Author's Note:
Hello lovelies, this is my first ever fic so please be kind. I know it's probably not all that great so constructive criticism is most welcome but all out flaming is not. This is mostly fluff so if that's not your cup of tea, just don't read it. Enjoy! :)
~Sobbie
Tears of Love
I sat on the stone bench outside The Three Broomsticks, arms clutching my sides as I thought about him. Oblivious to the joyful chatter and smell of butterbeer and pumpkin juice hanging in the warm summer air, I watched with pained eyes as he walked away. I wasn't sure if I would ever see him again – it was so dangerous for us to meet in public like this.
It had been almost three years since we graduated from Hogwarts. Not once in those seven years of schooling did I ever realise how much this boy could mean to me. I was absolutely flabbergasted when he bumped into me two years ago and didn't flinch at the contact. His timid smile threw me off balance and I was speechless when he spoke to me kindly and picked up my dropped bag of newly purchased books.
"Wow, a bag of heavy books. Why am I not surprised?" he smiled as he handed me the bag.
"Um…sorry, I'll just…um, sorry," I muttered as I shuffled on the spot and made to turn around and leave.
"No, no, it's my fault, I should have seen you."
I was dumbstruck. Malfoy just apologised? To me? A mudblood? Even after a year I would never have expected him to be civil towards me, let alone kind.
"Why so surprised, Granger? Never heard me speak before?" he chuckled.
I looked at him in utter confusion. "No…I mean…um…sorry. I'll just be off now. Sorry."Wow, he's kind of cute when he laughs! Wait, wait, what am I thinking?
"Hey, wait up!"
I turned around hesitantly, half expecting him to throw a jinx at me.
"This must have fallen out of your bag." He handed me my small coin purse and then smiled a half smile at me. I just about melted.No, Hermione! This is MALFOY! His smile is NOT cute! You're with Ron, stop thinking like this!
"Um…thanks." I just stood there awkwardly looking at my shoes as he looked down at me, still smiling that half smile of his.
I looked up to see Malfoy suddenly look uncomfortable. "Hey, um…it's quite cold out here, do you want to go inside and grab a warm butterbeer?" he asked.
I almost fainted with shock.
"Um…sure."WHAT? What are you doing? You should be getting back to Ron, Hermione! What's wrong with you?
I ignored my conscience and followed Malfoy inside the nearest pub – The Three Broomsticks.
Draco led me into the pub that day and we began talking. It turned out, behind all the walls and barriers, was a really nice person. I would never have guessed. After that day, we kept in contact through owls. I never told Harry or Ron about it. I didn't even tell Ginny. None of them would have understood my new friendship. To be honest, I didn't understand it at first either.
About six months passed and I still hadn't told anyone. Neither had Draco. Our friendship was our own little secret. Over the six months, we had bonded in ways we never thought possible. We both became the other's confidante. Our letters progressed from weekly 'hello's' to daily recounts. We learned loads about each other through our countless letters.
As it turned out, my birthday came around in those six months and he even sent me a small gift and card. The gift was a small, golden book attached to a golden bracelet. The card read:
Dear Mimi,
Happy Birthday!
I came across this little trinket and instantly thought of you. I hope you like it.
I think this suits both you, and our new-found friendship. Don't tell Ron where you got it. The man would murder me…or at least try to.
~Draco
I laughed when I read it.
Those six months had been wonderful. I had my best friends Harry and Ginny and my boyfriend, Ron always by my side. After Ron learned to fully accept Harry and Ginny's relationship, our small group felt perfect. Then, to top it all off, I had Draco to talk to at the end of the day as well. He was always there in case something went wrong between me and any of the others but I also loved sharing all the good times with him. I could tell he didn't like Ron very much but I never thought much of it: old habits die hard. At least he didn't have too much of a problem with Harry and Ginny.
Life was rolling on smoothly, then, one day, my perfect world came crumbling down. Draco and I had been able to keep our friendship a secret for a whole six months. Everything was going well. We thought we had it all figured out. He'd always send me back my letters with his response to make sure his family never found out and I'd keep my letters locked in a box at the back of my top shelf in my wardrobe. I was so naïve to think we could have kept it up forever.
One night, Ron came over to pick me up from my parents' house for a special dinner he had planned for us at my favourite muggle restaurant. He thought our relationship was losing its spark. Although I'd never admit it, I kind of felt the same, so I didn't protest when he brought up the special night out. Besides, what kind of girl would turn down a beautiful dinner with her boyfriend?
He came into my room to wait for me while I looked for my little black purse. I saw the strap sticking out from my top shelf and tugged. The purse fell and dragged with it, my box full of letters. It hit the floor and flew open, scattering the floor with the letters.
