A/N: Omg Ella, another story?! Yeah, yeah. I'm an impulsive writer. I know. Totally original name.

It was Never My Fault:

I was eighteen when I met the love of my life. I had just graduated high school, you see. I was young and I was desperate to latch onto anything sane. My life was just a never ending shitstorm of trauma, broken dreams, and disappointment. My parents were drug addicts. Good for nothings who stole the money that I worked long and hard for. And let me tell you just how glad I was to graduate. I took my things and I fled that house for good. I took my little sister Feli, too. The poor thing was only three years old at the time.

Now skip forward another sixth months. I kept absolutely no contact with my parents and I was living on my own. I lived in a small apartment with Feli and another good for nothing roommate. Heracles slept all day (and night) and was always late to pay his part of the rent. I was a single parent who was living paycheck to paycheck. I worked full time to support my family of two. Whether I liked it or not, I was Feli's mother on top of being her sister. I had made many sacrifices.

One of those sacrifices being that I had given up on my dreams of post-secondary education. I didn't have time for University or College. Feli was the only person who I had time for. I promised myself that I would take care of Feli. I was scared beyond belief, lacked stability, and was irritable all the time. Nothing that I did was for myself. But I knew that what I was doing was right. I wasn't living for myself. I was living for Feli and ensuring that she had a brighter future than that of my own. I wouldn't drag her down into my hellhole. I wanted her to soar high above my lowly stature in life.

That precious little girl deserved everything that the world had to offer her. I could see it in her sweet, doe-like brown eyes. She looked at the world differently. She saw goodness and beauty in everything. She was my little angel. My protector. My savior from all things insane. She was the rare, innocent white flower in a world that was stained in blood. The world hadn't been kind to me, but I was determined to make sure that her kindness went rewarded in life.

Feli, even at such a young age, was very talented at art. She had a knack for copying down the finer details. I didn't have much to offer her, however. I gave her all the supplies that I could afford: cheap, lined paper and the spare crappy pen. She would draw things for me. Everything that she saw was her muse. Her chubby little hands would work endlessly on those scrap pieces of paper. I couldn't have been prouder. She was good. Too good, actually. She was so good that I knew that I would have to make another sacrifice. I stretched our budget and opted to walk to work as opposed to bus. I bought her all the art supplies that she could dream of. Talent needed to be recognized and praised after all. Especially at such a young, impressionable age.

I had never really been good at anything but loving. I had a big heart that was surrounded by a prickly, off-handish attitude. I guess you could say that I had spunk. Little did I know that my 'spunk' was what had made a certain moron fall in love with me.

My tragically angst-filled love story began at a home daycare of all places. Elizabeta, the woman to whom I had entrusted my darling sister, was a young woman in her twenties with a prominent rebellious streak to her. The Hungarian and I got along quite well in fact. Elizabeta treated Feli and I as if we were her own children. The love between us was just that strong. Women with colourful attitudes like ours preferred to stick together.

Her uptight, rule stingy husband, Roderich, on the other hand, was a piece of work. The miserly Austrian was stubborn and was very vocal in voicing his opinion. One of those opinions was that he had no intention of having kids. I suppose that the make-shift home daycare that Liza ran in their home was a halfway compromise between the two. I couldn't help but giggle at the thought of Roderich being pummeled by a swarm of ogling toddlers. The stick in the butt could use a little fun in his life. He never stopped complaining. Especially when I came in the afternoon to pick up Feli.

"Your sister eats too much food!"

"Don't high five her, you imbecile! You need to teach that scoundrel some more manners!"

"She smeared pasta sauce on my piano!"

Anyways, back to the story. There I was, listening to Roderich bitch and moan about how Feli had initiated yet another rebellion in the house. Apparently, the little sneak had formed a union of pasta lovers. They had even participated in a hunger strike. Feli had demanded that they have pasta every day for lunch, and poor Liza had no other choice but to concede to their demands. Rebellious, cranky, and probably hangry toddlers was not something that anyone would want to deal with. Believe me, I would know. Feli turned into a shrieking demon if she didn't have her snacks.

