Wounds to Bind
A NCIS/Criminal Minds Crossover
By Sammy Richardson
Summary: Never in a million year did Ziva think she would meet someone so troubled as her, someone who understood more intimately than anyone else on the planet; until that day, the day she met Penelope.
Genre: Romance/Hurt/Comfort
Rating: M (For mention of sexual explicitness, violence, language, and mental disorders and other issues)
Characters: Ziva David/Penelope Garcia (Other Team Members for both shows mentioned)
Author's Note: I would like to give special thanks to a dear friend and role playing partner, Piper (Detective-NaughtyVanilla-P.T.S), who helped assist in the creating of Penelope's side of this story. Without her, I fear that this would not have been possible. Also, I want to point out that this is completely alternate universe, obviously, and yes, I am shipping Ziva and Garcia. I do not care. I find them adorable, so there. Also there will be mentions of Jemily (JJ/Emily), Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, Tony DiNozzo/Paula Cassidy, and other ships later down the line, but the primary focus is Zarcia and their bonding through their struggles and finding love within each other. For those who are reading this, I would love to thank each and every one of you. Much love to you all!
Chapter One
Never in a million years did I think I would meet someone so troubled as me, someone who understood more intimately than anyone else on the planet…until that day; the day I met you. However, I have learned that you can bandage the damage, but you never really can fix a heart. Once it's been broken, that is no reassembling it to sheer perfection but one can mend it just enough to where it functions well enough to be perfection to someone else, in someone else's eyes.
But, perhaps I am getting too ahead of myself. I shut myself away, completely withdrew from everyone, not wanting to seem so vulnerable. I wanted people to think that I was strong again, or that I never lost said strength and that I did by gaining back control which had been siphoned from me for almost four months.
For the entire time I was in the hospital; I refused to eat, and while the doctors assured it was normal, that after everything my appetite would take time to return, obviously my older team had concerns. On my last day of my stay, I was wearing a pair of loose cargos and a beyond large black t-shirt. I tugged a brown belt through the loops on the green fabric of my pants with shaky hands. I noticed Tony standing in the doorway of my room. He, like the others, was protesting me leaving that I had to get out of there, even though I had nowhere else to go.
"Ziva, are you sure you really want to leave… right now?" Tony asked, hoping that by some miracle he could change my mind; that his words would mean more than just syllables flowing from his lips, standing in the doorway.
He held a file behind his back. A simple plan B of sorts, if I did in fact choose to rush out of there without considering what he had just said. I nod, looking to Tony with a solemn expression.
"Tony, I need to get out of here. If I stay in this hospital any longer, I will go insane." I say, my voice sounding weak and tired, which was the same portrayal as my frail frame. "I am sorry."
I sling my bag onto my shoulder. I felt his worried emerald eyes scanning me up and down as if to wonder just how small I had become. I saw him step towards my bag but I jerk it away.
"I have got it." I insist, my voice tired and cracking, though it was still harsh.
"Take this then, please just look it over and give it some thought. I understand if you don't want to come back. I think this may be something you will be interested in. A friend of mine just quit, her spot is open and I-I…just look it over, for me." Tony says, handing me the file before leaving the room.
His heart broke into pieces with every step he took towards the exit. I take it and put it in my bag, placing a soft kiss on Tony's cheek after I rush up to him.
"Thank you, and thank you for staying with me here in the hospital. Do not worry. I am not going to vanish. I promise. I will still be around; just…I will need some time. Do not be too sad, okay? And…be safe."
I then allow myself to hug Tony, feeling his arms around me before I walk out of the hospital and never look back. I begin to walk down the street, going into the downtown area, walking down the sidewalk where on one side was a not so busy street and the other were stores and apartment buildings. I did not notice the old style car slowing down as it followed me. Gibbs meanwhile, approached Tony.
"Well? Where is she?" He asked. "Is she doing better than we fear?"
"I honestly don't know, what I do know is that if she has anything left of her old self, Ziva will take the job. She will eventually be okay." Tony replied before walking away from Gibbs, wishing to be alone to deal.
Penelope began to slow her car almost to a complete stop as she noticed my form walking along the sidewalk. She seemed unable to keep her eyes from watering at the sight of me. Gently rolling down her window, she pulled up beside me.
"Excuse me, sweetheart. Would you like a ride?" She asked, digging into her purse for her credentials; hoping that if she showed them to me, I would not think of her as a threat and take her up on her offer. She held up her F.B.I badge and smiled.
"I work with the B.A.U. I promise I'm not a creeper… I'll take you anywhere you want to go." She smiled, now parking her car next to me.
I look at her, a soft expression on my face for I could not help it, she was so soft.
