Hello everyone! So, this is a fic I wrote in the beginning of the summer, and have gone back time and again to tweak and make sure it is what I envisioned it to be. Though, there may be inconsistencies and spelling/grammar errors, as this is long and I am only human, so sorry about that a head of time ^^''

If you have read my other stories here, you would know that my writing of the recent has circled around Tadashi Hamada from BH6, and my OC, Auden Haworth. Unsurprisingly, this is one of those such writings.

I have never tried to write anything...Involved before. I am not one who understands romance of this nature, and my knowledge of such comes from YA novels I have read and other fanfictions. However, I wanted to challenge myself a write something intimate, but at the same time, make it something soft and tender.

I'm a person who looks at intimacy and sees it as an experience that is not simply physical, but mental and emotional as well. It is something that should connect with two individuals on all levels, on every aspect of themselves. It is something that should be beautiful and breath taking and incredible. It is the ultimate act of love.

Pretty much, I'm cheesy, but that's okay, because I know I'm not the only one who thinks this way. Basically, I want to write something intimate but give it plot, give it more purpose than what I usually read online. I want there to be story more than smut. I want there to be love, not sex. I wanted to make a relationship.

And so, I wrote this. Now, I will point out that if you have read my earlier stuff, then you may notice a reference to my earlier work, "The Pace We Move To." You do not have to read that to understand this fic, because the mention will not bring about confusion for those who have not read the other story. This can pretty much be read as a stand alone.

However, the fic I am currently working on more so references this fic, so when I post that (which will probably be in August sometime), it may make things easier for you to read this before that. Just an FYI :3

This is one of my longer fics, so I will be posting it in multiple chapters. I'm guessing this one will be around four, maybe five chapters. We will have to see how I divide the rest up, but until then, here's the first part.

Oh, and in case it wasn't obvious, there are ADULT THEMES in this fic, meaning that if sex and or that of the like makes you squeamish or isn't your cup of tea, then I'd suggest a reading a different fic. But, if you are a-okay with that sort of stuff, please continue ^v^

I would LOVE to hear comments on this, in particular the characterization of Tadashi (because this is what I think he'd be like, but I'm not sure if it is "canon") and the whole, ahem, act. Like I said, NOT A EXPERT AT THIS SORT OF THING so I would appreciate feedback on my interpretation. :)

If you would like to learn more about my OC, my deviantart account, Smokelesseyes, has more information on her. That's .com

Alright, without further adieu, here is part one of this fanfic. Thanks for reading!

~Smoke

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Of Bodies and Bruises

Chapter One

"Ah, Tadashi…" I vaguely heard myself murmur as Tadashi's hands came to rest on my waist, his thumbs brushing against the bare skin of my torso as my shirt hitched up. Tadashi's lips rested on my neck, the familiar pulsation of his mouth bring the hairs on the back standing up, the ache resulting from it a pain that felt comforting and good. I ran my fingers absently through his hair, the soreness that ran from various areas on my neck and collarbone sharpening as Tadashi left another mark.

The haziness I usually experienced when things became more intimate between the two of us had descended a while back, and I was finding it harder and harder to care that Ms. Cass was just downstairs or that Hiro could burst through the door any minute and see us in a rather close and tangled embrace. Familiar warmth that I only experienced with Tadashi was spiraling through me, and it felt so good and satisfying that it just strengthened my negligent attitude towards anything else aside from Tadashi and his embrace.

I could feel Tadashi's lips turn up against my skin as he finished up another love bite. "Feels alright, Auden? Not too many?" He murmured against my skin, his voice low and husky, something I had figured out only happened when he was feeling as hazy and warm as I was…

I shook my head, minuet aches from my neck in protest of the movement ones I welcomed. "N-no…I-it feels g-good, T-Tadashi…"

Despite the feeling that I was floating above all and everything, I could still feel my cheeks warm as I admitted that I enjoyed Tadashi giving me hickies. Though, I'm sure Tadashi wouldn't be able to tell that my cheeks had darkened more, considering they had been red the entire time.

"Ah, well then…" Tadashi's lips brushed against his new mark, the pressure on the sensitive area making me wince slightly. "I'd love to give you another, but…" Tadashi moved from love bite to love bite, kissing each one softly. "I'm running out of room, so it looks like we'll have to find something else to enjoy doing."

