Santa's Naughty List
Author's Note: I decided to grant the requests that I have had for a Sasuke x Naruto Christmas Story. This is a YAOI. That means there will be at least one male x male romantic pairing. Sasuke is also an elf and Naruto is Santa's son. I'm also slowly going back and adding scene breaks into this. So if you notice some chapters have them and others don't, that's why. If any of those things bother you, you might want to turn back now. For those of you still here, I hope you enjoy the story and reviews are always appreciated.
Elf Biology and Culture: I will be doing a lot of world building when it comes to Elvin culture and biology. As I know that this question was bound to come up, Sasuke will be human-sized in this story.
Disclaimer: I own nothing and make no profit off of any of these stories.
Chapter 1
If this kept up, Naruto was going to end up on Santa's Naughty List. His father would be utterly humiliated at this rate. Yes, his father was Santa Claus. Well at least he was the current Santa anyway.
Contrary to popular belief, Santa wasn't immortal. Whoever wore the big red suit, just happened to have a lifespan that matched the elves. At the moment, Minato Namikaze was the man in charge of the North Pole and Naruto was his son. Still Minato hadn't been the first Santa and he wouldn't be the last.
"Suigetsu, did you get that order of toy swords done?" Sasuke asks.
Sasuke was one of the tens of thousands of elves that lived in the North Pole. He was also the reason why Naruto was almost certain to end up on the Naughty List. Not that Sasuke knew that of course. Elves had many nifty abilities. Thankfully, mind reading usually wasn't one of them.
"I'm about halfway done. I'd be a lot further if someone would remind Karin that she's an elf, not a banshee. She never stops screaming at me." The snowy haired elf whines.
Sasuke and Jugo shake their heads at the sword lover's reaction. Jugo, Karin, and Suigetsu were also elves, like Sasuke. Together, the four friends were known as Team Taka. They were Santa's Head Elves.
"That's no excuse. She's not even in your sector!" Sasuke snaps at him.
The North Pole was divided into four sectors or departments. The North, South, East, and West. Each sector was responsible for a different part of Christmas. So each member of Taka ran a different "department."
Jugo ruled the North and was in charge of Christmas Miracles. Karin was in charge of the East and "Girl Toys." While Suigetsu ran the Western part of the North Pole that was responsible for "Boy Toys." Finally, Sasuke was in charge of the South. The Southern Department was essentially responsible for everything else.
"Actually, I had to stop by the West to get a few bobs and ends. Of course, Suigetsu had to be a jerk." Karin huffs.
The Southern Department was also known as Sharingan. Sasuke always made sure that everything ran smoothly. He ensured that all the elves were compensated and happy, the reindeer were kept healthy, and most importantly that everyone was reaching their quotas. If the Uchiha Elf didn't live in the North Pole, Naruto was pretty sure he would have been the CEO of some major company out in the "real world."
"Right. Karin, stop being a bitch. Suigetsu, stop being a dick." Sasuke snaps at them rather irritated.
Christmas was less than two months away. Both Karin and Suigetsu were running slightly behind on their monthly goals. At this point, Sasuke was debating about having Jugo use a Christmas Miracle to get things back on track.
He didn't want to have to do that though. Christmas Miracles were powerful, but they weren't unlimited. The more people believed in the magic of Christmas, the more miracles they could produce. That meant that the number of miracles available changed from year to year. Sometimes drastically.
"Hey! Watch your language. You'll end up on the Naughty List, if you keep that up!" Suigetsu taunts Sasuke.
"I think that Santa will understand. If he had to work with either of you five minutes, even Minato would start screaming obscenities. I'm an elf, not a saint." Sasuke retorts defensively.
Naruto couldn't entirely blame Sasuke for his frustration. Karin and Suigetsu were damn good at their jobs, but they did tend to put off everything until the last minute. Honestly, they bickered like an old married couple. That was the main reason why they procrastinated so much. The two of them were too busy fighting with each other to focus on their work half the time.
"Nah. It takes a lot more than a couple naughty words to make the Naughty List." The blonde says as he walks over to Team Taka.
"I thought as much. I mean Hidan hasn't made it yet and that elf has the foulest mouth that I've ever seen." Jugo says good-naturedly.
