RAIN IS FALLING
And when it rains on your parade, look up rather than down. Without the rain, there would be no rainbow.
Gilbert K. Chesterton
...
"She's gone."
Jacob's words are hushed, almost inaudible, and they sound as if he tries desperately to speak them out loud before it is too late, before it all ends. He needs her to know before he stumbles past her into the hallway, collapsing onto his knees.
Bella stands helplessly by the door, her hand still on the handle, stray raindrops drumming gently against her side as the wind howls through the semi-darkness of the day.
He is naked, his skin soaked with rain and sweat, smears of blood forming horrifying patterns all over his body that tell a story so gruesome, she wants to hide herself behind a blanket, close her eyes and sing the fear away. Bella can feel her stomach flip and her heart contract painfully as she realizes the entire left side of his body is bruised, almost black.
"She's gone," he chokes again, clearer this time. Bella closes the door, her eyes never leaving her best friend. She drops next to him, hesitant to speak or move, afraid of touching him, clueless about the right words.
When he throws up in her hallway, tears steaming down his cheeks and his breaths ragged, shallow and pained, she knows who killed her, who took the final bite.
"You're here now, Jake," she whispers, tears gathering in her own eyes, blurring her vision – and she is grateful for that, because it pierces her heart to see Jacob like this – as she reaches out her hand to rest it against his damp, burning hot cheek, "It's over now."
She does not know how long they kneel silently in the hallway, her hand resting against his cheek as darkness begins to surround them slowly, the minutes passing by with every ragged breath and every agonizing heartbeat.
When the streetlights flicker in the darkness, flooding the room in a dim, yellow light, Bella carefully removes her hand, standing back on her feet. She can feel the blood rushing through her legs, every nerve tingling painfully.
"I'll be right back," she whispers, but Jacob shows no sign of reaction as she steps away from him. Her steps are careful, barely any feeling left in her tired legs.
The sound of the running water as she fills a small bucket in the kitchen swirls in her ears like the waves lapsing against rocks, and it warms her from the inside out, the sound of familiarity. She knows the beach would always be there, that the sea was consistent, that, no matter what happened, all the memories they shared with the deep water would never be washed away.
The trail of water splotches she leaves behind as she walks back into the hallway shimmer mysteriously in the dim light. Kneeling down next to Jacob again, who has not moved a single inch, she rests her hand against his cheek once more, wiping away a stray tear with her thumb, before cleaning the floor in silence. Only the rain against the roof and walls, the faint howl of the wind, and their combined breathing fills the room.
She realizes his skin is so much hotter than usual, as the palm of her hand comes to rest against his cheek again once she finishes the floor, gently cupping it, needing to feel his presence.
"Jake," she whispers, moving closer to his side, careful not to touch any part of his body but his cheek, but wanting, no, needing him to feel her beside him.
His entire body slowly begins to shake beneath her touch, and she can see his fingers gripping deeply into his thighs, the skin turning almost as white and pale as her own.
"Jake," she whispers again, clearer and louder this time, and she rests her own hand on top of one of his, squeezing gently. She can barely feel him relax, but he stops digging his fingers deeper into his skin. Hesitantly, she brushes her fingers against his skin, over his knuckles, down to his fingertips, across the skin of his thigh. For the fragment of a second, she can feel him shudder for a different reason, and she feels herself relax.
It takes a sudden bolt of lighting that illuminates the room for barely a second for Bella to see the ripped-off strands of fiery red hair interwoven in Jacob's raven hair. She feels the same kind of disgust and nausea rising inside of her at the sight.
"Come on," she whispers, gently tugging at Jacob's hand. She needs this off of him, the memories, the smell she is sure still lingers on his skin, the blood, the dirt, the hair. All the reminders need to vanish.
Surprisingly, Jacob rises to his feet almost immediately, and Bella is grateful for that. She knows she has no strength to pull him up the stairs behind her. But she can gently tug him in the right direction, guide him across every single step until they reach the top of the stairs, complete darkness enveloping them.
"Come here."
With slow steps, she guides them towards the bathroom. The familiar creak of the door welcomes them, and Bella leaves the light off, her own eyes too used to the darkness by now. They come to a stop in front of the shower, and Bella turns to stand in front of Jacob, resting both of her palms on his upper arms.
She is grateful for the darkness, not just because it envelops everything in silence and a fragment of peace, but because she only now becomes vaguely aware of Jacob's naked body. She tries to ignore it as she gently steers him into the shower, but she can feel the palms of her hands turn sweaty against his skin.
