A/N:
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, Slayers, or a refrigerator.
Deidara Has a Brother?!
The Bellmaker
"Sempai! Sempai! Sempai~i!"
Deidara, our beautiful blonde heroine - er, handsome blond hero, froze, head in the refrigerator. Oh merciful Kami, no.
"Kisame, you've got to...hide...me?" He turned frantically to the shark-nin, who was fussing about in the kitchen. "...Kisame, un?"
Key word being was.
"Dammit, un!"
"SEMPAI! ...Sempai?" Tobi looked around. His sempai was here. He knew it. But...where?
"Sempai!" The masked nin cried, throwing open the pantry. "Where are you...? Tobi has news!"
There was a very large pot on the stove, and whatever was in it smelled delicious..."Sempai?"
But, alas, his dear sempai was not in the pot. It was some sort of soup...that breathed a sigh of relief as Tobi lowered the lid. The searing pain, Kisame decided, was definitely better than Tobi's attentions.
Finally, the orange-masked nin turned to The Fridge. The Fridge, unique to everything else in the world, was not his friend. It had fallen on him once, and it took Kisame, Kakuzu, and Hidan together to lift it off of him. When they got hungry. A few hours later.
Steeling himself for a blow, Tobi inched towards it, tremulously extending a hand to swing open the door...and reveal who else, but his very own beloved sempai!
"Yay! Sempai! Tobi has news! News for YOU!" Tobi's finger shot out like the wrath of a angry god, aimed straight for Deidara(who, some may say, richly deserved a smiting.) The masked man paused for a moment, and tilted his head. "Good news," he qualified, "because Tobi is a good boy." He seemed oddly pleased with himself.
The blond S-Rank criminal who had so ignobly hidden within an appliance waited for this news. And waited. And waited. Deidara sweatdropped, and asked, "WHAT?! WHAT THE HELL IS IT, TOBI?! What is this 'news'" -The quotes were clearly audible- "That you just HAD to share with me?!"
"Tobi found your brother! He's on the teevee!" Tobi grabbed his sempai by the wrist and dragged him to the television in the main room of the 'innocuous' apartment most of Akatsuki was forced to share.
"TOBI! Tobi! Dammit, un! Let go! I don't have any family, un!" Deidara's struggles were futile, as the nukenin set him down in front of the television.
"Look, see? Tobi found him!" The man on the screen was a determined-looking swordsman in blue armor, fighting off a small horde of foes. His long, luxurious blond hair was oddly familiar...
"No, Tobi, see, that's an actor, un!" Deidara was relieved. If it was only an actor, Tobi wouldn't go off on one of his harebrained schemes, and maybe even forget about it in a few minutes...but, no, Tobi was shaking his head at an amazing speed. It's really amazing, the blond reflected, that his mask doesn't just go flying off.
"No! Tobi is a good boy! He knows better than that! The teevee plays this because the people in charge got threatened with death!" This caught Deidara's attention. "At the beginning of every episode, they say, 'This is the au-to-bi-og-raph-ical account of the adventures of the Mighty Sorceress Lina Inverse!' and there's tiny print, that says, 'Help! Oh gods, please! She's going to KILL us! We don't know who she is, or why she sends us this footage, but if you can read this, HELP!' And your brother there, he travels around with her and he fights real good, and see his hair? Tobi can tell! And Tobi thinks he should know he has a sister!"
"...a sister? Tobi, what are you talking about, un? You think he's my brother, so...where..." A horrible realization forces itself upon him. "Tobi..." in a sweet, deadly voice, "you wouldn't be saying you think I'm a...girl, would you?"
"No! Tobi thinks you're a beautiful woman!"
"...DEATH BY SUFFOCATION!" While Deidara did his best to choke the life out of Tobi, a shout was heard.
"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY MONEY?!"
"HIDAN! This is your fault somehow, I know it!"Kakuzu yelled, tentacles extended, ready to tear into the bare-chested nukenin for his suspected offense.
"I didn't touch your thrice-damned infidel money!" There was a pause. Hidan looked mildly embarassed.
"Thrice-damned?" Kakuzu sounded curious.
"Eheh...well, I came in here a few hours ago, and there was a book on my bed. Salty Pete's Big Book of Curses, Obcenities, and Othe Fun Words. There was a note. 'Tobi thinks you need a little more variety'" Another pause. Hidan sweatdropped.
"I...wasn't aware they printed books like that. Wait, Tobi! TOBI! WHERE THE HELL'S MY MONEY?!"
While Hidan and Kakuzu were talking, Deidara had given up on killing Tobi, who was once more talking animatedly.
"...and so Kakuzu bought us tickets across the sea to Atlas City, and..." Deidara's attention was caught.
"Kakuzu...BOUGHT us something? With money, un?"
"Well..."Tobi scuffed his sandle on the floor a bit. "I had to borrow it..."
"You...You touched his MONEY?! Are you insane?! He'll kill us, un!!" Deidara was pacing and gesticulating wildly. "Rip us to pieces and sew us back together so he can do it again! We're GOING to DIE, Tobi, un!"
"TOBI! WHERE THE HELL'S MY MONEY?!"
"Across the sea, eh, Tobi? Let's go, un!"
When Kakuzu entered the room a moment later, all he found was an open window.
A/N: Well, my first attempt at an Akatsuki fic, and the first 'real' crossover I've done. Reviews, people!