Thingamabobs

by HighSidhe

This is where the half-baked ideas that I've lost interest in but would still like to see written will go. If you decide to use anything, please send me the link so that I can read it.

1. Chapter 1

Children of Time

Harry Potter/Doctor Who

---

Harry slowly came into awareness. As far as he could tell, he was lying on his bedroom floor, which led to the question of how he'd ended up in the floor and why there was a large black spot on the ceiling. He tried to sit up but decided against that course of action when everything started to spin. After a moment of regaining his bearings, he slowly sat up and looked around him. His memories came back after he noticed the cauldron in the corner which looked half melted and was slowly oozing a thick greenish mixture. Slowly the teen climbed to his feet and started the clean up process. He considered it a good thing that his relatives weren't in for the weekend, otherwise he could be in trouble.

It wasn't until he'd finished cleaning up and had gone into the bathroom to shower that he realized something very important. First off, he was no longer sixteen. Second off, he no longer looked like himself. His hair was more of a tawny brown now though it still refused to lie flat, and his eyes were still the same bright green, but his skin was no longer quite so pale so they didn't appear to be quite as bright as they used to. All in all, he no longer looked like himself. Even his scar was barely visible now.

What the hell was in that potion?

Now that he'd gotten over the changed appearance, he started panicking. How was he supposed to explain this to people? Forget that, how was he supposed to defeat Voldemort as an eleven year old. In a moment of panic, he peered into his underwear and groaned as realization hit. He certainly wasn't getting laid anytime soon. He found himself wondering what changes had taken place to his body. He knew that he was taller now than when he'd been eleven the first time, he also wasn't nearly as skinny although he was still pretty thin.

What should I do?

His first thought was write to Ron and Hermione, but he quickly discarded that thought. Dumbledore had instilled an information black-out and he'd be damned if he wrote to those two after they'd left him to cope without support all summer. Dumbledore was out for the same reason; hell, most of the Order was out for that reason. This didn't leave him a very long list of people he could contact.

Abruptly he thought of Luna. She was a bit odd, but he got the feeling she was more observant than she let on, and unlike Ron and Hermione, she was in no way affiliated with the Order of the Flamingly Gay Chickens. With that thought in mind, he dug out a piece of parchment and jotted out a quick note.

Dearest Luna,

First off, I apologize for not writing to you. That was very rude of me. How has your summer been? I ask this because yours has not doubt been full of adventure, perhaps searching for the ever elusive Crumple-horned snorcack.

Harry had no idea how, but he got the feeling that the creatures actually existed. They certainly rang a bell, although he didn't think he'd ever actually seen one.

I've heard that they like to inhabit areas around swamps, although I could be wrong about that. As it is, I've ran into a bit of trouble. Knowing you, you probably already know what's going on, but you are the only person I feel comfortable asking apart from perhaps Neville. You see, due to a little potion's accident, my appearance as well as apparent age have been drastically changed. I am back to being eleven, and I look nothing like Harry Potter.

Any suggestions on how to change back, or what I should do if that is not possible? Any help would be vastly appreciated.

Yours,

Harry

It was short; Luna had a remarkably short attention span, after all. "Send this to Luna Lovegood, would you?" He requested of Hedwig.

His beloved owl gave him a look before gratefully taking off out the window. Harry settled back in thought for a moment. If he wasn't able to change back, this could work nicely. He looked nothing like Harry Potter, and he didn't think he really acted like him either, although he wasn't sure about the latter. Still, it could be a chance to start over at Hogwarts, make friends with people who didn't care about the fact that he was Harry bloody Potter. Hell, he wouldn't have to hide his intelligence behind a mask of stupidity.

With a slight grin, he pulled the parchment towards him and started writing on it. He had a few letters to write out if he was going to successfully start over. First off, he was going to have to make sure that he had actual funds to go to Hogwarts on. Second, he needed a new name as well as a birth date. Thirdly, he needed a family so that they wouldn't become suspicious. Last, he decided he was going to do something he'd always thought was pretty fun but never really had a chance to do because of his fame - he wanted to prank people. He'd always looked up to the Weasley twins, although he'd never planned telling them that.

He would have to wait until Hedwig got back from Luna's before he could mail anything else out though. Beyond that, he'd have to make sure that the Order members didn't see him accidentally.

Speaking of which...

Where the hell were they when that potion blew up. And why did it blow up in the first place?

He cautiously peered outside to see who his current guard was.

Oh you have got to be kidding me!

Mundungus Fletcher was leaning against the tree snoring away. True he was invisible, but the sun was shining and his shadow was quite visible and his snoring could be heard from the window. Harry frowned slightly in thought. If he was going to leave, now would be the perfect opportunity. He just hoped that Hedwig didn't come back here and wait on him. Then again, she had proved to be a fairly intelligent owl.

Harry trotted downstairs and after a moment's concentration, was able to unlock the cupboard under the stairs with a hairpin. He had asked to learn that particular skill from the twins after they had rescued him before his second year. Quickly he packed his trunk with his things and lugged it to the front door. After depositing it there, he trotted back upstairs and wrote out two quick notes; one for the Dursley's and the other for whoever came to collect him. These he left on the kitchen table.

Sneaking by Mundungus was unbearably easy. The man was drunk, after all, and appeared to be sleeping off several bottles of Odgen's finest. Using the funds left over from last year's shopping, Harry flagged the Knight Bus to Diagon Alley. After a moment's thought, he headed into Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour.

He settled down to wait with a double chocolate chip and raspberry ice cream cone. For the moment, he figured that no one had realized yet that anything had happened. That was such a reassuring thought. There was no one there besides Florean Fortescue himself and he wasn't paying much attention to Harry.

If there was a death eater attack, the idiots wouldn't notice until September first.

It wasn't long before Hedwig flew over with a reply from Luna. He got a glance from Florean, but he doesn't seem to recognize Hedwig which Harry was grateful for.

Harry

That's fine. My summer has been wonderful. Father and I went snorcack hunting. While it is true that they prefer swampy areas, it is also true that that is only during the early spring months. During the summer, they prefer beaches. Don't worry, they only feed off of happiness from the tourist.

You are quite right that I already knew. Don't worry. Dad and I are on our way to Diagon Alley. Don't worry about the flaming turkeys, they'll not find you. Don't go anywhere. Everything will be explained soon enough.

Luna

Almost as soon as he had finished, he spotted Luna and someone he assumed to be her father enter the parlor. He waved them over and Luna promptly sat down across from him with her usual dreamy smile.

"How'd you get here so quick?" He asked with a slight frown.

"My Luna always knows where she needs to be." Her father answered brightly. "I'm Xenophilius, but you can call me Xeno."

"Harry Potter, but I'm thinking of a name change." Harry answered with a grin. He could tell that he was going to like Xeno.

"Come along then, Harry. Luna will explain everything once we get home."

Harry accepted this and followed the two outside. Before he could protest, Xeno had grabbed his arm and apparated away with him and Luna in tow.

"Come in, Harry." Harry's brows shot into his hairline. Luna no longer had that dreamy quality to her voice that he had grown accustomed to. "We have much to discuss."

"Will he be staying here, Luna?" It was odd to see Xeno deferring to Luna, but Harry filed that away for further consideration.

"Yes, put him in the guest room, please." Luna said after a moment's thought. She noticed Harry's befuddled look and snickered. "He's not my biological father." She explained.

"I'm hopelessly confused." Harry said finally.

"My father is an alien, I guess you could say." Luna started. "He's not a very nice one either. He likes taking over worlds."

"What, is there some sort of an organization? United Confederation of World Domination, maybe?" Harry asked sarcastically.

"It does seem to be a recurring theme." Luna said matter-of-factly.

"Your dad isn't going to team up with Voldemort, is he?" Harry asked worriedly.

Luna giggled at the thought. "Daddy's dead. I think." She said after managing to control herself.

"And you find that funny?" Came the incredulous response.

"No." She said soberly. "Just the thought of daddy and Voldemort teaming up. Dad would murder him for sheer incompetence."

"Incompetence? He nearly destroyed England?" Harry sputtered.

"My dad does not nearly destroy countries." Luna said softly. "He destroys planets completely."

"Sounds like a real winner." Harry muttered. "Not that this isn't enlightening or anything, but what does it have to do with-" He gestured at himself in general.

"You are the son of an alien that is of the same race as my father." She explained after a moment.

"So I'm part alien?" He was bemused by this. "Are you sure it isn't just a freak potion accident? And how do you know that, anyway?"

Luna shook her head sadly. "This is what you're supposed to look like. The potion cancelled the spell that was laid over you as a baby. Your father is a Time Lord called the Doctor. My father is called the Master. You look like the Doctor's current form, except for your eyes."

"Kinky." Harry deadpanned.

"I do have to wonder what he was thinking when he chose that." She agreed with a grin.

"So do you know why I seem to have been deaged?" Harry asked with a slight frown. "And how do you know that I'm this Doctor fellow's son?"

"Time Lords age differently from humans. Sixteen human years is about the equivalent of eleven Time Lord years. Your human parents must have done something to your Time Lord biology. Check your heartbeat." Luna ordered

Harry checked and found himself listening to a steady four beat rhythm. "Okay, either this is one hell of an elaborate joke, or you're telling the truth." Harry said in a distant tone.

"I can't explain everything to you." Luna said, "I've only met dad a few times when I was little, before I came to earth, but I can explain a bit." And with that, Luna set about explaining Time Lords to her friend.

"Wicked." Harry breathed when she finished up. He paused as something hit him for the first time. "I've never been older than you, have I?" With a grin she shook her head.

"We're slow growers which is why I only look slightly older than eleven despite being a fifth year."

"So how are we able to use magic if we're not humans?"

