The Choices We Make
By: Phoenix Dayze
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy. Pity that.
Part One: Dreamer
Cloud smiled to himself as he watched Zack practice, the agile speed, the smooth motions of his sword, the beautiful, honed weapon that his body became. It was breathtaking, and it was everything that Cloud wanted to be. He closed his eyes and sighed and ran a weary hand through his hair. Sadly, he knew he'd never be that good. At the rate he was going, he'd be lucky if he even made SOLDIER. But he had to.
Opening his eyes, he focused on Zack again. Yes. Failure wasn't an option, not anymore. If he failed, he'd be sent away, and he'd lose the only thing that had ever been important to him. Zack. Not that Zack was his to lose, but he wanted him to be. Would give almost anything to be able to crawl into Zack's warm embrace and escape from the world, to be able to disappear in the blissful distraction of Zack's skin.
Cloud felt a blush rising to his cheeks, and he quickly averted his eyes. He'd never really had those kinds of thoughts before meeting Zack, never really thought about anything sexual at all, much less desired it. But with Zack… Cloud swallowed. With Zack Cloud wanted…he wanted… Well, that was just it. He wanted. But Zack was so perfect, so strong and focused, and Cloud didn't see why anyone, much less a SOLDIER like Zack, would ever want to take him as a lover. He was pretty enough in the face, he supposed, a little too feminine for his taste, but he was short, and because of his age, he hadn't filled out yet, still scrawny and not overly muscled. At least, he hoped it was because of his age.
He was clumsy, he over-slept, he could barely manage to speak to anyone, and he was completely worthless in anything based on size, strength, or tactics. Why would anyone want him? He was a First Class fuck-up! Even in his hometown he'd been despised! Zack would never…
"Hey, why're you being such a mope?"
Cloud jumped, startled, and looked up into Zack's smiling face, his eyes questioning. Small rivulets of sweat were running down Zack's face, sliding, sliding…down his cheeks, over his chin, down his neck, and into his shirt, where…god…
A hand waved in front of his face. "Yoohoo, Zack Fair calling Cloud Strife. Where'd you go, man?"
Cloud shook himself out of his trance, looked at Zack, really looked at him, and smiled weakly. "I'm…not a mope." He answered sullenly.
"Oh, really?" Zack's voice was warm, playfully serious. "Then what's this all about?" He thumbed Cloud's bottom lip. "Looks like Mope City to me."
Choking back the shock of arousal that bolted through him at the intimate contact, Cloud gently smacked Zack's hand away. "It's nothing. I was just…thinking about home."
Zack nodded then, apparently satisfied. "Well," he said after a moment, "Stop it. You're throwing off my balance."
"What?"
Zack grinned. "Didn't you know? My performance is rigged to directly correlate with your happy bar?"
Cloud felt confused, and more than a little worried. "Happy bar?"
Zack nodded. "Yep. Every time you get all sullen on me, the levels shift, and I fall over." He knocked Cloud in the shoulder with an easy fist. "So like I said, stop it, okay?"
Cloud pursed his lips a bit, and looked a little shifty. Then, after a long moment, he said, "You know, if you reversed the flow so that you were working off my angst bar instead, you'd be set."
Zack stared at him for a long moment before bursting out laughing. He settled himself next to Cloud and slung an arm over the boy's shoulder, ruffling madly at his hair. "You know, Spikey," he drawled, "you're one damn fine lad!" He hugged him close for a second, then eased up, giving Cloud some breathing room. "And don't you fucking dare ever let anyone tell you any different!"
----------------------------
Zack sighed happily as he dropped Cloud back at his barracks. The boy really was adorable! And he didn't even know it. But Zack knew, and it had a funny way of making his heart clench up every time he saw him. He'd been hooked ever since the first time he looked into those impossibly blue eyes. And since then, he'd done nothing but grow fonder by the day. Needless to say Zack's patience were at their wit's end, standing on their last leg, at the end of their rope…he was really, really horny. No, that sounded to crude to be associated with Cloud. He desperately needed to get the boy into bed. No, that wasn't right either. He wanted… He… Goddamn it, he needed to get fucking laid! Soon! With Cloud! That about summed it up.
He let his shoes scuff the sidewalk as he made his back to his room. The truth of it was, he loved Cloud too much to do anything. He'd never loved anyone before, and he didn't want to screw up. But more than that, he didn't want to hurt Cloud. And he could tell that Cloud wasn't ready yet. But to be fair, it would be hard for Cloud to tell him when he was ready, if Zack never got up the nerve to confess his feelings. But the problem with that was, Cloud was studying for his SOLDIER exams, working like his life depended on it, and to throw this at him now would just be an unnecessary distraction. And that wouldn't be fair to Cloud either. Perhaps…after the exam…
Zack nodded emphatically to himself as he swiped his keycard at the sensor. "That should be good. I'll tell him then."
"Tell who what?"
Zack turned, and gave Sephiroth a hearty wave. "I was just thinking about Cloud." He held the door opened and waited to see if Sephiroth was coming in.
"Strife? He's taking the exams in a few weeks, isn't he?" Sephiroth eyed Zack carefully as he passed him, stepping into the hall. "What are you going to tell him?"
Zack shook his head. "Uh uh uh." He wagged his finger at the General as though he were a naughty child. "I can't tell you that. It's a secret."
Sephiroth frowned. "I thought we didn't have any secrets?"
"We don't. It's just…" Zack trailed off, not sure what to say. He didn't want to lie to Seph, not even by omission, but he didn't want to reveal his little crush just yet either. At least not until he'd had time to talk to Cloud about it. "Seph, I…"
"It's alright." Sephiroth interrupted him. "I understand."
"No," Zack said lowly, "you don't."
"No." Sephiroth put a light hand against Zack's arm. "But I know you." He paused, then, "It's alright."
Zack nodded. "I'm sorry, okay? It's nothing bad, and I want to tell you, it's just… I need to know something first."
"Zack," Sephiroth chided him gently, "stop being such a child. All men have secrets."
"I guess so. I wonder…" Zack shook his head at Sephiroth's questioning stare. "Never mind."
--------------------------------
Cloud kicked off his shoes and flopped down on his bunk. He really needed a shower, but he was too tired at the moment. All he wanted to do right now was lay here and think about Zack. About his skill. About his strength. About the arm pressing against his should, the fingers pulling through his hair, the steady bumbumbum of Zack's heart when the man hugged him close. Zack's scent lingered in his nose. He wanted so much to be able to return those touches, to make Zack feel loved and appreciated, to press close, touch, claim, kiss, explore, pleasure, sate…
Glancing around to make sure he wouldn't bother anyone, Cloud let his hand drift down to the little problem between his thighs. He brushed his fingers over himself lightly, making himself shiver. He really needed this. Popping the button on his pants, Cloud slid his hand inside and wasted no time in grasping himself firmly. He had to bite back a gasp at the sharp pleasure that assailed him as he began to move his hand along his shaft, slowly at first, then with increasing speed.
Visions of Zack played in his head, taking on dirtier connotations of themselves, fueling Cloud's wayward desires. His hips rocked, hard and steady, thrusting him up into his hand. Zack's eyes. Zack's mouth. Zack's hands…oh, yes! Right there! Don't stop, Zack! Don't stop! Love you…
Cloud came hard, barely choking back Zack's name. Heart pounding, Cloud rolled himself onto his side, burying his face in his pillow. Hot tears poured from his eyes, one physical release triggering another. Can't you see, Zack? You're my dream now. Not SOLDIER. You…
Tbc…