A/N: Heya guys! This is a one-shot Ayushiki thing… made to cry out your tears. ;-; GODDANG IT I CRIED SO MUCH WHEN I WAS WRITING THE ACTUAL THING- Either way… the chapter's story itself will be based on the song that Nanou made, Swaying! I don't know about niconico, but I assure you that Soraru's cover of the actual song is uploaded on YouTube and prepared to make you… take a trip on the feelz train ;-; Anyways, leave a review and I'll see you soon!
Swaying
Yoshiki P.O.V
I wonder how long it has been since Shinozaki had responded to my messages. Taking out my phone, I decided to send her a message to check out if she's actually okay; both mentally and physically. Typing out the words that I wished to relay, I sent the message out quickly.
"Hey, are you okay?"
After finishing up typing the message, I was behind the yellow line on where the train would arrive soon and pick me up to school. One of my hands were in my pocket, and the scarf that Miki made me was tightly wrapped around my neck and keeping me warm and fuzzy—I wonder how she's doing now under… that man's rules and strictness.
I must say, how my daily life is headed towards to is really hated by me—the people in school will always talk crap about me, because of my history as a delinquent before in town, and I'm always picked on by teachers and was always hated by people around me. The only people I have is my friends, but I don't get to see them much, since I live pretty far away and that's also why I had to take a train to arrive at school.
And like that, I run away;
it's amazing how I can still smile through all of this.
I started to remember my sole reason for being so happy and holding myself back from all the bullies again—the someone that had taken part in my life and made my grey outlook on life brighten. To be honest to myself which insist that I myself is the sole reason for why I should be bright everyday,
I've long forgotten how to love myself already.
~Flashback~
Jeez… those guys were really annoying, talking shit in front of me like that—they deserved a beating from me after all. Heh, seeing their faces swollen up like that made me feel much better than how I was earler, they were always like that—never knowing what simple words would bring to them.
Although, I wasn't complete in a perfect state at all—wounds and marks were filled on my body and face, making me completely exposed to people's thoughts and insults that they can think of and throw it towards me. It's not like I care either way, so say what the fuck that you'd like to.
I was on the train, headed towards my home—it's actually perfect to me that nobody's on board as of now, since no one could see me and insult me anymore until the next station. My consciousness is slowly starting to slip away from me, my blood staining my pure white school uniform inside of my jacket—
"Hey…?"
A delicate and soft voice had called out to me, prompting me to open my eyes and take a look at who the person is that called me awake. It's a girl, with the same school uniform as me and having a dark-blue hair and a pair of twintails hanging down over her shoulders.
"You okay…? You look pretty beaten up, and you dropped your phone…"
I gulp. I didn't know what to reply on what I'm seeing right now—either that the girl is really beautiful or someone is finally showing me a kindness that I didn't deserve. "Y-Yeah…" The girl picked up her phone for me and stood up, passing me the phone that I dropped earlier when I was nearly close to fainting.
"I'm Ayumi Shinozaki, it's nice to meet you!" The girl smile, and gave me her hand to shake as a sign of friendship made.
"…I'm Yoshiki Kishinuma. It's nice to meet you too." I smile a little, and shook her hand.
…
From that day on, I feel… special for this girl. I can meet her every day in the train when I'm headed home, and cause school a special thing for me to look forward to—since I can see Shinozaki every time when I head home. She always cheered me on and gave me mental support when I had needed her the most.
The days pass each other quickly ever since I had begun to think positively, thanks to Shinozaki influencing me with her pure thoughts.
You're always, always happily smiling like that…
And so, I sway and sway, from side to side, between
"love" and "hate"…
Even though I am bullied and looked down upon everyday, I try my best to always say that 'I'm okay' with this deceiving mask on. I wouldn't want her to worry about my well-being and do things that proved to be over-board when she's helping me to take care of these problems that had been bothering me.
Again today, the world continues to be cruel…
and again, someone's crying…
You see, it's not a kind place…
but even so…
once I see your face,
I can't tell anymore…
~Flashback END~I couldn't keep these feelings hidden inside me anymore—if I won't confess, who knows who will confess to her next because of how kind she is to people and how quickly she is to accept them in and out… The next train arrives yet again, and I had entered the train, looking outside the city filled with haze.
At class, I couldn't concentrate at all—probably because my mind was filled with Shinozaki's smile and the sincerest blush that I can see from time to time… "Kishinuma!" A loud voice ring out and made shutter a bit before standing up and looking to the teacher, with a 'Huh!?' vibrated through the classroom.
Chuckles and annoyed looks were redirected at me afterwards, alongside with the teacher that had called me crossing his arms and looking at me. "Kishinuma, couldn't you stay at home and rot freely instead of coming here already?" I sigh mentally, and was insulted, looked down upon for the whole day after that.
