Lost and Found
October 5th, 2015; 10:02 AM
Oh man, long time no see. OwO"
I don't know if anyone will remember it, but this story was first published in 2011. Come 2013, and its updates were few and far as life became too, uhh... difficult, in a sense, to focus on anything else.
I may or may not be back from the dead, I guess. ^^" Right? Heh.
So anyway, to the important stuff: I considered continuing the old Lost and Found, but there's just so much I'm unhappy with concerning that story. I could revise it and keep all those precious reviews (muwahahaha~)... Or I could just start fresh. This way, people can still read the original version (despite its icky quality), but can also enjoy this (hopefully) improved version.
A lot will change. As I said, there was a lot in the original that I wasn't happy with, situations, characters, events that I could no longer change. Now, I have the chance to change everything. I'm going to take it. ^^ Let's hope this story will be even better than the one I began four years ago. I'm excited!
Chapter I:
Oblivion
If I sit and think about it, I can remember a lot of the things I've lost over time. For example, I lost my bouncy ball when I was four years old. It was colourful and beautiful and out of nowhere, it disappeared! I never saw it again, and sometimes, I wonder how often I would have used it had I not lost it. I probably would have forgotten about it eventually.
It's funny when I realize that I've probably lost many, many things. Even so, none of those things really personally affected me. I cried a little, but forgot the next day. Losing those things didn't really change my life.
This year, I lost something that changed my life. I lost a lot of things. I lost my home, my friends, my brother, myself, and... maybe even my life. This isn't just a bouncy ball; in such a short period of time, I lost everything. Everything I valued, everyone I held dear. Now, it's like it never existed in the first place.
Is this a nightmare? Will I wake up? Even though I want to, I can't seem to open my eyes. It's like I'm swimming through a cloud of cotton, and no matter how much I try to move, I don't get anywhere. I can barely control my actions and I can't really remember what happened. Where am I? How did I get here? Where is Len?
Len...
I want to reach for him. I want him to hold me, I want him to smile and tell me everything will be alright. I want to cry with him, I want to be with him, but at the same time, I can't. I was the one who walked away, wasn't I? It might have even been a mutual separation. Either way, it was unavoidable; whether we wanted to or not, things changed. We changed.
Everything we had was lost, and even if we really try, I'm not sure we'll ever find it. I don't think it's possible to go back to the way things were. I don't think I even want to go back. I just want to hide in the dark, disappear from this place...
It's okay, Len. You don't have to care. You're not responsible for me; you no longer have anything to do with me.
What's lost can't always be found. We both know I doomed myself, so... don't come looking for me. ...You won't find anything.
"Are you excited?"
Rin grinned, swallowing her orange ice cream. "I can't wait! We're finally going to be high school students!" She glanced over at her twin brother and found him smiling at her. "I hope we have the same classes, right?"
"We took most of the same classes," he said, taking a lick of his banana cream treat, "so we should have at least a few together."
She made a face. "Look at him, trying to be all cool." She pinched his cheek between her fingers and grinned. "He's really excited too. Last night, he wouldn't stop talking about it!"
Len smacked her hand away. "Hey! You were just as bad!"
Miku watched them and rolled her eyes. "You're both such babies. It's just school, you know."
"You weren't much better last year," Luka remarked.
"'I'll be able to spend lunch with Kaito-senpai~!'" Kaito mimicked in a falsetto. "'Maybe if I roll my skirt up to my belly button, he'll notice me!'"
They all laughed as Miku turned beet red. "I-I never said that!"
"Your skirt was rolled abnormally high."
"Luka-senpai!" Miku became even redder. "Th-That was just an accident!"
Miku's crush was no secret. She'd followed the senior around since they'd all met, back in junior high. Ahh, that was so long ago... They'd been the five only members of the music club. Well... They called it a music club, but really, all they'd done was sing. They'd get together, sing the songs they loved, and talk until the sun set. It hadn't lasted long; Luka and Kaito had graduated the next year, and with only three members, Miku, Rin and Len hadn't qualified as an official club. So instead, they'd waited for their senpais to finish class and would get together at places like this ice cream parlor.
"It's been three years since we met," Rin mused out loud.
They all stopped and looked at her. "I guess you're right," Luka murmured.