Naruto chuckles at that and nods. That was true. He had never met anyone who swore more than Hidan.
"Good to know. Did you need something, Naruto?" Sasuke asks.
Naruto suppresses a shiver. There was something incredibly erotic about the way Sasuke said his name. It was the way he would stress every syllable.
Of course, Sasuke's voice was sexy no matter what he said. The raven haired elf could probably tell someone to go jump off a cliff and still sound seductive while doing it, but Naruto just really liked the way Sasuke said his name. It was just one of the reasons why he was probably going to end up on the Naughty List, if he didn't watch it.
"Not really. I just saw that you were kinda looking a little frazzled. You wanna take a Hot Chocolate Break?" The blue eyed man suggests.
"Yeah. Sure. That'd probably be a good idea. Otherwise, I might strangle them." Sasuke says as he walks off with Naruto towards one of the many break rooms.
A Hot Chocolate Break was the Christmas version of a coffee break. Naruto did love hot chocolate, but mostly he just wanted an excuse to be alone with Sasuke. Idly, he muses that he might be the first Santa to end up with a Mr. Claus instead of a Mrs. Claus.
He supposed it didn't really matter. His father was a blonde and yet people still assumed that Santa had a long white beard. So even if he married another man, the tradition of Mrs. Claus would likely continue on for many generations to come.
"Here, you go." Naruto says with a smile, after he hands Sasuke one of the cups of hot chocolate.
"Thanks." Sasuke says and he gives him a small smile as he begins sipping the festive drink.
The elf wasn't entirely certain why Naruto seemed to be singling him out. Yes, he was a member of Taka. That didn't explain why he focused on him more than Karin, Jugo, and Suigetsu though. While he was still curious about the reason, the Sharingan elf had decides to go with the flow.
Why rock the boat? There was nothing wrong with enjoying little displays of favoritism. That was especially the case when they were so tasty, he thought to himself as he savors his drink.
"Do you want me to talk to them?" Naruto asks.
"I can handle it. If worse comes to worst, I can have Jugo use a miracle." Sasuke says with a shrug.
It was tempting though. Few things would whip that lazy pair of elves into shape faster than getting rebuked by Santa's son. Still he had to stand on his own two feet.
"I know you can handle it, but you don't have to." The other man says.
"I want to though. Your father put a lot of faith in me when he put me in charge of the South. I'm not going to repay him by shirking my duties." The ruby eyed elf informs him.
By the Northern Lights, Naruto made it hard to resist his offers of help. Sasuke had to advert his gaze back to his drink to avoid looking at those Puppy Eyes. Naruto's eyes were bluer than any ocean Sasuke had ever seen and they were always so damn expressive.
Anyone could read the blonde like a book. His eyes were that open and honest. There wasn't any guile in him. Maybe that was just one of the reasons why he would make a good Santa one day. His sincerity.
"Sasuke, it's not about that. You've been running the Sharingan Department for thirty-two years. I know that dad know that you are fully capable of handling everything. You don't need to play the part of a martyr. I know that Karin and Suigetsu are your friends and that you like to act all tough, but come on. Sometimes they need a swift kick in the rear to get them going." He states.
Sasuke couldn't really disagree with that logic. He had been in charge for over three decades. In all that time, they had never once failed to meet quota. Though there had been five years when it had been a really close call.
"I'll think about it. Thanks by the way. I was this close from tearing into them." Sasuke admits.
"Yeah. No worries." Naruto says as he beams at the sexy elf.
"I should probably get back to it though. I have to check on the reindeer. One of the sleigh pullers is pregnant." The dark haired elf replies.
Naruto nods in understand. As much as he wanted Sasuke to stay, he had an important job to do. If Christmas was a car, Santa was the engine and Sasuke was the oil that kept the car running.
"Give her my best. That reminds me, Gaara wanted to see me. I'll see you later." Naruto says and he teleports off in a swirl of wind and beautiful snowflakes.
"He is such a showoff." Sasuke mutters to himself as he teleports off to check on the pregnant reindeer.
