EVERYTHING I HOLD DEAR
originally published in xkirakirax at LJ (021408)
Disclaimer: Card Captor Sakura and xxxHolic (c) CLAMP.
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"Your mother agreed to let you off the position so she assigned you to a lower rank?" Eriol repeated as he let a sugar cube tumble gently into his steaming cup.
Tomoyo drank her coffee slowly. Wiping her mouth, she nodded. "I decided that it would be better if Miura-san stays as the vice-president of the company. I still have a lot to learn and I don't think I'm really meant for that position." Smiling cheerfully, she held up her fork before letting it slice through her cheesecake. "Being a general manager of a branch first is the proper thing to do in order for me to learn, don't you think?"
Eriol shook his head as he placed his cup down. "You know you are offered that position because your mother knew of your abilities. Even Miura-san trusts your instincts and decisions. Why are you still hesitating when you have gained enough experience -- both in school and in your current job?"
"Well, according to my instincts, now is not the right time to be the vice-president of the company." Tomoyo let out a good-natured laugh before sampling her cake. "This cake is good," she said, effectively changing the subject. "We have rarely met in shops here in London, right? I guess it was pretty lucky that my performance is here and we're able to meet up despite your schedule."
"The museum won't let me go, even during Sundays," Eriol said with a groan. "I should ask for a day off so I could spend time with you during your free week." He traded smiles with Tomoyo and reached out to hold Tomoyo's hand. "You received the phantom birds I sent you in time for full moon, right?"
"Yes, they were beautiful!" Tomoyo gushed. "They chirp wonderful tunes, too. It must be a fortune to buy them from Yuuko-san, since they're a rare species."
Eriol squeezed Tomoyo's hand. "Not really. Yuuko-san has been thankful for my help with her clients sometime ago, so requesting phantom birds from her was not that difficult." He called the waitress for a coffee refill and resumed drinking while watching Tomoyo enjoy her cake. People were steadily streaming into the shop. It seemed that not only Tomoyo liked the taste of their food. Soon, Tomoyo and Eriol were surrounded by customers even though there was almost none a while ago.
"Birds that can only be seen through the light of the full moon," Tomoyo said as she placed her fork down. "It's a little sad that they're not always seen, yet their mystery adds to their fragility. That's why people treasure them a lot." She looked down to her half-eaten cake and looked out of the cafe window. Snow was lightly falling outside, the sky cloudy and no sign of the bright sun.
"Why did you let them go? The birds, I mean." When Tomoyo looked up in surprise, Eriol cradled his chin on a hand and sighed. "They came back to me after a month. It seems that they like you a lot, yet you let them out of their cage and forced them to go away."
Tomoyo held her fork in mid-air, her saddened eyes not leaving Eriol's. "Is that so? I -- I just thought it's sad that they're kept in a cage, without any freedom. I let them out because I thought they'll like it better that way." Her hand left Eriol's as she fingered her curly hair away from her face.
"There you go again," Eriol quietly said. "I thought you loved the phantom birds very much and would love to have them." He settled into his seat and folded his arms across his chest. "It's your habit. Why do you always let go of the ones you value the most? Your position in your company would be one of those, Tomoyo."
Letting her hands clasp each other on her lap, Tomoyo stared at the dark liquid in her cup. "I -- I don't want to feel like I'm suffocating people by holding them too close, you know that."
"Yes, maybe I do know," Eriol gently said. "I think I know you too much that sometimes I feel a little hurt because I know that you did not move to France because you want to be closer to me but because you don't want to see Sakura-san..."
"I didn't want to meddle in her marriage," Tomoyo quickly answered. "And it's true that I went to France because of you, Eriol. Why must you act so mature and all..."
"Look who's talking," Eriol quipped, watching Tomoyo's reaction. Smiling, he reached out to tip Tomoyo's face upward with his fingers. "Sakura-san, your friends, your company, the phantom birds -- what if all of them were not suffocated by your attention?"
Tomoyo met his sapphire eyes. "What do you mean?"
"What I mean, my Tomoyo, is if like me, they wanted to be with you." Eriol tucked a strand of hair behind Tomoyo's ear. "Why do you need to let go when all you need to do is accept? You are not the only one who loves anyway, right?"
After a long silence, Tomoyo finally nodded and took a deep breath. The snow outside had stopped but neither of them noticed. "The phantom birds -- will they be back?" Tomoyo asked. "Will they return to me?"
"Nakuru's taking care of them right now back at the house," Eriol replied. "Soon, you'll be seeing them everyday since you'll be staying here instead of in Japan, right?"
Tomoyo smiled with satisfaction. "Eriol," she suddenly said, leaning forward.
"Hm?"
"You always told me that you feel lonely whenever you don't hear from me or see me."
"Of course I do. If I could, I'd like to spend every minute with you, Tomoyo." Eriol nodded and continued to sip his coffee.
"Then, Sakura-chan, my friends, my company, even the phantom birds -- did you not know?" Tomoyo asked, a secret smile playing on her lips.
Eriol looked at her from above his cup. "Did I not now what?"
Shaking her head, Tomoyo ran a hand through her hair and leaned on the sofa's backrest. "I let them go because I did not want to lose something more important."
When Eriol dropped his cup, spilled its contents on the tablecloth and stared at her with a look that can only be described as awed surprise, Tomoyo knew that her message went through and he understood.
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