While Liza attempted to calm down her furious husband, a pair that I had never seen before walked into the house. One had bright white hair, pale skin, and piercing crimson eyes. The other man had wild curly brown hair, green eyes, tanned skin, and the most gloriously toned body that I had ever seen. He wasn't muscular per say but he had the right amount of lankiness and lean muscle that I preferred. It didn't help that he winked at me as he walked by.

The little boy, Ludwig, who Feli most definitely had a crush on, darted into the room and hid between the albino's legs. And in came Feli, shrieking at the top of her lungs. Nothing new. I ran over to her and wiped away her tears. I wasn't too surprised when she told me that Ludwig had forced her to nap beside him. That boy had always been an assertive, bossy little fuck. I aimed a glare at the albino, who turned out to be Ludwig's older brother. After we worked things out between our own respective screaming toddlers, the albino introduced himself to me.

His name was Gilbert. He was twenty-one years old and he was now Ludwig's legal guardian. Their grandfather had just died, and just like me, Gilbert was a single parent. He and Elizabeta had known each other since they were kids, and judging by the awkward looks that they gave one another, it was safe to assume that they had been more than friends at one point in their lives. Gilbert then introduced me to his friend, a carefree Spaniard who went by the name of Antonio. Not being one to care for such formalities, I said my hellos, partook in some insufferable and meaningless small talk, said my goodbyes, and was quick to leave. That is, until Antonio and Gilbert had offered me a lift home. I, of course, being an independent diva bitch, sanctimoniously refused. I could walk myself home, thank you very much!

And from that point on, I was never left alone. Most of the time it was Antonio who came to pick up Ludwig from daycare. Gilbert was too busy running his online blog, and Antonio had a lot of spare time on his hands. He offered me a lift. I refused. He flirted with me. I didn't reciprocate. Although I couldn't help but blush. Even I could admit that he was a very attractive man. He had a smile that could light up an entire room. Seriously, I wonder if his cheeks ever got sore from smiling too much. The man was a charmer. And unfortunately, I had fallen for his spell.

Soon enough, I had accepted his offers to drive me home. He drove a fancy red convertible, which meant that Feli sat on my lap in the passenger's seat. Feli loved riding home in Antonio's car. She treated it as if it were an amusement park ride. Which it sort of was. The bastard had enough candy in his glove compartment to satisfy Feli's raging sweet tooth. Oh. And don't forget the screaming. There was lots of that too. Ludwig was terrified of Antonio's driving, and just about shit his pants every time the Spaniard sped around a corner. I kind of hoped that he did. I wonder how happy Antonio would be if that ever happened. I found it unnatural. The Spaniard was just too happy. I knew that there was something about him that was off. Unfortunately, my suspicions were proven to be correct, only, I didn't find out about that until it was already far too late.

And then came the dates. And the flowers. And the chocolates. And when he found out about my food preferences, the fresh baskets of tomatoes from the local market. The bastard was smitten and had begun to court me. He was six years my senior, which was why I was so reluctant to take to him at first. But he was just so kind and caring that I couldn't help but love him back.

He supported me more than I could ever ask for. His parents were filthy rich as they owned a successful clothing company back in Spain, and he had more than enough money to spare. He was a bachelor looking for someone to hold close and I was a single mother looking for some stability in her life. I had never asked him for money. He had always given it to me without my asking. And when that didn't work, he went ahead and paid for things behind my back. I would come home only to find a week's worth of groceries filled up in the fridge and a bouquet of tomatoes carved into roses.

Which brings me back to why I had given him a key to my apartment in the first place. The bastard had gone and signed up Feli for art lessons without my permission. And since I was too busy working, it was up to him to bring her to those lessons. I was furious at him for doing this, but I absolutely couldn't let his money go to waste. Besides, those art lessons could really help Feli one day. They could have served as her inspiration for the much brighter future that most definitely lay ahead of her. And who was I to get in the way of that?

If possible, Antonio became more persistent after that. He begged me to move in with him. He wanted me to quit my job and to go back to school. He wanted me to be something more than what I already was. He believed in me and I trusted him. And after three months of dating, Feli and I had finally moved in with him. The first few months of living together were wonderful. I did what he asked and I quit my job. I enrolled myself in a few online courses and became a part-time student at the local University. Antonio was the father that Feli had never had. In fact, I was never able to get those two to shut up. Their giggling fits always distracted me from my homework. It was hard not to giggle along with them, however. We were all so happy living together. We were a family and everything was perfect.