Sasuke smiles when he saw that the female reindeer and her Mate weren't alone. His big brother was already there. The elder elf was gifted in the art of healing. Apparently, this applied to all manner of creatures. It didn't matter if they were human, animals, or supernatural beings.
"Ah there is my foolish little brother. I was wondering when you were going to get here. Amelia is doing fine." Itachi assures him.
"That's good." Sasuke says with a smile as he feeds her some carrots.
"So all quiet on the Sharingan Front?" Itachi asks in amusement.
His foolish little brother had decided to apply when the last Southern Elf had retired. Itachi couldn't believe it at first. Sasuke was still quite young by Elvin standards, but that apparently didn't matter to his brother. Sasuke had always wanted to prove himself and now he most certainly had done so.
"Mostly. Karin and Suigetsu are bickering as usual though. It's gotten so bad that even Naruto is offering to step in. They were only a smidge behind though. You know how they are. They'll keep bickering right up until the last minute and then somehow pull a turtledove out of their hats."
Itachi nods sympathetically. Frankly, he was relieved to be gifted in the art of healing. He wasn't sure that he would have had the patience to deal with all the hustle and bustle of headquarters. He supposed it was only to be expected that HQ would be chaotic. They had A LOT of toys to make for all the good little girls and boys.
"That's not good. If Naruto is noticing, then it's only a matter of time before Minato steps in. I do hope he doesn't demote them. Karin and Suigetsu are enormously talented, they are just very easily distracted." The elder Uchiha muses.
"Yeah. That's true. Nothing new there." Sasuke agrees.
Meanwhile Madara had awoken. Kaguya had finally awoken her. She generally went by another name these days though. She was known as the Northern Lights or Mother Nature. The ancient supernatural being knew that this ancient elf would be able to assist her in her plans.
Rarely, did she awaken Madara. When she did, Kaguya made certain that he was not in control of his body. He was a powerful weapon, but he was also a double-edge sword. There was a reason why some humans had once mistaken him for a Divine Being, after all. He was powerful.
"Ah there you are. I think it is time to put our plans in motion." She says with a sly smile.
He was a handsome elf and very large elf. There were different breeds of elves all over the world of course. They ranged in size from the stereotypical tiny elves that one saw in the movies to Madara's size. The feral looking man was easily eight feet tall. Over the past few millennia, his breed had gradually grown smaller. Now most of his species were of a comparable size to human. It was rare to see an elf who was over six feet tall these days. That hadn't always been the case.
"How may I serve you, My Queen?" He asks.
"For now, we need to spy on the North Pole. Santa has a great resource. With that many elves working for him and all those materials, we could forge quite the mighty army." The ethereal looking woman replies.
Madara tilts his head to the side. Although he had no freewill at the moment, his mind was perfectly functional. Naturally, there was only one question on his mind. He decided to voice it.
"And for what purpose do you require an army?" He asks.
"To take back what is rightfully ours. For far too long, humans have been allowed to rule. They have ruined everything. With every year that passes by, I grow weaker and weaker. I'm not the only one. We must fight or face extinction." Kaguya says.
Madara merely nods. He wouldn't mind extinction personally. The ancient elf truly had nothing left that made him desire to survive, other than habit and instinct. It was an instinct to want to preserve your own life. That was all he had to cling to.
"Of course." He says simply.
Unless the spell was broken, it wasn't as though he could defy her. So there was no point in resisting. That would just end in unnecessary pain. He had had enough of that in his life.
One day though, he would be free. Then he would make her pay for what she had done to him. Kaguya had turned him into essentially a slave. That was unforgivable.
"Good. Now go. Take this necklace. While you wear it, no one will be able to see you. Observe them. Find out all that you can." Kaguya says as she places a necklace with a magical snowflake on it, upon his neck.
Instantly, Madara's solid form became wind. Somehow, he was still conscious though and felt no pain. This was ancient magic. Very ancient magic and powerful.
"I shall do as you ask." Madara assures her as he blows off towards the North Pole.
He knew on some level that he should have felt pity for these people. None of them knew what was lurking just around the corner. They seemed a mostly happy, though loud people. All of that was about to change and not a single of their number was aware of that crucial fact.
