Claire rolled over in her pink sheets and looked at the clock on her night stand. It was half past one. Tomorrow was Thursday, and she still had not seen John since they had said good bye on Saturday.
Why wasn't he at school? Was he sick? Or did he just skip school because of her? Maybe he didn't want to see her again?
She had expected to see him on Monday, and was duly disappointed when she didn't. Deep down she had expected him to call her on Sunday. But of course he hadn't. Why would he? John was not that type of guy, not that type of man...
She closed her eyes and rolled over on her back. Her hand came up to her face and caressed her lips. She could still feel him on her lips from when she had kissed his neck. His skin had felt hot, almost like he had a fever. The scent of him had been warm and undefined. It had felt intoxicating, and created a strange hunger inside. It had made her feel something she had not felt before. Like when he had spoken to her about her being a virgin, about her notion of a white wedding.
He had looked straight at her with those dark compelling eyes of his, and it had felt like he saw straight through her soul. She remembered his voice, dark and husky:
"Have you ever been felt up? Over the bra, under the blouse, shoes off… hoping to God your parents don't walk in?"
In that moment she had forgotten that there were other people in the room, all she had seen and heard was John. No one had ever spoken to her in that way. Then he had continued:
"Over the panties, no bra..." and he had gazed down on her breasts like he was picturing them, like he could see them, and shamefully she had wished he could.
Claire rolled over on her stomach, and pressed her hips hard into the mattress. God, how she wished she was with John right now. She wished she had his hands all over her, touching her everywhere, making her do things she had never done... She would let him, she would not say no, -if only she could see him again.
She remembered their kiss. It had been brief, but it had held everything she had hoped for in a kiss. It had been soft, yet hard. His mouth had been soft and gentle, yet it had felt a little demanding. Like kissing him had her promising him more. She knew he would never say he wanted anything from her, yet she could feel it in his kiss. This was a guy, a man, who would not be satisfied by just holding her hand.
It scared her and at the same time, though she was unwilling to admit it, it turned her on.
It was Thursday at school.
By the third period, Claire was in a daze. She was sure she had caught a glimpse of John at campus as she was walking to class, but she had only seen the back of his head. It had made her cheeks flush and her heart start pumping like she was running.
Was it him? Oh, God, it had to be him. Would he look for her? Would he find her? For the whole period her mind was occupied with plotting how she could accidently run into John. When the period ended she could hardly wait to get out of the classroom to execute her clever plan. It turned out she had wasted her time.
John's eyes looking straight at her was the first she saw when she stepped out of the classroom. He was standing at the end of the hallway with two guys who looked like they were older. She had not seen them at school before and she wasn't sure they went there, but then again she had never noticed any of John's friends … or John.
Suddenly she felt a nervous pang in her gut at the thought of him coming over and talking to her in the hallway. She didn't want anyone to see her with him. She definitely did not want anyone to see her feel the way she felt about him.
Seeing him and his friends had reminded her how far apart their lives were. She was the rich good-girl. He was the rebel beast with no future.
On Saturday everything had seemed so different; all boundaries had been blurred, and in all her dreams and fantasies John had felt such a natural part of her. Not like the outcast she was looking at now, in his ragged clothes, unkempt hair, all tall and scary-looking with dark, wolf-like eyes.
She quickly walked past him, trying not to look at him. But he was impossible to ignore.
He was wearing one of her earrings, the diamond studs that her parents had given her on her 16th birthday the year before. The earring she had given him on Saturday. As she past him she could hear him turn to follow her. She sped up and quickly went down the stairs to the toilet area.
Not many students used the toilets on that block, and part of her knew that if he caught up with her there might be a chance that no one would see it. If not, she could hide in the girl's bathroom and compose herself.
She startled when he suddenly was by her side. He grabbed her by the arm, slammed the door to the men's room open, and dragged her in. It was empty, but it smelled a mixture of urine and chlorine. He pushed her up against the white tiled wall, and she could not help but to think of how dirty that wall was against her nice clothes.
"Are you trying to ignore me, Claire?"
His face was close to hers, his dark eyes looking directly at her. She could see green specs within the hazel color, and his irises were framed by tar-black circles. It was like looking into a dense forest, knowing that a wild beast was hiding in the dark. That it was sizing her up, waiting to pounce.
