Of course the early hour, meant a fairly early morning for both of them, but they both loved this place best in the quiet of sunrise, so the early alarm hadn't seemed to bother either of them. The peacefulness of this place wasn't the only reason for the early hour however. Early on, they had come to realize that meeting when they did, generally guaranteed them both at least an hour, if not two, free of phone calls and text messages, a rarity in both their lives these days. They both had had increasing insane schedules over the past few months and only it only seemed to be getting worse with each passing week. It seemed as if he wasn't out of the country teaching, then she was, and though they stayed in contact via text, phone calls and late night IM'ing, it wasn't the same as their mornings here.
Braiden sighed, it had been nearly 2 weeks since they had been in the same country, let alone the same state. Having just returned from China, he was anxious to see her. Glancing at his watch once again, he grumbled impatiently but turned his face out towards the ocean, trying to calm his racing heart.
The day before yesterday had made five short months ago that they had deemed this stretch of sand 'their place'. Braiden shook his head, 'Five months,' he mumbled to himself. He could hardly believe it had been that long. Five months ago, the day before yesterday, this beach and a photo shoot for Image magazine, had changed everything.
In March he had received a request from the editors at Image Magazine for an interview and photoshoot documenting what life was like for him a year after auditioning for SYTYCD. On a whim, he called her and invited her along for the day. His hectic schedule had made finding time to spend with is best friend increasingly difficult in the past few month, so he figured a day at Newport Beach was just what the doctor ordered. It had never occurred to him, nor was it his intent that she be apart of the shoot; that had been Tom, the photographer's, idea. After only a few frames with Braiden, it had been Tom who had insisted they get 'a few shots with the beautiful woman'.
Starting on the large public Newport Beach, they had taken a number of fun pictures at the marina and the near by fishery, but after an hour Tom had suggested a less public spot where they could get some great pictures by the water without surfers and sunbathers in the background.
A short drive up Main Street, past the popular bars, restaurants and boutiques of trendy Newport Beach, they found themselves at a small private beach off Magnolia St. Unlike Newport, this space was smaller. It had no public walkways or boardwalks, no public bathrooms, and surprisingly fewer beach goers.
The three embarked onto the sand just as the sun began its descent from the sky. Thirty minutes later Tom lowered his camera and looked at his subjects as they walked hand in hand in the surf. "I think I have everything I need, and then some," he laughed, tucking his camera into the bag at his feet.
Braiden and Kasha ran up from the water. "I can't believe we spent three hours on a photo shoot. I hope we didn't keep you from another job," Braiden said picking up an extra box of equipment from at Tom's feet.
The photographer shook his head and smiled. "Naw, you were my only job today," he replied heading towards the stairs.
"I feel like we took up a lot of your time," Kasha offered as they ascended the stairscase.
Tom grinned, "Don't even worry about darling. Today for the first time in months I felt like a real photographer. The past three years I've spent almost all my time snappin' cheesy quick pics to go with bi-lines, but working with you two made me feel like maybe I still have a bit of artist hiding deep down inside." He chuckled.
"Oh...well…thanks anyways," Braiden returned. "I can't speak for Kasha, but I really enjoyed today," he said softly gazing down at Kasha.
Tom laughed softly, "Yeah...it showed," he grinned knowingly. "You know, the two of you are pretty captivating subject matter and definitely one of the cutest couples I've ever gotten to photograph, which is saying a lot since I started off in this biz as a wedding photographer," he laughed opening the trunk of his car.
Braiden and Kasha looked at each other and chuckled nervously. "Thanks, but, uhhh, we're just friends," Braiden corrected self-consciously.
Tom stopped packing away his equipment and looked at them. "You're pulling my leg!" he countered with a disbelieving grin.
"Nope, just good friends," Braiden returned, scuffing his feet along the ground nervously.
Shaking his head, Tom took a tripod from Braiden's grasp, "I normally wouldn't pry but…why? I mean it's pretty obvious you two are deeply connected," he asked hesitantly.
Biting his lip, Braiden ricked a small pebble with is toe. "It's complicated," he said, "but thanks for spending the day with us," he added, awkwardly trying to change the subject.
Tom chuckled placing his last bag in the trunk and closed it. Turning towards the pair, he leveled his gaze them. "Look I know you don't' know me from Adam, but let me offer you two a piece of advice: Forget complicated. You don't get what you two seem to have in spades but once in a lifetime. Trust me," he said his voice thick with the sound of experience. Reaching his hand out to Kasha, he took it in a warm handshake, then turned to Braiden. "Don't be afraid of life…or love, they are after all one in the same, and if you run from either you'll never find balance or true happiness," he said wistfully. After a pregnant pause, he cleared his throat, then with wink and a smile, he turned and got into his car.
