This fic is dark. There are mentions of many types of unpleasantness. In fact, it just might have every little dark warning possible. Also, it jumps around to events in the main character's life, which I tried to not make to confusing when I transfered it from my head to the screen. Finally, 2x1. *crosses fingers* I worked hard on this.
Also, I don't own the bishies but we love to play ^~, and the lyrics are from Disarm, by the Smashing Pumpkins.
With A Smile
[Disarm you with a smile]
One grin was all it ever took for the guard to let him past without proper identification. A little smile that erased any doubt of his innocence. The rate at which he could manipulate people was alarming, but he covered it up so magnificently that it blended in seamlessly. For some reason, hardly anyone would suspect the cheerful beanpole of a boy, bright eyes shining, lips twisted in delight. He set the bomb that would ultimately kill the naïve guard and hundreds of other people at the training base, wondering how he could ever shed his second skin.
[And cut you like you want me to]
"Hey, I just think they're looking for trouble."
Hilde rolled her eyes. "Why's that?"
"I mean, come on, you don't go into a war without expecting to die."
"So?"
"They're just looking for death, that's all."
"Pfft. Maybe you are too."
Duo just shrugged.
[Cut that little child]
Duo sighed as he looked out the window. All the kids were out playing in the sunshine and he was cooped up in the same old boring, depressing lab. All he wanted to do was go out and run with the kids. He barely remembered what it was like to exercise without being monitored. What were they laughing about? What were they talking about? Didn't they realize there was a war going on? What did it really matter when they had the sun..
"Duo! Pay attention." Doctor G held a diagram of a human neck in front of the boy. "Now, which artery is the optimal one to sever?"
Duo obediently yet half-heartedly pointed at the correct spot.
"That one."
[Inside of me and such a part of you]
Duo inhaled the fresh air floating through the marketplace. It was rare to have a day off to do whatever he pleased, and he wasn't going to waste it. He grinned at his partner. "Well Heero, what do you want to do first? Lunch? Shopping? Heh, wanna cause some trouble?" He playfully elbowed the statue glaring at him.
"Duo, let's just get what we need and go. And no, no trouble."
"Fine, do what you want, but I need to enjoy my day." Duo walked away from his stiff partner and over to an interesting little stand selling a variety of colored ink pens. He chuckled to himself as he drew naughty pictures and scribble expletives on the testing papers provided. He became so thoroughly engrossed with his work that he barely heard the merchant scream at him to buy or leave. He walked away, satisfied with himself, when he scanned the crowd for Heero. Just across the way he spotted the boy, looking at awe through a stack of books. Duo was taken aback; Heero had such a look of wonder about him. He had never seen the steely boy look so...human. He had the look of a child staring into the window of a candy store. Duo walked on to the next stand. Heero wasn't done looking yet.
[Ooh, the years burn]
The golden cross shimmered in the moonlight, its chain looped around trembling fingers. In its bottom point shown the reflection of all the children that lived at the Maxwell Church. Every smiling face, seemingly resilient to all the pain in their young lives, smiling, helping each other to survive. The center of the cross, in a carefully carved sunburst, reflected Solo. He led his friends through the rubble of a once proud building, turning it into a game with his usual cheerfulness. The very top of the cross belonged to Father and Sister Helen, grinning warmly at Duo. He stared at the moon, like he always did. But he never counted on the tears.
[I used to be a little boy]
He didn't understand. Why were the machines breaking everything? How come everyone was running? Shouldn't they stay and make those bad things go away? Daddy held him close, so close he could see how scared he was. There was so much thick smoke. Mommy was running ahead of them, he could see her rosy sweater. That sweater always felt so warm and soft...but then everything went black. He heard Mommy scream "I'm sorry sweetheart!" He felt himself fall out of Daddy's arms. Then...nothing. He opened his eyes to find everyone gone and every building leveled. He whimpered. Where were they? He was sleepy. He stood up and toddled away.
[So old in my shoes]
"You're gonna take it, and you're gonna like it!"