"It sounds like a long time," Miku said, "doesn't it? But it doesn't feel like very long."
"But now that we're all in the same school again, it'll be just like back in middle school, right?" Len cocked his head. "Is there a music club there?"
"There is," Kaito said, humming a little. Out of the five, he had the most ice cream. Rin was amazed he could even balance his three scoops. If she'd been eating that, her top-most scoop would have fallen onto the floor within the first five minutes, at least! "Miku-chan is in it, but Luka and I..."
"We have to concentrate on our studies," Luka said, wiping her mouth on her napkin. "We're graduating this year."
There was silence. Graduation was something no one spoke of. To think that they'd be split up in less than a year...
"It's fun though," Miku said brightly. "There's other people in this one! You'll like them for sure." She leaned closer to Len and teased, "There's a lot of cute girls, too."
Rin watched carefully for his reaction. "Stop that..." He seemed embarrassed as he laughed, but he wasn't necessarily disagreeing... Did he want a girlfriend? Rin hadn't really thought of that. Len might actually find a girlfriend in high school. ...That didn't feel right at all! She didn't want to share him!
Like he was reading her mind, he looked over at her and smiled. "You're still the cutest girl I know, Rin."
Luka and Kaito glanced at each other. Slowly, Luka shook her head.
The twins had always been very... affectionate, towards each other. It was fine when they were kids, but Luka had expected things would change as they grew older, that they'd start to annoy each other the way Luke annoyed constantly annoyed her. That change never happened. If anything, they'd become even closer in the recent years.
"Don't worry," Kaito exclaimed in an obvious attempt, "I'll find you a nice girl, Len. I'll teach you how to be a proper man!"
The blond made a face. "No thanks. I don't even want to know who you'd try to set me up with."
Hmm. The two seniors exchanged another silent conversation. Kaito should probably talk to him later. Either way, things were fine, for now.
"Did you get all your paperwork done?" Luka asked, changing the subject.
"Oh!" That reminded Rin. "It was so weird! Mom got everything arranged this morning, but..." She glanced at Len. "I guess she was missing a paper...?"
Len nodded. He wouldn't have brought it up, but it was strange. "They got into an argument over it." He paused. "Mom and Dad, I mean."
Rin nodded. "Because she didn't think she needed to bring it, and Dad said she did. I don't really get it; she could have brought it just in case, right? It wouldn't hurt." The twins looked at each other and shrugged.
"So you think your mother is in the wrong?"
Rin blinked. "I don't know, Senpai."
Luka nodded. "Well... They need your birth certificates, your passports..." She turned to Kaito and frowned. "Or do they...? Do you remember?"
Kaito shrugged. "My parents did it, not me."
"We had to bring our graduation papers from middle school," Len said thoughtfully. "You'd think they'd have that already in their computers..."
Luka checked her phone. "It's getting late, guys. You should probably get going."
Rin groaned. She didn't want to leave. She still had so much to talk about! She had no idea what high school would be like, and she needed to know! She had so many questions! Maybe she'd call Luka later. Luka knew everything, after all. "Aren't you coming, Senpai?"
Luka shook her head and smiled. "I have to help Kaito with one of the homework projects, so we'll stay back a few minutes."
"What?!" Kaito nudged her. "You mean I'm helping you!"
"Don't be silly."
Miku stopped, hands at her side in hesitance. "I can help too, right?" Len smiled. She just wanted to be with Kaito for a few more minutes, right?
"No," Luka said quickly, "you'll just distract him. Besides..." She gave him a meaningful look; it almost looked like a glare. "We've got a lot to talk about." Her gaze flickered back at the junior girl, then avoided it entirely as she put a spoonful of pink ice cream into her mouth. It was mostly melted at this point.
"Oh. Okay," Miku said, her shoulders falling.
"It's still kind of cold, don't you think?"
Rin glanced up at the pink blooms. "I hope the sakura trees will be okay. We start school in a few days, and I definitely want the cherry blossoms to fall when I walk into high school. It'll be just like in the anime! Right, Miku?"
Miku was walking very slowly. "You know what I just realized?" she asked. "They said they were working on a project for homework... right?" She was hesitating like she was unsure. The twins nodded for her to continue. "...It's spring break. We don't have any homework."