As he pulled out the parking lot, Braiden and Kasha started silently out at the curls of dust his tire left in the wind; but even with in the quiet between them, they both felt the wind of change stirring.
Later that night they would take Tom's advice, consciously deciding to forget complicated. That night they forgot the world, forgot SYTYCD, forgot Jakeem, and focused on what they had spent the last year of their lives fighting - themselves. That night, was their first real kiss, the first time they held each other without hesitation. It was the night Braiden decided to give the love of his life the most important gift he had to give, he gave her his virginity.
From that day forward, they were a couple in all the ways that counted to him. They spent as much of their free time together as possible, much of it here on this very beach. Over the months their relationship quickly developed into the one they had been fighting so hard against; they became each other's solace, comfort and refuge, they went from best friends to lovers and before long were each other's world. The only fly in the ointment was Jakeem.
Braiden had gone into their arrangement knowing that he was still a factor in Kasha's life, but for some reason he had yet to understand, he simply didn't worry about it. The few people in his life that knew about his relationship with Kasha had voiced their concern over it, his own sister being the loudest one of all.
"You shouldn't let her get away with this Braiden. Its one thing to be making googly eyes at each other across a dance floor and flirting, but it's a totally different thing to be sleeping with her! You need to make her choose if you really want a life with her," she lectured him.
He knew Sophia was right, but yet, deep in his soul he knew Dakasha was his, so to him it mattered none how long it took for her to finally be rid of the worthless slab of meat. He knew deep in his soul that she would be in his heart forever.
Braiden stretched lazily and resentfully pushed his sister's comments and the image of Jakeem that had surfaced, out his brain. Pulling his eyes from the water, he sighed lightly and lifted his arm above his face to look at his watch again, 6:25.
"Looking to see just how late I am?" a soft feminine voiced asked from a few feet away.
Smiling up at his watch, he turned his head to look in the direction the voice, his eyes hungry to see her. As their eyes meet, his smile quickly faded at the red rimmed pair that greeted him. Jumping to his feet, he was at her side before she could move towards him. "What's wrong baby?" he asked placing his hands on her shoulders.
A sob from deep within her chest was his answer. Wrapping his arms around her, his forehead wrinkled in concern. "What's wrong? Did someone hurt you? Is your family okay?" he questioned trying to guess what had happened to bring on her emotional state, but his inquires only seemed to make her cry harder.
Disentangling himself slightly, Braiden placed a finger under her chin raising it up from its spot on his chest, "Kasha, you're beginning to scare me. What's the matter?" he asked, this time his voice demanding an answer.
Her face crumpled, "Oh…Braiden," she said though sobs. "Braiden, my dear Braiden," she cried, lifting her hand to caress his face. "You are so good, so loving; I don't deserve you," she wept.
"What are you talking about? You've given me more joy than you will ever know. You are my heart, love," he said into her ear.
Shaking her head, she pulled out of his embrace. "No, no, no," she murmured, "I've only disrupted your life. Love, Braiden, doesn't mean making love in parking lots or on beaches because you can't risk someone seeing you together and telling your lover's boyfriend about it! Love does not take something as precious as a promise to wait, for its own pleasure…that isn't love Braiden. I'm not worthy of you," she said solemnly, tears streaming down her face.
Braiden stared at her in confusion and took a step forward, but she took one back. Placing his hands on his hips, he chewed on his thoughts for a moment. "Kasha, first off you did not take anything from me that I wasn't giving to you freely. The fact that this relationship has a sexual side to it doesn't freak me out nor do I feel as if I've lost something. I feel in my heart I've given that promise to the one person I plan on being with for the rest of my life. I've made my choice and I don't regret it, not for a moment D. As for hiding our relationship…well we could solve that problem fairly easily," he said softly. " Leave him, be with me." Braiden pleaded. Taking a step closer, he closed the distance between them and wrapped her in his arms.
Her arms went around his waist and her face into his chest. They stood in silence for a minute, the only sound between them, their breathing. Slowly Kasha's head began moving from side to side. "No," she whispered into his shirt. "I'm only holding you back, you deserve more…someone more," she stated, stepping back.
Braiden looked at her, his mind reeling. Blowing out a long breath, he stared into her eyes. For as long as he had known her, her eyes had been the one place she could never hide from him. "What's this all about Kasha? I just talked to you two day's ago and you were professing your love to me, now you think you're not good enough for me? Have you been reading some ridiculous slop from some pissed off, oppressed, closed-minded moron? I know you don't love Jakeem. You're with him out of…hell I don't know…fear?" he asked. "The fact of the matter is I don't give a damn about whether you're with him or not, cuz I know your heart belongs to me! It has for over a year now," he stated emphatically, moving into her personal space but not touching her.