Duo didn't know what to do. The soldier pushed him up against the wall of the alley and spread his legs with his knees. The boy desperately tried to wriggle free, but his pants that were forcibly shoved down to his ankles made it even more difficult. He became enraged as he felt the soldier's hot, disgusting breath creep up his neck. Every time he tried to fight back, the hand around his neck tightened its grip. The soldier grunted as he attempted to undo his belt buckle with one hand. Just as Duo felt the vile member try to make its entrance, another man screamed.
"Private! What the hell do you think you're doing!"
The soldier froze after letting go of Duo's neck. The boy ran away as fast as he could, pulling up his pants along the way. He didn't care who interrupted the attack, all he knew was that he had to get out of there. He collapsed in back of a building at least twenty blocks away and sighed with relief. He was still bruised from the other night.
[And what I choose is my choice]
He had to admit, it was an enticing offer. The suit was strong and intimidating, yet strikingly beautiful. The first thoughts that crossed the back of his mind were those of revenge on all the people who took everything he held dear away from him. But it mulled it over for a few days and realized that his intentions were selfish. After all, what if he just happened to be a curse? A little black plague that destroys everything it comes in close contact with. The Great Destroyer. What better way to redeem yourself than fighting for the cause? Ah, but you can't erase bodies with bodies. And you can't sit there and not do anything with a resource that people desperately need. Besides, there was something very comforting about Deathscythe.
[What's a boy supposed to do?]
Duo was appalled at what they planned to do with his suit. Simply, they wanted him to become one of them. He felt sick to his stomach as he pressed the detonation switch that would destroy his large metal friend. But nothing happened. He fidgeted and cursed with the device, chiding himself for not connecting the wire properly.
"Duo, why don't you steal Deathscythe?"
It was so logical that he almost blushed. He stole most of his childhood and thought nothing of it, why didn't that idea come sooner? It's not like he had a choice anymore.
[The killer in me is the killer in you]
"Coming back for more, eh? You underestimate Shinigami!" 02's powerful scythe sliced the mobile suit in half, causing an explosion that delighted Duo. He was in the fighting zone of his psyche, where every action was just another adrenaline rush. 01 swept past him and handled the left side, taking some of the load off his partner. Together, at this moment, they were unstoppable. But Duo anticipated the let down when the battle was over and the realization that he killed people set it. He would return to the safehouse and madly try to wash the phantom blood off his hands.
[My love]
"Hey, Heero?"
"Hn?" He drew Duo closer to him, covering their naked bodies with the bed sheet.
"I think you're the best thing that ever happened to my life."
"Hn." He pressed a kiss on Duo's forehead.
[I send this smile over to you]
Another pointless day of school. Duo knew enough about Geometry that he was able to spend the entire class doodling. Heero, on he other hand, took perfect notes despite the fact that he mastered the class several times over. When his little drawings began to bore him, Duo looked around the room for something else to occupy his time. He zoned in on Heero and smirked at all the possibilities. Spit balls would warrant instant death. Little teasing whispers would have a similar effect. Passing him a dirty note was out of the question as his target was too far away. So he waited. And waited. And waited. Heero finally turned towards his direction. Ready. Aim. Fire. Duo gave him the biggest smile, marveling at how it didn't take any effort.
The corner of Heero's lips turned upwards slightly. He turned back.
[Disarm you with a smile]
"Shh, Heero, it'll be ok..." Shinigami didn't exactly know how Heero got to be in his arms, but there he was. The perfect soldier was shaking and crying dry tears, clutching Duo. All Duo remembered was finding Heero alone in his quarters with a gun to his temple. Now he had the object of his desires holding on to him like a child would clutch his teddy bear.
"We...we'd all be better off if I was gone. Th..then no more people would have to die..."
Duo knew that Heero was thinking irrationally. In his right state of mind he would of known that someone would surely be brought in to replace him. 'Heh, he still wouldn't be as good,' thought Duo.
"Hey, don't say that! We need you. It's a war Heero, and in wars, people die. Chances are that if we didn't get them, someone else would. And we can't even think about that, because all we have is right now."
Heero looked up at Duo, scowling. "They don't need me. I don't need them. It's just the same thing, over and over. I'm going to die anyway."
