Kung Fu Babysitter
It was a sunny day in the Valley of Peace, which usually meant that there was extra vigorous training for the residents in the Jade Palace...or so it normally was...
WHUMP
THUD
CRASH
"Ehhhhh...that looked expensive.." Po flinched as he looked at the multiple pots that had fell during his 'rampage of awesomeness' in the kitchen.
"Maybe I'll just look for Monkey's almond cookies some other time." the Dragon Warrior exited the kitchen and began to roam around the palace.
Normally, he'd be training, but today, Po was having one of those 'lazy moments'. As he turned the corner, he noticed that the Sacred Hall of Warriors was empty...perhaps he can turn this 'lazy day' into a 'trip to the museum'..
Po grinned at the thought, and ran/stumbled/tripped into the room.
"Ooowwww...that could've ended a little smoother..."
After his crash land, Po got up and brushed himself off to go look around.
"Man, I haven't seen this place in ag-OH! That is THE BIGGEST BATTLE AXE I HAVE EVER SEEN!"
...and so he began his sight-seeing.
"Woww!"
"Whooooa!"
"What does THIS do?"
'CRASH'
'BOOOOOOMMMM!'
"Umm...nevermind."
He continued this for several more minutes, till he saw something that completely BLEW HIS MIND.
"OhhhhMyyyyyGoooosssshhh!"
He scurried across the hall and stopped at what appeared to be a platnium pair of nunchucks.
"Ohhhhohohohoh!" He giggled excitingly, picking them up and swinging them around making sound effects.
"Whhooosh! Wham! WHATCHHIII TAKE THAT YOU FOUL, UGLY, AWESOME-BUT-NOT-AS-AWESOME-AS-ME BEAST!"
"Are you done fighting your imaginary friend?" a smooth voice said, breaking Po from his thoughts...and scaring him out of his mind.
"OH! UH, I WASN'T FIGHTING..anything...why would I be fighting anything, I mean, who does that? PFFT- fighting invisible creatures, that's stupid. The idea is stupid, the plain sen-"
"-Po, just stop talking before you die of an anxiety attack."
Po didn't have to turn around to know that the one who caught him 'having a moment' was none other than Master Tigress.
"Anxiety attacks? Heh, heh...I'm too awesome for those.." he smiled, trying to hide the fact that he was nervous.
"Riigghht..." Tigress rolled her eyes. "-and I suppose you're 'too awesome' to train like everybody else today, hmm?"
Beginning to feel even MORE nervous, he tried to change the subject.
"Uh...so like, what are you doing here anywa-"
"-Don't try and change the subject." she cut him off.
-MISSION FAILED-
Po sagged his shoulders in defeat, releasing an unusually loud sigh.
"...The REAL topic changer however, would be: What are YOU doing in here, Po?" Tigress asked, turning to meet his gaze.
Spooked by the sudden eye contact, he averted his gaze and answered: "Nothhhinnnngg.."
"OH FOR THE LOVE OF- Po, I walked in on you while you were flinging around nunchucks...WITH YOUR MOUTH!"
"OKAY, FINE! I just thought they were cool and wanted to try em out, ya know?"
"*sigh* No, sadly, I don't."
"Aww, come on...try it! It's fun!"
"-AND disrespectful."
"Ugh...well you're no fun."
"Yeah, thanks, I'm exhilaratingly boring- are you going to put them back now?"
Po looked down at the nunchucks and back at Tigress.
"Can I just play with em a little longer?"
"Hmmm...no."
"AW C'MON!"
"Po, you're not even holding them right!"
"Well then SHOW ME!...please."
Tigress walked over to Po and took the nunchucks from his mouth...and put them in his hands.
"..I...I knew that!" he stated, embarrasingly.
"Now try them." she said.
Po began to swing the weapon around the area, making his sound effects.
Tigress watched as he twirled around the area with the nunchucks and a goofy look plastered on his face.
"HIYAAAR! BEWARE MY AWESOMENESS!"
He began spinning around even faster...a little TOO fast...
Tigress followed the direction where he was heading...and it didn't look pretty..
"Po, WATCH OUT for those-"
*CRACK*
*CRASHHHHH*
"...vases..." she finished dryly.
Tigress looked towards the huge mess Po had made with his 'awesomeness'. Fragments of glass were everywhere, and yellow dust coated the floor.
She made her way over to the incident area calling for Po.
As she continued to dig through the shattered pieces, she began to notice that there was barely any sign of him, which caused her to become a little curious.
