A/N: This fic will be a series of Kurt's journal entries followed by scenes between Kurt and Blaine. It starts off during Kurt's sophomore year in college and will tend to jump quite a few years ahead between updates. Rated T just to be safe, for some possible adult themes in later updates. Of course I don't own any of these characters. Enjoy!
October 12, 2013
A lot of times I'll think I've found someone who makes me feel something special, and I always hope its love, or at least that it will turn into love; but I quickly realize that "special" feeling is just the newness of the relationship. The hope of it, really. I let myself think that this will be the time I fall in love. This time will be different. And it always is, for a little while, but never for the forever that I hope it will be. The intense infatuation always fades away and I'm left in a state that's the same as or worse than before I met this new possibility of love. After a while I always return to the feeling that I could easily continue going about my life without whomever it happens to be at the time. I enjoy the company, but it's not essential to my being; not in the way that a "life partner" or "soul mate" should hypothetically be. I've come to almost openly laugh at those terms. I don't want to think I've become so bitter about the idea of love so soon, but really. Doesn't it make more sense that all those stories of love are really just people trying desperately to recreate those first few romanticized months? They cling to the image of what they thought they had found, of what everyone says you're supposed to have. Maybe it's not real. Maybe people settle and say they've found it, when it doesn't really exist at all. Maybe I need to settle, too.
Kurt reaches forward from where he sits on the floor to put his drink down on the coffee table. The cup safely on a coaster, Kurt leans his head back on the coach cushion behind him and lets out a deep sigh.
"Another one gone," Kurt says unemotionally to no one in particular. Or at least, he would have said it to no one, had Blaine not been sitting on the couch just above him.
"Mmmm. And who broke up with who this time?" Blaine asks, looking down at Kurt.
Kurt simply closes his eyes and smiles slightly as he answers, "Well, you don't sound very sympathetic."
"Well, you don't sound very heartbroken," Blaine says playfully.
They both know full well that Kurt is far from heartbroken. Kurt's latest boyfriend had broken up with him earlier that day. He had said that things weren't working out and that they weren't right for each other, and Kurt couldn't deny it; it was a feeling that was becoming very familiar. So no, Kurt isn't heartbroken, nor is he very concerned that he is, again, single.
"Mmmm," Kurt hums, "he just wasn't the one."
"That's alright," Blaine says cheerfully, "lots of fish in the sea." Kurt looks up at him in annoyance from the use of another silly cliché. Blaine is grinning knowingly. "And all the time in the world," he adds.
Kurt smiles slightly at the grinning man above him but quickly leans his head back on the cushion once more and sighs.
A moment passes and Kurt feels a hand come to rest lightly on his shoulder.
Kurt opens his eyes to see Blaine looking at him with a soft, concerned expression.
"You're sure you're OK?" Blaine asks.
Kurt lets out a soft chuckle, "Of course I am, this isn't anything new. All the same, thanks for coming over. I hate being by myself when I'm freshly alone again."
"No, of course, Kurt," Blaine says in a sincere tone that Kurt loves to hear. It feels good to have a friend that truly cares about him, and that he cares for a lot in return. Kurt is always comforted by the fact that, even if he doesn't he have a boyfriend that he is madly in love with, he has a relationship with his best friend that not many people are lucky enough to have.
"And like I said, no worries," Blaine continues, "you're only a sophomore in college; plenty of time to find your soul mate."
Kurt remains silent for a while, turning the term soul mate over in his head. It wasn't ever something he ever put a lot of faith in. Love always seemed like an accident, or, as he was inclined to feel on his most pessimistic days, a term people use as kind of last-ditch commitment when they grow tired of looking for a soul mate they are never going to find.
During Kurt's musings Blaine moves from the couch to sit on the floor closer to Kurt.
"Do you think they're real, Blaine?" Kurt eventually says.
"What, soul mates?" Blaine asks.
"No, unicorns. Of course soul mates Blaine, the thing you were just referring to!" Kurt snaps back, but in a playful enough tone that Blaine knows that Kurt isn't really annoyed.
Blaine remains silent for a moment, looking at Kurt and then smiles. "Yeah, I do."
"Oh Blaine, always so optimistic" Kurt clucks his tongue in mock disapproval.
"What! Come on, they totally exist! Look at Romeo and Juliet, Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy, Edward and Bella…"
"No, don't even!" Kurt half shouts, half laughs as he shoves Blaine. "And, fictional characters, Blaine!"
Blaine tries to protest, "But that kind of love has to be inspired by something real, or else so many authors wouldn't write about it."
"That's awful logic Blaine. There are stories written about unicorns too, and those definitely do not exist."
"No, they totally do. I saw one yesterday," Blaine says with a straight face.
"Oh my god, you did not!" Kurt shouts and shoves Blaine again. Both men laugh and fall into a brief silence.
"But really," Blaine starts again, this time more serious. "I do think soul mates exist, and you definitely have one. Sometimes it just takes a while to meet up with them. But you will."
Kurt looks at Blaine and smiles a little. While it may be a comforting thought for Blaine, thinking that he will meet some soul mate in the future, Kurt just can't believe in something so seemingly 'mystical.' But knowing that Blaine holds this great hope for him strangely makes him feel a little better.
Kurt smiles, "Seeing the future as well as unicorns, are we, Blaine?"
"Absolutely," Blaine says with conviction. Kurt laughs, thinking again how lucky he is to have Blaine as his best friend.
The rest of the night is spent debating which mythical creatures would win if pitted against one another in some kind of fantastical imaginary duel. Eventually it becomes a very one-sided conversation as Blaine describes at length the seemingly endless advantages that faeries would hold in such a battle and Kurt begins to feel himself drifting off to sleep.
Kurt eventually does fall asleep as he listens to the comforting sound of Blaine's voice saying something about an unlimited access to faerie dust…
In the morning, Kurt awakes on the coach with a warm blanket covering him. Kurt smiles as he thinks back to both the comfort and laughter that last night was able to bring him. Yes, he is unbelievably lucky to have Blaine as his best friend.