Instinctively, Duo tightened his embrace, swallowed his pride, and cleared his mind. "I need you."
Heero gulped, eyes wide. "You...you do?"
"Yeah," grinned Duo.
Duo didn't exactly know how he ended up making love to Heero. The last thing he remembered was a pair of hopeful blue eyes.
[And leave you like they left me here]
Heero-
I have a mission. I'm not sure if I'll be back when it's over
It did mean something. And I'm sorry.
-Duo
[To wither in denial]
'I don't love him, I don't love him, I don't love him, I don't love him, I don't love him...'
'I love him.'
[The bitterness of one who's left alone]
Visiting any church was a hard thing for the boy to do. More often than not the thought occurred to him that perhaps religion killed all those he loved. Somehow, in their God's divine plan, it was decided that everyone near and dear to Duo would perish in painful deaths. If he disassociated himself from that God, that way of life, maybe he would be able to separate himself from the plan. But when you see death, hear death, breathe death, and create death, the only thing you can do is become the God of Death. Somehow, the whole universe had planned on Duo Maxwell to be the bad luck charm to those that he deemed special. Yes, that had to be it.
So he left Heero in bed, to wake up alone after probably one of the most confusing yet revealing nights of his life. To start to atone for his sin, he went to church to seek advice.
He knelt down in front of the pew, clasped his hands, and bowed his head. "Sister Helen, I need your help.."
She'd surely listen to him there.
[Ooh, the years burn
Ooh, the years burn, burn, burn]
"You don't smell dirty Duo."
The little boy sniffled. "Really?"
"Really." Kindly Sister Helen hugged the child closely. Duo wrapped his little arms around her in turn, smiling. She reminded him of another person...a woman, he was pretty sure, that used to give him hugs so long ago. At least, that's where his dreams always took him.
[I used to be a little boy]
"God, Duo, when are you ever going to grow up?" joked Hilde as she wiped his shaving cream smiley face off the bathroom mirror. She paused when she saw his sullen expression in the mirror.
"Problem is, Hil, I never got a chance."
[So old in my shoes]
Duo peeked through a slit in the church window to see what all the commotion was about. He and all the other children were ordered to crouch down onto the floor and not make a peep until they were told to. Father Maxwell and various other members of the clergy hurried to close all the shudders in the church and the adjoining orphanage. But Duo couldn't help it, he was curious. The shudders weren't made very well, and there was just enough space for him to catch a glance.
Outside he saw a group of soldiers line up a procession of men face first towards a wall across the way. Then, Duo gasped as he saw the soldiers line up in back of the men and draw their rifles. With rapid precision they fired at each man. Blood spilled from their backs as they slumped to the ground.
"Duo, no!" came a harsh whisper as he felt Father Maxwell push him back down.
All he could do was shake next to Solo.
[And what I choose is my voice]
"I really can't stand this anymore, Doc. I can't escape death."
"We have peace now, Mr. Maxwell, because of you. Can you take no comfort in that?"
"Why are you asking me all the questions? You're the shrink, give me some advice. I'm paying good money for this, you know, against my better judgement..."
The psychiatrist shook her head as Duo continued his little tirade. This one was going to be a tough case.
[What's a boy supposed to do?]
"If you ever leave me again, baka, don't expect me to be so forgiving."
Duo happily hugged his Heero. "You know understand me so well."
"You still need help."
[The killer in me is the killer in you]
A spark of mirth was apparent in Duo's eyes as he massacred Heero at the video game. His little mercenary was faster and sneakier. Heero continued to complain that his button was sticky. The two continued to cause little mini-explosions and sniper fire, racking up points and exchanging jeers. When the game was over and Heero filled his name as the high score, he simply turned and stared at his lover. Duo nodded and pulled the game out of the system, promptly throwing it away. Who needed simulators.
[My love
I send this smile over to you]
Heero discreetly pulled out the small picture of Duo he had in his wallet while waiting in line at the grocery store. He lovingly ran his thumb over the smiling face.
[The killer in me is the killer in you
Send this smile over to you
The killer in me is the killer in you
Send this smile over to you
The killer in me is the killer in you
Send this smile over to you]
Doctor G chuckled at the grinning boy in front of him.