"Po, where'd you go? You better not leave me with this big mess to clean up either!"
...still no sign of Po.
-Her ear twitched, picking up a noise from behind her.
There was another presence in the room.
She whirled around...
...only to see nothing but her tail.
Turning back around, she proceeded to continue working though the messy pile of-
-WAIT A MINUTE...
...she began to feel something nibbling on her...
...on her TAIL, to be precise.
This time, she turned around, claws extended, ready to pounce the perputrator and claw them to pieces.
...and she WOULD have...
...if the perputrator wasn't a baby panda.
Tigress' eyes widened.
"...PO?"
The baby panda looked up at Tigress with sparkily green eyes, giggling at the expression she had on her face.
Tigress studied the little creature.
It COULDN'T be Po...
...but it WAS.
Mr. Ping loved his life.
He had a thriving noodle shop, and a wonderfiul son who happened to become the Dragon Warrior...and he had noodles.
Lots and LOTS of noodles.
"Order up for table ten!" he exclaimed giddily to a customer.
A stubby pig came over and handed Mr. Ping the money plus a tip.
"Could I have amother one of your bean buns? Dragon Warrior size, please?" the pig asked smiling.
Mr. Ping returned the smile, "Of course you can, my dear customer! One Dragon Warrior Size Bean Bun coming up!"
He turned to the back of the kitchen and started to get to work.
"*sigh* Sometimes, I wish my son hadn't grown up and ran off with Kung Fu...it's nice...but it's so lonely here-"
"MR. PING, I REQUEST YOUR ASSISTANCE." a female voice yelled as she bursted through his back door.
"My, MY, Master Tigress! What brings you here searching for my aid? Surely I cannot help you though, I'm too old for kung fu-"
Tigress walked into the room and stood in front of Mr. Ping with something in a blanket.
"It's not your Kung Fu that I need assistance with..." She replied while unraveling the blanket to reveal a baby Po.
Mr. Ping blinked at the child.
Then blinked at Tigress.
Then busted out laughing.
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-"
He held his chest.
Tigress' tail twitched in agitation as the goose was not taking this matter seriously...AT ALL.
While he was having a 'laughing fit', baby Po started to giggle at the silly goose.
It was clear to Tigress that EVERYONE in the room found this situation funny...except herself, of course.
"Mr. Ping, I need you to focus, this is serious!"
Mr. Ping calmed himself,, "I'm, heh heh, I'm sorry Master Tigress...It's just that-hee hee, it's just that, if I hadn't known any better, I'd say that child looks like a baby version of -HAHA- my son!" he chuckled.
"Mr. Ping...this IS your son." Tigress stated with her ears flattening.
Mr. Ping froze.
...and didn't blink...
..And if TIGRESS hadn't known any better, she'd say he wasn't BREATHING either.
*THUD*
"MR. PING!"
Tigress sighed in frustration, the old goose had fainted.
"...well at least his son finds this funny..." she mused as the baby panda was giggling and clapping.
She set the goose on his bed and left the area to go back to the Jade Palace.
"Looks like it's just you and me, little one." She looked down at the panda...wait..where's the panda?
She started searching around her, having a mild heart attack...till she felt something 'plop' on the back of her head nibbling her ears.
Tigress breathed a sigh of relief, thankful that she hadn't lost him.
"What am I going to do with YOU, you little rascal?" she asked while trying to grab at the panda on her head, but he began to crawl down her back, onto her arm.
"H-Hey! You're a PANDA, not a SPIDER!"
Baby Po giggled at Tigress' attempt to grab him, but he just wouldn't stop crawling.
'This can't get any more difficult..' she sighed.
"Heeyyyy Tigress!"
A green snake and a monkey walked towards her.
'...Oh..of course, I just HAD to say the 'secret phrase'..' Tigress grumbled.
"Hello..." she greeted them, trying NOT to make it obvious that there was a baby panda behind her.
"What's up, Tigress?" Monkey stated.
"Yeah, Shifu just sent us on a mission to look for you and Po!" Viper smiled.
"Looks like we have one down, and one to go!" Monkey joked to Viper.
Both of them began to laugh.
Tigress' eyes darted side to side out of nervousness with her peers...so nervous, in fact, that she began to laugh...abnormally louder than Monkey and Viper.
"HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAHAHAHAHAHA...YES. THAT. WAS. VERY. FUNNY. MONKEY."
Tigress implied...out of character.
"Gee...uh..thanks.." Monkey replied...confused. He glanced at Viper, who glanced at Tigress.
