DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT KNOW ANY OF THE REAL PEOPLE NAMED IN THIS STORY. I DO HOWEVER KNOW CLARISSA. NO HARM IS MEANT TO ANYONE. ITS JUST PURE FANTASY.

THIS FICKLE HEART

CHAPTER ONE

FLASHBACK 2006

'Are you absolutely positive that this is the right place Clarissa?'

I looked out through the blacked out back windows of the SUV.

'Yes…The Angel, St Giles High Street, Soho.' I clarified.

'It looks like a spit and sawdust establishment to me.' My friend Henry groaned.

He was dropping me off at the pub, where my girlfriends had arranged to meet.

'Do you want me to come with?' He asked helpfully.

'Don't be silly H. You don't want to be spotted in a spit and sawdust establishment now do you? You'd better move actually. It's double yellow lines here. You don't want to get a ticket…What would pater say?' I giggled wickedly.

'If you're sure Clarissa. I don't want to lose you to white slavers or anything.' He laughed, raising an eyebrow.

'I'll be fine.' I made a move to open the door.

'Hey Princess…Kiss.' He smirked, tapping a finger on his cheek.

I kissed his cheek.

'See you later H.' I giggled and dived out of the car.

I watched as the car drove away, disappearing around the corner.

I couldn't see Henry because of the blacked out windows but I knew he was watching, probably waving.

I opened the door to the pub timidly, glancing inside.

It seemed friendly enough.

Not many people around.

Music playing in the background, Bon Jovi's Always. One of my favourites. Well that was a good sign.

I couldn't see any of my friends though.

I walked up to the bar.

'Hi. Could I have a bottle of Heineken please?' I asked the middle aged barman.

'ID…Can't serve you without id.' He informed me.

I took out my drivers licence and handed it to him.

He stared at me and then the licence.

'18…Really. Oh well. Heineken wasn't it?' He smiled.

'Yes thanks. No glass.' I grinned, putting my licence back into my wallet and taking out a £10 note to pay for my beer.

'Is there a smoker's area anywhere?' A lot of pubs and public places had already banned smoking inside, although it hadn't become law yet.

'Out through the door and down the passage.' The barman told me.

'18 and a smoker.' He smirked.

'And a boozer apparently.' I laughed, holding up the beer bottle.

'Well…You've come to the right pub gorgeous.' He grinned and winked mischievously.

'Ah…If only I were 10 years older.' I chuckled back at him, walking toward the door he had pointed me to.

I heard him laugh, 'more like 20 years darlin'

I walked out into the small yard. Smokers paradise.

Took my packet and lighter from my bag and lit a much needed cigarette.

I took a deep drag and sighed audibly.

'You needed that.' My heart skipped a beat.

I turned and saw one handsome specimen of the male kind.

He was tall. Well over 6ft.

He had shoulder length brown hair and a full beard.

His eyes were mesmerising. Deep steely blue, framed by the longest lashes I'd ever seen on a man.

I mumbled. 'S…Sorry?'

'You look as though you needed that ciggie.' He grinned, lighting his own 'ciggie'.

'Absolutely.' I smiled.

We smoked in silence. I took a swig of my beer.

'Do…Would you mind if I sit?' He asked, pulling out the chair next to me. 'I'm waiting for a mate and he's late as bloody usual.' He grinned, blowing more smoke through his lips.

'My friends are late too.' I told him, checking my mobile, in case I'd missed a call.

'Maybe we should blow them off…Teach them a lesson.' He laughed.

He had such an infectious laugh and I found myself laughing right along with him.

Then my phone vibrated on the table.

'Clarrie…Where are you?' It was my friend Melissa.

'The Angel, Soho.' I told her in a huff.

'Soho? I said the Angel, Islington.' She protested.

No…No you said Soho. I'm sat here waiting for you.' I told her adamantly.

To be honest, I wasn't that bothered.

'Clarrie, call a cab.' Melissa suggested.

'No Milly. You know what. I'll just go back to Henry's place.' I told her.