Luna looked thoughtful. "Actually it's a bit weird because as far as I know Time Lords can't use magic, yet here we are. I have a few theories of course, but I'm not entirely certain."

"Maybe Time Lords have always been able to do something similar to magic but never realized it." Harry suggested tentatively.

"Could be. It would make sense. Time Lords were an arrogant lot and just assumed that they knew everything there was to know about the universe. It is possible that in their arrogance they ignored an entire field of study." She paused for a moment before laughing suddenly. "Wouldn't that be funny?"

"So what happens to me now?" Harry asked after a few moment of silence.

"We establish you a new identity." Luna said firmly. "To do that, we need to go to Gringotts."

An hour after Harry Potter entered, James Moriarty walked out. Officially, he was born August 4th in 1985 and was preparing to start his first year at Hogwarts. Because they were already in Diagon Alley, James and Luna decided to go shopping for their school things. James was taller than Harry had been, and he wasn't quite as skinny so his robes no longer fit, which suited him just fine. It hadn't been difficult transferring significant amount of funds from the Potter account to a new account under the names of James Moriarty and Luna Lovegood.

He also picked up a new set of potions equipment as well as ingredients. He was taking absolutely no chances in anyone recognizing anything that belonged to Harry Potter which was also how he found himself clothes shopping with Luna afterwards.

The only person to recognize Harry was Ollivander. "So, the spell is gone?" He asked as Harry was measured.

"Wait..you knew?" Harry asked incredulously.

"Of course." Ollivander replied. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Why didn't you say anything?" Harry asked with a steely glare.

"Would you have believed me?" Ollivander pointed out mildly.

Harry thought about it a moment before reluctantly shaking his head no.

"Thought not. Try this." Harry gave the wand a brief wave, but he knew before it was even picked up that it wasn't it. An hour later and frustrations were running high, although Luna just looked amused.

"I would try to give you a non-human wand, but you were born here on earth, so I don't think that would work." Ollivander muttered as he circled around Harry.

"Hang on, didn't you have the same problem with hers?" Harry asked suddenly.

"No. I made my own." Luna answered with a dreamy smile. "It's willow, but it's got my dad's TARDIS key as the core."

"That actually works?" Ollivander asked surprised. "Interesting. As it is, Mr. Moriarty was born on earth and wands are composed of things that define the wielder."

"That makes sense, I guess. My old wand doesn't work for me anymore."

"Of course not. You are no longer Harry Potter." Ollivander's face was sporting a 'duh' look. "Hmm, perhaps this one will work?" He handed a wand over to Harry. "Your father had this made so that he wouldn't look quite so odd. It never worked for him, but perhaps you-?" He broke off as bright gold sparks showered from the tip.

"Twelve and a half inches with a sprig of wood that his Tardis so kindly provided. Charming lady that one, don't think she liked me much, though."

"Why would his Tardis bit work for me if I've never even seen one?" Harry asked with a slight frown.

"You'd have to ask the Tardis that." Ollivander said evasively. "That'll be six galleons and ten sickles."

"I have found that using a wand is optional." Luna remarked from beside him. "You could always use a stick, carve it up a bit, and use it as a prop."

Harry snorted sardonically. "I'll try Ollivander's suggestion first." He paid the money to Ollivander and left with Luna. "Who is he, anyway. I could feel kinda like a tickle on my mind when I was in there."

"He's a Time Lord." Luna sounded odd. "I had not realized there was one in Diagon Alley. The high concentration of magic effectively blocks his presence."

When they got back, it was to find an owl waiting for him with his school letter. All he actually needed now were his schoolbooks.

A week later, he went back for his textbooks. Finding his schoolbooks was easy as they hadn't been moved since his first year. Once he'd located all of the required texts with a bit of help from the shop owner, he started browsing around for general books on things like Occlumency, which would be useful since he couldn't have people reading his mind concerning his identity, common household spells, because they were useful in a duel, and politics so that he didn't look like a complete moron.

In total, his books cost twelve galleons and four sickles. With a gleeful grin, he portkeyed back to the roost, which is what Luna called her home - the Lovegood roost. He had become a permanent houseguest of sorts because Luna had informed him that 'we Time Lords have to stick together'.

He discovered that he rather liked the blonde girl. She had a wicked sense of humor, which she perfected with that dreamy look that she was known for so that most people would never realize she'd just cracked a joke.

All in all, life for James Moriarty was looking up. Life for the Order, on the other hand, was not so good.

XXXXX

Dumbledore was beginning to regret putting Harry on an informational blackout. His little friends hadn't written him all summer, as per Dumbledore's orders, so he'd written the boy telling him he'd finally be getting out. Perhaps he should have been suspicious about the lack of response, but he hadn't really been expecting a reply anyway so he hadn't realized anything was wrong.

Perhaps if he'd permitted Mr. Weasley and Ms. Granger to write he might have avoided this catastrophe, or at least had a good idea of when and where he'd gone.

"The last we saw the boy, was right before our camping trip." Vernon Dursley had told him gruffly. "When we came back, he was gone and his things were missing. Good riddance, I say!"

"Did he leave a note or something?" Dumbledore quizzed the obese man.

"Yeah, he left us a note. Told us with luck he'd never see us again." Dudley piped up from between his parents.

Dumbledore pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. "Do you have any idea where he might have gone?" He asked tiredly.

"Not a one."

"Very well. I'll take my leave." He left, wondering why the wards hadn't alerted him to the boy's leaving. It should have sent up an alarm, but it hadn't. He only hoped that the poor boy was alright.

In the meantime, I shall continue to use Grimmauld's Place as my base of operations. When I find him, I shall explain his inheritance to him. Hopefully he'll continue to allow us to use it.

Now he needed to talk to the boy's friends. After a moment, he vanished with a loud crack.

---

Master of Death

Harry Potter/Torchwood

---

Ianto Jones idled in front of the Millennium building in Cardiff, Wales. He had, unfortunately, been transferred to Torchwood Three from Torchwood One by Yvonne Hartman. He might have been happier if she hadn't blackmailed him into spying on them. He had every intention of getting out of it as soon as possible.

Unfortunately, until he managed, he knew that he would have to do as the bitch had ordered him to do.

He caught slight movement out of the corner of his eye and focused on it. Magic had taught him that the way to see past notice-me-not charms was to look out of the corner of his eyes and this appeared to operate under the same principle because when he looked directly, he couldn't see a damn thing. So he did what any smart person would, he turned away and got a good look at the person out of the corner of his eye.

"Are you planning on standing there all day?" He asked finally.

"It's a thought." The man had a vaguely American accent, but it didn't sound quite like one. It had a little something extra in it. He puzzled over it a moment before filing it away in the back of his mind.

He sighed. He had been warned that his welcome would likely be less than pleasant. Still, he had hoped that they would have common courtesy at the very least. Apparently that was too much to ask. "How rude." He mused out loud to himself. "I knew that Three was in need of help but I didn't realize they needed lessons in manners as well."

"I think you can guess where you can shove your manners."

"I'll take that under consideration." He answered calmly.

"C'mon." He stepped on the lift and bit back a smirk as the Captain put as much distance between the two as possible on the small square. This was highly unlike what he'd heard of the risqué Captain.

"Don't worry, I don't bite." he murmured in an undertone.

Ianto's first thought upon entering the Hub for the first time was that they needed to hire a janitor. He did not say this out loud of course; he sensed that Jack would not be pleased of his many criticisms that he was already coming up. There were pizza boxes stacked up against the wall and the garbage can was overflowing with takeout boxes and Starbuck's cups. His only reaction was to wrinkle his nose slightly.

"This is Suzie, my second in command." Suzie barely glanced up at him as she waved a hand in his general direction. "Owen's our medic." The man in question hadn't even bothered looking up from the game of minesweeper he was losing at. "Tosh is our computer genius." She looked up at him and flashed a shy smile at him. "And I'm Captain Jack Harkness, the leader."

"Ianto Jones." He said shortly. "Archivist and all around support."

The only thing that Jack showed him was the archives which were a mess. He bit back a groan as he looked around him. Jack had deposited him and left him there, not that surprised him. He was trying to make this as difficult as possible. Ianto was amused by his effort, but he wasn't going to be deterred by it. If he could survive even his best friends turning on him during his fourth year than he could certainly survive random strangers making life difficult for him.

The archives were covered in dust and there were boxes stacked to the ceiling that looked to be a mix of various documents, receipts perhaps, and artifacts. The many shelves seemed to have artifacts haphazardly thrown in.

"Good Merlin, when's the last time anyone sorted through this mess?" He muttered distractedly as he unloaded a box. He decided that first he would start with the documents and their sorting; he would acquire a filing cabinet or three later, he decided.

Several hours later, he had sorted a box of documents based off of type and then date within the type. He carefully stacked them back in the box and set it aside. He realized that he would have to make sure that they had been logged on the archive mainframe, which he highly doubted considering the state of things. He would have his work cut out for him.

He realized upon leaving that either they'd gotten an alarm or that Jack had already sent the rest of the team home. Since he could see movement in Jack's office, he was leaning more towards the latter than the former. His eye twitched in irritation, but he gave no other indication of his annoyance. Instead, he headed into the kitchenette to see what needed to be done there. One broken coffee machine, a bag of expired beans, and a package of musty filters later, he realized he was going to have to restock the kitchen.

The refrigerator was largely empty with only a jar of moldy mayonnaise and a bag of rotten apples in it. He trashed those and set about cleaning out the inside of the refrigerator. It was unhygienic the way they had kept the kitchenette and he intended to change that. While he was at it, he cleaned the rest of the small room and made sure all of the dishes were spotless.

By the time he was finished, it was nearing one in the morning.