Kasha licked her lips and turned her face to look up at him. For the first time ever, Braiden saw a look in them he couldn't identify. "You're wrong about Ty, I do love him," she countered.
Braiden shook his head and laughed humorlessly.
"Don't do that," Kasha snapped, pulling his face back to hers. "He's a good man, and in spite of everything that's happened this past year, he's been devoted to me," she said her eyes drifting from his to look out at the water behind him. "Braiden…he's asked me to marry him," she said softly.
Braiden's blood instantly boiled. Grabbing her chin in his hand, he pulled her face back to his. "Tell me you said no," he demanded.
Tears glistening in her eyes as she shook her head. "I can't," she said in a voice almost too soft to be heard.
Braiden froze in place, staring down at her unblinking. "No," he finally croaked out, "You don't' love him…I know you don't," he stated. "You love me just as much as I do you," he breathed just before sealing his lips over hers in a passionate kiss. He felt her hands slide up his back, one going into his hair, the other coming around to rest above his heart.
He pulled her body against his, he made his arousal known as he took her bottom lip between his teeth and gave it a tug. A moan escaped her throat and he reluctantly pulled his mouth away. "See, it's me you want," he said his lips hovering only inches above hers.
"Yes I want you," she said breathlessly. "You're the most incredible lover I've ever had, but Braiden, I've been mixing up lust for love for far to long. I want you, yes, but I'm not in love with you," she squeezed out through a clinched throat.
His hand, which had been caressing her body, froze in place, "You're lying," he grunted defiantly.
Pulling her hand from his back, she held it up to his face. There, on her ring finger, sparkled a simple round diamond on a gold band. "No I'm not," she finally returned, her unshed tears glinting in the sunlight.
Braiden stumbled backwards as if she had slugged him in the gut. "Why are you doing this to me Kasha? Why are you running from me?" he begged.
Kasha pulled her shoulders back, "I'm…I'm doing you a favor Braiden," she retorted weakly. "Trust me. If I was to stay, I would only hurt you, drag you down. You deserve better than me," she ground out slowly.
"But you're not too good for Jakeem?" Braiden stated bitingly as he began pacing in front of her.
Kasha lowered her head and sighed.
"What is he a better lay than me?" he shot angrily.
"Braiden," she muttered hopelessly.
"What's wrong? You don't like me using sex as measuring stick. How hypocritical of you Dakasha. Didn't you just get done telling me that it was basically the only reason we were together. I guess I just figured I'd use a medium you understand," he shouted with venom.
Kasha blinked against the anger coming from him. "That's not the only reason," she said softly.
Braiden stopped in front of her and glared down at her. "You just told me you don't love me, what other reason could there possibly be?" he seethed.
Kasha swallowed hard and forced her face up to look into his heated face. "I said I wasn't 'in' love, I never said I didn't love you," she replied in a cracked voice.
Braiden's laugh rang out bitterly. "Please don't give me that, 'I love you like a brother,' shit now!" he demanded sarcastically.
"I love you Braiden. I love the man you are, and the man you want to be. I love your kind heart and giving nature. I love your passion for life and for dance. I love you, I'm just not worthy of being 'in' love with you," she cried, her voice pleading for his understanding.
Braiden backed away from her. Taking a deep breath he asked, "When's the wedding?"
Shuffling her feet in the sand, she swallowed hard. "In a few weeks," she told him weakly.
Turning towards the ocean, he choked back his tears. "If you intend on marrying him…we're over. I refuse to watch you do this to yourself," he stated, his voice losing it sharp edge.
Kasha stepped up behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Braiden…you're my friend…I don't want to…" she began to say, but Braiden flung around and interrupted her.
"You and I have spent the past 5 months fucking Kasha, I'm not your damn friend," he growled as his anger flashed.
Kasha visibly flinched at the harsh words and instantly he wished he could retract them. Swallowing hard, he turned his face to the sky. "I…I'm sorry." he said breathily. " You see, the thing is Kasha, I am in love with you," he confessed to the sky. "And if you are walking away from me to be with Jakeem, then…then I can't be in your life anymore…it would be too excruciating," he muttered around the lump in his throat.
Bringing his eyes back down from the blue sky above, he looked down at her. In her eyes he saw that her mind was made up, and with that one look, his heart broke into a million pieces. Taking her face between his hands, he brought her lips up to his in a soft final kiss. Pulling away, he gently brushed a strand of hair from her face. "Goodbye, my love," he whispered. Then with all the strength he had in his body, he forced himself to drop his hands to his side and turn away.