"I… you are sweet but… I no longer know where it is I wish to go." I admit, clutching onto the strap of my bag. "Besides, I do not wish to trouble you. I have troubled so many people already, really… I will be fine."
With a fake smile, I attempt to walk away, my legs not carrying me as fast as I would like them to. It was so cold. I hated it in South-Eastern US sometimes. Though, she was persistent in her actions, still following me.
"Please, if you do not have a place in mind, let me take you somewhere. It isn't any trouble, I can assure you. I don't want to leave you out here all alone with no place to go. Would you feel safe coming with me?" She asked, still following me slowly.
Cars honked at her before speeding by, though she did not seemed to mind their actions as she was completely focused on me. I stop and then take a couple steps towards the vehicle.
"You are so sweet." I murmur, my voice low, before taking hold of the car door handle.
I slowly open the door and get in warily. I shut the door, ready to bolt with a second if I needed to. Buckling my seatbelt, I keep careful eyes on Penelope.
"Thank you. Where will we be going?" I ask, having nowhere to go.
"I was headed home from my volunteer work, would that be alright with you? If you want you can use my cellphone to let someone know you are with me." She smiled, glancing over to me as she began to drive towards her apartment, wanting to feel safe, possibly even comfortable.
She reached into her purse and pulled out a light pink, sparkled cellphone. Handing it to me, she had not waited for an answer.
"I'm not going to hurt you doll, I just want you to have some place to stay. I honestly don't know what I would have done if you wouldn't have come with me." She admitted to me, worry seeping through her tone.
I look to the phone and then to the blonde in unique glasses.
"I have no one I need to call. And that is okay…going to your place." I say, sitting there and feeling small within the word though I was so miserable.
The medicine for my pain was starting to kick in, making me feel this way, terribly tired and incredibly miserable.
"Thank you." I say in a tone just a bit louder than a whisper. "You are so kind to worry so much for me."
"That's me, P.G., the worry wart." She giggled, finally pulling into her little parking space.
She gets out of her car and walks over to my door, opening it and taking my bag in her hand.
"Don't you dare protest; you can save your pride for later! Right now, I am taking your bag upstairs." She says with a bright smile, clutching my bag tightly as she lead me up the stoop and the three flights of stairs to her apartment. Unlocking the door, the eccentric woman escorted me inside and placed my bag near the coffee table. Unsure of where I would like to sleep or what exactly I would want to do once inside, Penelope locked the door after I had entered. She then turned to me and smiled.
"You look tired, Sugar. Would you like to sleep for a while/" She asked me, gesturing towards her bedroom.
I shook my head, going over to the couch and sitting down slowly.
"If it is alright I would like to just sit down for a while. I am sure that is all I really need, is just to sit and rest." I say, slowly pulling my legs up so that I could clutch them to my chest.
I cringe a bit at the pain, still rather sore. I had only been out of Somalia for a week. The doctors wanted to keep me for at least another week and three days, though I left against medical advice. I could no longer stand the confinement of it all. It drove me nuts. I look to you, feigning a smile before laying back my head so that I stared up at the ceiling. Groaning again when I find myself in a not so painful position. I shift and then the pain lessens, though no amount of drugs could rid me of this pain.
"Would you like to be alone, or would you like for me to sit with you?" She asked me, truly wanting me to feel comfortable.
Penelope kicked off her shoes and placed her car keys in her purse before putting it into her bedroom. The friendly stranger leaned against the doorway and awaited my reply before doing anything else. I then maneuver so that I can look at her, smiling softly. I rarely ever wanted to smile anymore. She, for some odd reason, made me want to smile.
"You may sit with me." I murmur in a tiny voice, allowing her to sit down before I curled up into her.
A few moments of silence passed between us before I spoke again.
"I am sorry." I mumble as I nuzzle into Penelope, feeling terrible for her having to have me in her home though she did not know me. "Have I told you my name?" I asked, shutting my eyes as I speak.
"Mm-hmm, there is no need for you to be sorry. I don't think so, I'm Penelope. Everyone calls me Penny or Garcia." She smiled, allowing me to curl into her as I wish.
She kept her hands on the couch, not daring to wrap her arms around me, fearing that I would find it to be discomforting.
"That is a beautiful name, Penelope. My name is Ziva." I say in a soft, sleepy voice.
Before I could say my last name, despite all of my fighting against it, I slip into a deep and much needed sleep. With a smile, Penelope gently covered me up with the blanket that covered the top of her couch. It is not until several hours later that I wake up, groaning a bit as I stir. I hear Penelope let out a slight yawn just as I am doing so.
"Did you get some good sleep?" She asked me, smiling softly.