Of course, that wouldn't have kept my mood depressed for the whole day—since I'm waiting for the train and for Shinozaki yet again. I wonder if I should tell her what happened today, but I figured that I shouldn't have done that, she could have even complicated problems if compared to what I've been facing every day.
The train arrives in front of me, the door opening and prompting me to enter the train and see the person that I've been wanting to see—Shinozaki. She was again talkative, and our time was spent well during the journey of me returning home, and I had already prepared for what's coming next—my confession.
"Shinozaki…"
"Hm?" She cheerfully turned her head towards me, looking at me and wondering what would I have to say. That only made me more nervous and literally wrecked my nerve to confess, but I wouldn't back down now since I've come so far.
"I… I think I like you…"
Her face suddenly became shocked, and turned her head away from me. Is this meaning that she's… "K-Kishinuma-kun… I'm sorry… I like Mochida-kun from your class… I…" Mochida… he's always getting all the attention. My heart cracks, and my internal systems are forcefully punching my eyes to get tears out of it. Even so, the doors open, the crowd floods in, and Iran outside of the train—never looking back ever again.
When I wake up the next day, everything's changed
To forget everything and smile
that's the only way to live in this world
From the days that continued onwards… I couldn't see her anymore—it's as if she was non-existent all along and it pains my heart to think of her anymore. The days that followed after my failed confession thoroughly made my life worse than any others that I've faced before, and I walk down on my own—still not looking back after that day had passed.
I've been deceiving myself from that day on. I convinced myself that she is still on the train, waiting for me. The first few days were okay, the lies were getting to me; but the next days were thoroughly painful to see that seat that usually contained where she sat—belonged to someone else's now.
The nights that I've passed, was filled with smiles and memories of her before. But now, tears fall, and crashed on the pure fabric that I hug and cry on.
Painting over lies with more lies
I can't even tell
The lies from the truth
I'm sure that you didn't know, that today
I couldn't sleep again…
After a few weeks, I finally got to see her—with Mochida, hanging out on the train station. What's this feeling…? Despite the crack in my chest leaking open and my tears falling from my eyes, I still wanted her to be happy. I started talking to her again, and wanted to make sure that everyday she experienced was fun…
My outlook on life… wasn't grey anymore. It's black, pitch-black hell.
But as long as your days Wouldn't someone please You're always, even today And so, even these trashy days So why is it that we still soon lose things and get hurt We're still, still
are even a little bit fun
teach me how to love this world?
happily smiling like that
feel like something special
unable to become kind
and again
we make someone cry
I wrote all the lyrics that I can think of today, I'm singing a song for Shinozaki, to keep her entertained on the way back home. While I was making my way to the yellow line, which the train hasn't arrived yet—someone pushed me down to the rails, causing me to fall flat and groan in pain.
"Kishinuma-kun!"
Is that… "Shinozaki! Don't come closer!" The train is seen from afar, and she offered her hands to help me up. At first, I grabbed onto her hand and thought, she still has feelings for me—but… Mochida came, and also attempted to help me up. As the train approaches, I whispered something—
"Please be happy."
I released their grip. I fall backwards. I die. My soul, now being me could see every detail of me being crushed to bits by how fast the railways were. What's the point of living anyways? But even so…
When we are born
we cry and sob loudly
and for the rest of our lives
we've lived our days in tears
I'm sure that even in the future,
we'll cry everyday in the same way
And so, at the very least, I want you
to laugh,
just a bit more…My friends are taking the train more frequently now, they're laughing—including Mochida and Shinozaki, they're really sweet when they're together like this. Yeah, I realize, I don't have much time left for myself to watch them like this, so I have to give it all into these thoughts that represent me.
After this… I'll leave them for good. She used to look after me, and now… I'm doing the same.
I wish I could become kind
I wish I could become strong
None of that matters anymore
You're fine as you are now
Today, someone laughs again.
Shinozaki's resting on Mochida's lap. The station to her hometown is not far away now—so is my last station in mankind.
Today, someone cries again.
And in their shadow, someone cries again.
My tears started to flow down my cheeks—and nobody would ever see it.
Even so, you have to keep laughing,
Seeing her hurt sometimes during arguments with Mochida hurts me…
Or else, I'll be sad…
You're always, always Again today, the world continues to be cruel
happily smiling like that
And so, even these trashy days
feel like something special
and again, someone's crying
I walk to the doors of the train. It opens.
You see, it's not a kind place,
but still,
your smiling face saves me
yet again…
I jump down.
I dissipate.
I turn into nothing.
"Please be happy."
A/N: FUUUUUUUUUUCK CRIED A LOT DX Leave a review, and see you guys next time!