'Oh alright Clarissa. So…We'll see you tomorrow then?'

'Yep…See you tomorrow.'

I switched off my phone and threw it into my bag, took another swig from the bottle and sat back in the chair with a loud sigh.

'So aren't your friends coming?' The bearded one asked.

'No.' I sighed again, 'I got the wrong Angel.'

'Well…I didn't.' He smiled shyly.

I finished my beer and made a move.

'Can I…Would you like another?'

'No…Thanks. I have to get going.' I mumbled nervously.

'Please…Just one?'

I considered it for…Oh about 3 seconds.

'Alright…But first…Tell me who is buying me a beer.'

'I'm Rob. Hi…And you are?' He grinned. He really was quite handsome.

Clarissa…Clarrie to my friends.' I smiled.

'It's nice to meet you Clarissa.' He took my hand and shook it gently.

He had really big hands compared to mine.

Long fingers too. Piano players fingers my grandma would have said.

He was still holding my hand. Rubbing his thumb over my palm. His eyes sparkled and he raised one bushy eyebrow, a smile playing on his lips.

I was hypnotised. My heart thundering in my chest and my stomach full of butterflies.

We heard a throat clearing loudly behind us, bringing us back to our senses.

'Tom…You're late you wanker.' Rob laughed, as he let go of my hand.

'Well. You obviously didn't miss me Patty.' Rob's friend chuckled mischievously.

'Not one bit mate. This beautiful girl kept me company.'

I blushed.

'So…Introductions Patty. Don't keep her all to yourself.'

'Tom Sturridge…Clarissa…Um…Sorry.' He grinned sheepishly.

'St James.' I told him, 'Rob…Um…Sorry.' I giggled.

'Robert Pattinson. The actor, don't you know?' Tom announced theatrically.

Rob smacked his friends arm playfully.

'Really? An actor? Wow! How exciting.' I smiled.

'And you are?' Tom asked.

'A student…English Lit.' I answered proudly.

'Shakespeare and all that shite?' Tom guffawed. 'Romeo, Romeo , where fart thou Romeo.' He laughed uproariously at his own joke.

I must have grimaced.

'Very original Thomas and pray, do tell me Sire. What thou dost do for thy living?' I asked sarcastically.

Rob giggled. 'Yeah go on Sturridge, tell her.'

'I'm an actor too.' Tom mumbled.

'Right…Well obviously not at the Royal Shakespeare Company then?'

'Currently unemployed.' Rob laughed, 'awaiting his big break.'

'Shut up Patty. You can talk. Tell her where you're off to next week.' Tom countered jokingly.

'Shut up Tom.'

'Our man Rob here, is off to La La land. Hooray for Hollywood.' Tom chuckled, 'not a hope in hell's chance. Borrowed the airfare from mammy and pappy P, didn't you mate?'

'Hollywood…Impressive.' I answered.

'Yeah…I have an audition. I know I won't get it but…'

'Well you have to try Rob. Do your best…You have as much chance as anyone else.' I told him encouragingly.

'Yeah, that's what my mum said.' He smiled.

'Come on Patty. Get the beers in.' Tom demanded.

'My shout…Bottle Rob?' I asked, taking my wallet from my bag, 'and you Thomas. What be thy beverage of choice?' I grinned.

'Yeah…Same here love…Thanks.'

'No problem. You out of work actors probably haven't got 2 pennies to scratch your arse's with.'

Rob laughed raucously. 'You're right there love. Come on, I'll help you.'

We had a couple more bottles. A few more cigarettes and chatted.

We talked about favourite movie's, books and football.

'Really…You're an Arsenal fan?' Rob asked incredulously.

'Yes…My friend Henry supports them. I've been to quite a few matches.' I told him.

I didn't mention the fact, that we had actually sat in the Directors box or that I had met the team on a number of occasions. Too much information alert.

It was almost 10pm. 'I have to make a move.' I told the two handsome young chaps.

'Um…Clarissa.' Rob said softly.