"Mm, somewhat." I murmur honestly, pushing myself up off of Penelope. "I am sorry I fell asleep." I apologize, rubbing my eyes before looking around a bit.
I then fish through my bag, sighing as I pull out my hoodie. Pulling it on, I look back to Penelope and allow only a small smile to come to my face.
"You needed sleep, don't be sorry." She replied, adjusting her position on the couch.
I nodded slightly in response to her words.
"Are you hungry Sugar? I could make you something or-or we could order take out." She asked; curious as to if I had eaten anything all day or if I were even able to eat at all.
I shook my head for a moment.
"It is okay. I am not hungry." I reply as I sit back down, clutching my knees to my chest. "It is these medicines they have me on… they literally wipe away my appetite." I explain, and while it was only somewhat true, I was still lying.
I felt bad for that. After everything she had already done for me, there I was… lying.
"Feel free to have some for yourself, though. Do not let me stop you." I encourage with a smile.
I sat there, waiting for her to do something, anything.
"Oh no, hun. I'm fine. I just thought you might be a little hungry." She said as she smiled, tilting her head to the side as she began to think that I was feeling a little upset.
I did the same thing, tilting my head so that our eyes met up with each other before allowing my head to straighten up.
"No, I am not." I reply with a smile.
I stood up and pulled up my pants a bit, before wandering over the window. I look outside at the city around us as the sun starts to fall behind the horizon. I sigh contently, the beauty of it all rather mesmerizing, and then turn around, allowing my eyes to scan over the apartment's interior, analyzing the décor, taking it all in and finding myself enjoying the beauty of it as well.
"Mm, well, I am kind of beat and I have work at seven tomorrow morning. So, I think I am going to head to bed." She said to me softly, getting up and grabbing some pillows and extra blankets for me before placing them on the couch. "The bathroom has fresh towels and there is some food in the kitchen, make yourself at home, alright?" She added, waiting for my reply before she moved even an inch.
I nodded softly. Walking up to the intelligent and eccentric blonde, I hug her, unable to keep myself from doing so.
"Thank you, so much for all of your help. It means so much." I murmur before pulling away.
"You're welcome, sweetheart. It really isn't a bother at all. I do hope you choose to stay, it's nice to have the company." She said with a smile, after returning my hug.
I noticed the slight pink flush come to Penelope's cheeks as she said this and she disappeared into her bedroom. If only I had known what she had been doing behind that closed door. She shut the door and took a seat on her bed, looking over to the photo on the nightstand, something that Garcia had become accustomed to doing every single night; it was a photo of her parents. She had taken it a few days before the crash, a single sear sliding down her cheek. Wiping it away quickly, she then opened the drawer to her nightstand and pulled out her little kit of tools. They were the tools in which she used to hurt herself. Opening it up and taking out the small blade from a razor, she readied herself to do her dirty deed. Before rolling up her sleeve, she set aside said blade and the kit. She took several moments to look at her scars and the healing cuts from days before. Then, picking the blade up once again, she placed it to her own skin and applied pressure, dragging it a few inches across her arm. Penelope could only wince in pain before allowing an all too scarily familiar euphoria to take over. Reaching over, Penelope grabbed a tissue from the colorful box by her alarm clock. Dabbing at the wound, she watched as it gradually clotted. Putting the razor back into its place in her kit, she rolled down her sleeve with cautious precision before putting the kit back in the drawer. After disposing of the bloody tissue, she laid down on the bed as she clutched her arm at the sight of the throbbing cut. Her eyes were seemingly glued to the picture before her, the picture in which haunted her, along with the guilt of their death.
"I miss you." She said under her breath before slipping into a deep sleep.
Meanwhile, I sat down on the couch, clutching my knees as I looked around the room. It was starting to become swallowed in darkness. This is what I feared. At the hospital, I was never surrounded by total darkness. The last time I was in complete darkness like that was in Somalia. I steadied my breathing and remained sitting there, barely blinking as it devours me and the city of Quantico. My eyes drifted onto the kitchen, the clock on the stove. It read 11:00. How long had I been awake? I could not remember…did I even want to know? It was not until 5:00 the next morning, when the darkness lessens, being supplemented by dawn breaking. I yawned and I feel my stomach churn, growl and gurgle as it begs to be fed. Though, I do my best to ignore it, suppress it all as I had my emotions towards the last four months. I listened as I heard movement in Penelope's room. She emerged from her bedroom, smiling and dressed for work.
"Good morning, Sunshine! Will you be coming with me?" She asked, tugging both of her sleeves down before walking any closer to me.
She had used her little kit of hidden dark secrets again this morning after showering, which caused this sudden happy feeling to wash over her. I could only shrug.
"Would that be alright?" I ask as I shrug.
