[b]8BBFC: A Little Off Course (G)[/b]
Rating: G
Spoilers/Setting: Revenging Angel
Genre(s): Mushroom fic
Word Count: 1481
Summary: Written for the 8th Annual Beach Bash. Just in time for my first party. Just remember: It's all about Rygel.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters you recognize, or any of the dialogue. However, I don't think anyone else would do such a thing to our beloved Dominar.
Nighttime on Moya found Crichton sitting at the strategy table on Command. It was his turn to take watch, his first turn since waking up from the coma. The whole dream sequence was like a movie, in Technicolor. He could remember distinctly interacting with D'Argo, Chi, Jool, Harvey and even Aeryn. He felt bad because someone was missing.
For the first time since Talyn separated from Moya he took a moment to reflect on Rygel. Yeah Rygel was selfish and self important, but he was Rygel. Crichton missed him. Why didn't he talk to Rygel in his coma? Rygel always had words of wisdom, even if one didn't want to hear it. So why wasn't he there?
Shaking his head, John looked over his latest entry in his replacement notebook. A noise by the door had him looking up.
"Yotz!" There was a loud crash as the throne sled hit the ground with a thud. Rygel picked himself up off the ground and dusted away the red dirt. Red! Who would imagine a red planet?
And of course, Crichton was totally to blame. When the module came through the wormhole, it was only about 33 million metras off its mark. So they ended up on this Hezmana of a planet with no water. Indignantly Rygel shook himself off at that thought. He was aquatic for crying out loud! Dominars were never supposed to be subjected to dust!
It could be worse, he supposed. This planet could actually have inhabitants on it, evil Hynerian-eating inhabitants. Crichton had better figure a way to get them back on course, quickly. If the module hadn't spit itself out of the wormhole nexus in the wrong place, they wouldn't be here in the first place.
"Excuse me, green frog like creature, but your blocking my view." Rygel turned to see the speaker. The first thing he noticed was the green helmet with a yellow brush on the top. This weird article of clothing surrounded a very black face that stared back at him with wide white eyes. It was wearing a red shirt with a green skirt to match the helmet. The outfit was accessorized with white gloves covering four fingers and white shoes. .
"Did you speak to me?" he asked confused because the creature didn't seem to have a mouth.
"Yes, indeed. You're blocking my view of Venus. It's bad enough that there's an annoying blue planet in my way, and now you. Please move."
"Who are you?"
"I am the Commander of Flying Saucer X-2. And you're still in my way."
"So sorry," Rygel stepped away from his throne sled. "That doesn't look like a telescope."
"This is my greatest invention, the Froonium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator."
"I see," which was plain that he didn't. "What is it for?"
"There is no intelligent life on Earth, so I am going to remove it from my view of Venus."
"You mean you are going to blow it up?"
"Yes, with an Earth shattering kaboom."
"You might not want to do that. While I might agree with you that there is no intelligent life on Earth, I don't think my travelling companion will." He shouted into his comms, "Crichton, you frellnick! Get over here! This crazy creature is planning on blowing up you home world!"
As the commander moved to stick the tube of dynamite into the base of a rocket launcher that doubled as his telescope, Crichton came zooming by on his module scooter. He snatched up the stick, and put out the fuse. The human came to a stop, and stepped off the scooter. Walking over to Rygel's sled, he took a pencil and erased the sled, then redrew it so that it now floated on the red surface.
"Crichton, you idiot, do you have any idea what you've done?"
"What I've done?"
"Yes you. You landed us 33 million metras of target."
"Oops!"
"That's more than an oops. You need to figure out how to get off this dren of a planet now!"
"That's easy. I just need to borrow this guy's Froonium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator. I can replace the module's fuel with it and get us on our way."
"Guy? He's male?"
"Yes Rygel," Crichton said patiently. "Allow me to introduce Marvin the Martian, also known as the Commander of Flying Saucer X-2. Marvin, this is my good friend Dominar Rygel the 16th."
The white eyes narrowed, "Do I know you?"
"Uh, no. If this is Mars, and it must be because that's Earth," he said pointing at the blue star that could barely be seen in the distance, "I can safely say its one planet I've never been to. Now if we were in the Uncharted Territories, I wouldn't be so sure." He turned to Rygel, "Let me guess, he's planning on blowing up the Earth."
"Yes. How did you know that?"
"Marv here has been trying to blow up my home world for generations. He'll never succeed," he confided. "There's a rabbit and a duck who have dedicated themselves to preventing him from making asteroids out of my home."
"Crichton, you are completely farbot! There is no way a rabbit could stop him."
John got a self satisfied smirk on his face. "Oh really?" He nodded at a white streak barreling toward them. "What do you call that?"
The white streak suddenly materialized into a rabbit on a floating scooter. "What's up Doc?" the creature said in greeting.
"Hi Bugs. Long time no see. May I introduce Dominar Rygel the 16th? Rygel, this is Bugs Bunny. He's the first astronaut to inspire me to explore space by saving Earth from Marv. It's so good to see you again."
"It's been a few years since you've talked to me. What brings you to my neck of the woods?"
Rygel sputtered the answer, "Frelling wormholes."
With a shout, the rabbit stretched in 4 different directions and seemed almost flat for a moment. When he settled back to Earth he was almost hyperventilating. "Very funny. For a moment there, I thought he said wormholes."
"He did. It's a long story, but I don't need your help with the wormhole, I've got that covered with paint. What I need is for you to do something about him," he gestured to where the Martian had been standing. He looked over to see the alien water seeds that had been laid out in a straight line. "Is that what I think that is?"
"Instant Martians! Run!" Bugs shouted. There were dozens of quickly growing green and purple birds heading their way.
Just then a lisping duck in a bad space suit costume showed up. "Don't worry everyone, Duck Dodgers will save you!"
Bugs looked and Crichton and Rygel. "Uh, now would be a good time to get out of Dodge before the real Martians show up. Last one to the UFOs is a rotten egg!"
"Go, I got this!" the duck shouted.
John decided now was a good time to get out. He pulled out his big pencil and redrew the Farscape module for wormhole travel. Next, he painted a new wormhole, being careful to make it swirl. Grabbing Rygel he made a quick glance at the duck that was springing into action and actually taking out some of the birds. Looking forward, he noticed that the bunny was already out of sight.
"I guess that makes us the rotten eggs. Buckle up back there Rygel, it's going to be bumpy." He closed the hatch on the ship, flipped a few switches and took off the Martian plain just in time. Three of the instant Martians got blackened by his exhaust. "That was close. Here we go!" The module plunged into the swirling blue and white object.
As they came out on the other side, Crichton fell off the strategy table bench onto the floor, awakening almost instantly.
"Crichton!" Pilot's voice came over the comms. He sat back up and shook his head to clear it of the Technicolor cobwebs. How he managed to sleep on watch in Command, he wasn't sure, but hopefully D'Argo wouldn't find out. The Luxon had not been happy with the human for insisting on taking his turn; he thought he should still be resting.
"Yes Pilot?"
"D'Argo's got first meal set up in the Center Chamber. He's asked me to notify all the crew."
"Thank you, Pilot. I'm on my way."
John figured he had his answer. Rygel was too busy with evil genius aliens trying to destroy the Earth. He didn't have time to give Crichton any advice. As he headed out of Command, he thought he caught a glimpse, out of the corner of his eye, of a little black man in a green and red suit. He thought he heard the creature say, "Isn't that lovely?" That helmet really did look like a spittoon.
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