Tadashi moved, and suddenly his face was in front of mine. His tawny eyes were warm but dark, and I knew from the look that he was by no means done with our intimacy, though I won't lie and say that disappointed me.

"So…"Tadashi's lips pressed against my jawline, and he ran warm kisses from my chin to my ear, biting my ear lobe lightly once he reached it, causing me the gasp softly. "What would you like to do…?"

I felt my heart pound in my chest as be breathed the words into my ear, which sent a shiver up my spine. It was always such a shock to see Tadashi become so…Lustful. It just didn't seem like a way he would behave. Then again, he was a young man, so this behavior shouldn't be too surprising, and despite the lingering bruises and dark looks, he was still Tadashi. Even with how he'd get when we got more and more intimate, he would always ask and make sure I was okay with how everything was going, and he was always focused on how I was feeling and what I wanted.

I had also noticed this more dominant side of him had more frequent appearances as the months passed and our relationship became deeper and more steady. It seemed that once he knew I was comfortable with something, he allowed himself to relax and dwell in the moment as well. This continuous development of Tadashi's intimate side had me wondering if he was holding back for my sake, that what I was seeing was just a fraction of how he really felt and what he really wanted to do with me.

This wasn't the first time I thought of it, and since I had promised Tadashi I'd open up more and discuss things with him instead of just keeping them to myself, I had asked him several times before about whether or not he wanted to do more or was okay with what we were doing. His answer was always the same, that yes he was alright with doing as much as we were at the current state in our relationship, and yes, though he might like to do more, he wasn't going to push me to do something I wasn't ready for.

"What makes you happy makes me happy. Though I might want to do more at times, if you don't enjoy it, then I wouldn't either, no matter how much I thought I would. Your happiness is much more important and is what makes me the happiest Auden."

Still, knowing that Tadashi was holding back and going slow for my sake made me realize how unfair it was for him. He shouldn't have to be the only one to change up their tempo. So, though I was getting more comfortable with doing certain things (kissing, love bites, sleeping in the same bed) I was also pushing myself to take small risks to quicken my tempo up, even just a bit, to make things fair for the both of us. Tadashi slowed down, and I sped up. That way, we both were making sacrifices to find that middle ground that was still in our comfort zones and made us both happy and obliging to be there.

I swallowed, mouth dry from Tadashi's close proximity. "C-can we…K-kiss…?" My question was but a whisper, but luckily, Tadashi was close enough so I wouldn't have to repeat it.

Sparks snapped up my jaw as Tadashi's fingers were suddenly there, pressing lightly into my warm skin. He pulled his head away from my ear, and was once again in the center of my vision. He was close enough that the whole of his face took up most of my gaze, yet, I could see his neck, see the marks I left on him just a few minutes before.

I felt my cheeks redden as I saw the newly forming bruises, still shocked that I had the audacity to do such a thing. Though it made it easier knowing that Tadashi liked them so much; it wasn't as embarrassing knowing that I was making him feel good by suck on the tender skin of his neck. The feeling about hickies was mutual, and I'm sure my neck wasn't too far off from his. It was a good thing neither of us had anywhere to go over the next few days…

"Certainly." Tadashi's voice was one of the first things I noticed about him, deep yet gentle, something I always found ironic. Of course, now it was a bit sultry as he addressed me, giving me little to no time to prepare as suddenly Tadashi's lips were pressed into mine, causing a new wave of warmth to wash through my body. His lips I knew so well; I could be blind and know Tadashi was the one in front of me simply by tracing his lips with my fingertip.

I kissed back, pressing my mouth into his, falling into the familiar dance that our lips performed whenever they met. Our lips moved across one another's, and tingles burst from mine, haziness thickening. I could feel the warmth in my body circling and focusing around my lower abdomen, pulsating there as Tadashi's fingers moved up my torso, my shirt riding up more as he pressed his fingers into my flesh, seeming keen on touching as much of it as he could. I settled my fingers at the nape of his neck, holding myself close to him as I readjusted myself on his lap, the idea that we were in his bed with only the closed thin shoji door between us and everyone else becoming smaller and less important as instincts rose and flared up inside me.