"I swear boy, you're hiding something under that smile."
Also, I don't own the bishies but we love to play ^~, and the lyrics are from Disarm, by the Smashing Pumpkins.
With A Smile
[Disarm you with a smile]
One grin was all it ever took for the guard to let him past without proper identification. A little smile that erased any doubt of his innocence. The rate at which he could manipulate people was alarming, but he covered it up so magnificently that it blended in seamlessly. For some reason, hardly anyone would suspect the cheerful beanpole of a boy, bright eyes shining, lips twisted in delight. He set the bomb that would ultimately kill the naïve guard and hundreds of other people at the training base, wondering how he could ever shed his second skin.
[And cut you like you want me to]
"Hey, I just think they're looking for trouble."
Hilde rolled her eyes. "Why's that?"
"I mean, come on, you don't go into a war without expecting to die."
"So?"
"They're just looking for death, that's all."
"Pfft. Maybe you are too."
Duo just shrugged.
[Cut that little child]
Duo sighed as he looked out the window. All the kids were out playing in the sunshine and he was cooped up in the same old boring, depressing lab. All he wanted to do was go out and run with the kids. He barely remembered what it was like to exercise without being monitored. What were they laughing about? What were they talking about? Didn't they realize there was a war going on? What did it really matter when they had the sun..
"Duo! Pay attention." Doctor G held a diagram of a human neck in front of the boy. "Now, which artery is the optimal one to sever?"
Duo obediently yet half-heartedly pointed at the correct spot.
"That one."
[Inside of me and such a part of you]
Duo inhaled the fresh air floating through the marketplace. It was rare to have a day off to do whatever he pleased, and he wasn't going to waste it. He grinned at his partner. "Well Heero, what do you want to do first? Lunch? Shopping? Heh, wanna cause some trouble?" He playfully elbowed the statue glaring at him.
"Duo, let's just get what we need and go. And no, no trouble."
"Fine, do what you want, but I need to enjoy my day." Duo walked away from his stiff partner and over to an interesting little stand selling a variety of colored ink pens. He chuckled to himself as he drew naughty pictures and scribble expletives on the testing papers provided. He became so thoroughly engrossed with his work that he barely heard the merchant scream at him to buy or leave. He walked away, satisfied with himself, when he scanned the crowd for Heero. Just across the way he spotted the boy, looking at awe through a stack of books. Duo was taken aback; Heero had such a look of wonder about him. He had never seen the steely boy look so...human. He had the look of a child staring into the window of a candy store. Duo walked on to the next stand. Heero wasn't done looking yet.
[Ooh, the years burn]
The golden cross shimmered in the moonlight, its chain looped around trembling fingers. In its bottom point shown the reflection of all the children that lived at the Maxwell Church. Every smiling face, seemingly resilient to all the pain in their young lives, smiling, helping each other to survive. The center of the cross, in a carefully carved sunburst, reflected Solo. He led his friends through the rubble of a once proud building, turning it into a game with his usual cheerfulness. The very top of the cross belonged to Father and Sister Helen, grinning warmly at Duo. He stared at the moon, like he always did. But he never counted on the tears.
[I used to be a little boy]
He didn't understand. Why were the machines breaking everything? How come everyone was running? Shouldn't they stay and make those bad things go away? Daddy held him close, so close he could see how scared he was. There was so much thick smoke. Mommy was running ahead of them, he could see her rosy sweater. That sweater always felt so warm and soft...but then everything went black. He heard Mommy scream "I'm sorry sweetheart!" He felt himself fall out of Daddy's arms. Then...nothing. He opened his eyes to find everyone gone and every building leveled. He whimpered. Where were they? He was sleepy. He stood up and toddled away.
[So old in my shoes]
"You're gonna take it, and you're gonna like it!"
Duo didn't know what to do. The soldier pushed him up against the wall of the alley and spread his legs with his knees. The boy desperately tried to wriggle free, but his pants that were forcibly shoved down to his ankles made it even more difficult. He became enraged as he felt the soldier's hot, disgusting breath creep up his neck. Every time he tried to fight back, the hand around his neck tightened its grip. The soldier grunted as he attempted to undo his belt buckle with one hand. Just as Duo felt the vile member try to make its entrance, another man screamed.
