Songs for this chapter –

Teddy Picker - Artic Monkeys

Music sounds better with you – Daft punk & Stardust

My Delirium - Ladyhawke

Chapter 1

BPOV

I wasn't fat. I knew that. But that morning I just simply couldn't eat anything. Edward had only just left me and I'd see him at school soon, he wouldn't no if I skipped a meal. So that's what I did. I was in control of my body and Edward had so much control with humans so why couldn't I with food?

Edward's Volvo was outside I slid in holding my bag pack tightly. These days its contents wasn't exactly something he knew of or approved of. I had resulted to smoking, nobody knew this of course because if anyone did know it would be simple for him to read his or her mind and find the truth. Alongside the pack of cigarettes was some baking soda. It was supposed to make sick come up easier.

'Morning Bella,' he grinned at me.

'Morning.'

He looked at me quite confused and uttered 'Bella…'

'Yes?'

'Last night… you mentioned something that unsettled me a little.'

My stomach lurched, this time not from hunger. What had I said? I tried to focus on my dreams the night before but I couldn't remember.

'It's idiotic of me really because I know you wouldn't intentionally hide something from me. I'm just curious to what your dream was about. You said ''Edward mustn't find out.''

'I don't remember,' I said quickly.

'Alright then well, we have Biology first period and they're dissecting some animal arteries, I'm going to have to skip… not that I'm encouraging to do the same but we could go up to our meadow if you'd like?'

'I think I best go to Biology, Jessica and everyone might trip up and tell Sir that I'm with you.' I lied.

My only intentions were that I would skip Biology in which case I would smoke without anyone noticing.

'That's a good idea,' he said and kissed me upon the forehead.

We met Alice on the way into the building. She was my best friend. I wished I could talk to her but she wouldn't understand. She never even ate. How lonely I suddenly felt, even the cold touch of Edward's hold around my waist didn't seem to cure it.

'Are you ok Bella?' Alice frowned, 'Aren't you interested in Matthew Williamson's latest?'

'Uhm… yeah I am, go on.'

'No you're not. Who is Matthew Williamson?'

I thought for a bit and Edward chuckled gripping me a little closer.

'He's a British designer.' she sighed.

I noticed that Jessica and Angela were already huddled up in Biology. Alice wasn't in my Biology class so she hurried off in a huff. Edward was about to part ways with me. So he bent down and kissed me full on the lips, in the view of everyone. Usually I'd be overjoyed to have everyone witness this but this time I was kind of… embarrassed.

'You're ashamed of me?' Edward asked hurt.

'No. That it isn't it.'

'What is it then?'

I was fully aware that the animal inner body parts were already in the classroom but Edward didn't move he stared square into my eyes, waiting for an answer. I could tell he was irritated that he could smell fresh open blood but wanted to no how I would reply.

'It's just you mustn't care for me all that much.' I said very quietly and I knew he would be the only one to hear with his vampire hearing. 'The only time you come near me is to kiss me, never anything more.'

He froze. He looked startled but I'd thrown this argument at him many times. His reaction was unreadable and his perfect features were solemn and silent.

'We'll discuss this later, make sure you don't get too close. I don't want you to feint again. If you need me just call for me, I'll only be the parking lot… or I'll just listen to Angela to check up on you –.'

'No,' I interrupted indignantly 'you know I hate it when you tab me.'

I didn't mind Edward spying on me most the time. But if he kept a tab on Angela he would no that I wasn't there and would instantly be alerted to come search for me.

My stomach grumbled and I saw him raise an eyebrow.

'You're hungry? I'll get you some lunch then.'

'No. I'm not, honestly Edward.'

I decided that he would not believe me so I then proceeded to say 'Ok pizza will be good,' thinking that I would just nibble at it so he wouldn't ask any other questions.

'Bye Bella,' he said not kissing me purposefully.

I waited for him to go off in the distance. I quickly recited to Jessica that I couldn't stomach this lesson and was going to skip class so that she could cover for me. It was to easy I thought and hurried to the toilets to endure my cigarette in peace.

When I had done I threw it into the trash and sprayed some perfume to mask the scent of it. I patted water over my neck and rinsed my mouth so Edward would not notice a change in taste.

Now all I had to do was past the test of eating at lunch. I knew it was going to be hard. But I just had to make myself physically attractively so he could love me in that way to. I envied Rosalie at this moment that had Emmett in her lustful spell. How I wish I could have Edward in the same way. His naked silhouette shining in the darkness and embracing me.

I was seated with Edward as usual at lunch. He spotted me from a distance and I managed to give a small smile, I did not want him to suspect I was dying in the inside. I didn't want him to feel pain like I did. As he approached closer my human eyes realised his face was harsh and he did not return the affectionate smile.

'Bella!' he said through his gritted teeth, 'Where have you been? You had me near death! Why weren't you in Biology?'

'You've been spying on me!' I blurted out and it came out as more of a shout. Everybody seemed to of tuned into our conversation. Although the Cullen's were trying to look away.

Edward noticed too and grabbed me by the wrist into the outside so we were alone.

'Answer me, Bella! What was so important? Jessica seems to think you told her to cover for you! Why?'

'Let go, Edward!' I struggled for a moment but he obeyed and let go.

'Well?'

What would I tell Edward? I loved him so much I didn't want to lie. Deeply I was thankful that I wasn't in the cafeteria. Away from the scent of the delicious aroma and it looked like he had forgotten I was hungry.

'I realised you were right that I would probably feint so I just left,' I said simply.

'And why did you not call me?'

'And why did you keep an eye on me? I'm perfectly fine.'

'You're not Bella! Danger always finds you. I only checked towards the end of lesson, just to make sure you were safe Bella. Why are you so defensive?'

'I-I'm not,' I said beginning to cry.

'Oh, Bella, love, don't cry. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have spied on you. I just love you too much to allow you to be in trouble.'

I sniffed and hugged him tightly. If only he knew what I'd do for him.

I'd agreed to stay round Edward's that night. I tipped Charlie off and took the usual toothbrush and old sweats. I hid the pack off cigarettes in my bookshelf knowing that I wouldn't be able to enjoy one tonight.

'Make sure you and Edward are in separate rooms,' he warned.

'Course, I'm staying with Alice.'

This was partly true. I would probably spend some time with Alice.

Edward drove me to the Cullen household. In the meanwhile he questioned me.

'What do you want for dinner, I've still got the pizza but it's gone cold. I could make you something or I could get you a take out?'

'I already ate.'

'Ok, that's fine.' He then flared his nostril, 'You smell different.'

I was stunned. He'd noticed? I shuddered no he would feel less attraction with me smelling of smoke… I'd done so hard to cover it up yet again he did have the nose of a bloodhound.

'Are you wearing a new perfume?' he inquired.

'Yes,' I said relieved.

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