More than Life.

AN: Well, I've been writing a story and I kinda got writers block on it. So to get me back into the angsty goodness that is in my main story I wrote this small one-shot. I blame the wild and active imagination that is my semi-pornographic mind.

DISCLAIMER: Y I no own Glee? Brittana, Faberry, Klaine for everybody! But I don't, so we're stuck with too much Fichel.

My first little fic I've ever posted online so be critical this is the only way I will get better. It's a bit of a futuristic fic, set years after graduation in New York. Brittana with a tiny hint of Faberry.

Summary: It's been six long months and Santana life is spiraling out of control. She can't seem to live without Brittany. She sees Brittany everywhere she goes; she's always there with a sullen smile on her face.

Words: 2k

I sigh. It's so dreary and dull today. It reflects my mood completely.

I sigh again just for the hell of it.

My parents are down at the supermarket. They say they'll be back shortly but knowing my Mami, which I'm hoping I still do, they'll be gone longer than "just getting the essential".

You were always my sunshine. Now it seems like a torrent downpour, not only in my heart, but in the weather as well. It's our "officially together" 6 year anniversary. It only seems like yesterday that we were sneaking around getting our sweet lady lovin' on. And just six short months ago, we were actually sneaking around getting our sweet lady lovin' on at Rachel's Oscar after party.

"I wish it was me who forgot her purse in the car." You could move on from me. I was never that great a person anyways. I see you in my peripheral shaking your head no adamantly.

I sigh again. This one more or less a happier one. Whenever I see you, I feel my sunshine coming back. But when they make me take those meds, I feel depleted. Not to mention my sunshine disappears and I start to get suicidal. That's why my parents moved to New York after you left me. I was drinking my life away. I would rather they left and let me die. I want to hold you and talk and not look like a complete fool.

I turn from where I'm seated at the bay window and look at you. Those blue eyes that captured me when we were just six years old are staring at me with such desolation. I hate seeing you like this. I miss the festivity and merriment. You smile sadly at me from your seat at my piano. I remember all the times I would play a melody and then we would somehow end up under the bench making love until the sun comes peeking through the curtains, you calling my name to the heavens and me thanking the Gods that I sprung to have the entire apartment soundproofed.

I finally stand and can feel my muscles protesting since I had been sitting there staring at nothing for almost 3 hours and walk over to you sitting next to you, I can actually feel the brush of our shoulders. I should take the medication but instead I play my latest melody for you.

It's soft and sweet, like our kisses, all the times we snuck around in high school, the secret dates, and when you were there for me when I thought I had no one when man boobs outted me in high school. But soon it became hauntingly beautiful, foreshadowing my ultimate decision. The one only you know about.

Laying your head on my shoulder I still my movements. "I sent the complete version to man-han... Rachel at the studio. I think I'm ready. I just hope she hasn't heard it yet and figured it out." You look up and your gorgeous blue eyes brimming with tears that won't fall.

"Don't make me cry please? I won't be able to handle it if you do. I need you Brit. More than you can imagine. More than anyone can imagine." I stand abruptly from the bench knocking it over in the process. I stand at the island adjacent to the kitchen, looking away from you. "Are you angry?" I look up and you're standing in front of me in the kitchen, placing a reassuring hand on mine.

I walk around to the door and not only deadbolt the door but put the chain in place, just to save some extra time. I slowly make my way to the bedroom, closing and locking the door behind me. I push the end table into the door then the dresser and finally I try and move the bed as far in front of the door as possible. I can't move the bed far. I guess you were right when you said that I shouldn't have gotten the king sized bed. I chuckle slightly at the memory.

I give one last giant heave and the bed finally hits the dresser. I am breathing heavily and have to sit on the bed. You sit next to me and motion for me to lie down. I do as you ask because really, who can deny you anything? I place my hands behind my head my ebony hair flowing around me. You lay on my shoulder. How I wish I could run my hands down your blonde tresses. Soon, I hope.

"I need a note. I can't just. Ya know." I motion with my hands. "Without one. I'd be really mean. Not even I'm that mean." You look up and your understanding. I nod as well. I hear my phone ringing out in the living room as I grab a pen and paper from my writing table. I jot down a quick note, ripping out the sheet as we walk into the en suite bathroom. I can faintly hear my phone and the house phone ringing. But I just close the door.

You're sitting on the tub when I look up. I picture the time we bathed together when we first moved in. We sat in the Jacuzzi all night, sharing light kisses and touches until the water ran cold, then we quickly ran to the bedroom to make love all night. You look at me and even now you can sense what I'm thinking and you smirk coyly at me.

I hear pounding on the front door as I shut the bathroom door and lock it. I quickly pull out the items that I hid in the extra makeup bag under the sink. The half bottle of vodka hidden behind it. I pull out the bottle of Antidepressants I had stashed away and the cocaine from our partying days. I look at you and you give me a megawatt smile, though it doesn't reach your eyes.