Forcing one foot in front of the other, he walked blindly towards the stairs leading from the beach. The last glimpse he got of her was from the top stair; her face to the ocean, hair blowing in the breeze.
******
As the memory began to fade, the image of her standing in the sand lingered painfully in his memory. He could see her as if he had just walked away. Her hands over her heart, tears cascading down her face as a warm ocean breeze blew at her hair. Kicking at the wet sand before him, Braiden pleaded with God yet again, to remove the pain that inevitably came with the memory of her. He didn't wish to forget her completely, he only wished that her memories didn't keep him chained to the past.
'Why are you here?' he asked himself again. 'She's been out of your life for five years now, why do you torture yourself like this year after year?' he demanded. 'You're successful in your career, you've got a group of friends and family others would die for, more money than you'll ever need…you're happy' he told himself.
It was true, he was happy. The past five years had been some of the best in his life. After Kasha and Jakeem announced their engagement, Braiden had decided that putting some distance between himself and Dakasha would be an advantageous thing to do. Some would say he ran, but he preferred to look at it as a change of scenery, a new venue, a space to clear his head and begin his life anew; and what better place to do it than New York City?
It was the perfect choice. NYC was a dance epicenter. It was thousands of miles from California. And he knew he wouldn't be alone as he had family and friends already living there. The SYTYCD Tour had brought him and his cousin Nadia even closer than they had been before; she was officially like another sister to him, so knowing she would be there for company, along with a whole host of other SYTYCD dancers- turned friends, NYC seemed perfect.
Life in New York City exploded for him. He of course, immediately found work with some of the companies Nadia worked for, but before long studios and theater companies found out he was in town and practically begged him to choreograph and teach their troupes of dancers.
His worldwide workshops had increased as well. So much so that by the end of 2007, he had taught on every inhabited continent on the planet. The following year he and Nadia had opened the east coast version of his family owned dance studio in California. Even before From The Top Again grand opening, the word had gotten out about the studio, and before the doors opened on their first day, every class was filled to capacity. The following year three more studio's opened; a second in New York, in Brooklyn to be exact, one in Miami, and one in Houston. All three boasting the same success as the first two.
The years following his defect from California brought him professional acclaim as well. Every spare moment he had between running the studios and teaching was filled with dance classes in every imaginable form.
Quickly his single-minded dedication had him at the top of most styles he danced. He was good, and EVERYONE in New York knew it. Before long, he was being asked to complete in everything from Hip Hop to Jazz and Contemporary dance competitions, so he did. Not only did he compete, he won. Dance had been his whole life that first year in New York. It inspired him, kept him focused and gave him drive, but most importantly, it kept his mind off what he had left in California.
As the season's ticked by however, she slowly crept into his thoughts. Before long, dance wasn't enough to distract him. He quickly began seeking out new ventures to fill his time and his brain.
In May of 2008, he enrolled in an online university, in July he began taking acting classes, and by December he was gracing the silver screen as a leading man in the remake of "White Christmas". The movie had been the holiday film of the year. A box office smash hit. The following year film offers poured in. He had his pick of a variety of dance films, romantic comedies and even a horror film. He had been tempted but quickly tired of the notoriety that his first film had brought him. The attention was 10 times worse than when he had won SYTYCD and though being recognized held it own kind of thrill, it gave him no genuine satisfaction. In fact, it had the opposite effect. It made him feel hollow, fake and only made him long for the thing he had given up to pursue film, the one thing that always made him feel safe, dance. So ended his movie career and reentered his passion.
Braiden chuckled humorlessly at the thought; it was that decision that had led him to California today. Since his move, he had only been back twice. Once, to see Sophia win her title on SYTYCD season five, and once when his father had had surgery. His absence did not go unnoticed however; Sophia took every opportunity she got to berate him about it.
Being one not to hide her feelings in a box, Sophia didn't mince words when accusing him of avoiding reality. "Braiden you're a big dope, ya know that," she told him following his absence at his father's 55th birthday party. "You hide out in New York like it's your very own bat cave and like a superhero you walk around with a mask on, pretending to be something that you're NOT. You've been running from the truth for years! You've let your fear of it come between your family and your friends. Its like as soon as that last box went into the U-Hal you wrote us all off!" she scolded angrily.
At the time, he had told her to mind her own business, claiming work was what kept him from coming home; but his little sister's words clung to him and replayed themselves in moments like these, plaguing him with their truth.
With a huff, Braiden blew out a breath. "What does Sophia know anyway. My life is good. I'm happy. I'm successful, and I'm professionally fulfilled! My life isn't perfect, but whose is? I am blessed," he thought, "I'm truly blessed," he repeated aloud to the crashing waves.
