Dear SwanQueen fans,

I am here with another story. With all the au stories that I've already read I wanted to try to write my own multi chapter one. It is a story about a mother who is ready to do whatever it takes to save her son even if it means sacrificing her own self, her pride, her worth. In losing herself she will find something what's worth the loss. Enjoy reading and long live the SwanQueen + SwanMillsFamily.

Losing Myself, Finding You

This autumn weather was really getting on her nerves. The rain was getting heavier with every second and she was driving as fast as she could even thought it was dangerous. She couldn't say if it was the rain drops that made it difficult to see the road or if it was the tears in her eyes. Emma Swan was desperate. She turned off the car radio just in case her son needed her attention. Henry, a seven years old boy was lying on the back seat. He was crying and constantly changing his position. He was in pain.

„We are going to be there soon, son," Emma said to calm her son. She wished she had a magic wand. Everything would be easier. With only one sway she would take this heavy burden off of her little kid and everything would be ok. Henry has suffered from a very rare disease since he was born but only few months ago his condition got worse. Emma has been in search of a good paediatrician since Henry showed the symptoms when he was little. She wasn't lucky. Even if they finally found someone capable of doing something about Henry's condition the surgery and the treatment was too expensive and Emma couldn't afford it. She tried her best to make money, save as much as she could but it was never enough. As a mother she now understood how all the mothers must have felt when their children got sick. She felt helpless. It was October and Henry needed the surgery as people need breathing. They were on the way to Boston, where Emma hoped to find someone who would be willing to help them, to find a way to ease Henry's pain. Sometimes Emma felt like she was so close to giving up but then she looked into her son's eyes and she knew that he was everything to her. She was ready to sacrifice everything to save him, sacrifice herself and her own life to make Henry's life better. With these thoughts she crossed to borders of Boston determined to do what needed to be done.

„Mom, I am feeling sick!" Henry screamed when they entered the hospital area in their yellow bug.

„I know, kid. Hold on, I will get you some help," Emma tried her best to stay calm. She parked the car in front of the main entrance, she jumped out of the car. She took their bags from the trunk and then helped Henry to get out of the back seat. While adjusting the bags she locked the car, supported Henry so he could walk and led him to the reception.

„I need help, please!" Emma begged for help and thank god someone listened to her. Two young doctors ran towards them and caught Henry just in time before he fell to the ground.

„He is exhausted. He suffers from a rare blood disease. Can you please take care of him for now? We were on our way from holidays when his condition got worse," Emma was explaining their situation to the doctors while they were plugging Henry to some electrical devices. They needed to stabilize him and keep his vitals in check.

„I have all the papers here," Emma showed a file to the doctors. One of the doctors took it and looked into it immediately.

„Page doctor Mills, now!" he yelled at the nurse at the reception desk. She didn't hesitate and took out her pager to send a distress call to the mentioned doctor.

„Wait here, miss Swan," the second doctor said and Emma could only watch the hospital staff taking Henry away from her. She wanted to cry, scream, kick something .. just do something to release the tension she felt all over her body. She was wondering what the doctors were doing with her son and who this mysterious doctor Mills was. Was he a specialist? Did she finally find someone who would be able to help them? If so she was ready to go to a bank, borrow some money and pay for the treatment. She would deal with the consequences later when her son was all right.

All the noise that surrounded her just a moment ago was now gone, the hallways were quiet and Emma started losing her mind. She has been raising Henry alone since he came to this world and she was perfectly fine with it but now she would give everything for having someone to lean on, a shoulder to cry on or just someone who would sit with her in silence supporting her just by being there. Emma had so many questions and there was nobody who could answer them. At least not now. The waiting was always the worst. She has been through this many times and waiting was something she never got used to. Not that she was not patient but when it came to her son she wanted to know what's going on. There was a thick wall between her and Henry so she couldn't see him, hear him, touch him or just be there for him if he needed her. They grew pretty close to each other not only because he was sick but also because she was the only person he had. Except the few friends he found when he started school. Not even after few weeks he had to change the way he attended school. He couldn't go to school so Emma arranged an individual program for him so he could study at home. He went to school only to pass the exams which proved that he learned what he was supposed to. Emma tried to be strict with him when it came to learning. She wanted him to keep up with the other kids. One day when he is healthy enough he will be allowed to join the proper school class again. This disease have made their lives a living hell, on the other hand they were never as close to each other before as they were now. Emma was lost in her thoughts so she didn't even notice the clapping sound of shoes approaching her.

„Miss Swan?" a voice filled the reception. Emma raised her head and her eyes met brown orbs.

„Yes?" she answered and got up from the chair she was sitting on the last few minutes.

„I am doctor Mills and I will take care of your son," Regina introduced herself while offering her hand for Emma. Emma accepted and they shook their hands briefly. If emotions could be heard Regina would be a witness of a stone falling from Emma's heart. Emma felt relieved that there was someone willing to accept Henry as a patient and actually help him. They say that the first impression was the most important when it came to reading people and Emma felt like this doctor Mills seamed as a very nice person. Oh, well, she couldn't be more mislead by her own feelings. She had no idea what she was getting herself into.

TBC