I ran my fingers up the back of Tadashi's head, allowing them to tangle with his short, thick hair. Tadashi let out what sounded like a growl, one of appreciation as his hands tightened around me, his lips crashing into mine harder. I felt something wet and warm dart across my lips, sending sharp pin like sensations through them where it touched. His breath hot, impatient almost on my face as he waited for me to

recognize the wet warmth as his tongue, demanding entrance into my mouth.

I had barely opened my mouth when Tadashi's tongue dove in, tangling with mine and searching my mouth, leaving not a spot untouched. I could feel my breathing speeding up, coming out in short puffs from my nose, and I was unable to concentrate on anything else but the sensations buzzing through my body.

Then, unexpectedly, Tadashi's tongue disappeared, which brought about a wave of disappointment and confusion until I heard his husky words.

"A-auden…I…I want to…C-can I…?"

Hearing him breathless and questioning, I opened my eyes to see what exactly he was referring to when I felt him grip my waist tighter, causing me to gasp. Looking up at him, I saw Tadashi's usual composure was slipping, and a look of desperation was mixing with his darkened gaze. He looked nervous, hair sticking up in random directions and looking a bit torn. Not only that, but as I ran his words through my head again, I realized that he sounded almost like he was pleading.

I wasn't used to Tadashi acting like this…He suddenly looked so young, so innocent, and it hit me hard in that moment that I had no idea how experienced Tadashi truly was in this department. Sure, his love life had come across in conversation once or twice; he had a few girlfriends in high school, but nothing had ever been too serious with them. Still, I always figured that by the way he acted, he had done this before, had been around the bend a few times. But putting together what he'd told me previous and what I was seeing now, I realized that maybe my assumption was wrong. Maybe Tadashi wasn't as experienced as I thought. Maybe the front he put on was to make me more comfortable, or maybe it made him more comfortable.

Absorbing this new possibility, I opened my mouth to ask Tadashi what he wanted to do when I felt him squeeze my sides again. That was the second time he'd done that. Was he trying to tell me…?

I felt my eyes widen as I figured out what he wanted to do. He wanted…He wanted to take my shirt off…I felt my face blaze ferociously and heart pound away on my ribs. I looked down at my shirt, which I saw was already up over my stomach, exposing my belly button. Tadashi tanned arms contrasted with the pale complexion of my stomach, his hands hidden by the bunched up material of my tank top, which had inched their way up my waist and now rested on my ribs, just beneath my bra…I felt my eyes widened; I hadn't even felt or realized Tadashi's hands had crept up that far. I wondered if maybe he hadn't either, and that was why he'd stopped to ask me if it was okay for him to continue when he noticed himself before he just did it in a wave of desire.

I bit my lip, looking from Tadashi's arms and up to his face. Was I ready for this? Did I really want Tadashi to see what was underneath my baggy shirt? It wasn't much; my chest was small, practically flat. I had never really cared about the size of my breasts until I'd started dating Tadashi. I knew that someday he'd want to see me, and I knew that someday I'd let him, but did that mean I wanted him to?

I just didn't want to disappoint him. Tadashi was amazing; he had a beautiful mind and beautiful body, was someone every girl would dream of being with (I had seen the ways girls and even some guys looked at Tadashi. It wasn't hard to figure out he was desirable). I was so very lucky to be with him, lucky that he wanted to be with me. Me, whose mind was a mess of anxiety and trauma (though not as bad as it had once been. I was working on it, but it still was not 100%) and body was the equivalent of a 12 year old boy's.

I wasn't desirable. I knew that, had accepted it. But, that didn't mean I expected someone else to accept it, not even Tadashi. It wasn't fair; I got this great package and he pretty much got the free cheap little gift that came with a purchase over a certain amount. Suddenly the warmth pooling in me cooled down and died away, and before I could even comprehend what I was doing, I was putting my hands on Tadashi's and gently removing them from my body as I detangled myself from him and slide off the bed, bare feet hitting the smooth wood of his bedroom floor.

