The scene on Sakaar when Thor put the obedince disk on Loki was bothering me since I saw the film for the first time (no, I haven't seen it only once...the local cinemas should be happy about Loki's existence at least half as much as I am).
Watching Ragnarok, I have also understood that I always make Thor to be very kind and quite perceptive in my stories. I was ruminating about why that could be because he actually does not display that much affection towards Loki in the films. And I came up with the idea that maybe I just need at least one person to be there for Loki. I think that had Loki been given the option of choosing a person he could always count on, he would probably choose Thor. Also, let's be honest. Pretty much everyone dislikes (eufemism) Loki, and Thor does often seem to be the one most willing to forgive. Yet that doesn't change the actual lack of affection or the plain ignorance that Thor sometimes seem to be showing (I am probably biased).
And so I decided to write a story in which I won't make Thor to be an endlessly loving brother (for a change).
Let's see how it goes.
The excruciating pain of thousand blades, knives and daggers being jabbed into his skin.
Again.
And again.
And again.
The blood in his veins boiling and running through his body in unnatural speed.
Will the veins explode?
His body shaking uncontrollably, his muscles in convulsion, his insides being mercilessly torn apart.
Why is he still holding on?
He couldn't think straight. In the few moments of consciousness, before his brain got drown in yet another shower of agony, Loki's mind would focus on different projections from his life.
He had to stop this. He couldn't go on like this for much longer. His whole body was in so much pain that he was sure he would die from shock soon. Gods could die from too much pain being inflicted upon them. Even giant monsters could.
How much time has passed since Thor pressed the button?
The God of Mischief had no idea about the passage of time, but he was sure that this was going on for too long. At first, he thought that Thor would stop the thing. At the back of his mind, he heard Thor walking away. Loki was certain that Thor went to pick up the controller on his way to the Commodore. When he heard the spaceship's engines starting, Loki had no doubt that his brother would release him. In the end, Loki could not cause him any further damage, considering that Thor would be soon gone, and Sakaar knew about his escape plan anyway.
But none of this happened.
Thor's spaceship went by and Loki was still twisting in agony.
It didn't take long, and Loki wished to be found by anyone. Anyone at all. Be it Grandmaster's men who would bring him to that lunatic with the melting stick. He could somehow talk his way out of that.
Be it that green monster. What was the plan? Where would Banner and the Valkyrie be waiting? Loki's mind couldn't put the pieces together, but he wished that they would find him. He didn't care what they would do with him. He just wanted this pain to stop.
It just hurt so much. So much. And for so long.
Why didn't it knock him out? Everyone Loki had the misfortune to watch suffering under the obedience disk would always be unconscious within seconds since the torture started. Why wasn't he? Was it because of his Jotun blood? Or was it because Thor put it on his clothes instead of directly onto his skin?
Did Thor do it on purpose?
Did he want him to suffer endlessly instead of simply fainting?
Would he do that?
No. He put it on his clothes because he had to do it inconspicuously. Had Thor tried putting it on his skin, Loki would notice, and Thor's plan would fail.
Why didn't Thor do anything when he saw that Loki was clearly not passing out?
Did he not care?
Well, actually, Thor looked like he did care. He seemed to be enjoying it.
Loki understood it. He was tricked. He himself knew best the satisfaction that came with outsmarting someone. He could understand Thor's smug expression. For a moment.
Loki wasn't lying there for a moment.
Did his brother want him to suffer until Ragnarok? Being endlessly torn apart from the inside by a puny invention?
No. Someone must find him. They will want to search the place from which the spaceship was stolen.
Why did Thor do this to him?
He tried to sell him back to the Grandmaster.
Why did he try to do that?
Because Thor didn't care about him. He was indifferent towards him. His brother didn't care whether Loki stayed on Sakaar or came back with him to Asgard. It wouldn't hurt Thor if Loki told him that he would actually stay on the planet full of rubbish. Thor wouldn't mind never seeing him again.
Why was he again the one who cared too much? The more you care, the more you have to lose.
What did Loki want? It was him who suggested that he should stay on Sakaar. Why did he say that? Was he scared of Hela? Did he want to hear from Thor that he would appreciate him by his side? Did he want to hear the reassurance from his brother that together, they would defeat the Goddess of Death and so Loki didn't need to be afraid?
Loki didn't step into that lift with the intention of betraying Thor. He wanted them to be brothers again. He didn't want them to go back into the old ways. Know your place, brother. That sentence was still deeply rooted in Loki's brain. Loki may be called the God of Lies, but not even such a god can lie all the time. All I ever wanted was to be your equal.
You and me. The little gesture he did. Him and Thor ruling instead of the Grandmaster.
Loki counted with Thor.
Thor just didn't count with him.
And so Loki got hurt by Thor's indifference.
Thor was right. It was like a never-ending circle. Loki would care too much. He would get hurt. He would pretend not to be hurt. He would let the sentiment burn to prevent his mind from torturing itself while trying to find an answer to the question if he would ever be truly loved by anyone. When the sentiment was gone, Loki would set his mind on revenge.
Wasn't he the original Revenger?
He would carry out the revenge. Everyone would find it excessively disproportionate to the slight he had suffered.
Someone may ask him why he did it. He would come up with some clever lie to show them how much he didn't care and how arrogant he could be. It always worked out for Thor.
Or he would tell them the truth. In that case, they would think he was telling lies.
Most of the time, they wouldn't bother asking him at all. Maybe they could put a muzzle on him so that he couldn't even attempt to say anything.
No, Loki didn't enter the lift with the intention of setting the alarm off. He was once again unable to put on rougher skin and not take everything so personally. Odin and Thor made sure he wouldn't express his unmanly worries aloud. They made it absolutely clear that it was inappropriate for a man, an Asgardian warrior and prince, to ask his brother if he really meant what he said. Or if he still had some affection left for him.
And so Loki overreacted as he always did.
You have too much sentiment.
Let it burn.
And with a hardly noticeable nod of his head, Loki assured himself that getting rid of the sentiment was the only way to survive. And so he did. His mind even came up with a quick and brilliant plan to win Grandmaster's favour back.
Had he delivered his champion back, he would certainly win his trust again. Then, he could find a way to get rid of the insane, people-melting madman and rule instead of him. True, he would be alone. As he always had. But Thor made it clear that he didn't want to have much to do with him.
How can that pain still be so unyieldingly strong? Does the disk never run out of power?
Loki wanted to scream. To cry. To pull his hair out to overcome the pain.
Yet he was completely helpless. He couldn't do anything.
If it could help him, he would kneel in front of Hela in exchange for turning the disk off.
Just make it stop. Please make it stop.
It didn't stop.
It wouldn't stop.
Loki felt everything. Every minute of indescribable pain torturing his body. All the time lying helplessly on the floor and being unable to do anything about his state. Suffering from a pain caused by a machine that would neither stop nor falter. It would continue inflicting the pain on and on.
And on.
And then suddenly, the pain stopped.
Loki, too shocked to think coherently, got to his feet while breathing heavily.
He remembered to remind himself to put on his mask so that no one could use his suffering against him. He remembered uttering something about his saviours being in desperate need of leadership before passing out in the spaceship.
He told them to go to Asgard. Loki would find a way to save his people.
…
"You're missing an eye."
I am happy to see you, brother.
But I hope it hurt when she cut the eye out.