'Clarrie.' I told him.

'Really…We're friends now?' He smirked, raising his eyebrows at me, his hand pushing through his hair nervously.

'Of course. We've shared beers, cigs and stupid jokes. I had fun. Thank you. Both of you but I really must call a cab.'

'Would…Would you like to share a burger?' Rob grinned.

'Hmmm…You know, I'm actually starving. I'll buy, you can pay me back when you're rich and famous.' I laughed, grabbing my bag.

'Come on Sturridge…Free burgers.' Rob chuckled.

'Nah…Not for me. I'm gonna see if Julie comes in. I'll catch you guys later.' Tom said. He winked at Rob conspiratorially, then waved us goodbye.

'Right then Miss St James. BurgerKing or McDonalds?'

'Which is the nearest?' I asked, not really knowing my way around this part of London.

'BurgerKing. Come on.' He smiled and grabbed my hand.

We walked for at least 10 minutes, still holding hands.

'I like you Clarrie.' He said suddenly.

'I like you too Rob.'

'How old are you?'

'I'm 18 and you?' I asked, puzzled by the seriousness in his voice.

'I'm 20. I want to see you again Clarrie, can I?' He said quickly.

Oh drat!

'I'm going home tomorrow Rob. I've been staying with friends all week.,This is my last night in London.' I told him sadly.

'Oh…Right. So…Where's home?' He laced his fingers through mine.

I looked up at him. He must be well over 6ft, I was 5ft 8, and he towered over me.

'The Isle of Wight. I attend Southampton University.'

We'd reached BurgerKing. There was a huge queue.

'Bugger this.' Rob said, pulling me past the fast food restaurant. 'McDonalds, they have more staff, less waiting.' He grinned.

I had a feeling it had nothing to do with the long line of eagerly waiting people.

'This is nice.' He smiled down at me.

'What is?'

He lifted our entwined hand, 'this.'

I smiled back at him, 'yes…it is.'

'Clarrie.' He gulped. 'Can I…I mean.' He mumbled nervously, his free hand sweeping through his gorgeous mane of hair.

'What Rob…What is it. What's wrong?' I asked gently.

'I really…Really want to kiss you Clarrie. Can I?' He asked shyly, brushing his hair again.

'If you keep doing that, you'll be bald by the time you're 30.' I grinned.

'Nervous habit, along with mumbling and saying stupid bloody things…Like can I kiss you.' He said quietly, shaking his head.

'It wasn't stupid…Yes, you can kiss me, if you really…'

I couldn't finish my sentence.

His lips covered mine in the softest, sweetest kiss.

When we parted. I opened my eyes and looked into his face.

He smiled a beautiful smile through his beard.

I slowly closed my eyes. Pushed myself up on tip toes and found his mouth waiting for me.

Right there, in the middle of the pavement, on a busy London street.

For the first time in my 18 years. I was French kissed.

I felt his tongue run along my bottom lip and I opened my mouth to him. Tentatively touching his tongue with mine..He groaned. I shivered..We pulled away from each other slowly.

'Are you cold love?' He asked softly into my ear.

'A little.' I replied.

God, he was a good kisser.

My shiver had absolutely nothing to do with the weather.

I wanted to wrap my arms around him and ravage his mouth again.

'Here.' He said, taking off his tatty leather jacket and placing it around my shoulders.

I snuggled in. He held the lapels and pulled me closer.

This time his lips crashed onto me. His tongue finding my already open mouth.

He plunged his tongue, sliding over mine.

It was heaven.

I could hear footsteps walking past us, even an 'excuse me' when someone tried to pass us but I didn't care. This beautiful man was kissing me passionately and I was loving it.

He eventually pulled away. Both of us breathing faster, heavier.

'Wow!' He exclaimed. 'I'd like to shake the hand of the guy who taught you how to kiss.' He laughed teasingly.

'You'd better shake yourself by the hand then.' I told him, looking up through my lashes.

He looked at me quizzically.

'That's the first time I've French kissed Rob.' I told him honestly, biting my bottom lip furiously.