"Say...uh, Tigress...where's Po?" the snake began.
"Yeah, you didn't murder him, did you?" Monkey added.
"Po? What, the panda? I haven't seen him all day.." Tigress said all while avoiding eye contact.
Viper frowned, something was up. "Really? That's too bad then.." she went on.
"Yes, Indeed...such a shame.."
Tigress replied back, waiting for them to leave.
"Hm, well..if you DO see Po, tell him-"
"OH, LOOK AT THE TIME, I MUST GET GOING!" Tigress cut her off, due to the fact the baby Po had crawled down her shirt through the back.
"Okay- WHAT'S GOING ON?" Viper demanded, she didn't like seeing Tigress like this, it was...awkward.
"Nothing's going on!" Tigress said, a little too quickly than she had anticipated. Po was crawling up her back.
"Tigress, you were a MUCH better liar than this, you're hiding something!"
"I can assure you, I'm NOT!" Tigress hissed, feeling rather uncomfortable with baby Po's crawling antics.
"Tigress, we don't like surprises, now tell us WHAT CRAWLING UNDER YOUR FUR!"
'How ironic...'
As Viper and Monkey both moved in on Tigress, baby Po had found his way out of the tiger master's vest, and onto the top of her head.
"Squeeee!" Po went.
'LE GASP', Monkey and Viper went.
"...Surpriiiise..." Tigress went.
-TWENTY MINUTES OF
DISCUSSING LATER-
"You turned him into a BABY?" Monkey yelled.
"No! I already just explained this to you, he was playing with nunchucks and he fell into a pot! Next thing I know, POOF, he's an INFANT!"
"...that YOU turned him to!" Monkey accused.
Tigress sighed in frustration, all while glaring daggers at Monkey.
"I was only kidding Tigress! There's no WAY you'd do that to Po!" Monkey sweatdropped, trying to save his life.
"Well of COURSE she didn't, Po fell into the 'Vase of Prematurity'. Tigress couldn't control that." Viper corrected.
"Vase of Prematurity?" asked Tigress.
"...we have one of those?" added Monkey.
Viper sighed, "Yes!"
"..but...WHY?"
"How the heck would I know?"
Tigress sighed, "As much as I 'love' questioning the Palace's inventory, my main concern is HOW are we gonna change Po back?"
The three masters were quiet for a long second.
"...I don't know..but he's so adorable! Can I hold him?" Viper squealed.
Tigress dead-panned.
"Viper, you are a SNAKE. Listen to what you just said."
"Gee, thanks for reminding me..." Viper retorted.
"Uhhh...guys?" Monkey said worringly.
"WE'RE FEMALES!" Tigress and Viper glared, but they were cut short when an arrow zoomed past Monkey's leg.
"Bandits in the town square!"
He finished.
"I'm sorry Tigress, but Po will have to wait!" Viper stated before taking off after Monkey towards the town square.
Tigress looked down at the baby panda, he looked sad, but Tigress held him close to her side which caused him to giggle softily. She got on all fours and placed him on her back.
"Let's go for a ride through the town square, shall we, Dragon Warrior?"
"Squeee!"
Tigress grinned, " I'll take that as a 'yes'."
"ALRIGHT GUYS! Take EVERYTHING that looks valuable to you!" Fung, the croc bandit leader had stated to all his goons.
"Leave no materials behind!"
"-Would your BRAIN count as a material?" Monkey retorted as he leaped into the circle of bandits.
"-no Monkey, he left THAT behind YEARS ago!" Viper added, slithering
into her fighting stance.
"W-what? SHUT UP! That's not funny!" Fung shouted.
"I beg to differ, your idiot goons find it hilarious." a certain voice added behind him.
Fung whirled around only to come face to face with Master Tigress.
"B-back off, Fluffy!" he mocked.
*PUNCH*
Fung was knocked through the boxes that where aligned on the town squares entrance.
"I'd prefer to be called 'Kitty', but no worries, you'll be gone by then." Tigress smirked at the fallen croc bandit, who had to blink a few times to recover.
"DARN IT!" He yelled.
"DON'T JUST STAND THERE, DO SOMETHING!" he added.
As the croc bandits began to register that comment, Viper, Monkey, and Tigress had already started plowing through the enemies.
"Hey, *yah!* Tigress, what happen to *hiss* Po?" Viper asked while whipping some of her reptile species counterparts.
"He's *GRAH!* in a *kick* safe place!" Tigress answered.
"Nice to know!" Monkey stated while tripping one croc bandit over another.