Surveying the nearly spotless room, he tied up the full rubbish bag and grabbed another and set about cleaning up the Hub and disposing the garbage in the main area. he also cleaned all of the wrappers and cans off of his colleagues desks but left everything else alone. Honestly, the way his colleagues ate it was a wonder they weren't all fat. He supposed it had something to do with the job, but he honestly didn't see how they managed. Surely they didn't get that much exercise.

He was nearly finished and it was nearing four in the morning when Jack finally showed his face outside of his office. He seemed surprised to see that Ianto was still there.

"Shouldn't you have gone home by now?"

Ianto raised an eyebrow. "Why?" He asked calmly. Truthfully, he wasn't feeling all that tired. He couldn't sleep without help to start with and when he did it was never long. He had too many nightmares to sleep easily.

"It's nearly four in the morning."

"Yet here we are." Ianto pointed out. "I don't sleep much."

"See that it doesn't affect your work."

Once again, he might have been annoyed considering the sheer hipocrisy of that statement, but Hogwarts had jaded him to a lot of things. Even at Torchwood One he hadn't really fit in. Then again, the knowledge that the slightest screw-up could cost his memories, he'd been more concerned with his work than anything.

"Don't worry, sir. It won't." He said flatly.

He wasn't surprised when Jack chose not to push the issue. Silently, he tied that bag off as well, grabbed the other two bags, and hauled them up to the trash can. He then proceeded to dim the lights in the Hub and turn off the lights everywhere else before heading home.

A quick meal and a shower later, he was downing a dreamless sleep potion and going to sleep. Three hours later, he was up and ready to get on with his day.

He dropped by the grocery store on the way and picked up several things for the kitchenette: fruits, vegetables, sandwich meat, and salad dressings to name a few. Even if his colleagues preferred take out, he preferred healthier things. He also purchased coffee grounds, filters, a name brand coffee maker, and several flavors of syrups. He lived off of coffee and if their trash can was anything to go by, so did they.

It took him two trips to carry everything in and put them away. Afterwards, he carefully measured out the coffee grinds to make a pot. He considered himself something of an expert at coffee making.

Eventually, the others arrived and he plied them with coffee. It wasn't that he really wanted to share his coffee, it was just that it was the polite thing to do and he had no intention of sinking down to their level. Tosh was the only one to thank him for making coffee and as a consequence he figured out her favorite way of drinking it and prepared it that way for her.

The first time they got called away to chase after weevils, Tosh stayed with him to show him how to work the CCTV. Apparently in Torchwood Three, everyone chipped in and helped whenever it was required of them. It made them a more close-knit group, but it had the down-side of none of them being really being field agents apart from Jack, which showed, sadly enough.

Ianto also found himself saddled with most of the paperwork done around the Hub apart from Tosh. She sometimes came down into the archives and helped him log things. She wasn't the most outspoken of the group but they developed a quiet steady friendship.

Suzie did most of her work and was very rarely found doing anything else. While she wasn't outright with her dislike of Ianto, she made it quite clear that she didn't want him near her station.

Owen would have been completely useless to the team if he wasn't such a good medic. He was generally the last to arrive and the first to leave, crass and annoying as hell, and when he wasn't performing autopsies, he was watching porn or playing online games.

Jack was perhaps the laziest person Ianto had ever met, and that was with knowing Ron. He had to be told repeatedly to turn in paperwork or even just to take a look at it and he flirted shamelessly with all of his team. Except Ianto.

He wasn't sure if he should be annoyed or relieved by that. On one hand, he had always considered himself straight. Cho had been his first date, and he had loved Ginny of course. He'd been about to propose to Lisa when she'd broken things off shortly before his transferal. All in all, the fact that he felt attracted to his boss was weirding him out. He was quite thankful that thus far, Jack was content to ignore him apart from his coffee.

XXXXX

He had been devastated when he heard about Canary Wharf, but he'd also been glad that he hadn't been there. It also meant that Yvonne couldn't blackmail him anymore.

He felt it the second the glove had entered the hub. It was sort of a tickling sensation at the nape of his neck that told him that something that landed under his jurisdiction had entered the building.

As far as he could figure, willingly sacrificing himself alone would have guaranteed him that first get out of death free card. That combined with the fact that he owned the deathly hallows, well, he had a permanent escape from death. That had been particularly frustrating because he'd been committing suicide when he'd discovered it. Since then he'd done a bit of testing, hoping in vain that he'd actually stay dead.

No such luck. He'd finally given up.

He had discovered upon joining Torchwood London that he had an affinity with artifacts that dealt with death. Ianto had hidden that of course. The last thing he needed was to become their lab rat.

The last gift he had was that he instinctively knew when people were going to die. Now how or where, but he knew the time down to the last second.

Jack was different. He had more than one expiration date.

When he finally got his hands on the glove, he spent a good hour just staring at it.

"Are you quite done staring at that?" Suzie finally snapped in irritation.

He glanced up sharply at her. "It's addictive, isn't it?" He said solemnly. "You can't get it out of your head no matter how hard you try."

"H-how did you know?" She couldn't stop the slight tremble in her voice.

"I can sense it." He explained. "Let me archive it. It'll save both of us trouble."

Suzie frantically shook her head. "No!" She snarled, her face suddenly twisting into a violent mockery of it's normal smiling self. "I need it! I need to find out what it does!"

When he tried to tell Jack, he had thrown him out of his office and told him to stop wasting his time. They both had the same death date. Ianto had a bad feeling that he knew what was going to happen. Suzie would kill Jack, not knowing of his immortality, and then Jack would kill her.

A plan had formed in his mind when Gwen Cooper entered the picture. Jack would take her on the tour and she would see the knife that he knew Suzie was using. Hopefully she would remember it because it was a very odd looking knife. She would put pieces together and figure out it was a member of Torchwood and would come to investigate. Ianto figured by that point that Suzie was screwed no matter what happened. She was a murderer, so she'd either be executed or retconned into a vegetable state. While he did feel sorry for her, he had little sympathy because she had ignored all of his warnings about the damned thing and had resisted every effort of his to reclaim it.

Then Jack retconned Gwen.

Damn.

He had been quite annoyed when Jack had ordered him to delete anything Gwen had written to remind herself. He thought it sad that everyone depended on technology these days. If it had been him, he would have written it down using pen and paper, or he would have removed the memories and stored them in his pensieve and left a reminder to check it.

His only hope now was that the picture of the knife that he'd anonymously sent into the police would trigger some residual memories or something.

The next evening, both Jack and Suzie had died and it was him that was stuck cleaning up the mess that Gwen bloody Cooper had caused.

"Why the hell did she just stand there?" He groused as he violently scrubbed at a large patch of dried blood. "She's supposedly a trained police officer but she just stood there!" He knew in the back of his mind that he was trying to misplace the blame on the former cop who had just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

If only I had tried harder. I could have stopped this.

If only he had pushed Jack harder at getting the glove taken away from her. If only he had taken the glove away from her when he'd first realized what was going on. So many if only's; it was driving him mad but he couldn't stop.

And then there was Gwen. It bothered him how easily Suzie had been replaced, and by someone so incompetent as well. Gwen, despite the fact that she was the 'humanity' of the team had no problem following everyone else's example of completely ignoring Ianto unless she needed coffee or clothes repaired.

What was more, she couldn't shoot. Ianto had always thought that coppers were taught to shoot, even if they didn't actually carry a gun. It was rather stupid to just give them batons and expect them to fend off shooters with one.

Furthermore, she had no compunctions complaining about their techniques and telling them that they shouldn't do this that and the other. Apparently the words 'above the police and beyond the government' hadn't sunk in. Harry wished that the Order had been like that, but alas they hadn't. They'd all been tried for crimes committed during the war. He had gotten the worst of it.

Ianto had not been with them when Gwen had released the sex gas. He was thankful for that because he doubted he would have been able to stop himself from doing something drastic. He found it odd that none of the others were perturbed by her ineptitude up until that point. Then he found it hypocritical when they turned on her to varying degrees.

Hypocrites.

Now he was thankful that none of them were actually his friends. The last thing he needed was friends who would turn on him the second he messed up. He'd had more than enough of that from the Weasley's and Granger.

---

Harry Potter, PI

Harry Potter/Torchwood

---

Harry ducked his head as he walked. It was starting to rain. Bloody Cardiff. He still wasn't entirely sure why he'd moved there. Oh yeah, no one would think to look for him in Cardiff. After all, no sane person would willingly live in Cardiff. He was flat hunting at the moment and had high hopes for the one that he'd heard about in the paper.

Most of the others he'd been to had been to expensive for him to even consider or he hadn't liked the landlords or landladies. There was one he might have considered if not for the fact the other tenants had been rude and loud. Harry was looking for a quiet place where he could live and operate his little business from.

He took a moment to examine the building in front of him before knocking on the door and pulling his jacket tighter around his body. It took a moment for it to open and a young man to peer out.

"Can I help you?" Harry couldn't get over the Welsh accents. They had an almost lyrical quality which contrasted sharply with his own southern British accent.

"Yeah, I'm here about the flat for rent." He answered as he looked up from staring at the ground. He blinked rain out of his eyes.

"Come in, then." The door was held wide open and Harry followed him in.

"Ianto Jones." His host introduced himself as he led him into the kitchen. "Coffee?"

"Please." Harry took a moment to examine him. He was surprised about the fact that they both appeared to be about the same age. Or at least they would if Harry had actually aged since dying at the tender age of seventeen. It was such a pain trying to get drinks. "Harry Potter, by the way."

"You should have called before coming. I would have cleaned the place up first." Harry raised an eyebrow upon hearing this and glanced around him. The kitchen was pristine as far as he was concerned.