I watched as the blonde woman nodded, her curly hair perfectly framing her face and her eyes looking happy and exuberant behind her uniquely framed glasses.
"I was hoping to have some company in my lair whilst working, though you can stay here if you want." She replied, hugging me slightly before taking a seat on the couch next to me so that she could put on her heels.
I tilted my head as I watched her. What was her lair? Now the FBI seemed a bit odder than it did before.
"Mm, I would like to join you, yes." I say, my voice only seeming half there, weighed down by lack of sleep and an overload of locked away emotion. "I have not been inside the FBI before, however FBI used to work cases with us."
I was still used to NCIS being an "us" to me. Who was I kidding? Even if I wanted to go back to NCIS, I doubt I would get accepted. Besides, I do not want this. They saw me at my worst, beaten, bruised, damaged… I could not bear to be around them, day after day, knowing what had happened to me. They did not even know the half of it. Penelope smiled to my brightly in response to my words.
"Well then Sugar, you are going to love it. Especially Emily, she is just the sweetest! Oh! And Derek! He would just be all over you!"
I could help but to blush at her words.
"Shall we get going?" She asked, now standing a few inches taller than me due to the heels she was wearing.
I nodded, smiling to me.
"Yes, we shall."
When we walk into the B.A.U., I feel as though I am much more shy and timid than I truly am. I know no one and I feel as though I in some place that I am not allowed, per say. I become nervous when I see a well-built African American man approach us.
"Hey there, hot stuff." Penelope smiled, hugging Derek for a moment before turning to me.
"And who is this, baby girl?" Derek asked, obviously intrigued by my presence.
"This, my chocolate stud, is Ziva. She's my new friend and will be hanging out while I work my magic." The B.A.U. team member replied, smiling as she took my hand and lead me past him.
"Have fun ladies." Derek smirked as he watches us walk away.
"Who was that?" I asked quietly, looking around a bit at the room I am in.
"Oh, that's Derek Morgan. He's on my team, harmless teddy bear." Penelope relied, giggling as we reach her office. "Well, unless you are an UNSUB… then, be afraid, be very afraid." She added, still giggling as she takes a seat at her desk.
She then picked up her phone and called to have another chair brought into her office.
"Mmhmm, until your chair gets here. You can pick a spot anywhere you like." She said to me with a smile.
I perched myself on a free spot on her desk, looking to her. For several moments I am silent, not sure of what to do, or say. Penelope got a call from one Agent Aaron Hotchner and began to run a few searches on her computer system, smiling as she looked over to me.
"So, this is what I do. It's really boring. I feel kind of bad for asking you to come in with me…" She admitted, thinking that I would have had a better time doing something at her apartment, rather than sit and watch her hurt for an IP address of a child's kidnapper.
I shook my head. "Please, do not. I am touched that you invited me. I mean, you barely know me." I say, a nervous chuckle seeping from my lips.
"I would like to get to know you." She said with a smile, sending the search results to the team before opening her Tetris tournament and proceeding to move up another level. "I love this game." She giggled, turning to look at me now.
I smile, loving how joyful she seemed. It was as if the game brought on some sort of whimsy.
"I see this." I said in a gentle tone, keeping soft eyes on her as she played her game.
"So, this is going to sound a little strange but… would you like to go see a movie tonight after I get off work?" She asked, smiling after turning the game off.
I could only make a slight face at her offer, not sure of this. It was not as if I would not enjoy it, I just did not feel like being in the public eye right now, nor did I feel like being encased in the darkness theatres possess.
"I do not really know, Penelope." I say honestly, standing to my feet as my tone reins apprehensive. "I just… it has been a long time and I do not know… if I feel up to it."
I frown slightly as I speak.
"I am sorry."
"It's alright…" She smiled, a little saddened by this though she did not show it. "Maybe another time, then?"
I nod in response to her kind offer.
"Is there anything you would like to do, maybe grab some coffee then?" She asked, curious as to if I like coffee.
A soft smile same to my face, and I nod.
"I like coffee." I murmur softly, staying in my little spot.
I bite my bottom lip, feeling as though somehow I disappointed her by saying no to the movie. I gnaw on it a bit longer, a terribly guilty feeling washing over me.
"We can go for coffee."
My heart thudded within my chest solemnly, hurting a bit. Why did I not just say yes?
"Well, after work would you like to get some?" Penelope asked in a sweet voice, smiling brightly at me.
She flipped through a few things on her computer as she awaited an answer. I nod with a small grin.
"Yes, that would be nice." I said; my voice soft yet still merging with that hint of solemnness.
Little did I know was that this coffee date would be a pivotal moment for me, for the both of us. We would learn a little bit about each other, and quite possibly ourselves.