We'd started walking again.

He never replied. He just took my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

We bought our Big Mac meals. Rob also opting for 2 cheeseburgers.

'We could walk over to the park or…' He said sheepishly.

'Or?' I questioned.

'Well…Um…I'm staying at Tom's place. We…Well we could go there. It's not far.' He suggested, already dipping into his bag and stuffing French fries into his mouth.

'Alright but I'll have to phone my friend Henry.' I told him, handing him the brown paper sack to hold.

I speed dialled Henry.

After two rings he answered.

'Clarrie. Where are you?''

'I'm with a friend.' I told him.

'Do you want me to send a car?' He asked helpfully.

'No, I'm fine. I'll get a cab. I'll see you later alright?'

'Yes…I suppose so. Well, have fun Princess.' He said quietly.

'I will, bye Ha…Henry.' I ended the call.

'Is he your…Boyfriend?' Rob asked, walking up a flight of steps, leading to a red painted door.

'He's a family friend. We've grown up together. His mother and my mother were best friends. When his mother died suddenly…well my mother sort of looked out for him and his brother and when my parents… When they died. Henry's dad looked out for me. We're very close. Like brother and sister.'

We walked into what could only be described as a single males abode.

Dirty plates. Beer cans, bottles and clothes strewn all over.

An ashtray filled to the brim, on what was probably once a very nice coffee table but was now covered in scratches, coffee stains and God knows what else!

The remains of a fried breakfast, left on a plate and a half filled mug of cold coffee.

There were magazines, newspapers and sheets of paper scattered all over and on the wall a poster from a Harry Potter movie.

I gasped. 'Is that…You?' I asked disbelievingly.

'Um…Yeah. It was just a small part. Nothing to write home about. You're not into Harry then?' He grinned, as I walked forward to gaze in awe of his picture.

He looked so different. Clean shaven and so young.

'No…I'm not a fan of Harry.' I admitted. Oh the irony of that sentence!

'I'm sorry about the mess. I…Wasn't expecting visitors tonight.' Rob giggled, making an effort to clear a space on the sofa.

'Do you want a plate…I could wash one for you?' He offered.

'No, I'm fine. Nothing like eating a Big Mac straight from the box.' I smiled, taking his jacket off and feeling the loss of it's warmth immediately.

'So…Henry. Where does he live?' Rob asked nonchalantly, biting into his burger.

'Oh um.' I bit my lip.

I couldn't tell him.

I wasn't allowed. 'Oh his dad and stepmother have a flat…In Mayfair.' I lied.

'Wow! Mayfair. Nice address.' Rob grinned, 'sounds better than Soho.'

'It's nice but I prefer my house on the Island.' I confessed.

We finished our meals, generally chatting.

Then the dreaded subject came up again.

'So what does Henry do for a living?' Rob asked questioningly.

'He's in the Army actually. He's a second Lieutenant.' Not a lie.

'Hmmm, a soldier. Good career prospects. Much safer than the acting profession.' He grimaced.

'Safer? The prospect of being shot in Afghanistan or any other theatre of war his superiors send him too, not dangerous enough?' I asked incredulously.

My one dread with Henry being in his chosen career. Being sent to fight overseas.

'I didn't mean…Sorry.'

'Rob…' I sighed, wanting this line of questioning to end.

'Yes Clarrie.'

'Would you do me a favour and stop asking me about Henry. He's not here…You are.'

Very brave Princess. I could almost hear Harry laugh.

'Sorry love. I'm just nosey by nature. Do you want to watch the telly? I have some DVD's.' He asked.

'No thanks. Can we just talk?'

'Of course. What do you want to talk about?' He smiled, taking two cigarettes from his packet and lighting them.

We sat in silence, smoking our cigarettes.

The air was electric.

I finished my cigarette and put it out, a few minutes later Rob finished his, smiling sheepishly at me.

'So…Topic of conversation is?' He asked, his thick eyebrows raised inquisitively.