"'S alright." He said as he sipped his coffee. His eyebrows shot up as he tasted it. It was truly delicious coffee and he could say that because he was an exceptional cook and could make a mean cup himself. "This is good!" He exclaimed delightedly.

"I work long hours so there are days where I likely won't be in before midnight, and there are times when I'll have to leave in the middle of the night." Ianto said as he sipped his own coffee.

"That won't be a problem." Harry assured him. "I work strange hours myself." He considered telling him that he had Fatal Familial Insomnia but decided to wait until he decided one way or another about the flat.

Once they finished their coffee, Ianto led Harry upstairs. "This is where you'd be living." The room itself was tastefully done in cream and dark blue.

"I like it." Harry commented.

"You've already seen the kitchen, the bathroom is next door. My room is across from yours, and next to it is a small closet with cleaning supplies." Ianto said as he showed him each of the rooms. They walked back downstairs and Ianto continued the tour. "Sitting room, you have free use of the telly if you wish. You can do your laundry back there." He indicated a door on the other side of the sitting room.

"I think I'll take it." Harry commented as he looked around him with a pleased expression. "I hope you don't mind, but I sort of run a small business. If you object I could always rent a small office, but…" He trailed off.

Ianto was looking at him a bit strangely. "No offence, but aren't you a little young-?"

Harry chuckled. "I'm twenty-six. I know, I get that a lot." He said upon seeing Ianto's disbelieving look.

"So what do you do?"

"I'm sort of what you would call a Private Investigator, I suppose." Harry answered as he ran a hand through his hair. "I do specialty cases."

"I'm a Civil Servant." Ianto replied casually.

Harry nodded, lost in thought. "I suppose I'll be bringing in my things tomorrow, if that won't bother you."

"Not at all, if you need help, I'd be happy to."

Harry shook his head with a smile. "I don't have much, so it shouldn't take more than a trip or two." He did not add that he moved around a lot and couldn't really stay in the same place long in any case.

"Shall we go back into the kitchen and sort out all of the paperwork?" Ianto suggested. Harry nodded and followed him back into the kitchen.

"So do you cook or do I get to find for myself."

Ianto glanced over at him. "I eat out a lot."

Harry shook his head quickly. "That won't do at all." He muttered to himself. "I can cook, so if you'd like me to do so for the both of us-?"

"I would happily knock a small portion of your rent off if you'd do so." Ianto told him with a grateful smile.

"Excellent. It's been awhile since I've had someone to cook for." Harry said with a pleased expression.

An hour later, Harry was bidding good-bye. "I'll drop bye tomorrow morning, sometime." He said.

"I'll be waiting for you with a fresh pot of coffee."

Ianto closed the door behind the young man and leaned against it with a sigh. He'd thought having someone else around would fill the loneliness that not having Lisa around had created. He was starting to have his regrets. He was tired from just spending an hour around someone else hiding the hurt inside. It had only been a week. A long, lonely, pain-filled week. He was not ready to be around other people.

Still, there was a part that was happy about having someone else around. Perhaps his new tenant could take his mind off of everything. He had proven to be an interesting person from what Ianto had seen. The only problem he could see was that if Harry was some sort of specialty private investigator then there was a chance that the two might run into each other at crime scenes.

With a sigh, he prepared for bed. He would worry about that tomorrow.

XXXXX

Harry showed up bright and early with a bag of bagels and a container of cream cheese and a small package of mixed fresh fruit. He knocked on the door and let himself in. True to his word, there was a pot of freshly brewed coffee sitting on the counter. Harry poured himself and Ianto a cup and fixed himself a bagel topped with cream cheese and blueberries.

He was halfway through his bagel when Ianto entered.

"Morning." Harry said cheerfully. "I brought breakfast."

Ianto paused a moment before settling down and fixing himself a bagel as well. They ate in silence for a few minutes.

"Do you need help bringing your things in?"

Harry shook his head. "The only things I've really got are clothes and my electronic gizmos."

Ianto raised an eyebrow. "You don't carry around much, do you?"

"Side affect of living on the run." Harry said with a shrug.

"This isn't going to come back and haunt me, is it?"

"I shouldn't think so." Harry replied with a slight frown. He rather hoped that the idiots wouldn't be stupid enough to harm a muggle. Then again, he had to do a massive obligate on the last one he'd roomed with because they had performed magic in front of him.

Ianto did end up helping bring his things in, not that he had had much. He had three boxes of neatly folded clothes, a box filled with odd looking odds and ends, and a box with books.

Harry spent most of the day unpacking his things and making sure things were just the way he wanted to do them. Just as he was finishing, his cellphone rang. With a glare at it, he answered.

"Potter speaking."

"Hello, Harry." Ahh, Hermione.

"What can I do for you?"

"Vampire, it looks like. Something is ripping throats in downtown Cardiff."

"How'd you know that's where I was?"

"Lucky guess."

"Alright, I'll see what I can do."

Harry trotted downstairs after kitting himself out. "I'm heading out." He called through the house. "Should be back in a bit."

He was out the door in a flurry of the duster he was wearing. There was actually a very good reason he wore it on missions. It was warded to prevent werewolves from biting him as well as a whole host of other things woven into the fabric. The fact that he looked awesome in it had nothing at all to do with it.

Ten minutes later, he was staring in shock at possibly the ugliest thing he'd ever seen, and that was counting the blast-ended skrewts. "What the hell are you?" He asked as he warily circled around it. "And why have I never ran into you or heard of you."

He was wary of using tranqs. He didn't particularly want to accidentally kill it by pumping it full of enough tranqs to knock out a raging werewolf.

This left him with one option - knock it out the hard way. "Bugger." he muttered, "I don't suppose you'd just come along quietly?" Thus far, it was making no move other than watching him. "You're remarkably calm for having just met." He started to reach for it and it acted by lunging at him.

"Hah!" Harry crowed as he backpedalled away from it. "So you do like to fight. What a coincidence. So do I. And if you do manage to knock me out, well, I consider that a plus."

He was really getting into it when the sound of SUV startled both of them. "Torchwood?" He muttered. "What the hell's Torchwood?"

The…thing took his distraction to its advantage and attacked him, trying to bite through his duster and dragging him to the ground. "Knew that would come in useful." He muttered as it was forcibly pulled off of him.

"Are you okay?" A concerned female asked as she knelt beside him.

"I've been through worse. Dare I ask what that was?"

"Weevil." An American voice interrupted their conversation. "Get him in the car. Owen, I wanted him checked out."

"I'm fine." Harry said indignantly as he was pulled to his feet. "Not even a scratch."

Before he could protest, he was bundled in the SUV with an unconscious weevil.

"So what were you doing there?" The American asked.

"Vampire hunting." Harry said with a straight face.

There was a derisive snort from the passenger seat. "Vampires."

"Hey, they do exist." The American remarked.

"So do I get to know your names or do I get to make up insulting nicknames?" Introductions were passed around. "So what does Torchwood do, anyway?" He asked curiously.

"Alien scavenging mostly." Tosh said without looking up from her laptop.

"Ahh." Harry murmured. He considered that a moment. It wasn't that much of a stretch to believe in aliens when one had seen the things he'd seen. Besides, those ghostly things that had popped up earlier that year hadn't been very well explained. "Explains a bit."

"It does?" The young woman on his other side, Gwen, sounded surprised.

"You'd have to be awfully stupid to believe those metal things were hallucinations." Harry answered. "'Sides, I've seen real ghosts and even they were terrified by that."

"Real ghosts?" Jack was looking back at him through the rearview mirror.

"Yep." He chose not to elaborate on that.

Harry couldn't help but voice his skepticism when they arrived at the Hub. "A secret organization under a popular landmark? Next thing you know they'll have bloody dinosaurs as pets."

"About that-"

"I hate it when I'm right."

In the end, Harry was given a clean bill of health, much to Owen's surprise. "-the hell? That thing was practically chewing on you!"

"Must be something in the water." Harry replied with a straight face.

"Could give Teaboy a run for his money." The medic grumbled under his breath.

"Fancy a tour?" Jack asked.

"Depends. Are you gonna kill me?" Harry asked as he took in the hub. The others were hard at work at what was presumably heir workstations. He was disgusted at their cleanliness or lack thereof. "Christ, you need a janitor." He muttered as he wrinkled his nose in disdain.

"He's been suspended." There was definitely a story behind that, but he wasn't going to ask.

Harry gave a noncommittal grunt but said nothing.

"This way. I'll show you the weevil you tussled."

Harry raised an eyebrow. "I think I got a close enough look, thanks. Looked like a klingon's backside."

Jack snorted.

XXXXX

A bit later, Harry was sitting across from Jack sipping a mug of Coffee. "You put something in this didn't you?" He commented as he took a sip.

"No."

Harry raised an eyebrow at him. "You're lying." This knowledge did not stop him from taking another swallow of the coffee.

"Yeah, pretty much."

Harry snorted.

"You don't seem too worried." Jack observed.

Harry shrugged. "'S just memory loss. Could be a helluva lot worse. 'Sides, I figure I'll remember the next time that I run into one of those things."

"I could be planning on leaving you in London." Jack informed him.

Harry snorted. "It would be a moot point. My flatmate might get a bit suspicious. Besides, I have a friend in the government who might wonder why I've just landed in London with no memory of how I got there."

He yawned slightly and adopted a surprised look on his face. "Sedative?"

"Yeah, how did you know?"

"Me to know and you to wonder about." Harry said cheerfully. "Guess I'd better get going. Wouldn't want to pass out in the street or something."

"Oh I'd be happy to take you home."

"Are you flirting with me?" Harry asked incredulously. "At least buy me dinner first before trying to get into my pants."

"Shame."

"Oh I'm sure we'll be seeing each other." Harry said wryly. "For now, I'm going home to sleep."