I could feel the blood run from my face as I saw the letters strewn across the floor. Ron looked at me in confusion and bent to pick up the letters. I watched in horror as his emotions played across his face as he read one of the letters. It was my birthday card.
"What is this, Hermione?" asked Ron in a deceptively smooth voice as he held out the card.
"Ron…I…it's…" I stammered, unable to get the words out.
"WHAT IS THIS?" he yelled, now shaking, his face turning red.
Not knowing what to say, I panicked and grabbed my wand, waving it to clear the letters and lock them in the box again, placing it back on my top shelf.
Ron stared at me, anger written all over his face.
"Ron…I couldn't tell you. I knew you wouldn't take it well. I…"
"Take it well?" he screamed. "Take it well, Hermione? How the bloody hell could I take this well? This is bloody MALFOY we're talking about here! How long has this been going on?"
He looked as if her were about to explode with anger.
"He's not what you think, Ron! He's not like that! You don't know him."
"He's a MALFOY! I don'tneedto know him! Answer the question, Hermione!"
"Stop yelling at me, Ron."
"I said, answer the question!"
"Stop it! I don't like you yelling at me, Ronald Weasley!" I was now shaking too.
"Hermione, HOW LONG has this been going on behind my back?"
"Six months," I mumbled.
"SIX MONTHS?"
I could feel tears streaming down my face as I nodded helplessly.
"Who else knows?" he asked.
"No-one. Just you." My words came out as barely more than a whisper.
"So you've kept this hidden! What is this? Your…your dirty little secret? Oh, yeah, great idea. Lead on your best friend! Make him think he's something special, think there was something special between you, then go behind his back and cheat on him with a bloody MALFOY!" he sneered.
"I wasn't cheating on you!"
"Oh yeah? Well then why the hell did you hide this from me?"
"Because I knew you'd react like this, Ron! There's nothing going on between Draco and I!"
"Bullshit Hermione. That's bullshit and you know it!"
"There isn't, Ron! I swear! There's nothing going on between Draco and I!"
"No, Hermione, there isn't anything going on between US! I'm done!" Ron stormed out of my room, slamming the door on his way out.
That night, after explaining the yelling to my parents, I owled Draco and told him everything. He immediately apparated into my room and held me for ages, comforting me. I was so shaken up and blamed myself for everything but Draco would have none of that. He hushed me and calmed me down. Once my tears subsided, he got up and ran a hot bath for me. He sat outside my ensuite door for almost an hour, talking to me as I relaxed into the soothing bubbles. Then, when I came out in my pyjamas and wrapped in a fluffy gown, he tucked me in to bed and sat with me, holding my hand, until I fell asleep.
I was so stupid. I should have seen it that night – felt the spark. I must have been too emotionally distraught by Ron's anger and our breakup to have noticed the sincerity and tenderness behind everything Draco did. It's not all my fault though! He never came back. We continued to owl each other but he never came to see me in person again and it's not as if I could just apparate into the Manor to visit him.
Another six months passed and none of my friends spoke to me. I was shunned completely by Harry and Ginny as well as Ron. That hurt. I could, to an extent, understand Ron's anger but it's not as if I had really done anything to Harry or Ginny…had I?
I was trying to avoid conflict and this is what happens.
Through it all though, Draco remained my friend. He was my rock. He was the only connection I had to the wizarding world, outside my job as a ministry intern under the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes. In other words, Draco was my only true friend in the entire wizarding world. Sure, I had other muggle friends but it just wasn't the same.
As those six months passed, I began to notice certain changes in myself. I began to get anxious if I didn't receive Draco's letters before ten o'clock and practically went into a state of panic if I didn't receive them at all any one night. If the letters came early, or more than one came on a single day, I'd start to get butterflies in my stomach and then, as we fell into a pattern, I'd get those same butterfly feelings around the time I was expecting his letters.
After about a month of this, I realised that I no longer saw Draco as just a friend. I had begun to fall for him. Horrified with the thought that confessing would ruin our friendship; I hid my feelings from him. I noticed that his letters became sweeter and somewhat romantic but I thought it was just our friendship becoming more and more comfortable. I tried not to hope for him to reciprocate my feelings. He was my best friend, nothing more. Besides, hope is a dangerous thing. The higher your hopes, the further they have to fall when reality crashes down on you.
Nevertheless, I found myself dreaming about him every night. The dreams were usually very similar. We would be somewhere quiet and isolated, I'd be laughing at something he said and then, out of nowhere, his deep silvery blue eyes would stare into my chocolate ones and he'd profess his love for me in a whisper, just before leaning in and kissing me softly on the lips.
I was a wreck. My friends could all tell that there was something wrong with me. I could barely carry a conversation – always drifting off to thoughts of his eyes, his hair…his lips. Every day at work was a risk. I almost lost my job twice in one month because I was so distracted by something…no, someone who wasn't even there! Draco was constantly on my mind. Eventually, I admitted to myself that I was, in fact, irrevocably in love with my best friend.