"If life is so fine, and everything is alright, then why haven't you made it to my house as planned? Why the side trip here?" his sister's voice countered in his head. Braiden racked his hands though his hair, "Why couldn't you keep from coming to this place? Is this where your fear lives?" his traitorous heart asked, taking over where his sister left off.
Clenching and unclenching his fists, Braiden forced the intruding and demanding questions from his mind; but just as he was about to push the last remnant of guilt from his gut, the cry of solitary seagull flying over head, sent the most painful of his memories crashing over him like a tidal wave.
**********
Water, its sound and smell filled him. He was cold and it was dark. Slowly he began the assent. Up, up, up he went, until at long last he broke through the membrane of the choppy water. He squeezed his eyes tightly closed against the brightness that now surrounded him.
For a moment, he treaded water, breathing deeply the salty air around him. Above him, squawking seagulls circled. Slowly their squalls turned to words. Again and again they called out her. "Kasha, Kasha, Kasha," The sound greeted his ears as well as his heart, filling it with peace.
Tilting his head back, he warmed his face in the sun above. For too long he had been fighting the cold currents, and now he had found a place to rest that also offered warmth. With one last deep breath, he opened his eyes against the sun, only to find himself standing on the beach staring into the most perfect set of green eyes he could imagine, but the moment he recognized their owner, the images in his mind began to fade into the reality of consciousness.
Slowly lifting his eyelids, Braiden's dream slid peacefully way, leaving in its wake confusion. Bewilderment took laps around his still hazy brain as his eyes took in a sideways view of a dusk shrouded beach and still dark ocean stretching out before him.
Closing his eyes for a moment, he took a breath and began un-tucking his left arm which was pinned between his body and the ground. Bringing his sand covered hand up to his eyes, he rubbed gently, trying to sweep away the cobwebs of sleepy confusion that still clung to the recesses of his mind. He paused for a moment, allowing consciousness to surface. Little by little the memories of the day before on this beach began to emerge.
The sunset over the water, the photoshoot, Tom…Kasha. Just as her name entered his mind, a small brown hand slid under his arm and skated tenderly across his bare chest. Immediately the previous evening's developments in their relationship flooded his memory sending a satisfied smile to cover his face.
"Mmmmm. You're not getting up already are you?" the sleepy voice of his dance partner asked huskily from behind him.
Taking the hand on his chest into his own, Braiden placed a soft kiss to the palm. Suddenly he hesitated, a case of nerves descended into his stomach like jar full of trapped houseflies.
This moment, his first morning 'after' wasn't exactly how he had imagined it would be. In his minds eye he'd always pictured waking in a decadent honeymoon suite, the mid morning sunlight cascading across a large king sized bed. He envisioned soft white linens tousled from the evenings activities, a woman wearing his ring amidst them. All things contrary to what was now his reality.
He was on a pre-dusk beach, lying on and under, a couple of picnic blankets from his trunk and the woman next to him did not wear his ring. The only commonality between the imagined and reality was the woman to whom he had given himself. He blushed at the thought. "I'm not a virgin anymore," a little voice stated in the back of his mind. As the thought tumbled forward so did the details of the previous evening's passion. His face deepened yet another shade. In the moment, and in the dark, he had felt confident, but as the sun began to crest over the blue ocean, it's rays shone on his memories bringing the self-consciousness and anxiety of a virgin out of the shadows.
He felt her shift against his back, her chin coming to rest on his shoulder. Without looking, he felt her gaze reading his face.
"Good morning," she whispered softly.
"Yeah, ummm…Good morning," he replied nervously, keeping his eyes out on the water. From above him, a soft but gentle chuckle caught on the breeze and stirred around them.
"Braiden Simmons, are you getting shy on me NOW?" she asked knowingly.
Sticking his tongue out, Braiden moistened his lips then turned his face up to hers. His breath caught in is throat as he took in the vision above him. With her chin resting on his bicep, the soft features of the face he loved so much, sparkled as the raising sun reflected off the sand that clung to her mocha skin. Her bed tossed curls tumbled down round her face and spilled over his arm, framing her smiling face.
He stared at her a moment, her beauty sending his trepidation fleeing briefly. Suddenly the dream of how it 'should have been' evaporated like fog before the sun. Yet even as his preconceived notions of his 'first time' disappeared, his angst about his performance held on tightly, causing his eyes to turn downward.
"Braiden?" she asked as he's eyes migrated off her own. "Tell me what's going on in here," she beseeched gently him, patting his chest above his heart. "Are you…sorry about last night?" she offered up meekly.
Braiden's eyes immediately snapped to hers. "NO, absolutely not," he stated confidently and without hesitation.