It was such a shame that he hadn't put enough sedatives in his drink, Harry reflected three hours later. It had been just enough to make his eyelids a bit droopy but not much more. One had to use enough sedatives to down an elephant to affect him, although a dose of dreamless sleep potion usually worked fairly well.

Finally giving up on getting knocked out, he dragged his laptop towards him and logged on to shoot Hermione a quick email giving her a very brief summary of what happened.

Wasn't vampires. It was some sort of alien that looked like the backside of a Klingon and had a temper to match. Ran into some group called Torchwood. Next time I see their wonderful leader, I'm going to have to tell him to triple the sedative dosage for the amnesia pill cause it wasn't enough. Frankly, I would've welcomed the nap.

He wasn't expecting a reply any time soon, so he pulled up his website and set about updating it and changing his contact information. He generally had to do that every six months or so because the wizarding world was still trying to catch him. Still, the fervor seemed to have died down a bit. At least it was only twice a year now as opposed to every couple of months.

Harry wasn't too concerned about losing his memories. It wasn't the first time it had happened and it had certainly ceased bothering him. With that thought in mind, he dug out one of his vials of modified dreamless sleep potions and chugged it. It was out of it before his head even hit the pillow.

XXXXX

It did not take Harry long to realize that his roommate had been suspended. It also did not escape his notice that his roommate was barely holding himself together. Harry was acquainted with death enough to know when someone was trying to deal with death and failing at it. The fact that Ianto was suffering from night terrors and seemed to have relapses wherein he thought that Harry was someone else added considerably to this. He could kill whoever Ianto's boss was. The man was not coping well at all. He rather reminded Harry of himself after the war was finished.

"Have you thought about seeing someone?"

"I'm fine." Ianto muttered as he picked at his lasagna.

Harry snorted quietly. "No you're not. You're exactly like I was when I realized that my boyfriend was going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life."

Ianto raised his head up to look at him.

"Sometimes just talking about it helps." Harry murmured quietly. "Brings closure."

"I don't need your help." Ianto snapped at him.

"If you ever want to talk about it, I'm here. I won't judge you by anything you've done." Harry collected the plates and washed them in the sink by hand.

"Her name was Lisa…."

---

Prisoner X

Torchwood/Doctor Who

---

Ianto Jones glanced up sharply as he heard screams from down the hall. He looked around the archives to see what the other reactions would be. He could see surprise and fear as the most dominant emotion. He found his gaze sliding over to his guard who was paying little attention to him.

"Roberts, get him down to his cell." Tamara, the head of the Research and Development Department ordered.

Michael Roberts nodded and grasped his elbow. "Come on Jones. 'S back to the cell for you."

Ianto sighed inwardly but made no attempt to escape. The two hurried down another hall to a door that was passlocked and nearly impossible to hack. After a password, both of their handprints scanned, and an eye scan, the two were through the door.

"Any idea what's going on?" Ianto asked conversationally as he allowed himself to be locked in his cell.

"None at all. I'm just a guard." Michael said. Ianto certainly wasn't the only prisoner there, but he was one of the few who seemed to have an inkling about anything happening.

"You're back early." Lisa Hallet, from one cell over remarked as she pressed up against the wall.

"Something's happened." Ianto murmured. "We could hear screaming."

"And they're just gonna leave us here aren't they." She was bitter; they all were. At one time, everyone in here had led a normal life. Now they belonged to Torchwood.

He cocked his head to one side as he heard faint sounds of a commotion outside. He thought he heard the words 'Delete' and 'upgrade'. Cybermen.

"They're here." He murmured fearfully.

A moment later, the Cyberman did indeed enter. "Everyone will receive an upgrade and become human point two. Resist and be deleted."

Most resisted. Ianto and Lisa both chose not to. "Do you think you can stop it?" Lisa murmured in an undertone to Ianto.

Ianto shook his head. "You know the only person that my abilities work is myself, Lisa." He said quietly. They were marched up two flights of stares and into a room with several conversion units.

"Oh god." Lisa murmured as they stared in horror at what was happening before them. She whimpered and clutched desperately at Ianto, even as they were separated and forced into lines.

He could not bear to watch as she was strapped into the conversion unit. The two had been longtime friends, and he didn't want to see her go in such a way. All too soon, he was being strapped into a conversion unit himself. He watched in muted terror as the blades descended. He was saved a gruesome death and a possible conversion by the arrival of a Dalek.

The Cybermen were easily defeated, but then they started on the humans and those that were on the conversion beds. The only reason Ianto survived was because he was very good at playing dead, even when they checked his vitals to make sure he was dead.

Ianto realized that he needed to get out of the conversion unit and quickly before he too was sucked into wherever they were going. Getting free was by no means easy, but he did manage once he'd managed to cut his wrists enough to get them slick enough with blood to slide through.

He managed to roll off of the conversion unit just before it went through to the void and laid there on the ground panting from the effort and the agony of his wrists.

"Are you alright?" A concerned voice asked after a moment. The voice sounded raw, as if he had just lost something.

"Much better now that I'm not about to be sucked in." Ianto replied. Finally he was able to roll over and look up.

"I'm the Doctor by the way."

"Jones, Ianto Jones." Ianto replied. "I suppose I need a doctor. He held up his bloodied wrists as explanation at the Doctor's unasked question.

"Hang on; I'm sure I can find someone." He pulled Ianto to his feet and guided him out the door. They walked silently side by side while Ianto applied pressure with some difficulty to his wrists. He would've just healed them, but that would lead to questions.

"I think I'm crashing from an adrenaline rush." Ianto murmured as he walked.

"Or you're going into shock." The Doctor suggested.

After a few minutes of searching, they found someone. "We need a medic or something." The Doctor said worriedly. Ianto was looking pale by this point.

"Follow me." The young woman ordered. "Suzie by the way."

"I'm the Doctor, and this is Ianto." The Doctor said as they walked behind her. She led them out of Canary Wharf to a small tent.

"Found two." She announced as she ushered them in.

"He needs it more than I." The Doctor informed them. He planned to slip off and go back in. He needed to make sure that Torchwood had no potentially deadly weapons.

"Alright, kit off." Ianto blinked at him before complying.

Stripping in front of strangers was something one got used to when belonging to Torchwood One. "What were you doing, trying to commit suicide?" Doctor Owen asked in disbelief when he examined his wrists.

"Escaping a conversion unit, actually." Ianto said mildly. "Didn't particularly feel like getting sucked into the void."

"Don't blame you on that." Ianto's wrists were treated and bandaged, but that was pretty much all that was wrong with him, and once he was alone, not even that.

"All done." Owen said finally. "UNIT's collecting the survivors over there." He indicated another tent. "Head on over. Change those bandages at least twice a day and if they start swelling, treat them to an alcohol bath." Owen ordered.

Ianto nodded and exited the tent. He had no intention of going over to the UNIT tent. Torchwood had been more than enough for him. There was no way in hell he was hanging out long enough for them to get ahold of him. With that thought in mind, he yanked the bandages off of his wrists and willed his skin to knit itself together. He had no idea where his abilities had come from, but he had not intention of ever being taken captive because of them again.

---

Past Intentions

Harry Potter

---

Harry Potter, or Harry Devons as he was legally known as, ignored the bustling of the train station around him. It was September first and he was starting his seventh and final year at Hogwarts, not that he really needed to. He had been largely home-schooled, but the new regime required all students seventeen and under to attend a ministry approved magical school, thus Harry found himself attending an actual school for the first and last time in his life. He had already made plans for after his Graduation - a university located in Queens, Australia that specialized in Animal Magic. Technically, Harry could have went this year, but laws were laws and it would require far too much effort to get himself exempt as well as draw entirely too much interest in himself and his father.

"Your mind is drifting again." Castiel chided his son as the two passed easily through the barrier. "Keep it on task, lest you let something slip."

"Sorry; it won't happen again." Castiel did not like listening to excuses, therefore Harry found it less troublesome to simply apologize and be done with it.

"See that it doesn't." The two stopped in front of the scarlet train. "It will be quiet without you around." Castiel looked troubled over that. He was about three inches taller than Harry's respectable 5'11. His white blond hair marked him as not actually being related to Harry as did his deep grey eyes.

"I'm sure it will. Try not to blow the lab up, please." Harry's dry response caused him to smile somewhat bitterly.

"Good luck, my son. Make me proud." The two hugged awkwardly for a moment before Harry turned and boarded the train. By the time he had settled in an empty compartment, his father had vanished as if he'd never been there.

Harry fought back a wave of sadness. Having spent over a decade learning from the man, the knew he would miss him greatly. Still, it was time to move on. Castiel was known for taking on lost causes so he would likely have a new child to keep him company by this time next week. Harry had long ago grown past any jealousy that not being his only charge had caused.

"Is anyone else sitting here?" A rather fetching young woman was standing awkwardly in the isle. Harry waved her in. He had no intention of doing much befriending, but there was no point in being rude. "My name is Hermione." She looked pensive for a moment, as if not sure whether to ask him something or not. "I'm sorry, but I don't recognize you."

"Harry Devons. I was homeschooled." Harry answered shortly as he pulled out a thick book for Herbology. "The Schooling Act is forcing me to attend this year." His lips twisted in a slight sneer, even as he noticed the scandalized look on her face.

"Why wouldn't you attend Hogwarts? It's the greatest magical school in the world!" Harry decided that a flustered Hermione looked kind of cute.

"I have had magical schooling in many countries due to my father's penchant for traveling." He replied casually as he leaned forward and clasped his hands under his chin. His unruly black hair fell over his eyes, rather neatly hiding the faint black scar on his forehead. His brilliant green eyes were dimmed somewhat by contacts, making his eyes more of a moss green than emerald.