But with my luck, everything that was good had to come to an end. I already knew that Antonio had always felt a bit lonely in life. He had all the money in the world yet no family to show for it. His entire family lived back in Spain and he wasn't on speaking terms with most of them. I suppose that this would explain why Antonio was so quick to make me his. He had always been quite impulsive. He almost never thought things through. He was carefree, and one day, his recklessness had gotten the best of him.

His friend, Francis, had come all the way from France to visit him. After much encouragement on my part, as Antonio never liked to leave me alone, I had finally convinced him that it was alright for them to go out on their own. It goes to say that they both had too much to drink. They never came home, and when I heard a knock on the front door at four in the morning a sense of dread filled up in the pit of my stomach. I nearly fell to my knees when I saw the policeman standing there. Antonio and Francis had gotten into a car accident and Francis had died as a result. I remember standing there, sobbing my eyes out. I felt guilty when the policeman told me that Antonio had come out of the accident unscathed, spare a few broken ribs and some nasty looking bruises. But I couldn't help but feel relieved. I was still heartbroken over such a tragedy, but I knew that if Antonio had left me then, I wouldn't have been able to cope. I was weak back then. I was completely dependent on him. But at that point in time it was Antonio who needed me. I dropped off Feli at Liza's and rushed to the hospital. I cried the entire time. I was a mess, but I needed to be strong for Antonio. It was my job to pick up the pieces of his life now…

I'm sorry to say that I failed at doing that. Antonio was never the same after the accident. He blamed himself. He claimed that it was his fault. He said that he was the one who had pressured Francis into drinking too much. I didn't have the heart to tell him that they shouldn't have been drinking in the first place. It was stupid to drink and drive. But I absolutely couldn't make Antonio feel any worse than what he already felt. Depression quickly kicked in and the Spaniard was never the same. He resorted to drinking; heavy, unhealthy amounts of alcohol. He drank himself to sleep. Guilt and irony ruled his life, and unfortunately, I had become the vessel through which he took out his anger.

Antonio became very angry and frustrated with his life. He screamed and shouted at me for God knows what. We fought over stupid, irrelevant things, when we both knew that there was something much deeper behind all of our fights. I can't tell you how many times I was forced to ship Feli off to Liza's house for several days on end. I had grown up with yelling and screaming and I wasn't about to let something like that shatter Feli's life in two. Feli deserved a childhood free of troubles. I would handle all problems on my own. Except, I didn't handle them very well. I had a bad temper and would yell just as much as Antonio did. Which, of course, only made him angrier.

It had gotten to the point where I avoided him completely at night. The familiar sound of the door slamming open would warn me ahead of time. The Spaniard would stumble into our suite apartment, and when he couldn't find me, he would fall asleep on the couch. In the morning, he would sprint upstairs, take me into his arms and apologize. He would tell me excuse after excuse and of course I was stupid enough to forgive him. But what other choice did I have? He was my everything. My one and only. The one who held me up to where I was now. If I left him, then I would fall right back to where I had initially started. A poor, struggling single mother with absolutely nothing to show for. Staying with Antonio was painful, but it was the only chance that Feli and I had in life. And despite all the fighting, I loved him more than anything in the world. God. I was so naïve.

I had myself convinced that Antonio getting mad at me was my fault. That I should have known better. That I knew his triggers and that it was best to play it safe with him. I was irrational. I was making up excuses for his unacceptable behaviour. But then one day I finally snapped. And this brings us to today. It was late. Probably two in the morning. I had Feli wrapped under my arms and she was happily snoring away. I smoothed a hand over her copper curls and pulled her closer. My eyelids felt heavy. I was just about to fall asleep when I heard the front door slam open. I shook myself awake and sprang out of bed. Adrenaline pumped through my veins. My heart clambered against my rib cage.

"LOVINA!"

Feli woke up. Her eyes fluttered open. "Sorella?" she whispered. I walked over to the bedroom door and locked it. I then rushed over to the bed, scooped up Feli into my arms, opened the closet door, and set her down in it. I bent down into a crouch. All the while I was trembling from head to toe. I winced when I heard the crashing of glass. Antonio was smashing plates on the floor again. He was trying to get me to come down. He was looking for a confrontation. Feli knew the drill. Tears pooled in her eyes, but she did what she was told and clamped both hands over her ears. I wasn't expecting Antonio to be home tonight. It was Friday, which usually meant that I wouldn't see him until Monday. He typically hotel and bar hopped all weekend long. Today just wasn't my day. If I would have known ahead of time, I would have taken Feli to Liza's.