Elsewhere, Minato was in his bedroom with his wife. The two of them were dining on a feast of Christmas cookies. His wife really did make the best cookies. Whether that was because she was naturally gifted at cooking or just a perk of becoming Mrs. Claus, he didn't know. It didn't really matter.
"I really don't know what I'm going to do with that boy. He's a good boy, but Naruto is edging closer to the wrong side of the list." Santa says.
"You can't put him on the naughty list for having perfectly healthy desires. Minato, every boy that age gets a crush and has less than pure thoughts. That and if you enforced that metric thoroughly, I know that you would have been put on the Naughty List the year we went on our Honeymoon." She argues.
Minato felt his face turn as red as his Christmas Robes. What Kushina said just now was certainly true. He definitely would have been on the Naughty List, if someone had applied the same standard to him that year.
"I suppose you're right. Though I must admit, I am rather curious about who has captured his attention this much." He chuckles.
"Don't you dare. That would be abusing your Santa Powers!" She chides him.
"I know. I know. Forgive me. It was a moment of weakness. Nothing more." The blue eyed Santa assures her as he kisses his wife.
Kushina smiles and returns the kiss. She had been Mrs. Claus for about two hundred years now. She had never regretted it for a single moment. She truly did have the best husband in the entire world.
"That and it would be quite a waste of Christmas Magic. I already know the answer to that question." She teases him.
Minato raises an eyebrow at that statement. If there was one thing he had learned about his wife a long time ago, it was that she couldn't keep a secret to save her life. So how she had managed to keep something as juicy as that a secret was frankly beyond him.
"Who is it?" He asks.
"Oh I can't tell you that." Kushina giggles.
"What do you mean? You're my wife. There should be no secrets between a husband and his wife!" He protests.
Kushina smiles slyly. She probably would eventually tell him. Minato was very persuasive when he wanted to be. She just enjoyed it when he had to work for what he wanted.
"Mmm I suppose that's true. I'll think about it." The red head says with a wink.
Meanwhile Sasuke heads back towards his family's Estate. As he was on the way back, he noticed a couple kissing underneath the Mistletoe. He couldn't help but glance at with more than a small amount of envy.
He had always known that he preferred candy canes to stockings. Sasuke had only ever been attracted to men. While that wasn't unheard of in Elvin Society to prefer your own gender when it came to lovers, he knew that it was a bit more complicated when it came to "humans."
"Does he even count as a human though?" Sasuke wonders to himself.
If humans were lucky, they might live to be about a hundred years old. Elves could live ten times longer. There were elves who were known to make it to 1000. Santas and their families were the same way. Though most Santas retired a few centuries before their deaths.
Naruto might look human, but his body was different in some key ways. One of the most striking was his longevity. Assuming that the blonde was actually open to the idea of taking a male lover, lifespan wouldn't be an issue.
"Come on Tenten. Our break is almost over, I'm afraid." Neji says as the Mistletoe Couple quickly heads back inside.
"Maybe Itachi was right about me. Maybe I am foolish." He grumbles.
Naruto was going to be the next Santa. That meant that he was going to need a MRS. Claus. Sasuke definitely didn't qualify. He was very much a male elf. Thank you, very much.
He was probably wasting his time. It was a fantasy and nothing more. The sooner his body and heart would listen to his mind, the better off he would be. It was never going to happen.
Maybe if he was a girl elf, things MIGHT have been different. Even then, it would certainly be an usual match. Though at least it would be somewhat traditional.
"Well at least the Northern Lights are beautiful tonight." Sasuke muses as he walks into his family's home.
He quickly puts on a smile. The last thing he needed was for his well meaning family to start meddling in his nonexistent love life. Besides, he did love them all.
"There you are, sweetheart. Are you alright? You're an hour late for dinner." Mikoto inquires.
Mikoto Uchiha was an elf. She was widely considered to be one of the most beautiful elves in the North Pole. Her job was quite simple. She was in charge of the kitchens. She worked side by side with Mrs. Claus.
That was yet another reason why Sasuke didn't want his family to know that he was carrying a torch for Naruto. His mother worked with Naruto's mother. Northern Lights only knows, what they would do when they found out the truth. If Mrs. Claus and his mother knew that he was in love with Naruto, they would immediately proceed to meddle. That was something Sasuke wanted to avoid at all costs.
