A/N: I don't own them. Spoilers for Pas de Deux. This is my first try at this, and reviews/comments are welcome and appreciated.
"Lovers don't finally meet somewhere. They're in each other all along." -Rumi
At 4 A.M. it was a cold, gray morning in the city. Not that she actually knew it was cold out, as she hadn't been outside since getting home from work the night before. But it was winter, and she hadn't heard of a heat wave coming on any time soon.
Since Donny DePalma had pulled his starter pistol on her the previous afternoon there was a lump in her throat and a knot in her stomach that just wouldn't go away. It had kept her from sleeping and that was why she found herself standing at her bedroom window staring out into the city night lost in her thoughts.
She didn't hear it when the door opened but when she felt the large hand on her shoulder she wasn't exactly surprised.
"How did you get in here?"
"My key. The one you gave me when we first became partners. The one for 'emergencies.'"
"Is there an emergency I'm unaware of?"
Bobby moved so he was perpendicular to her shoulder and could see her face in profile. "I couldn't sleep, and neither could you," he responded softly.
"You didn't know I couldn't sleep," came her answer as she turned her head to meet his eye.
"I sensed it."
"You're lucky I didn't 'sense' an intruder in my apartment and shoot you."
"I – I knew you were upset today, even though you didn't say it when you left. And lately you look like you could lend a hand to an clinical study on insomnia."
"Oh that's nice Goren. Way to kick a girl when she's down."
"No, I, you know what I meant."
"Yeah. I do. I've been having trouble readjusting to not having something the size of a basketball inside my body and getting back to work. When I get home at night it's like I can't shut my mind off. I've been wondering if this is what it's like in that overloaded brain of yours."
He smiled at her then, and she smiled back. There was something about that boyish charm that could put a smile on her face any time anywhere.
"I feel so alone lately," she continued, "for nine months I had someone with me always, and now I just don't. Today just made it seem more apparent. Even Margie, when she didn't feel her husband was enough, she was able to get out and find someone who was enough. Granted he turned out to be a cancer riddled nutcase in it for his own reasons, but she still had someone. And when Donny turned his back on Margie and she was arrested her husband still sent a lawyer to get her out of her mess."
Bobby looked at her like he was about to speak, but she stopped him.
"I know I'm rambling, but I need to get this out. Someone loved her enough to call a lawyer for her, even after he found out she was planning on running off with another man. I can't even get a guy to sit through dessert, let alone hang around long enough to send a lawyer to get me out of jail. Hell, I can't even meet a guy to convince to stick around through dessert because I'm too busy having other people's babies and getting guns pulled on me in the middle of the street. I—"
"Hey," he cut her off. "Do I hear utterances of self-loathing and self-pity coming out of that mouth? Let me tell you something; let me tell you the truth. And I'm only telling you this because the truth is what is required of friends and people who love you. You—"
"Did you just say you—"
"Hey, you got to say your piece, now let me say mine. Every man in any room you walk into wants to be the man that gets to know you and get beyond your walls and eventually get to love you. But they're all too scared. We're scared of the 5'2" woman who can manage not to flinch when some murderous maniac pulls a gun on her. We're all scared of the woman who has the guts and the heart to have a baby for someone else and give it away. We're even more scared of the woman who is willing to tell us what she thinks each and every day, even when honesty is a necessity in a relationship. You're all of those things, Eames. And they are great things. It's just that most guys don't know what to do with a woman who can do all of those great things like they are the most normal and natural things in the world. You're special, and it doesn't take a brilliant man to see that. You're scared of ending up alone, but I wouldn't worry about that, because I'm not going anywhere. Whether or not you see it or choose to realize it you're my best friend, and I'm not going to ever let you be 'alone.'"
When she looked up at him at the end of his spiel she saw a satisfied sparkle in his eye. One that told her he was not only right but also proud of himself for showing her the view from his side of the fence. In that instant she realized that he was her best friend too, and that it wasn't just a one-way street. She also realized that if she ever was worried, or scared, or depressed, or unhappy this was a person, correction the person, she could tell that to.
It was in that instant that Alex Eames realized that all the things she kept searching for had been with her for a good three years already. She continued to hold his gaze as the corner of her mouth turned up in a half grin. Grabbing his hand and leading him away from the window and back into the darkness of the bedroom she climbed back onto her bed and pulled him down with her.
As dawn drew near in New York City they lay in the darkness not saying much, mostly just staring at one another. The silence passing easily between them the way it does with two people who really and truly know each other, and who don't need to always need to be talking to have a conversation. Eventually sleep came for both of them. What came first was peace. The kind of peace that comes only when one is both happy with what they have with themselves and what they have with someone else. The kind of peace that comes when you realize that someone loves you.
Fin.