Her heart was beating hard, and her chest heaved so she could hear herself breathe, and so could he. His glance shifted from her face to her lavender blouse. He lifted his hand and traced a finger along the edge of the blouse, touching her skin ever so lightly, yet the feeling of heat between them was so palpable she felt like her skin broke out in a sweat wherever he touched her.
He looked up again, his eyes had darkened, and the beast was ready to pounce. He kissed her.
His warm, moist lips engulfed her mouth. He was experienced and demanding, and his tongue would not take no for an answer. His left hand was behind her back, kneading her against him. His right hand was resting just above her left breast, and slowly it sled down and cupped her breast. It made her break from the kiss and gasp out loud.
John's lips didn't stop. His wet mouth and tongue moved down her jaw, onto her earlobe, and down her neck. She grasped his hair with both hands. She wanted him to take her top off, to slide his tongue over her naked breasts. Her entire skin was on fire, aching to get closer to him.
John's mouth and tongue seized hers again as his other hand claimed her back, her bum, and her thigh. He lifted her knee up, and pressed his hips into hers. He groaned into her mouth. She could feel something big and solid through the light fabrics of their clothes. She grinded herself against it, moved her hips so it would hit her right. She was aching for the pressure of him. He was grinding his hips against her. They both glided into a unison rhythm, breathing into each other mouths, moving faster and faster. She moaned.
Suddenly he pulled away from her.
"I've got to stop, Claire. I'm about to come in my pants."
He moved over to the sink, and spritzed a little water in his face, combing through his hair with his hands. She was still trying to catch her breath. He gave a short laugh, looking at her in the mirror.
"This is not what I had in mind when I pulled you in here. You know that?"
Claire nodded her head. She walked over to the mirror. She did not recognize herself.
The girl in the mirror had messed up hair, her make-up was smudged, her lips swollen, and her eyes were glassy. Her composed former self seemed to have been rubbed away, even the skin on her neck and chest was blazed. It was a frightening sight, yet she still wanted more. She was still aching to be with him, and a shameful part of her wished that he had come. She wanted to hear him come.
"John" she said and paused.
"Yes, Claire?"
"There's a party on tomorrow. It's supposed to be really big, friends of friends. I would really like it if you'd come."
"I would really like it if I'd come. We should come together." He winked at her. Claire rolled her eyes.
"I'm serious!"
"So am I!" He gave her a look.
"I know what party you mean, Claire. I'll find you there."
The next moment there were two hard knocks on the door. She jumped, John didn't.
"That's my buddies. I've got to go."
"Tell me they have not been outside that door the entire time?"
"How else do you think no one came in here?"
"Oh, my God, they must think I am a total slut." She buried her face in her manicured hands.
"Don't worry about it. Your secret is safe with them." John gave her a wink and a smile, and disappeared out the door.
Claire stood glued to the floor watching the closed door for almost a minute before she realized where she was and snuck out. She tiptoed over to the girl's bathroom, praying that it was empty, and it was. She was in the middle of refreshing her make when the tears came. She tried to wipe them away, but they just kept on coming.
She felt so ashamed. She was mortified at what she had done in the men's room with John, and knowing that others also knew was more than she could bear. Was she a slut? She certainly acted like one. But how could that be, she had not so much as kissed a boy before she met John, and now she was doing second base in the men's room? John was not good for her.
Then she remembered how strong his arms had felt, how his hair had touched her face when they kissed, and she gasped. Instantly she saw herself in the mirror, and this time it was different. Her face was streamed with tears, but her lips had parted, and her eyes looked like they were concealing a blazing fire within. She looked magical.
Claire knew what to do. She would call her parents, tell them that she had gotten sick at school, and that's why she had been away from class. Then she would lock herself in her bedroom getting ready for the party, and miraculously recover from illness in the morning. She would go to school, act as nothing, and meet John at the party.
It still made her cringe when she thought if John's friends, but her friends would never talk to his friends, so in that way she was safe. Besides no one would ever believe it; her friends knew her well. They knew she was not that kind of girl, and a week ago she would have sworn the same.