"Auden?" I wasn't surprised when I heard Tadashi's bed squeak and found him sitting himself next to me. "Are you alright? I'm sorry if I pushed too much. That wasn't my intention, I just…" the worry and guilt in Tadashi's tone was heavy and looking up at him, I watched as he carded his fingers through his messy hair, a telltale sign that he felt bad. "I got caught up in the moment, and wasn't really thinking when I asked. I should've never-,"

"It's not you Tadashi." I cut Tadashi off, not wanting him to give a full-blown explanation and apology for something that wasn't even his fault. Tendrils of guilt swirled in my stomach, knowing that I had been the one to bring about such feelings in him. "It…It wasn't anything y-you did…I-I'm not upset by th-that." I looked away, focusing on the floorboards below.

"Auden…" I could hear the worry still in Tadashi's tone, which had gone from husky to gentle. A warm hand placed itself on my bare shoulder. "If that's not the case, then what's wrong? You seemed fine until I brought up…That."

I shrugged, keeping my eyes glued to the floor. How could I tell Tadashi? Not only would it be mortifying, but my words might be what Tadashi needs to hear in order to come with terms that…That I wasn't attractive.

Like I said, I was okay with not being attractive. I wasn't what people thought of when "sexy" and "beautiful" came to mind. I knew I wasn't, and I was okay with it. I just wasn't okay with not being that for Tadashi.

"Auden…" Warm fingertips pressed into my jaw and coaxed my head into turning. Allowing it to do so, I found my gaze no longer on the floor and away from Tadashi, but on Tadashi's face. His eyes were warm and light, the darkened looks gone for the time being, worry replacing it. "Please, don't shut me out. Remember what you told me at the beginning of all this? That you wouldn't lock me out, that you'd let me know what was going on; that you'd trust me?"

'At the beginning of all this.' Tadashi meant at the very beginning of our relationship, where we went from just friends to something more, something I never thought I'd want, but needed. Of course I'd remember that conversation, even if it had been over eight months ago. I'd promised Tadashi I'd tell him whenever something bothered me, no matter what it was, so previous events wouldn't be repeated. So I wouldn't completely shatter as I had just a few months prior to that conversation.

And I had done the best I could to follow through with Tadashi's request. I told him when things were getting rough for me, when I found myself facing difficult times, whether in our relationship or aside from it. And every time he'd listen and offer advice and support, which did help and make the situation more bearable, even fix it on some occasions. I returned the favor of course, but Tadashi was more willing to discuss any problems he was having unlike myself, which is why that conversation had occurred in the first place.

I nodded.

"I…I remember, a-and I d-do my best with it, b-but…" I averted my eyes from Tadashi, instead focusing on his shirt. "Th-this is something I…I can't t-tell you Tadashi…I just can't."

Tadashi's response was immediate. "Can't, or won't?" His arm had moved from my shoulder and had now come to rest on top of my own, thumb smoothing across the skin. "Auden, you can tell me anything, especially if it is something that upsets you."

"B-but, what if it upsets you, too?" I bit my lip, feeling more vulnerable than I had in a long time.

"Then that is all the more reason to tell me." I felt my eyes widen at Tadashi's words and glanced up at him. "If it upsets you and you think it'll upset me, then it must be something about the two of us, right? We should talk about it. Plus," Tadashi's thumb brushed against my cheek, "You don't actually know if it'll upset me unless you tell me; that's all speculation."

Why did Tadashi always have to be so logical and forward thinking? Then again, maybe it was a good thing he had such a mindset; he was able to make sense of my jumbled and anxiety-riddled thoughts. It was like putting them into an organizer.

I bit the inside of my cheek, thinking. I could just push Tadashi off, tell him it was no big deal, but knowing him, he'd still hover and ask to talk about it. If Tadashi was anything, it was persistent. Not only that, but I might hurt his feelings by refusing to talk…Plus, he'd find out eventually, if not now. Might as well get it out of the way earlier than later.

"W-well, o-okay…" Letting the air trickle out of my nostrils, I prepared myself for an explanation I never thought I'd have to give. "I…I j-just…I-I'm just not good enough."

I watched as Tadashi's dark eyebrows rose at my words.

