Worth the Risk
A/N: This is Inspired by "Hear Me" by Imagine Dragons. It's a bit angsty (I was feeling somewhat down today), but it does have a happy ending! I own absolutely nothing.
"Maybe if I leave tonight I won't come back. It doesn't matter. I don't matter. If I disappeared, nobody would miss me. So why not? What do I have keeping me here? What's stopping me from walking out this door, catching a cab to nowhere, and starting over somewhere else?"
His inner musings were interrupted by the sound of a door opening below. Moments later, a knock sounded on his bedroom door – he stopped pacing and turned to face it – and Molly Hooper slowly walked in.
"I just wanted to…I don't know, check on you?" She offered, as a means of opening a conversation. "I felt the impression that you needed something. So tell me – what do you need?"
He was stunned by her selfless offer. What had he ever done to deserve her friendship? He didn't deserve it. He knew that. Yet, he had never been able to stop himself from accepting her unconditional love and support, giving nothing back to her. He was so selfish; why couldn't he just cut her off, let her be free to move on to someone better?
He knew that Molly loved him. He had known for longer than he was willing to admit. But he never did anything about it. He let her continue to offer her love, rebuffing her time after time, hurting her, again and again. He was a fool. Again, he thought about disappearing: if he did, he could hurt her no longer. She would finally be rid of him.
His long silence worried Molly. She asked him again, "Please, Sherlock, tell me, what do you need?"
His usual answer to that question from her, "you," sprang immediately to mind, but he forced it back, burying it in the deep recesses of his mind palace. Instead, he looked away from her, refusing to acknowledge how much she meant to him, how beautiful she truly was, and said, "Nothing. I'm actually glad you're here. It saves me the trip to tell you. I'm leaving."
Her gasp of shock was sincere. "Not again. Please, you can't leave again. We barely got you back! We need you…I need you." Her faint blush was pleasant, but he pushed away those stirring feelings. He knew he could never be good enough for her, so no reason to give her false hope. He'd only break her in the end.
"It's for the best, Molly. You can see the truth as clearly as I can. I'm not good for you. You're too good, too pure. It's best if I leave now, before I do anything worse, anything that can truly hurt you. I've been too selfish for too long. You can be free now. You can find the love that you desire and have the family you've always dreamed of. I'm not going to hold you captive any longer."
"Sherlock Holmes! Don't you know anything about me?! Everything I have ever done for you has been completely freely given. I'd give you the very heart from my chest! You already have it, you always have. The family I desire cannot exist without you. I gave up a long time ago on ever moving on from you. You have left your mark permanently on me, on my heart, even on my very soul. So don't you dare think about leaving me again!"
Her impassioned speech, so unlike the petite pathologist, surprised him momentarily. Then his reason and logic took over again, the very defense mechanism that had protected his heart since his childhood. He never imagined anybody could even shake those thick walls, yet this (usually) quiet woman before him somehow broke through completely. "Molly, I'm sorry. You give me more credit than I deserve. You need to move on. I have nothing to offer you."
Beseeching now, willing him to see, Molly tried again. "Just give me you! That's enough! That's all I have ever wanted. Can you look me in the eye and tell me honestly that you feel absolutely nothing for me? I know that in the past, maybe even last month, you would do so without flinching. But now, now, I know that you cannot. Doesn't that mean anything to you? I know you're scared; I know you believe that sentiment is a weakness, that 'alone protects you,' but I know the truth. Sentiment, emotion, love, call it what you will, is a strength! With that on your side, you will be stronger than ever. Isn't that worth the risk?" Her voice, which had risen with her emotion, suddenly quieted again. "Aren't we worth the risk? Am I worth the risk?"
Seeing the light in her eyes and hearing her counter every argument and defense he could imagine suddenly doused his desire to leave her. He knew that, like any addiction, she owned him, body and soul. He was addicted to her, and thinking about leaving was now impossible. His disconsolate mood of only moments ago lifted, leaving only a thin flame of hope.
"Yes. You are worth the risk. And everything else. You are everything to me. Molly, I owe you everything, including, quite literally, my life. I am not perfect, as you are well aware. But, I am willing to try for you – for us. So now, it is my turn to ask you: what do you need?"
A tear dripped from her eye as she slowly stepped towards him. With a shy smile, she whispered in his ear as he gently wrapped her in his arms, "You."