"Really? What countries?" Hermione was eagerly staring at him. Neither of them had noticed the train starting to move.

Harry paused thoughtfully. He wasn't intending to tell her all of the countries he'd been to, but there were a few 'safe' countries where he couldn't have learned any of the lesser known skills. "France, Italy, Greece, Belgian, Denmark, Ireland, Canada, Brazil, and New Zealand." Some like New Zealand did teach slighted darker material than was considered acceptable in the British Isles, but it was nothing like the things he'd learned in such countries as Germany, Austria, and Romania.

"Did you learn their languages?" Harry blinked in surprise. He'd just listed off a handful of different cultures and she wanted to know if he'd learned the bloody languages?

"I am passable at most of the languages I know save English." Indeed he had learned enough of the languages to not make a complete fool of himself, but he was by no means competent, much less fluent.

Soon the two were deeply immersed in cultures, both wizarding and mundane, as he'd insisted the non-magical world be called. They were rudely interrupted by a group of four boys.

"There you are, Hermione." Another boy, a seventh year by the looks of it was standing there. Behind him were three other boys. "Listen, we need your help with our homework; we didn't understand some of it."

Harry's companion huffed in annoyance and made to stand, but Harry stayed her with a hand on her knee. "Didn't understand it or were too busy playing that silly sport of yours to do it?" Harry quirked an eyebrow at the other teen.

"Devons. Why are you here?"

"Simple, Carter. Thanks to that new piece of legislation passed three weeks ago, I am now required to attend. Hogwarts is simply a means to an end."

"Hermione, you don't want to hang out with him. His father is a supporter of you-know-who." Carter glared briefly at him before turning his attention back to Hermione. "The freak was practically throwing himself on Malfoy."

"My father has better taste than that." Was Harry's mild retort. "As it is, neither of us are supporters. We are neutral if you must know. Care to introduce us?" He asked as his gaze lingered on the three boys standing behind Carter.

Carter's lips curled somewhat, but he did as Harry had requested. "Ron Weasley." Ron was tall, red-headed, and seemed to have a slight aversion to exercise. "Seamus Finnigan." Seamus looked about average with sandy brown hair. "Dean Thomas." Dean looked to be the most athletic of the four. He was tall, thin, and black.

"Football?" Harry asked after a moment of scrutiny. His question was met with an answering grin.

"Better than Quidditch." Came the cheerful response.

"American Football is better than Quidditch." Was Harry's sardonic response. The two shared a quick laugh. "Now then, no offense to everyone, but could you bugger off? The lady and I were having an enlightening discussion before you arrived." He was rewarded with a squeak and a blush from Hermione.

With a final glare, and a few audible mutterings of things about death eaters, Voldemort, and slytherin, Carter and his little group wandered off.

"How do you know them?" Hermione asked curiously as she relaxed in the seat across from him.

"Social functions mostly. I just hope Draco doesn't decide to say hello." Harry answered with a slight grimace. "He's seventeen and he still plays the 'my father' game. He's an embarrassment to politicians everywhere."

This drew a slight smile from Hermione. "So you're into politics?" Harry glanced up at her when he noted the slight unhappiness in her tone.

"To a point, certainly. I'm not a pureblood fanatic if that's what you're concerned about." His lips quirked at her relieved smile. "I will say that this war is much more complicated than many are led to believe, which is partly why I'm neutral. There are issues for both sides I agree with."

Hermione looked curious, but before she could ask, the lunch trolley stopped outside of their compartment. Neither of them seemed inclined to get up and get anything from the lunch trolley, although Hermione did notice a rather distinct sneer on his face as he looked over the profferings.

"What?" Hermione could see nothing wrong with the trolley.

"Lots of sweets, six more hours on the train, no healthy food, and no drinks." Harry answered with a glare. "It's like they want us to be fat, sugar-high, dehydrated buffoons." Hermione couldn't help but agree despite the fact that she'd never really thought about it before.

Not long after, Draco Malfoy showed up with his two book ends. "Devons, mudblood." He greeted as he shoved his way in.

"Your roots are showing, Malfoy." Harry remarked casually.

Hermione stared between them in confusion. The odd comment had Malfoy flushing red and glaring at Harry.

"You dare-" He started before being interrupted.

"Yes, I do, as a matter of fact." Harry put in helpfully, green eyes glimmering in undisguised amusement.

"When my father-"

Harry huffed in exasperation. "Not this again." He groaned as he buried his head in his hands. "Draco, my father holds more political clout than yours, but neither of them are here. Would it kill you to stand up on your own rather than leaning on your father's cane?"

Hermione couldn't stop herself from giggling at the goldfish impression that Draco was doing. Even Harry was smiling over that.

"Unless you've got something important to say, I suggest you leave." Harry ordered, all amusement gone in an instant. With one final glare, Draco stalked out, followed by the two apes behind him.

"So you're a new student; what house do you think you'll be in?" Hermione asked after a few minutes of silence.

Harry jerked up, as if he'd forgotten about her. "Yes; I'm going into seventh year." He answered as he pondered the question of houses. "As for houses-" He shrugged somewhat indifferently. "I find the whole house idea ludicrous at best and could care less where they put me."

"But, the houses are like an extended family." Hermione was once again looking horrified.

"I'm not much of a social person, though I can certainly hold my own in a conversation." Harry answered thoughtfully. "Frankly, I hope to land in Ravenclaw or possibly Slytherin. At least in those two houses solitude is expected."

"But You-Know-Who recruits from Slytherin." Hermione looked almost desperate to convey this.

"Have you actually met Voldemort?" Harry asked with a wry smile. "Because I have." He leaned forward. "He's not at all like the media paints him to be."

Her eyes widened exponentially. "You've met-?" Her voice came out as barely above a whisper.

"Definitely." He agreed. "He's quite the charmer. I'd join him if I weren't so keen on keeping out of this war until one side or another wins."

"How can you say that? He murders non-purebloods.

Harry snorted at that. "No he doesn't." He disagreed. "He's been as good as running this country for the past year. Have you seen any evidence of him doing these so-called muggleborn round-ups?"

"Well, we're safe. We're in Hogwarts." Hermione pointed out.

"For three months of the year, you live in the muggle world. Don't even tell me he can't navigate the muggle world because he owns a number of businesses and corporations."

"He...does?"

"Oh yes, where on earth do you think he gets his funding from?" Harry was looking at her oddly.

"His minions?"

Harry snorted again. "They're rich, but not that rich, Hermione." He said dryly. "Voldemort sees the use in muggleborns. If anything, it's purebloods he's wiping out, and I can see why. They're all blind idiots who can't see beyond the prejudices that were instilled upon them as children; look around you, how many purebloods are related to one another?"

"Most, I think." Hermione offered timidly.

He nodded empathetically. "How many make marriage arrangements with other purebloods?"

"Think about it, Hermione. They're inbreeding. In another four generations or so, they'll be reduced to marrying first cousins. Three generations after that and they'll be marrying their siblings."

Hermione looked sick at that.

"The thing is, most don't even know why that's a bad thing. Mention inbreeding and genetics to most and they'll give you a dumb look." He continued.

"That's...disgusting!"

"Won't argue there. The most powerful wizards are wizards who have either a muggle and a magical, or a magical and a muggleborn."

"What about Dumbledore? He's a pureblood, isn't he?"

"Oh yes. Magically he's not powerful but he makes up for it by displays of party tricks disguised as power and he has precision."

The two settled into a comfortable silence as they read. After a few minutes, Harry dug out a highlighter and a pen. Hermione looked surprised to see the muggle utensils but did not comment on it. Harry proceeded to underline things, mark things out, and write little notes in the margins.

"We're almost there." Hermione said several hours later.

Harry snapped the book shut and tucked the writing utensils back in his pocket and put the book in his trunk. He left for the loo to give Hermione a chance to change into her robes while he did the same.

All to soon, the train was pulling into the station and students were disembarking. A loud voice carried over the noise. "New students over 'ere!" With a sigh Harry started weaving his way through the crowds to ward the voice.

Harry found himself in a boat with a sixth year and two first years. "I'm Harry Devons." He introduced himself.

"Alex Buckles." The sixth year introduced himself. He was a bit shorter than Harry, and seemed to be grinning about some private joke that only he knew all the time.

"Kendra Rice." One of the first years said shyly. She was tanned and looked like she played sports.

"Tristan Kent." The other first year said imperiously. Harry raised an eyebrow but did not comment. Clearly he was a pureblood judging by the attitude, so most likely a Slytherin in the making.

When they came into view of Hogwarts, Harry snorted at the awed looks on the firsties. It was an impressive looking castle, to be certain. But to one who had travelled the world as extensively as he had, a mere castle wasn't something to get excited over.

The students were led into a small alcove wherein Professor McGonagall proceeded to explain a few things about Hogwarts to them. Harry, for the most part, ignored her.

"So why do you think that act was passed?" Alex asked him as they waited.

"If I were to guess, I would say that someone very important was trying to transfer and someone didn't like that." Harry answered. "My father and I have spent the last three weeks researching laws and such. What they are doing is actually illegal according to the Charter between the magical world and the Queen's Law."

"Really." Alex looked vaguely skeptical. "Why would they do that?"

"Desperation." Came the calm answer.

"So if it's illegal, why hasn't anyone tried to contest it?"

"Politics." Harry answered with a faint smile. "To contest it would risk exposure to the mundane world. We may be separate from them, but we are still bound first and foremost by the Queen's Laws. Should the Queen find out, things could get very nasty very fast."

"But doesn't she have the right to know?"

"The Queen herself holds very little actual power anymore. If it were simply she that we had to worry about, we would have no problem contesting it. As it is, we cannot risk Parliament learning of us."

