Hi guys.

First of all, I'm a loud-and-proud fan of Quhay (Quhinn and Blay).

I have read several great Quhay fanfics here, and have finally decided to add my own. It's no where NEAR as good as the great Ward, but I still love where I see it going, and I hope you guys like it too. Please feel free to review and PM me. Thanks!

I do not own any of these characters. They belong to one of the best writers ever, JR Ward!

Quhinn was bored out of his fucking mind.

Since John and Xhex had taken the night off, no doubt to put their bed to good use, Quhinn's ass was parked right where it was. Which happened to be on his own bed in his room. His first thought had been to go down to the gym to put in some time on the treadmill, however the gerbil imitation didn't appeal to him tonight. He, so, wasn't in the mood to go down and socialize. Not that he didn't like the peeps in the mansion. He just didn't want the stares and awkwardness that was sure to come his effing way when he stepped into their view. He didn't need their pity nor their advice. He knew he was a train wreak. He was well aware that he was on a path of destruction, and he wasn't interested in being saved. Not unless that angel of mercy was Blay.

Don't go there, Quhinn!

But I want to!

Fuck, he was pathetic. So fricken pathetic. No wonder everyone looks at him like he's on the verge of committing suicide. Not that he haven't considered that. But that idea went as quickly as it came. He couldn't do that to Blay. The guy would eat himself up with guilt, and never get over it. His buddy was just that kind of hopelessly noble male. Not to mention absolutely beautiful.

Grabbing his phone off the night stand, Quhinn turned the thing on. Ignoring text message and missed calls alerts, he went straight to the little peace of heaven he still had left. Shuffling through his photos, he fired up the one he knew by heart. It was a picture of Blay he had taken when the male was sitting on his bed reading a Dommick Dunne novel. As usual, Blay's entire attention was divulged in the book, so he had absolutely no idea what Quhinn was up to. If he had looked up, it would have seemed like Quhinn was just messing around on his phone. But in reality, Quhinn was witnessing a moment so priceless that he couldn't stop from capturing with his phone's camera. The guy was exquisite, simple as that. With his wavy red hair, and gorgeous robin blue's, his boy was every mother's dream that their daughter's mate.

Blay had looked up, in the middle of Quhinn's mental drooling, and smiled. And he didn't need a camera to recall that image… nor the effect that it had on him. He had thought Blay caught him, but the male had only looked up to ask him was he ready to go downstairs for dinner. He had gave some curt response, and quickly gotten up.

And that was how it always seem to go. He'd get absorb by Blay and start imagining dangerous things, then the guy would do something so thoughtful and sweet, and it just remind him how unworthy he was. How short he measured in comparison to Blay. But damn… those thought were so tempting.

In the loneliness of his room, Quhinn started to image another story. The one of Blay and him. The one where he wasn't an emotional and genetic fuck up, and Blay wasn't with Saxton. He could actually see it. Blay in his arms… and the entire world was calm. Sharing a life with Blay, the way mates should. Allowing himself to feel… happiness. He could see Blay's fingers filling the empty spaces between his own fingers, and damn…. they fit perfectly. The way mates do.

The tears started to fall then, but Quhinn didn't bother to wipe them away. There wasn't anyone to see them, so there was no reason to hide them. For the first time in his existence, he just let the fuckers fall. He'd spent most of his life just trying to get by without breaking. When his stupid family and the glymera had basically dismissed him at birth, he vowed not to shed one tear because of the idiots. That didn't mean it didn't hurt, though. It broke his heart. It tore him up inside. How can anyone love him if his own parents didn't?

Blay did.

And that was the only thing that kept him together through all of that crap. Focusing on Blay was the only reason why he survived. Cause in Blay's eyes, he wasn't worthless. He wasn't a mistake to be hidden. He was just Quhinn. And that acceptance, alone, was enough for Quhinn to fall desperately in love with his best friend. As much as he tried to fight it… he fell. And all he wanted… all he really wanted… was to be everything his buddy ever needed. But he knew he can't. And now… he's lost his only reason for living. And the emptiness ahead was so bleak that he wished, no prayed, for an end.

He gave up on himself a long time ago. But giving up Blay…it was the hardest thing he ever had to do. It was also the one thing he was never going to be able to do.