He moves without any real intention, she can feel it. It's like a toy she pushes around, his eyes empty, staring ahead into the darkness.
When he stands motionlessly in the shower, Bella drops her hands, taking a deep breath. With trembling fingers, she unties the knot of her robe, fumbling a bit until it finally comes undone, the strings falling downwards.
With shaking breaths, she pushes the robe off her shoulders, suddenly feeling very vulnerable in the dark, wearing only a pair of panties and an old t-shirt. But she pushes her fear aside, the need to comfort Jacob bigger now than ever as he stands naked in her shower, his entire body shaking with fear, disgust and distress.
Closing her eyes to steady herself, Bella slowly pushes her shirt over her head, dropping it onto the tiled floor. As she opens her eyes, she knows there is nothing to be afraid of. She knows Jacob will probably not even notice her state of undress. She knows that all he needs is to feel her – something human – by his side.
And so she takes a small, careful step into the shower, shivering as the cool ceramic comes in touch with her bare feet, and stands in front of Jacob, avoiding to look into his eyes.
He is still staring into an abyss, though, and Bella is sure he can see everything playing out in his memory too vividly, too real. Her crimson eyes, her fiery hair.
Her own fingers still trembling, she reaches out her hands, carefully picking each remain of red hair from Jacob's own, her fingertips brushing along his scalp, sometimes across his temple and forehead. His eyes flutter closed, and Bella trails the line of his lashes with her fingertip, as light as a feather, memorizing it.
When all red is removed from Jacob's hair, Bella gently trails her fingertips down his arms to turn on the water. She almost jumps as the cold water cascades down on them, immediately soaking her panties, and for a brief second, she wishes she had taken those off, too. Jacob seems to take no notice of the water, even as it slowly turns warmer.
They just stand there, Jacob staring ahead, not moving an inch, Bella's hands resting on his arms. Her skin starts to turn red, because she turned the water as hot as it gets. She needs Jacob to feel warmth, not cold again.
"Jake," she whispers, her hair sticking to her face as steam fills the bathroom, making every breath a challenge. She needs to know he is still here with her.
When he does not answer, she takes another step forward, careful not to slip, and, closing her own eyes to forget about where they are and what happened, leans into him, her cheek resting against his bare chest. Water drips from her lashes and the tip of her nose, trailing around her slightly parted lips. Aching for a response, she digs her fingertips a little deeper into the muscles of his arms.
She wants to wrap her arms around him so badly, hold him tight and close, but she remembers the big, black bruise on his side.
"Stay here with me, Jake," she murmurs, her lips brushing against his skin as she speaks. It is so hard to breathe now. "Please."
Another second of silence and immobility passes, but then, slowly, achingly slowly, Bella can feel Jacob moving, her fingers slipping slightly from his arms as he encircles them around her waist. His big hands slip naturally against her sore skin, and she feels herself shiver under his touch. The tips of his fingers dig into the small of her back, moving in circles there, and she wonders if he is aware of any of his movements.
And then she hears it.
"Bells."
It is barely a whisper, the rush of the water over their heads muffling the sound. But if there is one word she would recognize everywhere and anywhere, it is this. Coming from his lips.
"I'm right here, Jake," she responds calmly, relief washing over her like the burning water. She leans closer into their embrace, and something seems to snap in Jacob the second her palm rests flatly over his rapidly beating heart.
Everything happens so quickly all of a sudden, Jacob's arms crushing her body against his, their naked, wet skin meeting, sliding against each other, his fingers digging deeply into her skin. He holds her as close as he possibly can, but still tries harder, almost lifting her off her feet. She holds an as tightly as she dares, shivering as she feel every ridge, every rise and fall of his body pressed so tightly, intimately against her own.
Bells Bells Bells
Her name as a whispered chant from his lips mingles with the rush of the water, and she can feel Jacob's lips barely moving as he buries his head in the crook of her neck. She can hear him inhale deeply. Leaning closer, pressing herself further into their embrace, she allows him to drink in more of her scent, to kill off the one he once described to her as sickly sweet.
"It's okay, Jake," she whispers as reassuringly as she can, pressing her lips against Jacob's shoulder. It comes so naturally, standing here in Jacob's arms, that she does not even realize what she is doing until she can feel Jacob's lips mirror her own, brushing ever so softly, yet still desperately and urgently, against her neck.
Bella shivers, trying to tell herself that this is not what her body makes her believe it is. The contracting in her abdomen, the goose bumps erupting all over her skin despite the incredible heat. It's all involuntary.