"I love you." The banging is a lot louder so I quickly pop the pills open and down a quarter of what's left in the bottle. I tear a small piece of the paper and roll it. I can feel my arms shaking and I dump the coke on the counter just snorting as much as possible into my body.

You shake visible at my side. Crying the tears I didn't want you to. The banging is closer. They must have broken the front door. My dad can be quite strong sometimes. He's calling my name but it seems like it's in the distance. I pull the note from under the coke and lay it on top.

I grab the razorblade with quivering hands from the bag. I lay on the floor with you following suit. I slowly slice my thighs first, thankful for remembering to wear short shorts. It burns and the blood quickly seeps along the floor. I tremble with anticipation and fear, anticipation because I can finally be reunited with my love and fear because this might all be a dream and I will wake up alone in my bed yet again.

I take the blade and run it vertically across my wrists. I remember from failed attempts when you first left that you want attention when you cut horizontally but want death vertically. The banging and yelling is louder still but at the same time faint. I can barely lift my hand with how bad the shaking is from my hands, coupled with the blood seeping from me. You grab left hand and stroke it. I quickly slice my throat. The gurgling noises are silenced by a kiss on my lips.

I hear my parents breaking the door down to the bathroom but it's too late. I close my eyes for the last time. My mom is screaming, begging for it not to be true. But it is. I whisper I love you as my world goes dark for the last time.

Quacking. That's all I hear at the moment. Then giggling. Familiar giggling. Giggling that I haven't heard in a while. Exactly six months.

"San, come on! We gotta go feed the ducks now! Sanny please?" I can practically hear the pout in her voice.

"Okay Britt-Britt. Help me up please?" I reach my hand out and as soon as she placed her hand in mine I pulled her on top of me. She laughs and I feel the tingles I got when I would make her laugh or when she would laugh in general.

I open my eyes and the first thing I notice are crystal blue eyes staring back at me. Shining with a mirth that I haven't seen since that fateful night.

"Hey there. I missed you." You speak. Your breath tickling my face.

"I think I missed you more though. That's why I'm here aren't I?" I say. My voice light and easy.

"Come on Sanny, the ducks aren't gonna feed themselves ya know?" She giggles again and stands up.

"Where are we?"

"The bathroom silly. We have to go through the door to get to the ducks Sanny. We gotta go soon. Or we'll be stuck here." I sit up and see the paramedics place the cloth over my lifeless body. I stand up wobbling a bit and you steady me. We walk silently as if they will see us. The quacking gets louder as we walk through the room.

I hear faint crying as we leave the room and as we come into the living room Rachel and Quinn are holding each other. My Mami and Papi are in the kitchen, my Mami is crying loudly and my Papi is rocking her back and forth. We reach the living room and Quinn is holding on to Rachel for dear life. Both with silent tears smearing their faces. I have to look away as we pass them.

Brittany clutches my hand as we pass.

"Britt? How long was I out for?" I question suddenly.

"I don't know. Time passes so slowly for us in this plane because we don't belong here. But probably 20 minutes. Rachel figured the song out and called while trying to get here with Quinn. They called your Mom from the cab from what I heard while I waited."

"Oh. Well it was pretty obvious. I hope this brings those to closer together." We glance back at the pair sitting on the couch. Rachel's head is buried in Quinn's shoulder. As if she heard us, Quinn looks up. Directly in my eyes. She smiles slightly and kisses Rachel's forehead, pulling her closer.

"Me too Sanny. They need it." We turn back around. The ducks quacking is right on the other side of the unhinged door. We walk through and I am greeted by the greatest sight I've ever seen. The park we met at when we were six comes into view. The ducks are everywhere and I can't help but smile. It is so us.

We go running to the bench and are greeted by ducks surrounding us. You smile brightly at me. Yeah I needed this. I kiss your nose and you smile brightly again, crinkling your nose slightly.

"I could live like this forever." I say after a long moment of silence.

"We will Sanny. Me and you. Getting our sweet lady lovin' on." She smirks coyly. I giggle and grab her neck. Placing our heads together before pecking your lips. Yeah I definitely couldn't live without her.

Quinn picks up the note Maria discarded and looks at it. Rachel sniffles slightly, looking up.

"Q? What are you doing?" She asks looking at Quinn in the eyes.

"I wish we could have told her before she left. That we made it official. But somehow I think she knows."

"Of course she does. She's Santana Lopez. The greatest singer that ever lived." Quinn smiles at her lover.

"Yeah. Besides, I'm sure her and Britt are feeding the ducks in the park." Quinn sets the note down and holds Rachel just a little longer. The note soon forgotten as they stand to leave.

Im sorry. But I need her more than I need this life. I love you all.

-Santana 3