"LOVINA VARGAS! YOU GET YOUR SORRY ASS DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!"

CRASH!

I set up Feli's iPad and put on an episode of her favourite show. Before I placed the headphones into her ears, I bent down to peck her on the forehead. I pulled her into a hug. Feli whimpered. "Sssssh," I cooed. "Everything will be alright. I'll handle it. I-I promise."

My voice wavered. "Who's the only person who can tell you to come out of the closet?"

"Y-you."

I swallowed down my fear. Being scared wouldn't do me any good right now. "Good girl. Now you stay here. I'll be right back." Feli nodded her head. I brushed the hair out of her eyes and with one last hug, I pulled away, stood up, and shut the closet door. It broke my heart to hear Feli's sniffles. I had failed her again. Her childhood was taken away from her just like that. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Why? Oh God why? What did she ever do to deserve this?!

Hell. What did I do to deserve this?!

CRASH!

I jumped. Antonio was really mad tonight. I automatically knew that I wouldn't be able to handle this alone. I rushed to my, or should I say 'our', night side table and grabbed my phone. I dialled up the first number that came to mind.

"HALLO! YOU'VE REACHED A VERY PISSED OFF GILBERT! IT'D BE VERY MUCH APPRECIATED IF YOU REFRAINED FROM CALLING ME IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. FUCK YOU AND HAVE AN UNAWESOME DAY, ER NIGHT!"

"GILBERT! IT'S ME!" I croaked.

Gilbert's riled up tone instantly died down. He could tell by the tone of my voice that something was wrong.

"Lovina?! What's wrong? Is it Toni?"

I didn't have time to answer him.

CRASH!

"MI AMOUR? YOU'RE REALLY TESTING MY PATIENCE. DON'T MAKE ME COME UP THERE AND GET YOU MYSELF."

Gilbert inhaled sharply. "Shit. I'll be there as soon as I can. But whatever you do, DO NOT go down there. He's not in his right mind; he wouldn't be able to forgive himself if you got hurt."

(Oh Gilbert. Don't you see that I'm already hurting?)

I lied and hummed my agreement. As if I wasn't going to go down there! He was breaking the entire apartment for fucks sakes! I hung up the phone. I knew that it would take at least twenty minutes for Gilbert to get here. He had to find someone to take care of Ludwig first.

This gave me just enough time to assess the situation myself.

I unlocked the bedroom door and stepped out into the upstairs hallway.

I didn't hesitate to lock the bedroom door again.

I took a deep breath and calmed my nerves.

All hell broke loose soon afterwards.

….

I hovered over the upstairs railing. The sight that I saw next sent shivers tingling up my spine. Antonio was in the kitchen, slamming plates so hard into the ground that the pieces were nothing more than gravel and ceramic powder. He was wearing a white blouse and on the front of it was a massive red wine stain. I looked to the kitchen counter and found a nearly empty wine bottle. Ah. Alright. Fuck me was he ever drunk.

I walked down the stairs. I was careful not to make too much noise. Although at this point it hardly even mattered. I was figuratively and literally treading on top of broken glass. Or avoiding it in this case because I was only wearing socks. No matter, I was still in a shit ton of trouble. He was mad and I was the one who would have to pay for it. I wonder what I did this time.

Antonio turned around. He spotted me standing on the staircase. The green eyes that I loved so much narrowed with hatred. A sadistic smile tugged on the corners of his lips. "WELL! LOOK WHO FINALLY DECIDED TO SHOW UP!" he slurred, smashing another plate to the ground for good measure.

I held my ground; I refused to let him see me wince.

It wasn't long before he was towering over me. He grabbed my wrist and dragged me into the kitchen. He pointed towards the sink, which was, by my foolish mistake, filled to the top with dishes. "WHAT'S THIS?" he roared.

