Lizzie Fanfic

"Hey, it's cinco de mayo!"

"yeah let's go drink"

"but we're in 8th grade! Let's just get some taco bell instead"

"ok, but you know guys real Mexicans don't ceklebrate cinco de may"

"well you know you're an American too, and they celebrate it"

"uhhh yeah"

Lizzie and Miranda had been going out for three months, and Gordo was starting to get jealous. There they are again he thought to himself Going to celbrate Cinco de Mayo without me… You see, Gordo had had a massive crush on Lizzie for almost two years. Every night he replayed fantasies of running his man hands through her silky, wheat like hair and touching her porcelin skin. But lately these fantasies have been interrupted by images of Miranda kissing his Lizzie. It frustrated him. HE deserved her. Oh how he hated that Miranda, stealing away his darling little lumpkins. He headed home filled with jealousy about Lizzie and Miranda's relationship.

Then out of nowhere he bumped into thiks guy walking down the street. He said "you look sad there lad no what is wrong?" Gordo explained. The guy, who introduced himself as Iago, told Gordo that is was really not fair to him and Miranda was a skank that didn't deserve lizzie. Gordo came to the conclusion that he must sabotage the relationship, particularly mirranda. She must have some weakness…

Gordo decided to go home…from there he would plot.

He remembered that Lizzie really liked guys with good hair (i.e. no repeat…) so Gordo actually took a shower for once. He didn't have any shampoo so he used his mom's, it smelled like strawberries. He then too some of his older brother's hair gel and slicked back his hair, (think Adam Lambert two weeks ago) Then he put on a button down shirt and black skinny jeans.

Thinking he looked pretty cool, he decided he would go to taco bell to surprise lizzie and Miranda and steal her away with this sexy new look. Things didn't quite go as planned. He was strolling past a starbucks on the way when all of the sudden he was underneath a dazzlingly hot guy that looked suspiciously like Edward cullen. "Is that strawberries I smell? It's delicious you yummy little thing. I must kill you" he said as if trying to seduce gordo, however it didn't work because 1. Gordo wasn't gay 2. He was scared ot of his mind and 3. He just found out that Edward is killing people, cheasting on bella, and gay. Gordo told Edward that he would reveal this to the tweenage world on the next episode of lizzie mcguire. He was released and continued on his way.

He made his way past taco bell when he saw lizzie and Miranda.

"Hey girls!" He called as he slicked his hand through his hair.

They were busy making out and whispering in each other's ears. As soon as gordo moved his arm though a whiff of his cologne wafted into lizzie's nostrils. She darted her head up and looked at gordo with seductive eyes. "I want you" she said in a deep, throaty monstrous voice. "I want to know everything about you, I want to follow you on twitter, stalk you at night, make a shrine of your head out of bubblegum in my closet, and check your immigration status. I must everything about your irrestibible being."

"Really!" Gordo said excitedly.

"No, now go away, you're bothering us" Although, this hur gordo greatly, it sparked an idea in his brain.

It was awfully convienient that his best friend worked at the immigration offices. He knew that Miranda was illegal. Her hot, sticky, beer breath had mumbled it into his ear one night. That one awful night. It had been before, when lizzie still liked ethan and she was making out with him. Miranda was drunk and was coming on to gordo and he let her, because frankly he was undersexed and wanted to make lizzie jealaous.

So he strutted down the road to his friend at the office and said "Why hello there my good man, I Have somer illegals to report"

Miranda was sitting at her kitchen table thinking abourt mexiacan things, like chihuyahuas and sombreros, when she heard a knock on the door. Se got up to go answer it. She looked through the peephole and she saw a immigration officer and her mommy had always told her that if she saw one she should run out the back door.

So Miranda did. She made a break for it out the back door and jumped the fence. The immigration officer was smart though, he knew how Mexicans operated. He took his butterfly net and caught up to Miranda (he used to be an Olympic sprinter). He scoopedc her up and took her away. He figured it would be better to just take the slut over the border himself rather then just notify her of the deportation. He knew these Mexicans were clingy with America. It was best that he just took her away and put her back in her rightful place at a fiesta in mexico city. He crafted a goodbye note for her, because he somehow knew all about her life. It read:

Dear Lizzie, I am sorry it had to end this way.

Love Miranda

P.S. I'm going to Mexico City with a hot Immigration officer to visit my aunt.

She is beautiful thought the officer. He was pretty excited about this trip to Mexico. Her brown eyes shimmered in the sun as he threw her into the back of his van. He smirked as he lifted himself into the driver's seat of the van. (It WAS a black van )

Lizzie found the note when she went to go visit Miranda; she was devastated. Gordo, who was of course following Lizzie, saw that it was his chance to pounce. He walked up to her and said "Baby, she just left you for an immigration officer and her aunt, I'd never leave you sweetcheeks"

"You're right" she said as she sauntered over to Gordo. Swaying her hips, she slowly touched her finger to his chin. She then started to kiss Gordo. Except it was really awkward because she liked to bite and use her tounge more than Gordo did so it was a pretty unpleasant experience for him. When she finished, gordo looked like a shark just bite his face. He took one look in the mirror and saw the magled face screamed and rann off to his plastic surgeon. After the damage was fixed, he decided to sue lizzie. So in the end, although he may not have truly gotten the girl, because he rejected her, but he did get the money. So really, lizzzie was left with no lover, Miranda was deported, and gordo sued lizzie for a bajillion dollars. Nobody lived happily ever after, except gordo.

THE END