"October 6th 2010"

WRITTEN BY DAYNE DINNING

~This fanfic starts on October 6th 2010 from the ED episode aired on that date; this chapter begins from when Aaron and Jackson are in the van.

# Disclaimer – I do not own Emmerdale or any of the characters used.

-OCTOBER 6TH 2010-

The road was long and dark with only the headlights from Jacksons van revealing the road ahead. The atmosphere inside was tense, tempers had flared and they were nowhere near simmering. Jackson shot a look at Aaron. "Why the hell are you driving my van?" this was something Jackson had acknowledged but hadn't mentioned.

Aaron shot a look back at him with a scowled expression. "Because you've had a drink" he stated simply.

Jackson sighed. "Yeah so have you Aaron"

Aaron nodded with a long sigh. "Not as much as you Jackson. Look why don't you just stop this yeah? I didn't go after him; I let it go like you asked"

"Oh, so punching a wall is letting it go?" Jackson's expression was confused."Look at your hand for god sake, you're an idiot"

"Well" Aaron snapped. "The walls not gunna be bothered" he turned his attention back to the road.

The silence began to eat away at Jackson, he loved Aaron so much, but like most night outs with Aaron they ended badly; it was draining, he'd never met someone as much hard work as Aaron was. But on the other hand he could understand why he was the way he was, but helping him through it all, or at least trying to, was difficult; more difficult than he'd bargained for.

"But we both know we're not sat here like this because of Mickey" Jackson said quietly, breaking the silence.

Aaron raised his eyebrows as he kept his eyes fixed on the road. "Yes it is"

"No Aaron..." Jackson laughed slightly. "It's not...We're here because of you, the way you are...why do you let things get so out of control? Why do you let things eat away at you? And why take it out on me, oh actually no...Yourself?" he asked. "You have to let me in, I've been trying to help you but you don't let me in!"

Something Jackson said whatever it was hit a nerve within him and he instantly slammed his foot on the brakes.

Jackson frowned. "What are you doing?"

"I'M STOPPING THE VAN!" Aaron yelled as he jerked back at the force of the brakes bringing the van to a halt.

Aaron slammed the door as he quickly walked away from the van and Jackson in it. He stopped several metres away, with his hands on his waist, looking up into the dark sky. His eyes filling with tears as he stood there; he heard the passenger door slam shut a few seconds later. Aaron didn't turn around, he could feel him getting closer, his breath and his footsteps became louder the closer he came. Aaron turned to face Jackson; confusion filled his mind when he looked at him standing a few metres in front of him.

"I think I was wrong before when I said this is about you..." Jackson stared at him and took a breath before carrying on. "It's about us...what I said to you, do you remember what I said to you Aaron?"

Aaron scowled at him. "You've said loads of things to me Jackson" he shook his head.

Jackson shook his head and looked away. "That's right just make a joke like you always do, beats talking doesn't it?"

"It would help if I knew what you were on about"

"I said I love you Aaron and I can tell you're disgusted by that"

Aaron frowned. "No...Just because I haven't said it back doesn't mean-..."

"But that's it, it's been a while Aaron, I'm as patient as the next man but I would have hoped you'd have been able to return the sentiment by now"

Aaron shivered from the coldness of the night. He didn't know how to reply, he didn't know how to think. "When I look at you..." Aaron began.

Jackson's whole body stiffened, dreading what might come.

"I'm lost, like...really lost" he sighed, as his lower lip quivered and single tears fell from each eye. "I feel something, but I don't know what it is, I've never experienced whatever this is before, and if it IS love..." he shrugged. "I've got nothing to compare it too, so I can't say it back"

Jackson breathed. "If you let me in..."

"What will that do Jackson? Letting people in has never worked for me. I hurt people closest to me, you just have to ask Paddy" he scoffed and looked away. "Even if I do, who's to say I'll suddenly know what that feeling is?"

"You will Aaron..." Jackson stepped closer and reached out to him and took his hand. "When you least expect it you'll realise what it is and I'll be there beside you when you do" Jackson told him with a slight smile.