His statement brought her lips up into a sweet smile. "Good, neither am I," she told him as her hand began making lazy circles round one of his nipples.
As her fingers brushed over the taunt and sensitive area, Braiden felt his body responding, and it surprised him. They had touched and cuddled many times in the past but never had a single touch make him hard. Then again, not until last night had he let himself really feel her and not tap down his body's responses. Now it seemed as if it was making up lost time. Swallowed hard, his mind raced to regain control of his body.
"If it's not remorse I see in your eye's B…then what is it?" she asked pulling him from his mental task.
Instantly his insecurities took center stage. "Umm…I…I…don't know," he fibbed.
Kasha raised a suspisous eyebrow at him. "You're going to have to lie better than that," she stated pointedly.
Braiden closed his eyes and took in a deep breath, "I'm…I'm feeling a little…umm…embarrassed I guess," he confessed. Dakasha kept quiet; waiting for him to continue. "It's just that…ya know…um maybe I was a little clumsy?" he asked softly.
Understanding washed over Kasha's face. She eyed him quietly for a moment, then with the palm on his chest, she pushed his back flat against the sand, and wrapped her body around his. Arching her back, she pressed her chest into his side, her hardened nipples poking into the soft flesh there.
Braiden's mind stilled from its maddening circles of self-doubt and came to focus on the warm body pressed against him. He laid very still, drinking in the sensations her nude flesh stirred under his skin. After a second, he felt one of her hands traveled between the blanket and his chest, finally stopping as it wrapped around his wrist. Slowly she pulled his hand to her body, placing his palm and fingertips over one of her breasts.
"Feel this," she whispered into his ear.
Obediently, Braiden's fingers went to the taunt peak, timidly brushing over it, causing it to harden more under the pads of his fingers. He felt her breath quicken against his cheek and her grip on his wrist tighten. After a few moments of exploration, he felt her pulling his hand downward.
She lead him over the curve of her chest, past her bellybutton, over the flat plain of her stomach until it rested over the small mound between her legs. Pushing his hand forward she guided a single finger into the folds of her opening. "Feel that?" she asked, her breath slightly labored.
Braiden's eyes opened at sound of her voice and locked with her glazed ones. Giving her a small nod, he licked his lips nervously then slipped the digit more fully into her warm wetness.
Dakasha sighed and her eyelids fluttered closed. "Feel how wet I am?" she asked.
Braiden answered by pushing his finger deeper, covering it with the very substance she asked about.
"I want you," she muttered breathlessly into his ear.
At her request, his exploring finger came to a halt. Dakasha peeked out from under her lashes, "Touch me Braiden," she begged. "Just touch me. Don't think about what to do next, just touch me," she murmured, placing a kiss to his neck.
He considered her for a moment, then turning into her body slightly. He began by moving his hand, sliding his finger in and out of her. Each time he pushed into her he became braver. Little by little he began explored her, turning his finger one way, then the other, mapping out the walls of her sex.
She groaned quietly into his ear. "Yes…yes…mmmm…" she groaned, instinctively widened her legs to grant him better access.
The sound of her groans went directly to Braiden's groan. Sliding his index finger out of her body, he brought his middle finger over to join it, and slowly reinserted them both. As it slipped into her warm wet center, Kasha pressed her hips down onto his hand, sinking them as deep as they would reach.
Braiden watched her face as he worked towards orgasm. Eyes shut tight, she held the corner of her bottom lip between her teeth as she slowly began to riding his digits. Her breath labored as she ground against him, her eyelids squeezing tighter each time the heel of his hand pressed against her clit.
Understanding suddenly surfaced as he watched her; the heel of his hand was hitting her clitoris. Taking a calming breath, he readjusting his hand positioning his thumb over the enlarged bud just above her opening. Gingerly, he slid its pad over the swollen flesh, elicited a throaty groan from her.
"OH Braiden," she moaned as his thumb slowly circled her clit, "Faster," she pleaded. Immediately he complied increasing his speed and pressure on the small bundle of nerves. "Yes…YES…YES…" she chanted.
As her moans of pleasure grew louder, Braiden felt his erection growing hard between his own legs. Swallowing hard, he tried to pull his mind off his own want, and focused on pleasing her. Bending his head, he placing his lips against to the rapidly beating pulse point on her neck and lapped at the skin there. Move down her neck to her shoulder, he hungrily kissed and nibbling his way down her chest to her breast. At the mound of her chest paused, his mouth hovering hesitantly over her nipple.
"Braiden…Please, just touch me," Kasha pleaded.
With her encouragement, his mouth descended on to her breast.
Dakasha thrust her chest forward and groaned in pleasure.