'I don't want to talk.' I told him softly.

'Well…What do you want to do then?'

'Could…Would you kiss me?'

'I thought you'd never ask love.'

He smiled and pulled me into his strong arms.

His lips crushing mine. His tongue pushing into my mouth.

My hands automatically moved into his soft hair.

He groaned.

My heart was thundering in my chest.

Then his mouth moved to my neck. His tongue sweeping over the sensitive skin behind my ear.

I had never experienced anything like it.

My body tingled and when I heard him moan, 'so beautiful Clarrie' My stomach muscles tightened and I felt as though I would explode.

'I want to touch you Clarrie…Can I?' He asked through his kisses.

'Hmmm.' I hummed.

I have to tell him…I have to be honest with him.

'Rob, I need to tell you something.' I said, feeling his hand go under my sweatshirt. Under my t-shirt and onto bare skin.

'Hmmm.' I sighed.

His hand moved further up to cup my boob over my bra. My nipples firming at his touch.

'Rob…I.'

'What love? Do you want me to stop?' He asked quietly.

'No…Don't stop…But.' I mumbled.

His strong hand kneading my bare breast, now under my bra.

'Tell me Clarrie. What is it love?' He breathed huskily.

'I…I'm…A virgin Rob.' His hand stopped instantly.

He withdrew it from under my clothing and stared at me incredulously.

'A…A virgin?'

'Yes Rob…It means I've never had sex.' I said, annoyed that he found it so unbelievable.

'I know what it means Clarrie. It's just…Well I've never had…I mean.' He mumbled almost incoherently.

'You've never HAD a virgin?' I snapped.

Moving to get up from the sofa.

'Yes…I mean no. I've never…Had a virgin.' He repeated.

'Why do you look so shocked Rob? Do I look different from any of the other girls you've had?' I asked, reaching for my mobile phone.

'Where are you going? Don't leave Clarrie. I'm sorry.'

'Don't worry about it Rob. It's getting late. I should go.' I told him, walking toward the door.

He grabbed my arm and pulled me into his chest, kissing my forehead. Very brotherly like.

'Clarrie. I brought you back here because I really like you. I…Well I've never had sex with a virgin it's true but I don't want to have sex with you Clarrie. I want to make love to you. It's not the same love.'

He crushed his lips to mine again and I melted against his chest.

'Make love to me Rob.' I whispered.

He moaned as he sucked my tongue into his mouth.

He walked backward, pulling me with him.

I opened my eyes.

We were heading down a short hallway into another room.

'This is my room. It's not as messy as the rest of the flat.' He grinned.

He wasn't kidding.

Apart from a few items of clothing on a chair, it was really tidy.

Even the bed was made.

'We're you expecting company in here Rob?' I smiled.

'No…It's always like this.' He admitted, sitting on the edge of his bed and pulling me onto his lap.

'Clarrie…Are you sure about this?' He asked softly.

'I'm very sure Rob. I want you to be my first.'

I'd never been so absolutely certain about anything before.

'I need to take this slowly love. I'll tell you everything I'm going to do but Clarrie…If you change your mind at anytime…Just tell me to stop and I will…Okay?'

'Okay.' I was biting my lip again.

He smiled.

His hands on my face pulling me toward him. He kissed me slowly, his tongue sweeping across my lips.

'I'm going to take your top off love alright?' He asked softly.

I nodded and held my arms up for him to remove my sweatshirt.

'Your turn.' I told him.

He followed suit and kissed me again, more urgently, passionately.

I could feel his arousal pushing against me.

Too slow.

'Rob…Can we just get naked and get into bed?' I suggested bravely.

'If that's what you want love.' He chuckled.

'What's so funny?' I asked.

'Who's the seducer here, you or me.' He smirked cheekily.

'You…Most definitely…You.' I replied timidly.

'Then let me seduce you Clarrie.' He gave me a breathtaking, deep kiss, that twisted my insides and turned me into jelly.

One thing was for certain…He was, without any shadow of doubt, the seducer.