Blaine sighed as he looked over at the clock on his nightstand. 5:36am. On a Saturday.

'May as well get up' he muttered, as he swung his legs over the edge of the bed. He'd been staring at the ceiling for the last hour anyway. As he always was nowadays. True, he was worried about his Father's health, although more concerned about how his Mother was coping. But that wasn't the main reason for his insomnia.

It was him. Always him.

Blaine ground his fists into his eyes, wiping away the tears he had allowed to pool there. He quickly changed into his running gear and headed out of the apartment to try and clear his head.

The morning was crisp, a chill just starting in the early September air- a reminder that fall and then winter were on their way. He used to love this time of year.

Happy memories rose unbidden. Crunching through piles of leaves, warm hands twined together in each others pockets. Stolen kisses on visits to pumpkin farms, hot apple cider in front of a roaring fire, laughing as they watched each other through the steam rising from their mugs. Kisses that held the promise of more. Kisses that deepened, becoming full and passionate, as breaths became moans and hands roamed and explored.

'Shit' Blaine cursed loudly, startling a few early morning dog walkers. Sitting on the nearest bench he allowed himself to let him bring his face to mind for just a fleeting moment.

Kurt.

Wonderful, glorious Kurt. The most beautiful man to ever exist. The only man Blaine had ever loved. Wouldever love- he was sure of that. Kurt, with his sparkling blue eyes. Kurt, with the most amazing chestnut hair which was always styled perfectly, until he'd spent the afternoon in Blaine's bed. Kurt, with his feather light touches and whispered I love you's. And how they had loved each other. Needed each other. Blaine had never imagined a future without Kurt, and now that he was being forced to live it, well, it was absolute hell.

As he rose from the seat and continued to run, Blaine realised that the picture he had of Kurt in his mind had grown hazy. It had been four years since they'd seen each other face to face. Three years since Blaine finally took the picture out of his wallet and placed it with all the others in a box, which was probably still in the closet of his old room in Ohio. He allowed his mind to wander, to think what Kurt might be doing now. Was he in a relationship? Did he have kids? Hell, he could even be married. Blaine felt bile rising in his throat at the thought of Kurt touching another man, allowing another man to love him as he had loved him.

'I need Cooper,' he thought as he turned and started to run back towards the apartment. Although his big brother was several years older than him, they were close. Cooper was the one who had opened his home to Blaine when he was broken. Cooper had held him in the dead of night when he had woken with tears streaming down his face and Kurt's name on his lips. It was Cooper's wife Mindy who had bought him soup, made him cocoa and gently touched his shoulder whilst smiling at him and encouraging him to talk about his feelings. It was both of them who had helped him build a tentative relationship with his father once more, when he had gotten sick.

The last time he had seen James Anderson, Blaine had been shocked at how small he seemed. There was still the steely determination in his eyes but his body looked weary. He had slept for almost the entirety of Blaines visit. His mother had stood by his bedside wiping away silent tears as Blaine tried to reconcile the man that lay before him with the man he had once been. He had filled him in on what had been happening at the law firm his Dad owned, and his Mom had informed him that James was very grateful to him for all his hard work, especially over the last year while he had been too sick to work.

'It will be yours one day' she said.

Blaine stared at her.

'The firm,' she continued, 'It will belong to you. Cooper is busy running his actors studio with Mindy, and he has no desire to relocate to either Ohio or New York, so it will be yours.'

Blaine was dumbfounded.

'Your Dad is proud of you, you know.' She said, as if that was somehow obvious.

'He was so happy when you decided to study Law, and just overjoyed when you finally saw sense and decided to work for him.'

'Well at least one of us was,' Blaine muttered as he ran his hands through his hair.

'Darling, don't, please don't.' His mom begged as her voice broke. He looked down Cynthia Anderson, looking so afraid and vulnerable and decided to drop the subject. It wasn't her he needed to have this conversation with anyway. The person he wanted to have it out with was lying in a private hospital bed, riddled with cancer and living on borrowed time.

'Forget it Mom. I'm sorry.' He leant over and kissed her cheek. 'I've gotta go, my flight back to New York is tonight and I haven't packed yet.' He smiled as he squeezed her hand, 'I'll visit again soon ok?' She nodded silently, not trusting her voice to be able to utter a goodbye without also begging him to stay.

Blaine stepped nearer to the bed. 'Goodbye Dad.' Blaine whispered, then decided on the spur of the moment to do something he hadn't done since he was 14. He leaned towards his father to kiss his cheek. It was at that moment James Anderson had opened his eyes.

'Don't touch me you fag,' he'd sneered. Blaine had turned and fled.

That had been three weeks ago. 'Really, I should try to go to Ohio this weekend' he mused as he unlocked his front door. Walking to his fridge for some water, he grabbed his phone from where it lay on the counter. Before he could dial Coopers number, the phone buzzed in his hand.

'Hey Coop, what's up? I was just about to call you,' Blaine said as he unscrewed the lid on the bottle. 'You got yourself in trouble with Mindy again?' He laughed and took a mouthful of the ice cold drink.

'Hey Blaine. Um.. no Mindy isn't the reason I'm calling, um... its.. well, its Dad.'