"Catherine" Grissom shouts from his office. "Come in will ya?"
Surprised I step into Gil's office. What's wrong? The case is going well, isn't it? There is nothing to discuss as far as I know.
"Close the door and take a seat if you like"
Oh god, now there is definitely something wrong. I don't want to sit down, let's keep it short. I look at Grissom's face but he is smiling.
"Okay, what have I done?" I ask him "If it's about that DNA sample, that's Greg's fault and..."
"Catherine, there isn't anything wrong"
".. I didn't knew that I should... What?" I stare at Gil with disbelief. Why am I here then?
"I said; there isn't anything wrong" Grissom smiles again. "But I would like to know what Greg did with that sample. After we talked."
Now he has my attention and I sit down.
"Well... Who is it?" Grissom asks with a broad smile.
"What do you mean?" I feel that I turn red. I know what he means. Sara. But I can't tell him that, how could I? It's a public secret Gil likes her and I don't want to make him feel bad about it. And I don't want to accept that I love her. If I say it to Gil, it means that what I feel for her is real. And I don't want that. For God's sake! It's a woman!
"What do you mean?" I say again.
"You are singing in your office, you almost dance in the hallways and you laugh about everything Greg says. I think you are in love Catherine. I was just wondering if that was true."
I'm blushing again. I try to stare at my shoes but I know Grissom will take that as a yes.
"I… I… I'm not" I stumble. Why do I do that?! I look like teenager! And why does Gil even care? It's my choice to fall in love, why should he know?!
"Because I think it's a co-worker. And I know it's your own choice." Grissom says calmly.
Can he read my mind or something? Or did I say it out loud? And why is he always right… It may be better if I'm honest. I really would like to talk about it, I can't handle it alone. But I don't want to talk with Gil, do I?
"You're right" I finally say. "But I don't want it. It makes me feel good and bad at the same time… It's like walking in heaven with a stone tied to my feet."
"I see. Catherine I don't want this to affect your work. If you tell me who it is I can make sure you don't have to work together."
No. I don't want to tell it. Not now. It hurts and I don't want you to heal it. I keep staring at the floor. This is hard Gil, don't force me to say her name. I don't want to talk about it. Not about my love for a woman. A woman! God, why? Why her? Why Sara? Closed, silent Sara. O how I dreamt about kissing her, touching her, smelling the scent of her hair when she lies next to me. Why Sara?
"Is it Warrick? Greg? Nick even?"
"No…"
"Me?"
"No Gil, it isn't you…" I take a deep breath. "Sara, its Sara" I said it almost whispering. I feel tears burning. I don't want to cry.
"Sara… I should have seen that one coming."
Why? I'm confused now. He expected that? How come?
"Why? Tell me Gil, now!" I fight against the thought to grab him by his shirt and pull him across his desk. "Why did you expect that coming?"
"What would you say, if I told you that I had a conversation with Sara three days ago? I told her that I felt more for her than a regular friendship." I almost stare at Gil. He told Sara? And is he really telling me that? 'The' Gil Grissom is talking about his personal life? Wow, miracles do happen…
"She said no. There was someone else she loved, a co-worker, but it isn't me."
I can't believe what he is saying. She is in love? Who? It must be Greg.
"Greg, eh?" I ask.
"No"
"Nick?"
"No"
It can't be Warrick or Brass. God, don't let it be Brass.
"You Catherine, she loves you"
I can't believe what I'm hearing. My heart is jumping out of my chest and I'm turning red.
"Me?"
"Yeah you" I see little twinkles in Gil his eyes and he is still smiling. I'm totally confused.
"I, I, I got to go" Sara, sweet Sara. Where is she? I stop in front of the break room and try to catch my breath before I open the door. I see Nick and Greg, fighting about the coffee.
"Anyone has seen Sara?" I ask as casual as possible.
"No, have you tried her lab?" Nick asks.
"Thanks Nick"
I close the door. 'Her lab', I smile. It's not even hers, but she is always there. Stupid I didn't looked there at first. I walk towards it, my heart pounding and my hands sweaty.
"Hey Catherine"
Oh God she is so beautiful.
"Hey. Can I talk with you?"
"Sure, what is it?"
I close the door while I say "Grissom told me about the conversation you had with him three days ago"
I see her face turning white. "He told you everything?" She is shocked and I know she thinks about me now.
"He told me enough" I say mysteriously.
"Also what I said about you?" She's now switching from white to red. God, she is so cute when she blushes. I walk towards her until I'm standing close. I look in her eyes. Sara is almost trembling now and she looks puzzled about what I possibly might think.
"Yes" I smile about her shocked face "And it's okay"
I press my lips against hers, pulling her close. This is what I wanted and I love every second of it. Please let it never end. I'm almost sad when it does.
"I love you Catherine Willows, please don't leave now."
"I won't, believe me. I won't. Never."