"I'm not prepared to make you wait for that day"

Jackson's smile quickly vanished. "Just stop with all this Aaron!" he sighed.

"I can't" Aaron shrugged.

"You're making excuses, like you always do! You love me, I see it when you smile, I saw it earlier when you said moody Aaron had gone, I love that you, I love all of you"

Aaron couldn't handle all of this, he felt under pressure, and that was something he didn't like, he didn't know how to put his thoughts into words, but even if he could he knew the words wouldn't please Jackson. He stepped back.

Jackson closed his eyes and tried to remain calm, he knew there was no way he would get Aaron to listen when he was wound up , he knew this was his fault on some level, because he didn't let it go, he should have taken his own advice.

"I see your love too, Jackson...but...I-I...I don't know if I can let you be with me, I'm a mess, I'm eighteen and I've only just come out...come out to myself, I have feelings for you but like I said..." Aaron shrugged and let out a deep breath. "I just can't make sense of them...I can't let you wait for me, it's not fair on you, I think we should..."

"Don't" Jackson sighed. "Save it" the anger and frustration had built up within him all night but had become increasingly worse within the last few seconds. "I was a fool to convince myself you actually gave a damn, I tried with you Aaron, I really did, but you are just unfixable...I'm not doing it anymore...in fact...I wish..." he scrunched his face in disbelief at himself because of what he was about to say. "I wish I'd never met you"

Those words hit Aaron like a ton of bricks in the chest and more tears silently ran down his cheeks and his eye brows burrowed closer together at the realisation of what he'd said. That was it, anger washed over him and he moved, his step became quicker in each second until he stopped at the van, opened the door, jumped in and turned the key and started the engine.

Jackson was stood in the dark; he cursed himself silently as he closed his eyes. I didn't mean that that thought was instant as soon as Aaron stormed off and it repeated over and over in his mind as the van sped up quickly towards him. Jackson ran to the van and slammed his hands on the driver side door. "Aaron!" he yelled. But the speed of the van was too fast and it was gone, passed Jackson but he ran after it. "I didn't mean it!" he screamed. "Aaron! I love you!"

Aaron was unaware of the speed he was driving the van at, he was too preoccupied with what Jackson said, and it ran around his head. What did I expect though really? You were going to end it anyway? And like what he said to Jackson about not understanding feelings, this was one of those instances, why get angry and drive off when Jackson had only done what Aaron had wanted. Love getting in the way?

His mobile lit up and began ringing on the passenger seat beside him. Aaron glanced at it, seeing Jackson's name flashing up. He looked at it again and reached for it, but ended up knocking it over into the foot well. He checked the road ahead quickly before reaching down to pick it up, as he was almost touching it, the stationary vehicle on the dark road caught his attention, Aaron pulled himself up fully and swerved harshly to avoid it and he did but the van's speed was too much and the direction from the swerve took the vehicle bursting through a fence and through some bushes. Aaron braced himself as he bounced involuntary in his seat. He tried to maintain control but he couldn't and the van cleared the bushes after what seemed like forever but was only a few seconds. It tilted and began to roll several metres before stopping on its side.

Jackson stood frozen, with glassy eyes, tears streaming down his face, his mouth partly opened from the absolute shock and horror of what he knew had happened...He began to run...

Aaron's head was covered in thick streams of blood down his forehead and cheeks. He was conscious and all he could hear was slight cracking sounds around him and the sounds of the van settling after its impact on the side. He winced in pain as he attempted to lift himself up.

When he had lifted himself up onto his elbow, Aaron's eyes widened in terror and that was the last thing he saw.

A goods train sped along the tracks and hit the van head on, smashing into it violently, the metal of the van bellowed with a horrendous screech as it was forced off the tracks and spun quickly into several piles of wood crates which fell onto the van with loud bangs and Aaron lay in a very awkward position as they settled on and around the van...

To Be Continued...