"That makes sense, I guess." Alex finally admitted. Professor McGonagall chose that moment to enter.

"Form a line and follow me." She instructed. They did as requested and followed her into the Great Hall. Harry spotted Hermione at the Gryffindor table and gave a brief wave in her general direction.

"Due to the Schooling Act, we have eight new students ranging from second to seventh year. Please give them a hearty welcome." There was a brief smattering of applause.

Harry turned his attention to the singing hat.

Finally it was finished with its song and they were called up one at a time.

"Buckles, Alex." After a minute under the hat it finally shouted Hufflepuff for all to hear. Harry clapped along with the other houses.

Soon enough, Devons, Harry was called and Harry went to sit on the stool. The hat was lowered on his head and after a moment a voice started speaking.

'Interesting mind, I'll give you that. It's been awhile since I have had a Devons to sort.'

'If I had my way you would never have sorted me.' Came Harry's dry response.

'Oh I know. Now where to put you. You do have courage, but you don't tend to act before you think. Loyal to boot, even if it is an odd sort of loyalty, but I don't think Hufflepuff could handle you very well, neither would Gryffindor. You are certainly cunning enough for Slytherin, too cunning I'd say. They could do with lessons. Alas, you lack the ambition to make it to the top. This leaves Ravenclaw. You pursue knowledge, certainly, but your life does not revolve around it.'

'If I may, you say that I am a cunning person. Would a truly cunning person not be sorted where it is least expected?'

'Ah yes, I have had precious few realize that. A truly cunning person would hardly go into the place where it is expected.'

'Hufflepuff, if you don't mind. As you said, I am loyal to the bone, but I am also a hard worker, and no one would look for a snake amongst the beavers.'

'Very well. Hufflepuff it is.' Hufflepuff was shouted out and Harry approached the applauding table and settled next to Alex.

"What took you so long?" The sixth year asked cheerfully.

"I was convincing it that I am not Slytherin material." Harry replied as he studied the professors seated at the head table. He recognized the Potions Professor, having met him at a Potion Mastery convention in Canada the year before. He also recognized the Defence professor, though he thought it sad that no one else did. Then again, Lord Voldemort hadn't been a Dark Lord since the sixties for nothing.

Five more were sorted into Hufflepuff, all first years. Shortly after that, food appeared on the table. Harry wrinkled his nose in disdain as he glanced along the table. With a sigh, he grabbed an entire dish of roast beef and scooped half of it onto his plate. He grabbed nothing else. It would do until he was able to see about his eating arrangements later.

"Not hungry are you?" Alex joked cheerfully as he piled mashed potatoes on his plate.

Harry raised an eyebrow, but finished chewing and swallowing the mouthful he was working on. "I have had nothing since breakfast this morning."

"You didn't get anything off the lunch trolley?" A girl sitting across from him asked. "Susan Bones by the way."

Harry shook his head. "Sugar allergy." He said as a stabbed a chunk of beef.

"That could be a problem." Susan murmured. "This is Hannah Abbott," She indicated the girl sitting to the left of her. "-and that's Sally-Anne Perks."

"Harry Devons." Harry introduced himself.

Soon after everyone had finished, the meal disappeared and was replaced by desserts of all types. Harry eyed a chocolate cake longingly, but add no move to get it. Watching others eat was torture at best. Harry had every intention of paying a visit to the kitchens.

Finally, that too disappeared. The Headmaster, one Albus Dumbledore rose to his feet. "Now that we are all comfortably sleepy, I have a few announcements. Filch has once again asked me to tell you that there is a blanket ban on Weasley Wizarding Wheezes merchandise. The Forbidden Forrest is still Forbidden, something you would do well to remember. We have a new DADA professor - Professor James Moriarty."

Harry stifled a snort. It was quite sad that people could miss the obvious.

"Finally, after the disastrous attempt at the Triwizard Tournament three years ago, we have decided to give it another shot. This time, Durmstrang will be hosting it. Twelve seventh year males and twelve seventh year females will be selected to go. These twenty-four will be chosen based on Academic performance, leadership qualities, as well as other traits. Te results will be posted in the common rooms on October 21st. Until then, study hard and be vigilant." With that they were dismissed to bed.

"So are you trying out for the tournament?" Alex asked curiously as the two followed the fifth year prefect.

Harry snorted derisively. "Not bloody likely."

"Why?"

"I have no interest in the publicity." Harry replied.

It was not long before the two found themselves outside of the common room. "The interesting tidbit about our common room is that it has no password." The prefect, a boy by the name of Timothy Trent remarked cheerfully. "No one expects that so they stand put here for hours trying to guess a nonexistent password when a simple 'may I enter, please' will get them in. Politeness is key." He paused for breath. "Down the hall a bit is a painting of fruit. That leads to the kitchens. Come on in."

There common room was comfortable looking, and had a certain homey feel to it. The walls had a striped black and gold diagonal pattern while the floor was plain black. Deep gold plushy chairs were scattered about.

"Firsties follow me. Justin, show Devons and Buckles where their rooms are." Another boy who introduced himself as Justin Finch-Fletchy led the two down a hall.

"Buckles, here's the sixth year dorms. Devons, follow me."

---

Vampire Encounters

Torchwood

---

Sneaking Lisa into the Hub had been almost too easy. All one needed was excellent knowledge of the layout of the facility and good hacking skills. Ianto had been remarkably patient and hadn't snuck her in until about two and a half weeks into his new job. He had waited until Jack went out, presumably for 'companionship', hacked into the security system and overridden the lockdown codes that were temporarily in place while Jack was gone and overlaid the CCTV with footage taken at an earlier point in time.

Ianto wasn't entirely an idiot. He was well aware of the possibility of Lisa getting free and running amok. That was why he carried a tranquilizer gun with him whenever he was around her and had a small machete strapped under his pants leg. The sedative that he had given her started to wear off so Ianto stayed a bit longer.

"Ianto?" Her words were slightly slurred.

"I'm here. We're in the sub-levels of the Hub." Ianto said gently as he leaned back in the uncomfortable chair he was sitting in.

"No problems?"

Ianto tilted his head to the side. "Of course not. I'm much to good at what I do to get caught." He replied with a faint smirk.

Lisa shot him a knowing smirk. "Right. Because you've never messed anything up in your life." She snorted. Ianto was silent and it took her a moment to realize what she'd said. "Sorry."

"'S alright." He mumbled. The guilty look was back. Lisa sighed in consternation, wide awake now.

"It's not your fault, Ianto." She said gently. "We both knew it was dangerous when we joined."

"But you joined because I insisted." He pointed out quietly.

It was silent for a moment before Lisa spoke again in an attempt to change the subject.

"Hungry." She murmured. "I'm hungry." She said louder.

"Right. Sorry." Ianto quickly slit his wrist with a fang and held it to her lips.

"Have you ever thought of what would have happened if I had died instead of being partially converted?" She asked as she finished her meal.

"I doubt I would be working here. I'd probably be a drifter again." Ianto glanced up to see her expression. "I know it's probably cruel to say this, but I'm kinda glad I stalked Jack into giving me the job. It's nice having a quiet job after Torchwood One." He expected anger. He had as good as told her that he was glad she was a partially converted Cyberman.

"I won't say it's pleasant for me," Lisa said with a slight grimace of pain, "but it is nice to see you so relaxed."

She'd been fresh out of college when she'd first met him. He'd been quiet, introverted, and he hadn't seemed very happy with his job as a book store clerk. He'd taken her under his wing after the nightmare she'd went through practically on his doorstep. He'd found a confused and terrified Lisa who had no idea what had just happened. Even after both had joined Torchwood One he hadn't really been all that social or anything. Lisa chalked it up to him being nothing more than a glorified butler with an official title of junior researcher and archivist. From what she'd gathered, he was more qualified than the head of the division and was barely even permitted in the archives beyond delivering coffee. At least at Torchwood Three he was actually getting to do what his job suggested and they seemed to appreciate his coffee more.

He noticed her grimace. "Are you feeling okay? Do you need painkillers?"

"It's manageable." Lisa answered quietly. "I will admit to needing to use the loo though."

Ten minutes later, he injected her with a mild sedative to help her sleep. "I'll be back tomorrow." He had murmured quietly in her ear as her eyes drifted shut. He had shut and deadlocked the door before slipping out. Covering his departure was as easy as covering his entrance. In total, he'd been in the hub for not quite two hours. Once he was home, he hacked into the CCTV and removed all traces of his car having ever been there during the night. No one would notice the slight overlap, not unless they were actively looking for it.

The next day, he entered the Hub half expecting to find everyone there with guns pointed at him. He need not have been worried. The only one there was Jack and he was pacing in his office. As always, Ianto prepared a pot of coffee and added an extra shot of caffeine to Jack's. He may claim to not need sleep, but Ianto had quickly deduced that he was a regular grouch until about mid-afternoon without the extra caffeine.

"Coffee, sir?" He asked as he entered the small office. Without waiting for an answer he carefully set the steaming striped mug down on the desk.

"You're a godsend, Yants." Jack beamed at him.

"Please don't call me that, sir." Ianto said a touch stiffly. He was a bit old-fashioned in that he did not like nicknames. Especially when they were that badly butchered.

About half an hour later, Tosh arrived followed closely by Suzie. They seemed to be chatting amicably about something. Ianto admired the way that Tosh seemed to get along with everyone. She murmured a quiet thanks to him as he set a mug of coffee at her desk.

He liked Suzie as well. She had a strong personality, but she was on occasion rude when interrupted. She ignored him completely as she set to work looking out for abnormalities.