His confidence building, Braiden swirled his tongue round her areola sucking and lapping at her hard nipple as he worked his fingers inside of her. Finishing with one breast, he moved to the other, giving it the same attention. She tasted so good to him. Running his flat tongue over her nipple, he circled it slowly, then taking it between his teeth, he clamped down gently down on the hard flesh.
Instantly Kasha's body stiffened against him and the walls of her vagina contract around his fingers. "Uhhh," she groaned. "Braidennnnn!"
Pulling his mouth from her breast, Braiden's eyes went to her face as she came. He was surprised by what he saw. The ecstasy on her face made his penis go from semi-hard to completely erect.
Her face glistened in a deep flush as she pressed against his chest. He found her with her eyelids closed, the lashes lying delicately across her cheeks in dark cressets, as she breathed rapidly thought her soft and slightly parted lips.
To his surprise, her look of bliss, made him feel proud. "I did this to her," his inner dialogue boasted.
Then as her orgasm faded, her body went limp against him. Reluctantly he slid his fingers from her warm wet center and he gathered her into his arms.
Taking a few deep breaths, Kasha regained control of her breathing. Tilting her head up, she pressed her lips to his in a deep and probing kiss. Pulling away, she gave him a sly look. "Well Mr. Simmons, there was absolutely nothing clumsy about that," she soothed breathlessly against his lips.
His heart sped up in his chest at her words. Dipping his head down he kissed her, letting his tongue play against hers. With fading reluctance, he brought a hand up to one of her breasts and began massaging it gently. "You made it easy for me," he whispered against her mouth.
Dakasha shook her head at his comment as slid her hand down between and took his rather impressive erection in her fist. "Braiden sex is weird for everyone at first. Getting…comfortable just takes practice. But let me allay your fears B...You have one hell of a learning curve," she grinned, running her palm down to the base of his penis.
Braiden's eyes shut against the pleasure. Kasha kissed him deeply then made her way to his chest, kissing and nibbling it as she stroked the length of his penis. "Well Mr. Simmons, you seem like your in form for some practice," she breathed out seductively.
Braiden opened his eyes and looked down into her glassy ones as the fingertips of her free hand gently traced over the freckles on his cheek. "Make love to me Braiden," she whispered, her voice soft...wanting ...honest.
Braiden felt tears prick his eyes as a realization hit him, it wasn't just about the physical act of sex, it was about the connection shared through it. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he kissed her softly.
Rising up on his elbows, Braiden glanced around the beach to insure they were still alone. Once satisfied that they weren't being watched, he placed his hands on her shoulders and gently rolled her onto her back. His body following her as she settled into blanket beneath her. Her legs parted, letting him come to rest between them.
Resting on his elbows, he stared down at her for a moment tracing the curves of her face with his eyes.
With a small smile, Kasha raised her head off the blanket and placed a soft reassuring kiss to his lips. "Make love to me," she murmured against them.
Taking breath to steady his nerves, Braiden reaching down and guided himself into her. As the warm tightness of her encircled him, he threw his head back in pleasure. His insecurity of moments before melting away to the back of his mind as her warm surrounded him. "Kasha," he groaned slowly pulling out.
Dakasha swallowed hard and grasped his back. "Braiden you feel so good inside me," she whispered as she raising her hips up to meet his second thrust.
Capturing her mouth with his, he kissed her passionately, as he began to move inside of her. Before long he found his body coming into sync with hers in a perfect rhythm of thrust and pulls.
Dakasha brought her mouth to his collarbone and began working the flesh between her lips in wet kisses. Taking his flesh between her teeth, she took small bites every time he pushed into her. "Harder B," she pleaded gasping for air. "I want to feel all of you…harder" she panted.
Braiden increased his pace, burying his face in the crease of her neck as he did so. Dakasha set her mouth to work on the plains of his neck and shoulder as her hands began a journey south across the defined dimensions of his back. Reaching his butt she stopped. Planting her feet, she lifting her hips off the blanket, while simultaneously pushing down on his hips with her hands during his next thrust. His penis buried itself deep inside of her.
Braiden's head snapped up from its place on her shoulder. Oh…my fucking...AHHH! KASHA!," he gasped.
"Harder…like…that…" she moaned, gripping his butt. His next thrust mirrored her tutelage, and the one following that, buried him within her to his base.
"BRAIDENIII!...OH…MY…GOD," Dakasha screamed, her body convulsing in orgasm for the second time that morning. The grip of her pulsating walls sent Braiden over the edge. He thrust once, then again and came. Collapsing onto her chest, he gasped greedily for air. For a long time they remained that way.
Reaching gently up, Kasha pushed back his dampened hair from his forehead and placed small kissing to his wet skin. "Braiden…," she whispered lovingly.