As the masters where fighting, a certain little panda was crawling his way out of a box of radishes near the town square vegetable cart.
Baby Po didn't realize that a massive battle was going on apparently, because he began to search through the other boxes of vegetables for food.
Fung had recovered from his injury, and made his way towards Tigress with a huge crate...a crate that happened to be filled with radishes and, to her horror, Po!
"Hey Master Tigress!" he said defiantly, "Time to eat your VEGETABL-"
*WHACK*
The croc bandit dropped the boxes and fell to the ground.
Viper and Monkey had delivered the final blows to their opponents moments ago, and could only watch as the croc bandit leader was getting whooped repetitively by a short rat with a staff.
Oh wait...that 'short rat' was Master Shifu...a red panda.
While Shifu was thwacking Fung with his staff, Tigress slowly made her way to the box of radishes to find Po, to her relief, he was there, giggling at Shifu beating up Fung.
...Which was a completely normal thing for an infant to laugh at, by the way.
"ALRIGHT, AL-*whack* I SAID ALRIGHT, MAN! YEESH! We're leaving...gosh.." Fung said, picking himself off the ground from fetal position and walking out the town square with his goons following right behind.
"Man...what a jerk.." he complained.
While Shifu was watching the criminals leave, Tigress, Viper, and Monkey were slowly walking out the OTHER end of the town square, trying to go unnoticed by him.
Shifu's ear twitched.
"Viper, Monkey-"
"TIGRESS DID IT!" Monkey and Viper blurted out, pointing accusingly at Tigress.
Po was laughing, yet again.
...Tigress could only flatten her ears.
Shifu stared at the tiger master, expecting an answer.
"Mind explaining how the Dragon Warrior became a child?" He asked, cutting straight to the point.
Tigress closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and began...
"It all started when he touched those nunchucks..."
Around thirty five minutes later, Tigress finished explaining everything, from the nunchucks ALLL the way to the noodles.
She looked at her master with a look that said: 'I'm done, can I go home now?'
"Master, we HAVE to get him back to normal...but how?"
Shifu held up his hand to silence the three, and dug through the pocket of his robe.
"I figured Po would have stumbled across the 'Vase of Prematurity'...that's why I always had a vial of water from the 'Fountain pf Maturity'.
Viper, Monkey, and Tigress sweat-dropped.
"...we HAVE one of those?"
Shifu chuckled, as he picked up the baby Po and handed him and the vial to Tigress.
The tiger master looked at Shifu quizzically.
"...Me, master?"
"It started with you, and it will end with you, Master Tigress." he responded while nodding.
Tigress took the squirming baby panda into her paws and grabbed the vial.
Before placing the liquid on him, she looked into his gleaming eyes..there was something about this child that warmed her heart.
"...any day before we die..." Monkey muttered.
Viper whacked him upside the head.
With one final breath, Tigress tilted the vial on Po.
-WHOOOOOSHHHHHH-
A great light had shone in Tigress' paws, the baby was transforming!
Viper squinted from the light.
Monkey covered his eyes...then peeked through them.
And Shifu just waited...
PLOP
THUD
A great, big, fuzzy black and white figure landed on the ground.
"Owww...that could've gone a LOT more smoot- hey, where am I?" Po questioned, realizing that he wasn't in the Sacred Hall of Warriors anymore, but the town square.
"Mmf mmggg fhffddmj" a voice replied.
"...I beg you pardon?"
" GET OFF OF ME!" Tigress roared, lifting up the panda and throwing him to the side.
Shifu sighed, 'Glad I was only here for the last ten minutes...'
"Tigress? W-What's going on? What happened? Am I dead?" Po questioned.
Monkey and Viper looked at each other, "...not yet."
"Come students, let us go." Shifu said, walking off back to the palace.
"I don't get it...how did I end up here?" Po added on to his list of questions.
Tigress walked up, " Allow me to explain..."
As the masters headed off, the noodle shop was over crowded with customers, waiting for their food- the pig who had wanted that Dragon Warrior sized bean bun especially.
"I've been waiting for TWO HOURS..." he groaned.
Mr. Ping awoke in his bed with a startled shout.
"Zzzz-BABY PANDA BEARS!"
He looked around his home only to see that everything was empty..and came to the conclusion that it was all just a dream...a dream that he had hope for the longest to come true...
"Oh...darn it..." he sagged his shoulders, dissapointingly, but then lightened up.
"Wait till Po hears what happened in my dream! He'll think it's silly!"