Rin's lips formed a small 'o'. "You're right. Huh. Ha! They totally got us, didn't they? Wait... Luka-senpai and Kaito-senpai, all alone..." She looked over at Len. "Do you think they're dating?"
Miku's expression of shock was hilarious. She stared urgently at the younger boy, waiting for his reply. It couldn't be, could it? But didn't Luka know how Miku felt? "Definitely not," Len said, and Miku let out a breath of relief.
"How do you know?"
This wasn't so easy to answer. He walked a few more steps, staring at his feet. "...She doesn't think that way about Kaito."
"Yeah, but how do you know?" Rin insisted, stepping in front of him so he'd be forced to look up. She gasped. "Does she like someone? And you know who it is?" He hesitated and Rin took that as his response. "No way! Why wouldn't you tell me? Who is it?"
"Luka-senpai likes someone?" So Miku didn't know either! How did Len know, then? "Did she tell you that?"
"No," he said, seeming relieved that he could finally answer something. "She didn't tell me anything like that. Senpai doesn't talk about those kinds of things." He flicked Rin in the forehead. "You're getting way too ahead of yourself."
"But she does like someone, right?" Rin insisted, bouncing in place. "We should set them up together!"
"She doesn't like anyone, Rin," Len said. "Not that I know of, at least."
"You're lying! I know you know!"
"I don't."
"You do!"
"I don't."
"This is where we split," Miku interrupted them. The twins stopped and stared at the big stop sign. Here, Miku would go right and the twins would continue straight.
"Aww... I don't wanna go home, yet!" She ran forth and gave Miku a hug.
"Aw, Rin-chan, you're too cute!" They squeezed each other tightly as Len awkwardly stood around. "Don't worry guys, I'm going to spend my whole spring break with you guys! Maybe tomorrow, we can go to the beach? Or do you think it's too cold, still?"
"It's probably too cold."
We never did get to go to the beach.
"Come on, Len, Dad's going to get mad at us if we're late!"
"Is he even-? Oh. His car is in the driveway. I thought he was working today?" They both stopped and looked at each other. Dad rarely ever missed work. In fact, he was a workaholic, constantly bringing extra papers home to complete.
"Why do you think he's home early?"
To tell the truth, he wasn't scheduled to work today. He'd told them last night that he was going to work extra hours. Maybe he'd decided not to after all. "...I don't know."
You could hear the shouting from outside; not enough to decipher to words, but loud enough to know something bad was going on inside. "Again," Rin murmured, pressing her hand against the front door.
"... Do you want to wait a while?" Len asked, already starting down the drive. "We could go to the park."
"No, it's fine." She began slipping her bag off her shoulders. "We'll just go upstairs."
He already knew he would lose this battle. Rin was incredibly stubborn; if Miku hadn't interrupted them earlier, she would have pestered Len about Luka's romantic life all the way home. "Be quiet, though. And if it gets too bad, we're leaving."
She opened the front door as quietly as she could and they slipped their shoes off at the front door.
"You're just being stubborn!" they heard their father yell from the kitchen. "You know it's stupid, but you're too fucking stubborn to let it g-"
"Don't you dare swear at me! They're notold enough!"
The twins looked at each other, realizing their parents were probably talking about them.
"And when will they be?" Their father sounded exasperated, like they'd been discussing this for a while already. "When they're eighty?! They've been old enough for years; you're the one who keeps stalling. Either we tell them, or they'll find out on their own and get mad at us for not telling them. You get that, right?"
Rin glanced over at her brother, frowning. 'What?' she mouthed. He shook his head and began putting her things away for her. They really shouldn't eavesdrop on things like this...
"You don't know that. You're just trying to bully me into it! I'm not falling for it!"
"You're being an idiot. Are you really that naive?! If you don't tell them, then I will, and-"
The sound of a door slamming made Rin jump- but it hadn't come from the kitchen, like she'd expected. She turned and saw Len at the front door, his hand still on the knob. His face... He was upset. He looked at her and she knew he'd had enough of eavesdropping. He'd never liked hearing them argue.
"...They're home."
Their father whispered something, and then the sliding door to the kitchen was opened. They walked out with guilty looks and met their children in the front.
