A/N This is a crack I've been wanting to write for a while, I may add more chapters with other crack pairings if the shock and amusement is enough. This is also a tie-in to an upcoming piece i'm writing. Enjoy!
DISCLAIMER: Characters not owned by me, nor is Mass Effect.
Fornax stories
GenitElcor presents: Hardcore Volcor Bankwhore 3
An office, desk and extranet terminal. A volus is in a comm call.
"*hhhkkkt* Make sure to short sale for 32.8. *hhhkkkt* then pick up 2.8 million c-bonds. *hhhkkkt*"
An ELCOR enters tentatively.
"Hesitantly: Are you the portfolio manager?"
"*hhhkkkt* yes. Can I help you, Dekuuna-clan? *hhhkkkt*"
"Worriedly: I owe managing fees. I need to see how I can work them out."
"*hhhkkkt* I see... And do you have any assets or gains we can garnish? *hhhkkkt*"
"Ashamedly: No. I have but one way to... remit payment. "
"*hhhkkkt* Well then. I warn you, we are an a-moan-ya based species!"
"Timidly: Are we alone?"
"*hhhkkkt*No, the Citadel Banking Committee is listening in *hhhkkkt*"
"With shock and fear: Please say that is a joke!"
"*hhhkkkt* Of course it is. Come here *hhhkkkt* chubby boy *hhhkkkt*"
The elcor leans over the desk, front paws gripping a drawer.
With supreme skill, the volus inserts his head into the elcor's cavernous opening, starting up high grade neural feedback devices in the process, and performing a ritual dance that drive the femcors mad.
"With pleasure: Yes. Yes. Right there."
"*hhhkkkt* Thats right. *hhhkkkt* Your scent... *hhhkkkt* So... Ammoniac. *hhhkkkt*"
"With mounting excitement: ungh. Hrn. Ah. Oh. "
Suddenly, the volus overloads his suit, causing both to finish off. The volus pops out of the elcor, covered in a viscous yellow-gray liquid.
"*hhhkkkt* i think your portfolio will show gains soon *hhhkkkt* All fees waived, of course. *hhhkkkt*"
"Tiredly: Thank you."
"(From terminal): Well done, Barla Von, Calyn. Know that you have done me, and Cerberus, a great favor. That was quite the finish!"