Ronald Weasley and the Curse of the Nudie Mag
I was sat on the couch, eating a drumstick and minding my own business, when I heard a knock on the door. With a groan, I hoisted myself up, and opened the door to reveal my brother, George, grinning from ear to...well, to the other side of his head, and holding up a magazine with a picture of a busty woman wearing (or maybe hardly wearing would be a better term) a rabbit costume and touching herself on the front cover (of the magazine!).
'What the fuck is that?'
George's smile grew wider.
'Check this out. Harry lent it to me, he said it's some kind of muggle Sex Company called Playboy, and it has helped relieve my stress nearly every day. Mate, you don't know what you're missing. You can't claim to have properly wanked until you've looked through this. So, like a good older brother, I thought I'd pop over and leave it for you to drool over. Nighty night.'
And with that, he swiftly turned on his heel, and disapparated. I stood there, transfixed. My elder brother had just thrust a porn magazine into my hands and buggered off within the space of a minute. I walked back into the lounge, and flopped back onto the sofa, throwing the Mag onto the coffee table. I sat there for a while, finishing off my drumstick and listening to the Weird Sisters, when I realised that the magazine was still there. I looked around to make sure nobody was around. Hermione wouldn't finish work for another hour, and the kids were at school until the week after next. It couldn't hurt to have a look, could it? Before I had time to change my mind, I reached over and picked it up. The title page alone made me want to spunk. I mean, she was groping herself for fuck's sake! I took a deep breath, and turned the page with my eyes shut. Keeping my eyes shut, I withdrew my wand from my jeans pocket.
'ACCIO KLEENEX!'
The box of tissues quickly zoomed into my lap- convenient, eh? Slowly, I put my wand back into my pocket, opened my eyes, and undid my zip to let my other wand hang loose. Shakily, I looked back at the magazine, and began to masturbate. I won't go into details here, I'm sure we all understand what occurs when a man gets happy, so let's just say I could've smacked it 'till the cows came home. Unfortunately for me, the cow did come home. I'd just got to the centrefold, when I heard a scream from behind me.
'RONALD!'...
Sorry if you hated this, feel free to sue me, but the idea came to me that it would just be really funny for this kind of muggle indulgence to happen in the wizarding world. R&R? Pwetty please? With sprinkles on top?