I never told him though. I couldn't risk losing our friendship. I needed Draco like I needed air. I would rather have him in my life as a friend than risk losing him completely in the hope that we could be something more.
That was until today. Up until now, I had been coping alright. We could only meet in person very rarely and the lack of human contact made it easier to ignore what my heart was screaming at me. My heart told me to risk it all, put everything on the line and just tell him the truth. My brain on the other hand, told me not to be stupid and to hold on to the friendship instead of risking it for a relationship that probably could never exist. Being the logical person that I am, my brain always won out…until I met him today for the first time in over four months.
It was always a huge risk for Draco to meet me. He was too used to magic for it to be safe to meet me in the muggle world because he would almost certainly slip up and reveal himself. It was also unsafe to meet me in the wizarding world because if his father found out about me, he'd have both of us killed. Draco had changed since Hogwarts but his father was the same black-hearted man as he ever was.
So, being it a huge risk for us to meet in person, the opportunity probably wouldn't come up for a long, long time and I knew that Lucious was trying to find Draco a bride. My heart broke at the thought of Draco with another woman. I tried my best to enjoy my short time with him, concentrating on how amazing our friendship was and trying to convince myself that I didn't want anything more than this. I was doing alright until he had to leave.
I sat alone on the cold bench, staring as he walked away from me. In that moment, my heart won out. Anxiety coursed through me and butterflies assaulted my stomach at the realisation of what I was about to do. I had to tell him. I had to tell my best friend that I was in love with him before he had the chance to consider marrying another woman.
I don't know if anyone noticed the play of emotions on my face, but I felt a lot of eyes on me as I shot up and ran after him through the cobbled streets of Hogsmeade. I had no idea what I was going to say when I reached him but in a matter of seconds, I was out of time to think. Draco turned at the sound of my approach and for a moment, I thought I saw his eyes light up as he saw me. Wishful thinking. I sighed, it was probably just a trick of the setting sunlight as the orange glow from behind the pine scattered hills glinted off him.
"Draco," my voice was breathless. "I know you have to get back before your dad gets suspicious but… I need to tell you something. I just don't know how t-"
"Mimi stop," he cut me off. "I have to say something too. Please let me go first, before something you say has the chance to change my mind about telling you."
Stunned, I gazed up at him with wide eyes. Mesmerised by his sparkling silver-blue eyes, I lost my ability to speak. The songs of the evening birds faded until all I could hear were Draco's uneven breaths and the drumming of my own heart in my ears. Slowly, I nodded for him to continue.
"Mimi," he took a step closer to me. My heart was beating out of control, like a humming bird's. I was almost shaking with anticipation as I waited for him to continue.
"Hermione, I… I think I'm in love with you."
It was almost a whisper. I stopped breathing. I felt as though time had stopped. It took everything I had not to collapse right there in front of him. Draco didn't give me a chance to stop the world from spinning in my dizzied mind as he continued.
"Every letter you write to me makes my heart melt. I find myself waiting in my room for your owl every night, praying that you don't forget to send one. I haven't been myself lately. I can't think straight anymore. You're all that's on my mind and I can't take it anymore. I was so scared that telling you would ruin what we have but I just can't take it. It kills me to keep writing to you, knowing that you don't know how I feel. I've been lying to you and to myself thinking I could go on like this forever. Now that my father is trying to get me married off, I just can't let you go on thinking all I feel for you is friendship. The thought of spending the rest of my life with someone I don't love just kills me. I could never lie to you like that."
He took a deep breath and continued again.
"Hermione Jean Granger, I love you. I am so in love with you. You mean the world to me. I love you so much. Please don't let this scare you away. Please..."
I stared up into his pleading eyes. My heart swelled with love for the man in front of me but I couldn't move a muscle. It took a few moments for me to wrap my mind around everything he had just said but once I gathered my thoughts, I tried to say something. I knew he was waiting anxiously for my response but I couldn't come up with anything decent to say.
"H-how long have you… felt like this?"
Draco looked straight into my eyes and I felt as if, in that moment, he could see right into my soul.
"Since the first day I met you."
My eyes bugged right out of my head.
"W-what do you mean? Back at Hogwarts…I thought you…I thought…"
"You thought I hated you."
I couldn't speak. I just nodded, staring at him in confusion.
"I remember the first time I met you, Hermione. I thought you were the most brilliant witch I had ever met. You were so smart, so kind, so endearing. I know I was young but as soon as I laid eyes on you, you captured my heart. Right from the start, Mimi. Right from the start."
"But…why? Why…were you…all those years…you were so cruel!"