Mother's eyes were red-rimmed and swollen; she'd been crying. Her skin was clean though, no cuts or bruises. Thank goodness. Len would always worry when things escalated this much. "Welcome home," she greeted quietly.
"Thanks," Len mumbled. His father avoided all eye-contact, arms crossed and strong standing.
The twins stood closely to each other, unsure of what to say or do. Finally, Len spoke: "We have some homework to work on."
Rin looked up at him, thinking he and Luka were probably more alike than she'd thought. Maybe that was how he knew who she liked. "Y-Yeah. We'll just be upstairs." She took her brother's hand and lead him up to their room, feeling their parents' eyes on them the entire way.
"See? I told you they'd find out."
Rin lay on her bed. "...What was that about?"
Len shrugged off his shirt and grabbed his pajamas from the drawer. After a minute's thinking, he was honest and said, "I don't know."
It was bothering her. A lot. "They're hiding something from us." She watched him walk to the bathroom. "You heard them, right?"
"Of course I heard them. It was hard not to."
He was trying to be casual, but it was bothering him a lot more than he let on. She knew it was; she could hear it in his voice. "You really don't know what it was?"
"Could always be about our birthday presents or something."
"Yeah right." She scoot over to give him room on their bed, then snuggled up to him. "...Should we be worried, do you think?"
"Nah." Well, he wasn't completely certain, but they were probably overthinking it. "Maybe we're moving."
"They talked about you a lot."
"Yeah."
She nuzzled her face into his chest, then looked up at him. "Are you scared?"
He laughed at little, like he was embarrassed, and pet her hair. "Maybe a little. I just want to stop thinking about it. It's probably something little."
"...Okay." She wanted to keep talking about it though, figure out what was going on and seek reassurance. "She had something in her hand."
"Mm?"
"A paper or something."
"Mmhm."
He didn't want to talk about it. Okay. Okay... She wrapped her arm around him and squeezed. "I love you Len."
"Love you too."
That made her feel a little better. Right, what was happening downstairs wouldn't matter, so long as she had Len by her side. He was so warm... As long as Len was with her, everything would be alright.
Even if they were going to bed at five o' clock, without dinner.
...Maybe she'd sneak out later and grab a bite to eat.
"...You do realize we can't have homework, right? Because it's spring break?" Kaito licked his ice cream and grinned at her. "I just realized. Do you think they'll notice?" She turned her blue eyes towards him and her lips parted a little. Oh. So she wanted to be serious. ...Bleh. "What's going on?"
She scraped the sides of her plastic bowl. Her ice cream had melted by now. "It's our last year."
"Mmhm." If Kaito didn't hurry up a little, his frozen treat would end up like Luka's. "What about it?"
She stared out the window at her juniors' retreating figures. "Do you think they'll be okay?"
"Without us? For sure. They're not as dependent on us as they were." He sighed. "Remember how they used to cling to us in middle school? That was the cutest thing, we were like a mommy and daddy, right?"
She smiled a little at the thought. "Miku would be upset if she heard you say that. She'd want to be your wife instead."
He laughed. "She'd be even more upset if she heard you saying that!"
Luka flipped her pink hair over her shoulder and pushed her unfinished bowl into the center of the table. "So... What are you going to do about that?"
"About Miku?" Chocolate dripped from his cone onto the table and he groaned, grabbing a napkin wit his other hand. "I don't know. Why?"
"Well, what do you think of her?"
He pushed his dirty napkin into her strawberry cup and tilted his head. "Hm?"
She grabbed her red plastic spoon and traced patterns on the table. "You know she likes you. Do you like her too, now? Or is she still too much like a little sister?"
"Hmm..." He cocked his head as he thought. "Yeah, Miku-chan's still my cute little sister, but... Geez, she really isn't that little anymore." He laughed. "None of them are, when I think about it. I guess I never stopped seeing them as those cute little middle school kouhais. She's not a little kid anymore though, is she?"
Luka wasn't sure how to answer that. She tapped the spoon against the table, listening.
