-In which one watches Bleach episode by episode and pairs together the enemies of each battle in a chapter of a fanfiction.

So there's these two characters, right? And they spend 95% of their time thinking about each other, what the other one's planning or doing, and whenever they converse their dialogue is incredibly emotionally charged. Fortunately, there's a nice family-friendly explanation: they're arch-enemies, right? Right...

Ground rules:

1. I do not own Bleach.

2. This is an on-off project.

3. "enemies of each battle" and "pairing" are up for extreme variation of definition.

3.5. Certain things don't count. Cough. Ichigo and Isshin. Ichigo and Yachiru.

4. Each chapter happens in it's own AU (except maybe the same pairing) at some time after the battle in question.

5. Spoilers!

6. Nothing sexually explicit. Other warnings by chapter.

7. For extra fun "regais" or other "not actual characters" will be treated as the actual character.

8. Genre and length will vary wildly. Drama, Crack, Humor, Fluff…

9. If you really like something and ask nicely, you may get a bonus because it helps my muse and this is for practice.

10. I neither endorse nor condone the pairings. No ship-wars.

11. I can only keep characters in character so much in such a project, please be lenient.

12. A lot of my jokes wouldn't exist in Japanese, so just let it go, okay? Willing suspension of disbelief.

12. Have fun!

13. This fanfic may develop a sister fic, called "Foe Yay: The Lost Chapters" in which major AUs and OCs would appear in. These are mostly for friends of mine but if you don't mind AUs or OCs or if you really like the canon characters involved, feel free to check those out too.

14. Bonus project: Where are all the tropers at? Try to pick up as many references as you can!

Episode 1: Ichigo Kurosaki and Rukia Kuchiki -possible dark themes as interpreted -introspection

Getting chased by a monster, protecting three little girls (two of which were his sisters), and obtaining the powers of a pseudo-death god was not what Ichigo Kurosaki would refer to as a normal day.

Then again, in his 17 years of life, he wasn't sure he had ever experienced what a sane, normal human would call a normal day.

Currently, Ichigo sat on his bed, furiously rubbing his forehead.

In all honesty, the information he learned was downright horrifying. Every day, every second of the day, these eldritch abominations roamed the world, dying of hunger – empty – searching for food – living (or dead, they didn't discriminate) humans – and the only thing stopping them were these flimsy pseudo gods.

With how well Rukia performed in her battle, it wasn't very reassuring.

He didn't care if he distracted her damn it, humans were everywhere. If you couldn't fight without getting distracted, don't come to the world of humans to do it!

Ichigo slammed his hand onto his desk with a snarl.

He wasn't sure if he was in shock, under the effects of adrenaline, or just flat insane, because he most definitely wasn't as freaked out as he should be.

"Pay attention, moron!"

Suddenly, two miniature bears were flying at his face, colliding with a resolute – whap – and knocking him backwards with a sore sniffer – and head. "Oy—you little…!" Ichigo lifted himself up partway, hand half clenched beside his face, unable to decide which sore spot to massage. It just twitches indecisively.

Unfortunately, Ichigo's anger had to be put aside to shove the woman into the closet ("Hey!") as teensy footsteps echoed outside his door, before said door opened and the eye of Yuzu peered in. "Ichi-nii…?"

"Yeah?" Ichigo says 'calmly' one hand resting oh so casually on his closet door, the other finally on the back of his head. His eye twitches.

Yuzu doesn't notice. "Is something wrong…?"

"Ah, nah, I just fell, yeah?" Far too much rhyming, he bemoans internally. "I was doing these new stretches?" The statement did not sound convincing even to himself—even the words seem to converge accusingly at him. He awkwardly pulls his hand to his chest and shuffles backwards.

Yuzu's head tilts and her face softens, "I understand, Ichi-nii, you're in a difficult time of life." The door clicks shut and footsteps fade away.

And then what she said processed. Ichigo's face scrunches and he has half a mind to go after her, but it got her out of his room and that's what he needed to do. Instead, he lets out an overly hefty sigh and plops down on his bed, receding back into his thoughts.

There was one problem he'd been pushing to the back of his mind. Rukia Kuchiki. Or, rather, one part of it, as the problem as a whole was admittedly hard to ignore. More specifically, his feelings. For her.

Unlike what 98% of the population choose to believe, Ichigo wasn't stupid. Okay, he wasn't a genius. But he wasn't stupid. And he had a clinician for a father.

The point was, he knew basic biology. That is, he knew what happened when guys met girls, especially girls that were kind of hot and could kick (some) ass. Hey, whether she succeeded or not, she ran fearlessly at a monster in an attempt to save him and his family. He had to give her credit for that. It took some guts. …And that was exactly what she got. Ew. Mental backspace. He shakes his head to clear himself of the thought.

Ahem. The point was, he was attracted to her. He wasn't so oblivious to not notice that. But was the attraction a normal biological reaction? The situation wasn't normal. He already covered that. Was it possible that a normal attraction could arise from an abnormal situation? Or was it some odd variation of cabin fever? Or an even odder twist on Stockholm's?

Sadly, it was these thoughts that kept him up at night, not the ones about the, you know, man eating monsters roaming the world. That's teenage priorities for you.

So yeah, that was his life now. He fights monsters (Nietzsche can shut the hell up for all Ichigo cares) and has a girl living in his closet. Nothing odd about that, nothing at all.

But then, that fateful day came, a brute of red and a stoic of black shattered through his life, leaving him in his own puddle of red.

When he woke up to a manipulator of green and learned that Rukia was set to be killed, Ichigo still may not have figured out if he loved her or not, but he did know one thing.

He would protect her.