Disclaimer
I do not own any of the characters in this story. This entire story is based on one of the many wonderful plots of J.K.Rowling and I accept no ownership over the characters whatsoever.
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"You're a wizard Harry!" Hagrid Bellowed over the noise of the roaring waves outside
"Yeah, so? I know that already" Harry said in a matter of fact voice as he picked up his bag and stormed out the door and into the boat outside. "So where are we going? Ooh, could you take me to get a wand or a spell-book or something so I can do stuff like pulling rabbits out of hats, or whatever it is that you wizards do?"
Hagrid Blushed and looked at the floor, shifting his feet uneasily. "Actually 'arry I'm not a wizard myself." He seemed to flinch as he said the words.
"So why have you been sent tot get me then? You're not a paedophile are you?" He said with a growing look of caution spreading across his face."
"No, of course not, Harry. Albus Dumbledore sent me to get you and prepare you for your new school."
"Oh, that Warthog academy of magic tricks and illusion?"
"Actually it's called Hogwarts and it's a school for witchcraft and wizardry."
"Oh, no magic tricks then?"
"No magic tricks." Hagrid nodded and they both set off in the boat to the mainland
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"Taxi!" Hagrid yelled and suddenly every light within a five block radius in the town of London was turned on for the noise. Subsequently, three taxis pulled up and Hagrid dismissed one of them. They took a taxi each (Hagrid was too big to share with Harry) and arrived at a pub called "the leaky cauldron" with a magic sparkle around it and ghosts floating past the windows.
"Wow!" Harry said sarcastically, "The shack looked nicer than this dump" he said referring back to the place on a small rock in the middle of a lake in which Hagrid had found him. "How come the non-wizards don't notice this place?"
"Muggles Harry, Muggles."
"What did you just call me?"
"No Harry it's the term for non-wizards like the Dursleys."
"Oh, ok then but why don't these 'muggles' see this place when they walk past?"
"It's a very simple spell really Harry they can see it but they think the windows are boarded up and if they do try and get in they suddenly remember that they left the cooker on or something like that, isn't that great?"
"I suppose," he muttered "if you don't already have a life."
"Now Harry you stop insulting all this magical stuff before I get mad!"
"Ooh dear, HULK ANGRY!"
"That's it Harry, get inside there now!" He said giving him what looked like a pat on the head but was actually nearly powerful enough to knock him out.
"Oi!" he yelped, "that really hurt!"
"Get inside!" Hagrid snarled.
Harry strode into the pub and dumped himself down at the table nearest to the door where he sat and sulked until a random stranger wearing a turban walked over and shook his hand without Harry wanting him to.
"H-H-H-Hello" he said, "I'm p-p-p-professor q-q-quirrel."
"Is your first-name Sam?"
"No why?"
"because then people would be able to send letters to 'Mr S.Quirrel' or squirrel!" he laughed
"Gosh, I never imagined that Harry Potter could be so rude."
"Yeah well I am so go and spit all over someone else instead!"
"You may be pleased to know that I will be the teacher of defence against the dark arts for you this year, so please be careful what you say." Prof. Quirrel said, trying to make himself look bigger by adjusting his big purple turban. And taking big long steps over to the bar where he drank five glasses of what looked like beer but with a faint blue glow to it.
Just then, the bench lifted up and Harry was catapulted onto the floor.
"Ooh! Sorry about that Harry don't know my own weight sometimes!"
"It shouldn't be hard to forget!" he said, but he was partially winded and so it came out as a mere hiss and a mumble.
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"So Harry, what do you want to do now?" Hagrid asked
"Stupid question!" Harry said.
"What do you mean?"
"What did you come and kidnap me for in the first place dung-for-brains?"
"Oh right! The books and stuff!"
"Give the man a coconut!"
"You're doing it again Harry!"
"Oh yeah, sorry"
"Anyway, lets go" Hagrid sighed as he stood up and slammed a few gold coins on the counter and thundered out of the back door. "That should cover my tab Tom!" he shouted to the barman.
"Uh, Hagrid?" Harry said
"Yeah?"
"There isn't much in the back garden. I went out there just a minute ago because the men's bogs are out of order and I really needed a pee."
"Yuck! That's gross Harry!"
"What? When you got to go you got to go!"
"Anyway, let's go!"
"Hagrid I just told you…"
"And I just told you, let's go!"
"Okay then, but there's nothing out there."
Once they got out there, Hagrid started counting the bricks around the dustbins and then started tapping at some of them with his umbrella.
"Cukoo Cukoo" Harry laughed.
"Ha-ha! In your face Harry!" he said as the bricks began to slide around and fold into themselves to create an archway.
"What the-?"
"WELCOME HARRY! To Diagon Alley!"
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Harry looked around in amazement. For the first time since he left home he wasn't being a negative little bugger and actually enjoyed himself, looking around at all the stuff in the shop windows. And that was when he realised it!
"Hagrid?"
"Yes Harry?"
"Where am I meant to get any money for all this stuff?"
"You don't think your parents left you nothing when they died do you?"
"Of course they didn't, it's not like they were prepared for it or anything!"
"No Harry! I meant as in a will!"
"Oh right!" He thought deeply, "I suppose they must have! But I don't have any of it where is it?"
"In Gringotts, Harry!"
"What's Grungegot?"
"NO Harry! Gringotts! It's the bank for magical people!"
"Oh right!" He grinned, "Were my parents rich?"
To be continued