Why am I doing this?
Why am I standing on the corner of False Hope and Lost Ways? Why am I waiting for a girl I do not even like with a stupid bouquet of flowers in my hand? Why am I still here after an hour of knowing she will never show up?
What if I didn't?
What if I did not come today, what would have happened, then? What if she showed up and I did not? What if I never asked her out in the first place?
What if I never fall in love?
I sigh quietly. I have asked myself those questions questions a thousand times. "What if?" But the answer is always the same, "But you didn't." I do not understand why I linger on things that never can be. There is no "it could have been," only "it was" or "it was not."
I gaze about the unfamiliar street and my eyes fall upon the man across the street, sitting alone on a bench with a box of chocolates on his lap. He had been sitting there the entire time I have been waiting for this girl. It was obvious from how he fidgeted and looked around nervously that he, too, was waiting for his date to show up.
It is a shame to think any girl would stand him up; he is good looking. His eyes are big and innocent; so innocent that one glance into them could bring out the kindness in even the coldest heart. I know that innocence; I had it once. But innocence comes at a price, the price of inexperience. And inexperience leads to heartbreak and pain.
I wish he did not have to go through all of that. Not like I did. I wish I could prevent him from having to get hurt; from having to realize that she does not care about him, she never did, and never will. I wish I could help.
What if I could?
What if I walked over there and sat down next to him? What if we started talking about our dates? What if they never showed up and we just kept talking? What if we had things in common? What if we took a walk together? What if I made him laugh?
What if I held his hand? What if he didn't shake mine away? What if I took him out on a date? What if I kissed him? What if he returned it? What if we fell in love? What if we moved in together? What if we got married? What if we had a son? What if we watched him grow up and start a family of his own? What if we grew old together? What if we spent our final moments together reminiscing over all of our memories?
But we can't reminisce what never was. That man on the bench across the street, will only ever be that without my walking over there, sitting down, and talking to him. "What if" will turn to "If only" because I never acted. Only "Why am I doing this" can turn into "I'm glad I did that."
But...
What if, one day, I'm glad I did that?
I take a deep breath and exhale into the cool Spring air. I look at the bouquet in my hand; the anemones* are dying. I throw them away and walk across the street before I sit down next to him. He turns to me and gives me a little smile.
Why am I doing this?
"H'llo." I say.
"Hi." he replies.
Who knows.
"M'name is Berwald."
"I'm Tino."
But I'm glad I did.
*anemones- In the language of flowers, anemones have two meanings. The negative meaning is fading hope, the positive meaning is anticipation. Berwald uses both meanings. The anemones are dying at the end of the story, symbolizing that his time of fading hope is over and he's finally found what he had been unknowingly anticipating all along.
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~ Aiko-love-Anime