"Private! What the hell do you think you're doing!"
The soldier froze after letting go of Duo's neck. The boy ran away as fast as he could, pulling up his pants along the way. He didn't care who interrupted the attack, all he knew was that he had to get out of there. He collapsed in back of a building at least twenty blocks away and sighed with relief. He was still bruised from the other night.
[And what I choose is my choice]
He had to admit, it was an enticing offer. The suit was strong and intimidating, yet strikingly beautiful. The first thoughts that crossed the back of his mind were those of revenge on all the people who took everything he held dear away from him. But it mulled it over for a few days and realized that his intentions were selfish. After all, what if he just happened to be a curse? A little black plague that destroys everything it comes in close contact with. The Great Destroyer. What better way to redeem yourself than fighting for the cause? Ah, but you can't erase bodies with bodies. And you can't sit there and not do anything with a resource that people desperately need. Besides, there was something very comforting about Deathscythe.
[What's a boy supposed to do?]
Duo was appalled at what they planned to do with his suit. Simply, they wanted him to become one of them. He felt sick to his stomach as he pressed the detonation switch that would destroy his large metal friend. But nothing happened. He fidgeted and cursed with the device, chiding himself for not connecting the wire properly.
"Duo, why don't you steal Deathscythe?"
It was so logical that he almost blushed. He stole most of his childhood and thought nothing of it, why didn't that idea come sooner? It's not like he had a choice anymore.
[The killer in me is the killer in you]
"Coming back for more, eh? You underestimate Shinigami!" 02's powerful scythe sliced the mobile suit in half, causing an explosion that delighted Duo. He was in the fighting zone of his psyche, where every action was just another adrenaline rush. 01 swept past him and handled the left side, taking some of the load off his partner. Together, at this moment, they were unstoppable. But Duo anticipated the let down when the battle was over and the realization that he killed people set it. He would return to the safehouse and madly try to wash the phantom blood off his hands.
[My love]
"Hey, Heero?"
"Hn?" He drew Duo closer to him, covering their naked bodies with the bed sheet.
"I think you're the best thing that ever happened to my life."
"Hn." He pressed a kiss on Duo's forehead.
[I send this smile over to you]
Another pointless day of school. Duo knew enough about Geometry that he was able to spend the entire class doodling. Heero, on he other hand, took perfect notes despite the fact that he mastered the class several times over. When his little drawings began to bore him, Duo looked around the room for something else to occupy his time. He zoned in on Heero and smirked at all the possibilities. Spit balls would warrant instant death. Little teasing whispers would have a similar effect. Passing him a dirty note was out of the question as his target was too far away. So he waited. And waited. And waited. Heero finally turned towards his direction. Ready. Aim. Fire. Duo gave him the biggest smile, marveling at how it didn't take any effort.
The corner of Heero's lips turned upwards slightly. He turned back.
[Disarm you with a smile]
"Shh, Heero, it'll be ok..." Shinigami didn't exactly know how Heero got to be in his arms, but there he was. The perfect soldier was shaking and crying dry tears, clutching Duo. All Duo remembered was finding Heero alone in his quarters with a gun to his temple. Now he had the object of his desires holding on to him like a child would clutch his teddy bear.
"We...we'd all be better off if I was gone. Th..then no more people would have to die..."
Duo knew that Heero was thinking irrationally. In his right state of mind he would of known that someone would surely be brought in to replace him. 'Heh, he still wouldn't be as good,' thought Duo.
"Hey, don't say that! We need you. It's a war Heero, and in wars, people die. Chances are that if we didn't get them, someone else would. And we can't even think about that, because all we have is right now."
Heero looked up at Duo, scowling. "They don't need me. I don't need them. It's just the same thing, over and over. I'm going to die anyway."
Instinctively, Duo tightened his embrace, swallowed his pride, and cleared his mind. "I need you."
Heero gulped, eyes wide. "You...you do?"
