Disclaimer: I do not own Lawrence or Adam or anything Saw related. I also don't own Charlie Sheen (you'll understand when you read it). Rated T for sexual conduct and language.
Author Note: Look, I'm still alive! I know it's been awhile since I've posted or written anything and it's been a crazy month for me as well. But don't worry, I would never abandon my chainshipping friends! I am working on my other story as well but this is just a quick one shot that came to me after I recently got my own tattoo. Based on my own reasons for getting a tattoo, but I thought the same reasons suited Adam well. Please review and hope you enjoy!
Alison never liked tattoos. She always felt that they were tacky and sinful – a disrespect to the body itself. Her clean pale skin was like a sheet after a new wash and she cleansed it twice a day to make sure it stayed that way. In fact, in all of his time being married to her, Lawrence couldn't remember one time when he'd noticed any type of flaw about her, at least not physically. It was something she prided herself on – a perfect string of pearls that reflected the light just right and weren't the least bit cloudy. Lawrence saw it differently though. He saw her body as an unpainted canvas awaiting the perfect artist to come around and brush it with something, anything, that would make it flawed.
Flaws just like his patients who have his fingerprints tattooed on their bodies where he has touched them, cut them, fixed them as much as they could be fixed. They have scars that would fade but never disappear completely.
That's what tattoos are. They are a proof of survival.
It's dark in his bedroom with the exception of the dim light pouring in from the hallway. When Adam is over Lawrence keeps the lights on. His partner can't sleep without them and it doesn't bother Lawrence too much as this means he is able to see Adam at any time during the night. What scares Adam is the unknown enemy in the darkness. What scares Lawrence is not knowing where the people he loves are at any given time.
Right at this moment, Adam is lying on his stomach with his face towards Lawrence. His eyes are closed, but Lawrence knows he is not asleep. It takes Adam a long time to fall asleep and when he does his breathing slows. It's a curse being a doctor sometimes. The first time Adam spent the night Lawrence awoke and noticed how shallow the younger man was breathing. He had immediately woken him and received an onslaught of cursing in response to his paranoid concern.
Adam breathes so fast when he is awake that he is near hyperventilation almost all the time. The contrast of this to the shallow inhales of night was enough to trigger that fear in Lawrence's gut. He almost lost him once after all.
Adam is awake and very aware that Lawrence is awake too. This is evident by his comment as Lawrence begins to trace the faded black and white image of a camera on the pale skin of his right shoulder.
"Lawrence, what are you doing?" The words are said in annoyance and his groggy voice is enough to make Lawrence give a small smile. He traces from the body of the camera down to the lens and finally to the glass of the lens where there is an evident crack in the surface.
"What made you get this tattoo?" His voice is barely a whisper. This is an unspoken rule when they get into bed. It is a place of peace and needs to be for both of their sakes. When they fight they do it anywhere but here. The bedroom is their safe zone- their place to be with each other and leave the fear and stress and agony of the outside world behind.
Adam takes a deep breath and shifts only slightly. The feeling of Lawrence's fingers on his arm must not be such a bother or he would have moved by now.
"That would be the persuasive power of rum. The cheap shit too." His voice cracks with exhaustion but the sarcasm is always apparent. Lawrence smiles in response and lets his fingers linger over the large black jagged line across that lens cap. Broken – just like Adam.
"You're lying." He says it in the kindest whisper and they both know that it is, indeed, a lie. Adam lies constantly. It's in his nature now and Lawrence has grown to understand it as something he can't always control. Adam always tells him the truth eventually, though, once he has time to think instead of simply react.
Adam breaks into a small smile that is gone just as quickly as it appears and Lawrence doesn't miss the very rare opening in the young man's walls. His eyes, also, open for the first time during their conversation and Lawrence is met with a pair of gray orbs full of a mixture of hesitation and thought. He can see Adam searching his mind for the answer to the previous question and waits patiently.
"Look, I do a lot of fucked up shit to myself sometimes, you know? I chain smoke two packs a day, drink more than fucking Charlie Sheen on a bender, fuck I'm lucky if I get one meal in a day. Add to that the fact that I fucking slashed my wrists because I really couldn't figure any other way out of my shitty life and when I survived that I ran out in front of oncoming traffic just to see if I was actually invincible." He pauses and his gray eyes meet Lawrence's again. Lawrence knows this part of the conversation. This is where Adam is asking permission to go further. He gives a gentle smile and caresses the image on Adam's warm skin. Adam drops the eye contact again and continues even more softly than before. "Got some really nice shots of that fucking truck before it swerved and sideswiped me. Broke my lens but I barely had a fucking scratch…not a fucking broken bone or anything. Found a tattoo parlor on the corner and got this."
There is silence for a moment as Lawrence digests the information and Adam closes his eyes once again. Lawrence continues to stare at the beautiful image on his lovers body and suddenly understands everything. New information in hand, he leans down and gently places his lips against the image. He lingers there for a moment, feeling Adam staring down at him with mixed emotions. He moves up until he is nuzzling the young mans neck and places another kiss directly on the back of it. Adam doesn't offer much resistance and sighs as Lawrence breathes against his now clammy skin. He moves his body until he is completely on top of Adam and hugging him from behind, keeping one leg propped so as not to put all of his weight on the smaller man. He speaks into the dark mop of hair underneath him.
"Respect what you can't destroy." Adam's eyes open at this comment and Lawrence inhales the scent of Adam's shampoo. His heart begins to race as the body under him curves up towards his own. "You take the most beautiful photographs, Adam." He kisses the back of the young mans head in rhythm to his words. "You wanted to put one of them on yourself to show respect to what you couldn't destroy, your body."
The small body curls into him even more and Adam's breathing has become more rapid than previous. The young man groans and Lawrence feels his own blood rushing from his head and to other parts of his anatomy. He waits until Adam turns his head and he runs his fingers through the dark locks of hair as he kisses Adam sideways. The feeling of their lips connecting is enough to make Lawrence hot all over and before he can do it himself Adam is in the process of wriggling out of his own pajama pants. Lawrence leans back briefly in order to remove his own pants and shirt and pulls the blanket over them as he falls back down onto Adam, who is now moaning in agony. Lawrence wastes no time in gently pushing himself into his lover and Adam cries out immediately in what, if Lawrence didn't know any better, would have been a sound of pain. He knows Adam's sounds by now, though, and this one only makes him thrust forward in a steady motion that causes Adam to grip the pillow in front of him with all of his strength. Lawrence feels the pressure building within himself and takes note of Adam's increasingly rigid posture before whispering in his ear that it's ok to let go.
They both let go together and Lawrence falls to the side of Adam in exhaustion. He opens his eyes a moment later to see Adam, now on his back, and breathing heavily.
"Fuck…" It's the only word that Adam can muster in between gasps. Lawrence props himself on his side and reaches over with his left hand. He places it gently atop Adam's chest and feels the rapid heartbeat beneath his fingertips. Adam looks up at him in silent question and Lawrence just smiles in return.
"Your heart is strong. You're strong and your flaws only make you stronger." He traces a line from Adam's chest and over to his shoulder where the tattoo now lies under a sheen of sweat. "I love you, Adam."
Adam doesn't quite meet his eyes, never being so good at the intense moments, but Lawrence knows that he understands. He waits until Adam's breathing quiets and slows before he allows himself to sleep. And when he does finally succumb it is the image of the camera tattoo with the broken lens that remains in his thoughts.
Alison had it all wrong. There is no beauty without flaws. The body is meant to be worn and broken and most importantly, as his lover had taught him tonight, loved and respected.