Author's Note: A strange sorta songfic thingy I wrote in a half hour. Please don't kill me for this. Reviews, however, are very nice. Heh. Also, did I mention there's a lot of 1+2 shounen ai in here? If that kind of stuff makes you squidgy, I suggest you backtrack right away. Flames will be immediately snuffed.
Kismet: *rubs her hands together gleefully* Here we go, my first shounen ai ficcy!
Heero: *sweatdrops*
Duo: *sweatdrops*
Kismet: Yeesh, what are you two so worried about? It'll be okay...um, I hope...
Tragic Hero
by Kismet
**********
He was walking. He didn't know where he had come from and where he was going. All he knew was the slightly unsteady rhythm of his trudging feet and the blood pulsating in his ears. A step quickly turned into a stagger and became a stumble. The smoky horizon was tilting. He was falling.
His face was now inches from the blood-spattered dirt...and his mind was even closer to giving into the warm comfort of death. So close, and yet so far away. He was there...he was almost there. He could almost taste it, as salty and metallic as the blood on his tongue.
Somehow he found the strength to lift his head. He was surrounded by darkness on all sides, but even so he tried to see beyond sight. Somewhere out there, he knew, was his beloved. Someone he had let slip away from him. Someone he had failed miserably time and again, but still but all faith in him no matter what.
Such a sensation was completely new to him. He had never failed. He was the Perfect Soldier, the one who could do no wrong. The one who strived for an icy, perfect balance and always achieved it, no matter what. As cold as ice on the outside. No one was to get in his way. No one could stop him. No one.
But then the God of Death had come along. The epitome of strength and spirit...and doom. He had let Shinigami go, a decision he knew at the time would come back to haunt him in waking dreams, every time he closed his eyes. Even now he could sense Shinigami's presence close by, waiting for him, calling out his name in a fit of agony.
And now it was time to take him back before it was too late.
The Perfect One rose to the occasion. Somewhere inside he called upon his last reserves of strength, something he saved and protected for future use and at the same time not knowing why. An unconscious compulsion told him he had to do this for his own sake, and he would know when the time came. And here he was, foolishly relying upon the last of his endurance, and he still did not know why.
He thought he had known all the answers...but now he was questioning himself. Why had he let Shinigami go? Why had he let this happen to him? Why was he giving up his last chance for him of all people?
Because it was his destiny. His yinyuan, the fate that held them together. This was the way things were supposed to be.
He dragged himself to his feet. Every cell in his body cried for absolution. For rest. For peace. For the end. For long sleep. He felt like a dead weight as the adrenaline drained from his being, like he could just sink to the bottom of a neverending ocean and be forgotten -- but no. The resulting guilt would be enough to damn him to hell for all eternity.
The smoke was growing thicker now, and he stumbled every so often upon another body, and another...unknown soldiers whose identities were as lost as the wind. Shinigami was not among them. He was not here. He saw young men like himself lying frozen on the sun-warmed earth, men clutching faded photographs of sweethearts, of loved ones, of people who would soon be consumed by grief having learned of their passing.
He knew no one would be left to grieve for him once the day was through.
And so he walked, each step more painful than the last. It was not his own pain he felt. It was someone else's pain, a pain that drew him close and yet repelled him at the same time. Undaunted, he pushed on -- until he caught sight of a battered figure that vaguely resembled his Shinigami.
He fell to his knees at the other boy's side, horror coursing through his veins. Could he be gone so soon?
No. The God's breathing was shallow and uneven, but he still lived. With extra care, he gathered the other boy up in his arms, as if he could stop him from flying away if he could just hold on for dear life.
Shinigami's eyes slowly fluttered open, glassy with dazed pain. "Heero?"
"Yes. I'm here." He pushed a lock of chestnut hair behind the other boy's ear in an attempt to comfort him.
"Heero..." his breathing was shallow, his voice raspy. "You came back..."
He did not reply for a long time. "Yes."
Shinigami's indigo eyes were brighter than they had ever been. "Why?" he gasped.
He did not answer. He had no answers anymore. Nothing was as it seemed here, straddling the crevice between life and death, one foot on either side. Here the Perfect Soldier's answers had no meaning. There were no questions. Only answers. His eyes burned with unshed tears. He could feel Shinigami's life slipping between his fingers like grains of sand. Never in his life had he felt so helpless. And never had his own life seemed so futile.
Through the haze of pain the other boy could see him clearly. He didn't seem to care that the Perfect Soldier hadn't answered his question. Shinigami seemed to know the answer, even if the other did not.
"It doesn't matter now," Shinigami whispered. "I was afraid...you'd left."
This statement was unnerving, the way the God of Death could read his mind like this. His grip tightened. "I am coming with you."
"No, you're not," answered the God, a hint of a smile playing on his lips. "You have to stay here. It is not time."
"I won't."
"Heero, promise me something," Shinigami rasped.
"Anything." He meant it. He would do anything.
"Promise me..." the other boy struggled for breath. "Promise me that you'll wait for me. When it is your time, I promise I will be the first to come for you."
"But --"
"But nothing. Now is your time to live. Live and be happy."
He hated this. He hated being told what he didn't want to hear. He hated being left alone again. Just when he had found his Shinigami, he was leaving. His hands tightened mechanically in fear and pain. He didn't want to watch the God of Death die himself. He never wanted the light to be gone from his eyes. Never.
"You can't go," he whispered.
"I won't truly be gone. I'll be with you..." Shinigami's eyes closed. "...for always."
He sat there for hours, unable to move, unable to think. The God was gone, but he was still there. He had said he would wait. And he fully intended to keep this promise.
And above him, the sun slowly crossed the wide, open sky, moving west to reach east.
*owari*
Kismet: Eh...did that make any sense at all?
Duo: ...
Heero: ...
Kismet: Wow, this is a record! Duo-kun is speechless!
Wufei: Onna, I think you've tortured them enough for one night.
Kismet: Not one more word, Wuffie...unless you want to be the subject of my next torture/angst fic.
Wufei: *gulps*
Kismet: Well, anyway, what did you think? Should I do another? Please, tell me what you think! I'm really sick of being insulted by these guys.
Wufei: *pouts* Hmmmph.