Owen was the last to arrive, clearly hungover, but not quite as much as he had a few days ago. It was usually pretty easy to tell when he shagged people because he was less hungover and less irritable. He merely grunted in response to receiving his cup.

Jack was a complete mystery to Ianto. He flirted with everyone, but Ianto could see that his heart wasn't really into it. It was almost as if he was afraid of letting anyone worm there way in, yet he had no problem about worming his way into other's lives and then leaving them hanging. Ianto suspected it was a coping mechanism since his files did allude to the fact that he wasn't as young as he appeared to be.

After making sure everyone was well stocked with coffee, Ianto disappeared down into the sub-levels to visit Lisa.

Things continued on in this manner for several months. He would arrive, make sure everyone had their coffee and go visit Lisa. Afterwards, he would work in the archives.

The place was a mess. Half of the artifacts were just haphazardly tossed somewhere with no rhyme or reason, and he couldn't make heads or tails of the cataloguing system. So, with a few precarious notes in hand, Ianto set about organizing them as well as leaving a system for future archivist. It wasn't easy as half of them had no description and he had little idea what they actually did.

With that thought in mind, he started setting aside the ones that he wasn't sure about and at the end of the day he and Jack sat down and started identifying them.

"This is a learning device from the 39th century." Jack said fondly as he examined the device. It was a small lense that was put on the eyeball and through a minuscule prick formed a connection to the brain. The eyeball was the only part of the body that actually connected to the brain after all. "It pumped information about certain subjects straight into your brain. The only catch was you had to actually open the pathway between it and the rest of your brain."

"That seems to be the last of them, sir." Ianto said as he typed out the description.

"Jack."

"Hmm?" Ianto asked off-handedly as he packed up his laptop and the pile of artifacts.

"My name is Jack. There's no need to call me sir. It makes me feel old." Ianto raised an eyebrow but did not say the obvious.

"So, are you doing anything tonight?" Ianto stiffened and shot a glance up at Jack.

"I fail to see how that is any of your business, sir.

"Jack."

"Jack, then." Ianto paused to collect his thoughts. Truthfully he wasn't doing much of anything. The fight between Lisa and the cybermechanics was getting worse so he'd injected her with a powerful painkiller as well as a sedative. "I have plans, yes." He lied easily.

"Oh." Jack looked so put out at that.

"Perhaps another time." Ianto said lightly. He picked up the box of artifacts and walked out of Jack's office quickly.

Lisa was a bit out of it when he arrived later that evening. Ianto saw to her needs quickly and efficiently.

"It hurts." The words were quiet and pain-filled. "God, it hurts so much." Chocolatey brown eyes opened to peer up at Ianto. "Please, Ianto, please."

Ianto shook his head sadly. "I can't Lisa." He whispered quietly. Despite that, his words were clearly heard by the other occupant. "I can't give up on you Lisa."

"I don't know how much longer I can keep fighting it. It's there, all the time, rattling at my thoughts, my memories. And it hurts. It hurts so much." The broken whisper had Ianto recoiling from her. "Please Ianto, finish this!"

"I can't." He said softly as he looked at her. "I was never a very good killer. Especially not to people that I like."

"Then get someone who can!" She let out a pain-filled cry and thrashed her head. "I don't know how much longer I can keep it out of my head!"

Ianto had noticed Suzie's obsession. The problem was that he wasn't sure if anyone else had noticed it. Everyone at Torchwood Three seemed remarkably unobservant when it came to each other.

"What do you think, Lisa?" He murmured late one night. "Should I bring this to Jack's attention?" It was one of the rare days where the pain was manageable and she was lucid.

"Why are you even asking me that?" Lisa asked as she looked at him oddly. "You know more about it than I do. I'm stuck down here, in case you haven't noticed!" Lisa had been remarkably crabby of late. Being stuck in one position for months on end would do that to a person.

"I was thinking-" He started.

"God spare us all." She muttered darkly.

"I think I should tell them, or at least Jack at any rate." Ianto said quickly before she could interrupt him.

Lisa stared at him for one long moment before cracking the first smile in weeks. "Finally he sees reason." He looked like he wanted to speak and she quickly pressed on. "You can't fix me, Ianto. I know they ordered you to try, but I don't think it's going to happen. The cyber bits are getting stronger and I can't hold on much longer. I would feel better knowing that, should it take over completely, there will be someone who can and will put a stop to it."

Ianto took a deep breath and nodded. "Okay, Lisa." He murmured. Lisa noted that tension was slowly leaving his shoulders.

"There was no need to get worked up on my account." Lisa said gently.

"You do realize that there's a possibility that Jack will take one look at you and shoot you." Ianto said abruptly as he ran a hand through his hair.

"Yes. It's a risk I'm willing to take." Lisa said with a sad smile. "Now you'd best go tell Jack about your Suzie. Wouldn't want her to do anything rash, now would we."

"Do you need anything before I leave?" He asked quietly. Lisa shook her head. He nodded and left, this time with a heavier heart about what he was going to do.

"Jack, I don't know if you've noticed but Suzie seems to have become obsessed with it and how it works." Ianto said quietly as he delivered the last cup of the day.

"Isn't she usually that way with new artifacts that come in?" Jack asked without looking up from his computer screen.

"More so than usual, sir." Ianto answered. "She's been taking it home."

Jack groaned, more out of annoyance than anything. "Ianto, I'm a bit busy at the moment." He snapped.

Ianto closed his eyes briefly, asking for patience from whatever deity was in the vicinity. "And how long before she starts making victims for it, Jack."

It was the use of his name that drew Jack's attention more than anything. "What do you mean?" He asked with a frown. "Are you accusing one of my employees of using a potentially deadly weapon to create victims for a glove that she's barely had three days?"

"No, I was suggesting she was going to use it on dead flies." Ianto was starting to get fed up with the Captain's bull-headedness. "Of course that's what I'm suggesting. She may have done so already, for all we know."

"I think we'd notice."

Ianto glared at him a moment before stalking out. If there was one thing he missed it was the fact that One would have at least taken the threat of addiction seriously. Granted they probably would've stepped back to watch and see what happened, but at least they didn't live in denial.

Muttering to himself, he stalked through the Hub and disappeared into the archives.

Unfortunately, as it turned out, Ianto was right. There were times he hated being right. Gwen was snapped up barely minutes after her death. It made Ianto furious. He understood that the likelihood of death was high, but were they really that expendable that a replacement could be found at any given moment.

He had nothing against Gwen personally, she was only mildly irritating after all, but it still rankled at how easily Suzie was replaced.

In the end, he hand't needed to tell Jack. Jack wasn't nearly as unobservant as he pretended to be. It had not escaped his notice that Ianto would disappear into the sub-levels several times a day. After the incident with Suzie, he realized that he couldn't be as trusting as he used to be. He had trusted Suzie to know how to take care of herself, and look where that had landed him.

When he went searching after making sure that Ianto was actually in the archives, he did not like what he found.

"Ianto snuck you in, didn't he." He was not actually asking so much as confirming what he already knew.

The young woman strapped into the conversion unit nodded without speaking.

"And he's been trying to fix you?"

"And failing." She said in a raspy voice. "He's not a technological genius, you know."

"Is there no one in this damn organization that is trustworthy?" He asked disgustedly.

"What a small-minded mortal concept." She snorted. ""No, there is no one you can trust. Everyone will betray you in one form or another."

"Know that from experience, do you?" He asked wryly. "Why am I even speaking to a Cyberman….Woman?"

She shrugged as best as she could considering she couldn't move her upper body much. "If it's any consolation, he's been trying to work up the nerve to bring you down here." She said. "He can't bring himself to kill me."

"How human are you, just out of curiosity?" Jack asked as leaned comfortably against the wall.

"Human? Not a bit." She said with a smirk. "I haven't been a human in nearly a decade."

"Why do I sense you're about to tell me something I'm not going to like?" Jack asked warily.

"I'm a vampire. So it Ianto." She couldn't stop the full blown smirk on her face as she said that.

"They exist?"

"Certainly." She answered. "Pretty much everything you know about us is wrong, though."

"How so?"

"A lady never tells."

"Fire will kill us." Ianto said from the doorway as he entered. "As will beheading and massive explosions. All that shit about stakes and garlic doesn't do much except give us heartburn and clean out our sinuses."

"Why are you telling me this?" Jack asked with a slight frown.

Ianto shrugged. "I imagine we are not the only long-lived race in the universe." he answered. "Yet you can co-exist comfortably with them. I sincerely doubt you're going to wipe us all out."

"And if I decide to kill you?"

Ianto shrugged again. "I've been alive a long time. Death will be a relief."

"Four thousand long years." Lisa murmured. "he's one of the oldest."

"Suddenly I feel so young." Jack muttered in awe.

Ianto smirked slightly. "Why? You are nearly two centuries old. Do you feel particularly wise or powerful?"

Jack shook his head after a moment's contemplation. Truthfully, he didn't feel that much differently from when he'd been a mortal, apart from the fact that he now knew how much various methods of murder felt.

"Neither do I." Ianto said calmly. "I still have trouble remembering what I had for dinner last night; I can't keep up with my car keys, and I still haven't figured out how to make my cell phone get a steady signal everywhere I go. That will never change."

"Seriously?" Jack looked surprised.

"Have we forgotten about the resident partially converted vampiric Cyberwoman?" A wry voice in front of them interrupted them. "If it's all the same to you, I'd like to get this over with."

"Beheadings the easiest and the least painful." Jack said after a moment.

"That's typically the way that we do it." Ianto murmured.

---

So basically what these are are ideas that I've had and have sorta gotten a chapter or two written and lost interest. If anyone wants to use the ideas or copy anything from this that's fine by me. My only request is send me a link. I apologize for any spelling or grammar errors. Stay tuned for Chapter 2.