"Dishes," I muttered. I looked at the ground. I couldn't bear to look him in the eyes. This wasn't the man that I had fallen in love with. This was a cold-hearted monster. His grip on my wrist tightened. I was too scared to tell him that he was hurting me.

"LOOK AT ME WHEN I TALK TO YOU!" I looked up. Sweat caused his curls to stick to his forehead. I felt a natural urge to sweep them out of his eyes, but I knew better than to do that. That would only cause more trouble. It pained me to see him like this. I missed happy Antonio…

Hell. I missed happy me. What was heaven before was now hell. I hated every minute of it.

"UNGRATEFUL BITCH! AFTER EVERYTHING THAT I'VE DONE FOR YOU! AND YET YOU STILL REFUSE TO CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF! YOU CAN EAT ON THE GROUND FOR ALL I CARE!"

I winced. That comment stung deep. I wasn't ungrateful. I appreciated Antonio more than he would ever know. I just had a shitty way of showing it….

"I-I'm sorry," I stammered. "Baby, please. I didn't do it on purpose….I-I forgot!"

I reached for the sponge over the sink. "See?" I smiled at him through my tears. "I'll clean it. Right now. And then we can go upstairs and relax. H-how does that sound?"

(Oh God. I can't put up with this for much longer.)

Antonio slapped the sponge out of my hands. He dragged me into the living room and sat me down on the couch. He leered over me. "I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOUR EXCUSES."

I shifted and squirmed under his gaze. "Please don't yell. Think of Feli."

"I DON'T GIVE A FLIPPING FUCK ABOUT FELI!"

A sharp pain erupted in my chest. I saw red. He had taken things too far. He must have realized this too. For a brief moment I caught a glimmer of the real Antonio, my precious beloved Antonio, in that monster's eyes. Regret flashed across his facial features. I stood up, side stepped out of his reach, and made a bolt for the stairs. Gilbert was right. I shouldn't have gone downstairs. Antonio wasn't in his right mind. He wasn't the right person in fact.

"LOVI, PLEASE WAIT!" Antonio wailed. "I DIDN'T MEAN IT! YOU KNOW HOW MUCH YOU AND FELI MEAN TO ME!"

I ignored him. Heavy footsteps pounded after me.

"I'M SORRY!"

The desperation in his voice grew.

"PLEAAAAASE!"

Oh God. I couldn't just leave him like this. I turned around. Antonio ran over and pulled me into his arms. I gagged from the scent of liquor on his breath. He smudged wine onto the front of my pyjama shirt. I ran a shaky hand through his wet curls. I choked up with sobs. Antonio slipped into rapid Spanish. I didn't understand, but I knew that he was apologizing to me. His tears leaked down the trails of my collar bone. My tears leaked down the back of his shirt.

Antonio pulled away from the hug. He stumbled backwards. He just looked so lost. Like a child. And then his lips were on mine and I was pinned up against the wall. His hands lowered down to my waist. He sobbed into the kiss and I just stood there, frozen and scared for the both of us. I raised a hand and shoved him back. I almost vomited from the taste of wine mixed with rum and whatever the hell else he drank, in my mouth.

"Baby please," I begged. "Now's not the time for this." Antonio didn't listen to me. He crushed his lips to mine again. This time his hands wandered underneath my shorts. His fingers knew where all my soft spots were. I shoved him again. I stopped him before he could take things further. Antonio bent down for another kiss but I had already turned my head to the side.

"Not now." I quipped in a much sterner voice.

"WHY NOT?!" Antonio growled. He grabbed my wrists and pinned them up above my head.

"Playing hard to get are we?" he chuckled. He kissed my neck, and the soft moans that escaped from my lips betrayed my true feelings over the matter. My breathing became ragged. I tried my best not to respond to his kisses or caresses. Eventually, he caught on.

I wanted him. So fucking badly. But not like this. This was just too crazy for me to handle.

Antonio let go. My arms fell to their sides. Two palms slammed against the wall. They fell on both sides of my head. "WHY WON'T YOU KISS ME BACK? DON'T YOU LOVE ME?"

"Of course I love you!" I sobbed.

"THEN SHOW ME, DAMN YOU!"

Two pounding knocks were heard at our front door.

"LOVINA? TONI! VERDAMMT! WHERE'S MY KEY!" Gilbert cursed. Antonio ignored the cries of his friend. His attention was solely focused on me.

