A/N

With Blackthorne having been ported to PC, the idea for this was sparked when I looked back at the Blackthorne April Fool's joke in 2010, which included a shark among other madness. Now all I have to do is hope the guy will get representation in Heroes of the Storm. Which, with BlizzCon having come and gone, doesn't seem likely in the near future. :(

Jump the Shark

"Come on Blackthorne what are you waiting for?!"

Isn't that Captain Blackthorne you stupid-

"Blackthorne!"

"Fine, fine," the ex-captain, ex-king of Androth said to his old CO. "I'm moving in."

Moving in. That was one to describe moving towards a giant shark on a surfboard, Blackthorne thought. He'd "moved in" on militias, grag'ohr, and everything else under the suns of Earth and Androth, but never in such a manner. And never in such a fashion.

Why's a shark even here?

If there was an answer, the shark wasn't answering. It just swam towards him, roaring like a sea monster out of a myth from one of the two worlds he knew. Roaring in all its 16 bit glory.

Like old times eh?

Old times. Old times were on Androth, fighting grag'ohr and rescuing his people from them. Old times did not involve returning to Earth on the first of April, sixteen years after being transported to his homeworld, to fight grag'ohr that everyone insisted on calling "orcs." Old times didn't involve acting like some guy out of the nineties (apparently – he'd missed most of the nineties after all) in the year 2010. And not fighting giant sharks on a surfboard.

Here it comes.

Blackthorne kept surfing and the shark kept swimming. He still had his trusty shotgun, and thanks to the no-lock glitch that had been installed, he wouldn't even have to face the beast to hit it. But that still meant getting close to it.

Come on, come on…

Closer than he cared. But he'd been close to monsters before. In the greater scheme of things, a giant shark was no different.

Now!

Blackthorne rode the waves to the side, escaping the shark's maw. Shotgun shells tore into the beast's flesh. Blood filled the water. But the shark was still moving, still out to add the androthi's blood to the sea.

"It's no use Blackthorne," his commander said. "You'll have to jump over it. Hit it from above."

"What? Jump the shark?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Sir, I can't jump the shark!" Blackthorne protested. "Do you have any idea what that means for my-"

"Blackthorne, you had one game. You've got no series to ruin!"

The ex-commando brought his surfboard around. The shark swum around. Both faced each other once more.

Jump over the shark. That'll be the end of me.

The shark charged. The waves carried him forward.

Eaten alive. Or spewed out into a graveyard for failed heroes.

The two drew closer. The shark's eyes widened. Its maw opened. Blackthorne gripped his shotgun.

Gotta do it. For Earth. For truth, justice, and…something.

And the gap narrowed.

That's Superman numb-nuts.

The moment of truth approached.

A shark. A bloody shark. What does this have to do with space orcs anyway?

The shark jumped.

Shit!

Blackthorne jumped. And-

Warning – your battery is low. Please recharge.

And cursed as the combatants missed each other.

Mobile gaming. Ruins everything.