Rising his head, Braiden placed his chin on her chest and gazed up at her flushed face. "Kasha…wow," he stammered.
Kasha's face lifted into a satisfied smile. "Yeah, I was just thinking the same thing," she grinned seductively.
"You," Braiden said, placing a kiss to her left breast, "are," he continued, kissing the right one, "an", he said trailing small wet kisses up her sternum to her neck "amazing," he mumbled, his lips pressed to the skin behind her ear, "teacher" he finished, his mouth meeting with hers.
Kasha's lips stretched under his into a grin. "Well it's easy when you have a student who excels like you do," she murmured, nibbling his lips.
In the distance, a bell tolled, pulling them both from their kisses. *Bong, Bong, Bong, Bong, Bong* "Five am…" Braiden counted.
Kasha nodded in agreement. "I have a class at 7," she told him, snuggling into his embrace.
"I'm going to New Mexico at noon," Braiden returned.
Kasha's head snapped up. "For how long?" she asked not bothering to hide her disappointment.
Braiden smiled, his eyes sparkling at her reaction. "I'll be back tomorrow night…you free to pick me up from the airport?" he asked with suggestive grin.
Kasha rolled her eyes but smiled broadly. "I don't know what's on my schedule…but whatever it is I'll get out of it," she promised kissing him lightly.
Braiden sighed and pulled her close. "I wish I could lay here all day with you," he admitted.
"Well…that would defiantly give the beach goers something to talk about. I have a feeling you and me, naked and humping on the beach would defiantly be "the topic of the day" she grinned pinching his side playfully.
Braiden chuckled. "I guess we should get dress and get going hu?" Dakasha nodded, but made no attempt of move.
Rolling off her, Braiden lazily stretching his arms above his head. "Well I usually go to the gym at 6, BUT I'm thinkin' this morning has got me covered work out wise." he chuckled.
Kasha sat up and reached for her sundress that lay on the sand nearby. "Yeah. Between last night and this morning…I think I'm good for a week," she chuckled shaking the sand from her garment.
Braiden watched as she slid her dress over her head. Once in place he hooked her around the waist and pulled her to him. "After you pick me up from the airport, maybe we can work on clearing the rest of month for you," he muttered sensually into her ear.
Kasha quivered against him with anticipation. "My word! What have I unleashed," she teased, twisting around to plant a kiss on his mouth.
Braiden chuckled. "I'm a man in his sexual prime, who just so happens to be in love with THE sexiest woman alive. What do you expect?" he murmured nibbling her bottom lip.
Kasha swatted him playfully and scrambled away. "You better get dressed before you wake little Braiden and he makes the process…difficult," she laughed tossing his jeans at him.
Braiden grabbed them from the air and stood looking at her out the corner of his eye. "Too late," he shrugged. "You're kidding?" she said in disbelief. He shook his head and began pulling on his pants, "I would NEVER kid about something like this," he mumbled tucking his half-hardened penis into his jeans.
Kasha's eyes widened. "Braiden!" she exclaimed with a devilish grin.
"What? Kasha…I'm 23 years old. I have lots and lots of pent up energy," he teased, pulling up his fly carefully.
Kasha stood up and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Well I guess we're just going to have to get you into a regular routine so you can burn some of that off," she muttered into his chest, a grin in her voice.
A low chuckle came up from Braiden's chest. Pulling her close, he kissed her. "Things are going to be different from now on," he stated.
Kasha's large green eyes looked up at him for a long moment as a soft ocean breeze stirred her curls up in the wind. "I'm ready for what comes next," she whispered, "As long as its with you, I'm ready for what's next."
*****
Braiden swatted at the large tears in his eyes and as the memory faded, her words hung heavy in the air around him. 'I'm ready for what comes next…as long as I'm with you...' He laughed humorlessly at the empty promises, but even as he tried to hate her for them, he felt his heart tear in his chest.
Squeezing his eyes shut, he tried to push the images of that morning, of all the mornings he had woke up next to her, out of his brain; yet they stayed, as they always did, locked in his mind and even deeper in his soul.
Opening his eyes, tears cascaded freely down his face. Angrily he dug the heels of his hands into his eyes. Blowing out a long breath, he reached down and took the hem of his shirt, and in one quick fluid motion pulled it up over his head. Reaching into his pocket, he retrieved his cell and wrapped it in the t-shirt, then tossed the whole bundle the general direction of his sandals.
Turning his face back to the water, he took long purposeful strides down the beach into the surf. Once waist deep, he jumped head first into an on coming wave. As the cold salt water filled his senses, it numbed not only his body, but his mind as well. With long powerful strokes, he focused himself forward, pulling his body thought the water and away from the coast that held so many tears.