I gasped and spluttered when Antonio rushed down to kiss me again. He was desperate to cling onto something. He wanted something that I couldn't give him. I couldn't give him my consent. I wouldn't. I wouldn't let him toy with me again. I didn't want anything to do with him anymore. He had finally broken me. Staying with him was futile. My relationship with him was done. I closed my eyes.

The front door slammed open for the second time tonight.

"TONI! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!" The weight of Antonio's body was torn away from me. I opened my eyes. Gilbert placed his arms under Antonio's armpits. He was tugging him back. Antonio's eyes were wild. They darted around the room like a cornered animal who was about to be preyed on.

"GEROFF, YOU BASTARD!" Antonio shouted. "I NEED MY LOVI!"

(You gave up your Lovi the moment that you started drinking to forget…)

Gilbert gave me an exasperated look. I grabbed my sore wrist and shied under his gaze. Yes. I should have known better than to rile him up. But no it wasn't my fault. The only person to blame for this scuffle was Antonio. He was the one who had gotten himself drunk. And he was the one who had shattered the plates along with my heart.

"Grab Feli and get out of here!" Gilbert barked. I froze like a deer caught in the headlights. Antonio struggled, punched, kicked and swore, but Gilbert wasn't letting go of him anytime soon. Antonio looked up to meet my gaze. His eyes pleaded for me to stay. He started to shout again, but he was far too incoherent at this point.

"WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?! GO!"

"A-Antonio," I choked. "This is the last time. I'm done. I'm leaving…..for good." Tears streamed down my face. The world spun around me. I could hardly stand up, let alone breathe.

"NO! NO! NO! PLEASE! DON'T LEAVE ME LOVI!"

"I'M NOTHING WITHOUT YOU."

"I'M SORRY!"

"OH GOD NO! I'M SO, SO SORRY!"

I shook my head. "I'm sorry too Antonio. I wasn't there for you when you needed me most. But I can't stay here any longer. It's not safe for Feli, it's not safe for me, and it's not safe for you either."

I then ushered out the most painful words that I had ever had to say in my life.

"Look at yourself, Antonio. Can't you see that you need help?"

With a thud, Antonio fell to his knees. He repeatedly pounded and slapped his palms against the ground. Gilbert stood to the side. We both knew well enough that Antonio didn't have the strength to stand up again.

"I'll GET HELP THEN! I'LL DO ANYTHING THAT YOU WANT. BUT PLEASE. OH GOD, PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME HERE ALONE."

(How many times has he told you this?)

"I LOVE YOU LOVI. W-WE CAN WORK THINGS OUT. W-WE CAN GO BACK TO HOW THINGS WERE. JUST YOU, ME AND FELI. A PERFECT HAPPY LITTLE FAMILY!"

The cracks in Antonio's voice symbolized just how broken our 'perfect happy little family' was.

"If you love me, then you'll let me go. Now goodbye Antonio." I started to walk up the stairs.

"You were my first love," I whispered to myself. "Thank you."

(For everything.)

"LOVI!" Antonio called out my name over and over again. Each time felt like a stab to the heart. But I knew that staying here wouldn't help the situation. Maybe if I left he would finally get the help that he so desperately needed.

I could only hope for the best.

"I'M GOING TO CHANGE FOR YOU, I PROMISE!"

"TONI THAT'S ENOUGH!"

"NO! SHE NEEDS TO HEAR THIS! DO YOU HEAR ME LOVINA VARGAS? FIRST THING TOMORROW MORNING I'LL CHECK INTO A REHAB FACILITY. YOU'RE RIGHT. I DO NEED HELP. B-BUT…

"F-F-F-FUCK!"

Antonio broke out into another fit of uncontrollable sobs.

"Please, don't leave me," he whimpered.

Antonio started to pound his fists against the ground again. His strength to do so gradually weakened. "Don't you dare leave me," he pleaded with me once more.

But in my mind I had already left him.

He had left me so long ago.

I was simply reciprocating the favour.

…

"I'll change."

"Prove it," were the last words that I said before I left him for good.

The next morning, Antonio kept his promise and checked into the nearest rehab center.

A full year would pass by before I saw him again.

It goes to say that the drama between us would never cease to exist.