[ note. ] practice; im really rusty and i dont know where i was going with this. unedited.
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/ tell me something worthwhile /
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Rin can't breathe.
She's running, running, running, running away from them running back to him running away from her running away from him—I'm sorry so sorry please I'm so sorry—just keep running, running, running, there's a monster at your heels under your skin in your head –
She trips.
The fall comes, unceremonious but not unexpected, and the ground rushes up to meet her as if to swallow her whole. It leaves her terrified. It leaves her winded, bruised.
It leaves her alone with a wolf.
'Sweetheart,' he coos, kind and inviting. 'Oh, sweetheart. We meet again.'
Under the dewy glow of moonlight peeking through the trees, Rin can see that his pelt is well-groomed – a pale, lovely silver that shimmers like spring-water as he draws closer.
He's beautiful. He's always been beautiful.
'I've missed you.' The wolf sounds sad now, so very sad, and she wants to banish that sadness for all of eternity, she wants to pepper kisses into his fur and tell him that it's okay, shh, it's okay, she's missed him too.
But Rin can't breathe.
She's not running anymore, but electricity is running through her veins wildfire is burning up her insides regret is twisting in her gut—god no why are we back here again no no no—and there's nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, he's curled over her waist around her neck against her lips –
She trembles.
'I love you.'
Comes undone.
The wolf sees a pretty girl who's gone astray, a damaged girl he thinks he can fix within a few days. We're meant to be, he once told her before the Transformation, big blue eyes glowing with an internal light that was warm and true.
You helped me so much when I got my leg jammed in a trap. You helped me heal.
But sometimes helping is not enough.
It's not enough when she sees him out and about with wonderful, better people, healthy and happy and moving on with his life without a plain old ghost like her.
It's not enough when his heart is reclaimed by a childhood ex, no matter how much he insists that she's imagining things again, they're just really close friends-maybe-dating-maybe-not, why can't you trust me?
It's not enough when the Transformation leaves her feeling like the sweet golden boy she holds so dear is long gone, even though he claims he's one and the same – she's the one making him feel bad with all these accusations.
It's not enough. She's not enough.
Rin takes a step back. 'You only love the idea of me,' she says, soft and aching. She doesn't want to listen to her own words, but –
'You only love the idea of me when I'm not broken like you.'
The wolf recoils; in hurt or in anger, she does not know. 'You – you think I'm broken?' His gaze is searching hers, big blue eyes imploring. Waiting. 'Sweetheart?'
Rin can't breathe.
She wants to keep running, running, running, running away from the tendrils of sick ugly feelings running away from the artificial love that burned too hot too fast—you're bad for me I'm bad for you we were doomed from the start—just leave it all behind their memories her heart his eyes –
She swallows.
'Yeah. Yeah, I do.'
Lies through her teeth.
Perhaps if she had seen that light again, that same internal light that glowed as bright as the stars when she first met him, Rin would still have hope. Rin would still believe in her sweet golden boy, no matter the Transformation.
But his eyes are only warm and kind with guilt-induced concern, and she sees nothing more than a beautiful wolf firmly in his place. There's little else left for her now.
And so Rin breathes at last.
'Sweethea – '
She's tired of running.
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('Goodbye, Len.')
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[ disclaimer. ] i do not own vocaloid.