"I know, Mimi. I'm so sorry. You know my father; I couldn't risk him finding out about you. I was so horrible to you because every time I saw you, I melted. I wanted to walk right up to you and recite love poems, sing you love songs, and smother you with gifts and flowers and love. The only way I could stop that was by doing the opposite. I had to be cruel to hide my feelings, Hermione. You know what my father would have done if he found out the truth. And could you imagine what Voldemort would have done? My father was very highly ranked amongst the Death Eaters. I couldn't go around professing my love for a muggle-born witch. I'm sorry, Hermione. I know I'm just making excuses but it truly pained me to be so cruel for so many years. That's why the first chance I got out of school; I tried to show you that I'm not all bad."
As he said this last part, he reached down and touched my golden book bracelet.
"I'm sorry Hermione, I really am, but you have to believe me. You have to believe that I never meant any of the things I said to you at school. It was all an act to protect you…and myself too but I just couldn't stand the thought of anything happening to you because of how I felt."
After the flood of confessions, Draco looked at me with glistening eyes…they were full of both love and sorrow.
I could hardly think – his words were swirling around in my mind and it took all my concentration to comprehend everything he just said.
When I didn't respond, panic crept into his eyes.
"Hermione? Please say something," he whispered.
I could feel my own eyes tear up but ignored the hot liquid as it spilled over my cheeks. Clearing my throat slightly, I reached up to place my hands on either side of his face.
"Draco Malfoy, I love you, too," I whispered.
Rising up on my toes, I slowly leaned forwards and brushed my lips against his.
I stood back down and looked up into his eyes. He smiled as a single tear fell from his eyes.
"How long?" he asked.
I didn't need elaboration. I knew what he would be asking me.
"A year."
His eyes widened.
"A year?"
I nodded, staring up at him from under my tear-soaked eyelashes.
"Really?" he asked, eyes as huge as the full moon starting to rise above the hills.
"Yes. That's why I came after you. I couldn't bear the thought of you leaving again without knowing the truth, especially now that your father is trying to marry you off."
"…What changed your mind?"
"I…I don't know. Looking back, I guess…ever since that day outside The Three Broomsticks, I noticed you have a side to you that you seem to have kept hidden from the world. I felt privileged to be allowed to see that side of you. I think at first, I was with Ron, so I didn't even think about anything more than friendship with you, but…as the months went by, you were always there for me. Then, when my old friends found out about you, you didn't run away like they did. You didn't desert me. You were my rock through it all and I guess…eventually, it sunk in. These last two years with you make up for all the years at Hogwarts. You have been more kind, genuine and supportive than anyone has ever been to me. About a year after we started talking, I began to notice that you made me feel more special and important than ever. I began to wait anxiously for your letters; I got worried when they were late, or didn't come at all. Just thinking about you gave me butterflies. At first it scared me because I didn't want to have feelings for you that you could never return but as time went by, those feelings only escalated. I was so scared Draco. I was so worried that you'd go off and get married and forget about me. I kept delaying telling you the truth because I didn't want to ruin our friendship, but...watching you walk away from me tonight…it broke my heart."
I realised I was now crying huge tears but I continued, not wanting to leave anything out.
"It made me realise that…that I can't live without you Draco. I need you. The thought of you forgetting about me and creating a life without me…it hurts. It hurts so much…"
A quiet sob wracked my body and broke me off.
"Hey, hey, it's okay. Shh…"
I felt two strong arms wrap around me as Draco pulled me against his warm, firm chest.
"I've got you, Hermione. Don't cry. Please don't cry. I'm not going anywhere without you. I'm here. I'll always be here."
His words comforted me but I pulled back, a single thought in my mind.
"What about your father?"
"Don't worry about him. I'll take care of that. What's important is that I love you and we're going to be together, forever. I'll never leave you Hermione. Never."
I couldn't fight the watery smile that appeared on my face at his words. Pushing my doubts to the back of my mind, I leaned in and hugged him with everything I had.
"I love you Draco Malfoy," I whispered into his neck. "Don't ever leave me."
He pulled back and wrapped his arms around my waist, staring into my eyes, then, ever so slowly, he leaned in to kiss me. Our first real kiss. I relaxed further into his arms and wound my own around his neck as his soft lips massaged and moved against my own. As innocent as we kept the kiss, I was gasping for air moments later when he pulled back, parting our lips and breaking the kiss. Draco leaned his forehead against mine and with his eyes closed, he whispered his response.
"I won't Mimi. I'll never leave you. I love you with all my heart."
I hope that wasn't too bad. xD
Just a quick note: If enough of you are interested, I MIGHT write a "sequel" to this OR turn it into a full-fledged story with more chapters etc. OR upload a "mini epilogue". I'll only extend the story itself if inspiration hits me (which may be never) but I have the mini epilogue done and ready to go if that's what people want. Let me know what you think/want in a review or message.
Thanks, Sobbie :)