"Auden, what are you talking about? You are good enough. Don't you remember what I told you and still tell you? You're-,"

"I-I don't mean it like that," I said, shaking my head as much as Tadashi's hand would allow. I couldn't help the small flare of warmth that sparked in me at the sounds of Tadashi's words, strong a resolute. That he was 100% sure that I was good enough, that I was a good person. "I-I meant more along th-the lines of…physically."

I hadn't even gotten to the meat of things and my cheeks were already burning. This was so humiliating and also terrifying. The last thing I wanted to tell Tadashi was that I was disappointing him, that I couldn't offer him a good physical relationship.

Tadashi's eyebrows lowered from their surprised positioning, and furrowed to show the confusion he was clearly feeling.

"What do you mean physically? Auden, you know I think you're beautiful."

I felt my cheeks heat up more as Tadashi complimented me; no, it wasn't even a compliment. The way Tadashi said it was more of an affirmation, as though it was fact that I was beautiful, as clear as day to anyone and everyone.

"I-I meant more…B-body wise." My eyes lowered away from Tadashi's as I spoke of my insecurities. "T-Tadashi, I might get wrapped u-up in my head, b-but I'm not completely oblivious. I-I know I don't…Don't have an attractive b-body…Heck, I-I have the b-body of a twelve year old boy." I couldn't help but smile at the comparison, even though the conversation was bringing me anything but joy.

"Auden…" Tadashi's voice was soft, and I could hear the empathy in his tone as he took in my words.

"I-I'm okay with it…Re-really, I-I don't mind for myself, b-but for you…" I could feel my eyes prick, the subject much sorer than I thought it would be. "I-it just isn't fair…I-I'm so b-barren…S-so when you w-wanted to take o-off my shirt, I-I was scared, n-not d-doing it per say, b-but because of th-the p-possibility of seeing the d-disappointment on your f-face…" I sniffed, the final word staying never making it out of my mind.

Rejection.

Suddenly, Tadashi's hands disappeared from my own and my face, and I found a moment later that his arms were wrapping around me, pulling me towards him. My eyes widened at the sudden embrace, not sure what I had expected after my confession.

"Jeez Auden…" I could feel Tadashi bury his face into my hair, taking a deep breath in. "How could you think that I wouldn't love your body? That I would be disappointed?"

Tadashi pulled his face out from my curls and looked at me, his face so open, and I swore that for a moment, I could see hurt flicker through his eyes. He was waiting for me to answer his question. Swallowing the lump away, I answered quietly.

"W-well, I-I know th-that guys like…Like girls that aren't like m-me…"

"Auden," If I didn't know any better, I could of sworn Tadashi sounded exasperated by my answer, "Not all guys like the exact same thing. Besides, not all guys are shallow to look at a woman at face value, just take into account her body. In fact, a good number of guys love a woman for who she is, not what she has.

"And," Tadashi continued, unwrapping an arm from around me so he could tilt my chin up with his free hand, "when you love a woman for who she is, you love all of her because everything she has is what makes her everything she is."

My heart fluttered in my chest at Tadashi's words. How did he always know what to say? Even though what he said might be true, I still felt I was lacking what he could possibly want and need.

"B-but still T-Tadashi…" I glanced off to the side, cheeks warming even more. "Y-you…You give so much…I-I just feel th-that sometimes, I-I can't do the s-same for you, n-no matter how hard I-I try…I-I just want t-to be able t-to do the same f-for you…a-and, that includes…phys-physical th-things as well."

"Auden, you give me so much too." Tadashi's words coaxed me to look back at him. "More than enough. You're always so caring and are always thinking about what's best for me and worrying for me, even if it is over silly things like physical appearances." I felt myself blush more as Tadashi spoke. "All you have to do Auden is be yourself, because that is who I love. I love you Auden, all of you."

"I…I love you too." I whispered to Tadashi, the words like cotton on my tongue. Even though I had heard the words and said them more than once, I still got a fluttery light feeling inside of me when the exchange occurred. "Re-really, I do…Th-thank you Tadashi."

Tadashi smiled, brushing a few stray curls from my face.

"No problem. I want you to as comfortable with yourself as I am with you." Tadashi leaned it, pecking me on the lips, sending sparks flying throughout me once again and rekindling the fire that had been doused by doubt earlier.

TBC…