"Bells."
It sounds different this time, hoarse. Husky. Deep and low, not as desperate. Clearer. Jacob's hands glide against her back, lower, until his fingertips run along the hemline of her soaking wet panties. They dip beneath the fabric, not far, but far enough for Bella's breath to hitch and her heart to stutter.
"Jake," she whispers nervously, her hands moving slowly from his arms over his shoulders and down to his chest, lower, until she feels every muscle in his abdomen twitch under her light touch.
"She was laughing," Jacob murmurs against her throat, his nose nudging her jawline, "Like she thought it was funny."
As he recalls the painful memory, the kind of bitterness in his voice that Bella resents so much, one of his hands moves up her side, tickling her, before she sucks in a breath as his fingertips brush against the side of her breast.
"She's gone now," Bella says unsteadily, trying to ignore the jolts of pleasure his faint touch sends throughout her entire body. But she can not hold back the sigh that slips past her lips as his hand comes to rest against the side of her breast completely, applying just a tiny bit of pressure. It's almost nothing, but she feels like the overload of sensations might suffocate her.
"She was so cold. Like ice."
Bella shivers, carefully sliding her palms across Jacob's stomach, finally wrapping her arms around him. She barely applies any pressure to his bruised side, but he still flinches slightly at the contact, before he relaxes again into their embrace.
"And I can still taste her."
Bella can feel Jacob leaning away from her, his lips brushing against her earlobe ever so softly as he pulls back. Lifting her own head from his chest, Bella finally gathers up enough courage to look at Jacob's face for the first time since she stepped into the shower. And this time, he does not look into an abyss, but at her. His face is still set in stone, but she can see the life returning to his eyes, one heartbeat at a time.
"It's going to be alright," she whispers, moving her hand back over his chest, across his shoulder, gently up his neck until it rests lightly against his cheek.
Bella knows she can not deny that this thought has crossed her mind more than often during the last weeks, whenever Jacob was on patrol, when he was hunting Victoria with the pack, whenever she feared for his life, when they spent time in the garage, when they strolled along First Beach, whenever he dared a fleeting touch. But no matter how often she might have thought about it, she would never have imagined that she would kiss Jacob Black when they are both standing naked in her shower.
But here they are, her lips brushing lightly against his, hands holding on tightly, water dripping between them, their breaths mingling with the steam.
"I can make it go away," she murmurs against his lips. Her fingers move back down to his neck, trying to get a grip of the slick skin, and she feels him shudder in response to her touch. Pressing her lips more firmly against his, she dares to take a step further than she ever had before. She wants to make the taste in his mouth go away, wants something else to linger on his lips and tongue. Not vampire, but human. Her peppermint toothpaste and a hint of raspberry tea she was drinking before she heard the knock on the front door mingling with the drumming of the rain against the window.
With her heart beating rapidly in her chest, Bella dares to part her lips just barely against Jacob's, their breaths suddenly mingling, shivers running down their wet bodies.
The groan that rumbles through Jacob's chest is almost guttural, and before she knows what is happening, Bella feels the ground give away underneath her, and her slippery legs wrap around Jacob's waist. She tries to move back when she hears his pain-filled grunt, but he just holds her tighter against him, his tongue brushing against her lips. She surrenders, parting her lips completely, sighing against Jacob's mouth.
They are entirely lost in their own world, a world Bella wants to slap herself for depriving herself of for so long. She does not understand her own mind anymore, does not understand why she waited so long, why she ever let it come this far. The warmth, his passionate, urgent yet gently touches, hands gliding all over her body, lips brushing over everything he can reach – she feels complete. Peaceful. Right.
When the water begins to cool down, it is Jacob who turns it off, gently parting his lips from the spot below Bella's earlobe that has her shivering like a leaf. He slowly sets her back down on her feet, pressing a chaste kiss on her forehead, his fingers catching a damp strand of her hair, securing it behind her ear.
"You're safe now," he whispers.
Bella nods, swallowing as her eyes briefly catch sight of what she had felt pressed against her stomach the entire time. Against her own will, she reaches out her hand and rests it on Jacob's stomach, thinking it is safe distance. She can see him shudder in response, her chest swelling with pride.
But then the big bruise catches her attention, and sadness overwhelms her. She's glad for the last drops of water on her face because they conceal her tears, and she feather-lightly trails her fingertips over the bruise.
Jacob's hand wraps around her wrist, stopping her movements, and when she looks up to him, a hint of a smile spreads across his features.
"It'll be alright."