"Yeah. I'm fine. I just got a little sidetracked at work." Sasuke assures her with a smile as he kisses his mother's cheek.
"Oh that happens. I made your favorite." The chef says and Sasuke just smiles.
"You're much more patient than I am. I would have tanned both their hides long ago." Fugaku mutters as he reads the newspaper.
Fugaku was Sasuke's father. He was in charge of the reindeer and sleigh. Fugaku was a very traditional elf to put it mildly. He didn't put up with any nonsense, unless it was from Mikoto. (Who he would indulge.)
"That's what I keep saying." Itachi agrees as he sips his milk and the family settles down to eat.
Unbeknownst to Sasuke, Naruto was currently plotting with Gaara. Gaara was an elf who worked in the Western Section. That meant he worked on the Boy Toys. In the red head's case, that generally meant electronics.
"I don't know why you don't just tell him how you feel. The worst he's going to do is say no. You are going to be the next Santa. It'd be stupid for him to pick a fight with you, even if he was offended by your advances." The electronic wizard states flatly.
"I don't know if he even likes men! That's assuming he would even date someone who isn't an elf in the first place." The blonde retorts.
Gaara shakes his head. He had watched Naruto pinning over Sasuke for decades. Yet, the next Santa refused to make a move.
It was the strangest thing. He had never seen Naruto afraid to do anything before. Oddly enough though, he was terrified that one elf might not return his affections.
"Well did you ever think to ask him?!" The toymaker demands.
"What? What do you mean? Do you think that I should actually walk up to Sasuke and ask if he's gay? Hey, Sasuke. I was just wondering, do you prefer stockings or candy canes?" The blue eyed Claus asks incredulously.
"I'm not sure if I would phrase it exactly like that, but yes. You are never going to know, if you don't try. This is slowly going to drive you crazy. I know it's driving ME crazy." The red head insists.
Naruto sighs. He knew that Gaara was just trying to help him. It was just hard though. It was hard because he didn't know. He just didn't know if Sasuke even liked men, let alone if he would like HIM.
"Maybe you're right. I'll come up with something. I could use some mistletoe. I can make it so he's in the same place as me. Then he'll HAVE to kiss me and I'll be able to tell if he's into me or not that way." The blonde says happily.
The toymaker groans and smacks his forehead. Instead of just asking Sasuke if he was gay, Naruto was concocting some crazy scheme to find out without asking the elf.
"Wouldn't it just be easier to ask him? Aren't you going a little overboard?" The aqua eyed elf inquires.
"Nah! You don't know Sasuke. If you ask him a question like that, he's going to roll his eyes and walk away. That and at least this way, I get a kiss out of it." Santa's son reasons.
The electronics expert just shakes his head. Naruto was out of his mind. That was the only logical explanation. Love made people do the craziest things.
"For the record, I want you to know that this is completely crazy." Gaara says.
"Yeah. I know, but this ensures that I'll get an answer. If he likes me, I'll be able to tell by how he kisses me. If he doesn't like me, well I'll finally know." The Christmas lover points out.
"I still think it would be much easier to just ask him, but I wish you luck on this crazy scheme of yours. While you go find your mistletoe, I'm going to get some popcorn." Gaara informs him.
"Wait. What do you need popcorn for?" The blonde inquires in a confused fashion.
Gaara just shakes his head. If Naruto insisted on acting this way, he was going to get some amusement out of it. People ate popcorn while watching entertaining movies. So it just made sense.
"I'm told that it's a popular tradition amongst humans. They tend to consume large quantities of popcorn while watching entertainment. If nothing else, this stunt of yours is going to prove to be highly entertaining." The red head states.
"Oh gee. Thanks. I'm so glad that my love life keeps you amused." Naruto grumbles.
"I am too. You are better than tv." His friend says and Naruto just rolls his eyes.
Yeah. He knew it was crazy, but he had been in love with Sasuke for decades. He had to do something. Naruto just had to know if he had an actual chance or not. Mistletoe seemed like it was worth a shot. Maybe, just maybe this would work out and keep him off the Naughty List. (That or at least give him a good reason to be on it!)