Written for comment_fic on livejournal.
Don't get me wrong, he's a great guy. But we have definitely had our issues.
For one thing, he's so competitive. For example: Hot steamy, summer day, sitting on the terrace, and he says let's go to the park and have a picnic. Sweet, right? We stop by the store and pick up sandwiches and peach pie and watermelon. He insists on carrying everything - sweet, right?
But as we eating the watermelon, which was very refreshing, suddenly it becomes a seed-spitting contest. Which is cute and everything, but it always has to be a competition with him. And when he thinks he's about to lose, he cheats.
Maybe all telekinetics cheat. But they can't all be this competitive.
After the seed thing, he touches my hand and I think he's about to do something romantic, but instead he says I should absorb his telekinesis. He NEVER lets me take that one. He's totally a control freak about that one because it's like his favorite, or it has sentimental value or something. But I take it, thinking he has something interesting in mind and by something interesting I mean something kinky and by something kinky I mean something relating to sexual intercourse.
But instead he just runs and gets a big stack of watermelons, and we play a game called "The Most Special and Powerful Watermelons Battle to the Death Because That is their Destiny." I say to him 'You made that game up just now!" but then he insists that it's a real game and that he learned it from his friend Ivan in the fourth grade and I can look it up on wikipedia if I don't believe him. Whatever, anyway, we play like this: we stand back to back and walk 50 paces, like a duel, but instead of guns we telekinetically throw watermelons into the air and they smash together really hard.
Do you know what it's like when watermelons mash into each other at like a hundred and fifty miles an hour? It's messy. And disgusting.
Okay, fine, it was kind of awesome. Dude, it's flying watermelons!
And afterwards, he licked all the watermelon pieces off my face and neck, so that was nice too. But then he said, "I did a better job cleaning up your face than anyone else would. Name one person who would have done it better. You can't, can you Peter?" Seriously, it's ALWAYS a competition with this guy.
Anyway, what do you think Mom? Am I crazy for staying with this guy? ... What do you mean "too much information"?