"Yeah," grinned Duo.
Duo didn't exactly know how he ended up making love to Heero. The last thing he remembered was a pair of hopeful blue eyes.
[And leave you like they left me here]
Heero-
I have a mission. I'm not sure if I'll be back when it's over
It did mean something. And I'm sorry.
-Duo
[To wither in denial]
'I don't love him, I don't love him, I don't love him, I don't love him, I don't love him...'
'I love him.'
[The bitterness of one who's left alone]
Visiting any church was a hard thing for the boy to do. More often than not the thought occurred to him that perhaps religion killed all those he loved. Somehow, in their God's divine plan, it was decided that everyone near and dear to Duo would perish in painful deaths. If he disassociated himself from that God, that way of life, maybe he would be able to separate himself from the plan. But when you see death, hear death, breathe death, and create death, the only thing you can do is become the God of Death. Somehow, the whole universe had planned on Duo Maxwell to be the bad luck charm to those that he deemed special. Yes, that had to be it.
So he left Heero in bed, to wake up alone after probably one of the most confusing yet revealing nights of his life. To start to atone for his sin, he went to church to seek advice.
He knelt down in front of the pew, clasped his hands, and bowed his head. "Sister Helen, I need your help.."
She'd surely listen to him there.
[Ooh, the years burn
Ooh, the years burn, burn, burn]
"You don't smell dirty Duo."
The little boy sniffled. "Really?"
"Really." Kindly Sister Helen hugged the child closely. Duo wrapped his little arms around her in turn, smiling. She reminded him of another person...a woman, he was pretty sure, that used to give him hugs so long ago. At least, that's where his dreams always took him.
[I used to be a little boy]
"God, Duo, when are you ever going to grow up?" joked Hilde as she wiped his shaving cream smiley face off the bathroom mirror. She paused when she saw his sullen expression in the mirror.
"Problem is, Hil, I never got a chance."
[So old in my shoes]
Duo peeked through a slit in the church window to see what all the commotion was about. He and all the other children were ordered to crouch down onto the floor and not make a peep until they were told to. Father Maxwell and various other members of the clergy hurried to close all the shudders in the church and the adjoining orphanage. But Duo couldn't help it, he was curious. The shudders weren't made very well, and there was just enough space for him to catch a glance.
Outside he saw a group of soldiers line up a procession of men face first towards a wall across the way. Then, Duo gasped as he saw the soldiers line up in back of the men and draw their rifles. With rapid precision they fired at each man. Blood spilled from their backs as they slumped to the ground.
"Duo, no!" came a harsh whisper as he felt Father Maxwell push him back down.
All he could do was shake next to Solo.
[And what I choose is my voice]
"I really can't stand this anymore, Doc. I can't escape death."
"We have peace now, Mr. Maxwell, because of you. Can you take no comfort in that?"
"Why are you asking me all the questions? You're the shrink, give me some advice. I'm paying good money for this, you know, against my better judgement..."
The psychiatrist shook her head as Duo continued his little tirade. This one was going to be a tough case.
[What's a boy supposed to do?]
"If you ever leave me again, baka, don't expect me to be so forgiving."
Duo happily hugged his Heero. "You know understand me so well."
"You still need help."
[The killer in me is the killer in you]
A spark of mirth was apparent in Duo's eyes as he massacred Heero at the video game. His little mercenary was faster and sneakier. Heero continued to complain that his button was sticky. The two continued to cause little mini-explosions and sniper fire, racking up points and exchanging jeers. When the game was over and Heero filled his name as the high score, he simply turned and stared at his lover. Duo nodded and pulled the game out of the system, promptly throwing it away. Who needed simulators.
[My love
I send this smile over to you]
Heero discreetly pulled out the small picture of Duo he had in his wallet while waiting in line at the grocery store. He lovingly ran his thumb over the smiling face.
[The killer in me is the killer in you
Send this smile over to you
The killer in me is the killer in you
Send this smile over to you
The killer in me is the killer in you
Send this smile over to you]
Doctor G chuckled at the grinning boy in front of him.
"I swear boy, you're hiding something under that smile."