Summary: During a conversation with Haymich after the war, Katniss learns she's not the only one who lost Prim.
AN: So this is set after the war when Katniss goes beck to live in her house in District 12.
"Time to come back to life Katniss" Haymitch is telling me. As if he can talk.
"Leave me alone. You've been drunk for twenty-five years." At first he looks a little hurt, but now he's looking at me in a way that says he knows something I don't, it's annoying.
"Do you think she'd want you to be like this?"
"Who?"
"Prim," he says in a soft voice.
"What do you know about what Prim would want?" I ask him angrily. As far as I know he's spoken about three sentences to her in his life. How dare he come into my house and throw my dead sister in my face. It's her I'm grieving for. This whole stupid thing was about keeping her alive, which means it was all for nothing. He doesn't answer but he still looks like he knows a lot more than he's saying. He looks away and is silent for a while, then he speaks.
"She'd want you to make the most of it Katniss. We've won and you're still alive, so live." I don't like him telling me what to do so I get nasty.
"Like you did Haymitch, when you survived the Hunger Games? Made the most of being alive did you?" The moment I say it I regret it. He looks at me and I can see he's hurt and starting to get angry.
"That's not fair Katniss. You know this is different, the Capitol was still in charge then..." he trails off and then mumbles to himself, "she said you'd do this."
"What?" I snap at him. I hope he's not talking about Prim, I don't like the thought of them talking about me behind my back.
"Prim," he says and I don't like the way he says her name, it's too familiar, too...something. "She knew if something happened to her you'd give up, but she didn't want you to, so don't. Get on with it Katniss, lead a good life now we're free." I don't like it at all, it's like Prim's talking to me, he did know her. And I have to ask.
"How do you know so much about Prim?" He looks away, clears his throat and looks back at me but doesn't speak. It's all too clear from the look on his face, I can see it in his eyes and he knows I've understood. "No," I manage to whisper. I shake my head and say it again; "no." He nods slowly and a tear slides down his cheek. "She, she, you...she was a child," I yell at him.
"Katniss," he says, pleading, he want's me to understand but I don't think I can. "She was no more a child than you have been since your father died."
"What's that supposed to mean?" But I'm not sure I want to know.
"She saw just as much suffering as you did. She lost her father when she was eight Katniss, at least you had him until you were twelve, your mother as well. You had the job of feeding your family but you also got to spend time in the woods with Gale. She had to stay home with a broken mother, trying to put the pieces together again. And since the reaping, along with your mother, she was the closet thing District 12 had to a doctor and she was twelve years old. And in District 13 she was training as a soldier and working in the hospital. Does that sound like a child to you?" He's right, none of it sounds like a child. But he isn't finished and he says, "she was the best and brightest and everything you and I could never even hope to be. We always saw the worst Katniss, but Prim didn't, she saw the best. She was kind and understanding and gave me hope." In that moment when Haymitch looks at me he seems broken beyond repair. Because now that hope is gone. I don't think I've ever heard him talk like this and I realise it's because he's never let himself care about anyone since his Hunger Games. But Prim, she couldn't help but be loved by everyone who knew her, including Haymitch. And now I feel sick because I realise I spent the entire time I had in District 13 moping around and excluding my family, but Haymitch hadn't he'd been there for Prim and had seen in her things even I hadn't. No, she was not a child and I should not have treated her like one. And now it's too late. I was selfish, as pretty much everyone in this war was selfish, but not Prim. She helped because she was kind not because she'd get something out of it. "She was good," Haymitch finally says and he's finished my thought. It's true, he did understand her. I now know I'm not the only one who lost Prim.