"...Hm." He thought about it. "I guess I should stop thinking of her like that. I don't know. Maybe." He brushed his hair out of his eyes and focused again. "Not unless she asks, though. I'm not going to ask her out, but I'll think about it if she asks me. If she's brave enough, I mean." He paused, thinking about it again. "...Yeah."
Luka kept her gaze on her spoon, tapping it, feeling it rebound off the table's surface. "That's nice." What else was she supposed to say? Then again, she'd brought it up in the first place.
"So what did you really want to talk about?"
She looked up in surprise. "Huh-?"
He leaned his palm into his hand, smirking at her. "I've known you since elementary school. I can tell when something's bothering you."
Of course he could. Duh. "No, it was just that," she insisted and smiled. "I promise." What she really wanted to ask him was too personal. It'd be rude to ask him, especially in public, so... She decided she would wait a while. "We should probably go now."
"Mmhm."
Mom was still crying.
Rin listened to the sounds. She'd been listening for a while; the shouting, the anger, the soft sounds of Len's breathing. It all kept her awake.
She wasn't completely convinced of Len's innocence; something was going on, and Len seemed to know everything sometimes, so he surely couldn't be that oblivious. Or maybe he was. Maybe she should trust him. If he knew, he'd tell her, right? Not if it was to protect her. Eh... Should she keep bugging him about it?
Len shifted in his sleep like he was trying to roll onto his side, but having Rin on his chest made that difficult. He relaxed and let out a deep, sleepy breath.
How could he sleep so easily? He probably didn't think the issue was worth worrying about. After all, Mom and Dad fought all the time. Maybe it was something small, then. But, despite that reassurance, Rin couldn't help but disagree. Something just... didn't feel right. It was like a tickle in the back of her mind, she couldn't really stop worrying about it. Every time she closed her eyes and began to drift, she would think about that argument again, hearing her name being yelled from outside.
What were they arguing about? What could they possibly be hiding? Hadn't the twins been taught that secrets were bad, never to lie?
She squeezed her brother, nuzzling her face into his chest. She could hear his heart beat. Thump... Thump... Thump...
It shouldn't matter. Maybe they were moving far away, and that would be very sad, but as long as Len was with her... it wouldn't matter. As long as she had Len, she'd be happy.
I should have just left it alone. I should have put it out of my mind, like Len had. I should have just ignored it, lived my life as normal, and been happy. Life would have continued on, we would have been obliviously happy and things would never have changed.
Now where am I? Where are you? Why are we so far away from each other...?
I don't think I can do this without you, Len. I can't control myself. I'm not mature or responsible enough, I'm not as independent as you are. I need someone to rely on, because my legs are too shaky to stand on my own. I miss you so much. Please help me. Save me, please. Save me from myself. Find me, before I break myself. Even though I've done so much already, please don't give up on me, please don't look at me this way... Please... Stop walking away...
October 5th, 2015; 10:30 AM
Phew! Oh man, I finished!
It's funny, because I don't have too much to really talk about right now. Boop! Oh well.
I wanted to quickly compare this rewritten chapter to its original. In the original story, chapter one took place on their last day of school, the day before summer (I'd used the Western school system rather than the Japanese system, due to not really knowing how it worked). Luka, Kaito and Miku were introduced, but not very developed, and the chapter was much more light and humorous. The twins got home from school, overheard their parents talking, and pretended they hadn't. I suppose it's very similar to this rewritten version, but the argument here was much harsher. Here, Luka and Kaito had a nice talk. I'm hoping to develop Kaito more than I had in the original and make him a little more interesting.
I'll probably do comparisons like this at the end of each chapter, if I choose to continue. Maybe. Ha, I don't know, really. ^^ I'm very unsure, but also a little excited.
If you want to see me continue, please, tell me. There's nothing better than reading a review of someone telling you they enjoyed your work and appreciate the time and effort you put into it, or even better, telling you how you could improve. What did you like? What didn't you like? What would you like to see? What should I change? I'd love to know your opinions.
At any rate, if all goes well, I'll be here. :)
Love,
~Nat
(1) "...It's spring break. We don't have any homework."
So, ha ha, this was actually my mistake. I wrote the homework excuse and then realized after they left that, wait a sec- it's still spring break! And no one noticed?! Haha, so I decided to fix my mistake, while keeping it.
If you enjoyed this, please leave a review!