Hi guys! I'm not sure what this is. It might be just this, it might continue. It's just a few things that I feel were left undiscussed between them and I wanted to start unravelling. Hopefully there's more to come. Happy reading!

Last week had been a hell of an emotional rollercoaster for Rachel. Going back to McKinley always was, but given the reason that had brought all the New Directions back together, it had been even harder to keep her emotions at bay.

Well, truth was, she always had a hard time doing that. Rachel Berry wasn't one to run away from her feelings, no matter how overwhelming they got. Ever since she was a child and suffered unceasingly the bullying from her McKinley classmates, she had learned that those same emotions of fear, pain and disappointment were an incredibly strong source of drive for everything else in her life. Not only her performing, but also building up her character and inner strength, which had turned out to be firmer than she had expected.

This time, though, this small reunion with the New Directions in homage of Finn and the naming of the auditorium on his honor, had left her unexpectedly shaken. Mostly, because she hadn't seen most of the glee kids in almost five years, with the exception of Kurt, Blaine, Tina, Kitty and Artie. The fact that a few months of briefly coaching Kitty in the glee club had earned her what appeared to be a life-long friendship kept stunning Rachel. She wasn't used to people sticking with her that long. The Unholy Trinity had been a clear example of that.

Not that she had ever been particularly close to Brittany – although the sweet blonde had always been the kinder to her, and continued to be – but Rachel couldn't help but feel bitter that her well built and hard worked friendship with Santana during their Bushwick days hadn't really lasted.

It had been something "easy" to shake off when she had been able to blame it on the distance. The Latina girl and Brittany had moved to Florida, where they coached one of the most successful cheerleader teams of the NFL. And they looked happy. Rachel had always thought that Santana's true ambitions aimed higher than coaching cheerios… but, as it turned out, Santana's true ambition had always been just to be close to Brittany, and on that she had certainly succeeded. And Rachel felt happy for her. And for Brittany.

That was why when planning her trip to Lima, Santana had been one of the persons Rachel had been looking forward to seeing the most. She had always assumed, during these last silent years, that their friendship would be one of those rare, special cases where you see your friend after five years of silence and everything is as if you never said good-bye.

That wasn't how greeting the girl had felt, though. Santana had returned her excited hug with rush and slight coldness, moving right away to the next glee kid to hug in line.

Well, maybe Rachel was being a little dramatic – it wouldn't be the first time. Truth was the girl had smiled at her, even asked her how she had been, but after two minutes she had moved to talk to Puck and they hadn't found the chance to talk anymore.

And that was when it hit Rachel: whenever the New Directions had been together, truth was Santana and her had never hanged out. It had always been Rachel, Tina, Kurt and Mercedes on one side, then the Unholy Trinity and the guys on the other. Well, at least that was how it had been when she attended McKinley as a student. The picture now was slightly different.

Tina, Blaine, Sam and Artie seemed to really have bonded on their senior year together, and even if they made her feel welcome, they also made her feel like she was missing on something.

Kurt and Mercedes clearly adored each other's company, and it seemed like they had to make up for the last years, so whenever they weren't just gossiping and laughing really hard, they were surprisingly hanging out with the new kids, the ones Rachel and he had coached and the ones Rachel had been too self-centered to even get to know: Puck's brother, Unique, the guy who used to sport the old Bieber hairdo and the girl with the great voice whose name Rachel couldn't quite remember either. Kitty had joined them too, and she looked really happy to be on their company. And Rachel had followed her, unsure of where else to stand with her husband. Mr. Schue had been too polite to cut her ramblings short about her new play, but his longing glances at Sam and Blaine had told her enough, so after twenty minutes, Rachel had let him go.

She knew she was being just silly, really, but it was the strangest thing. Even if she was now a full grown 26-year-old married woman, a successful Tony-award-winning actress and the main lead on the new Sondheim play - nothing of that seemed to matter. Not when it came to McKinley. It was extremely bittersweet the way those halls made her feel home, and loved, but all the same time like the eternal outcast.

She closed her eyes briefly and took it to her rational, logic self: this was a feeling she hadn't had in a while and probably almost forgotten, so she should commend it to heart and keep it alive, for every emotion was always fuel and could be channeled on stage. She reaffirmed herself on the strong belief that Rachel Berry wasn't afraid of her emotions. They were her drive.

A knock on her shoulder reminded her that her eyes were still closed. She startled and turned around to be greeted with an ever stunning Quinn Fabray.

"Hey, Rachel" the blonde smiled.

Rachel stood perplexed for a second or two, the emotion she had been trying to store still somewhat present.

She obviously hadn't forgotten about Quinn. But if the loss of Santana's friendship made her feel bitter, the loss of Quinn's just never quite kicked in. Rachel had seen it coming. Mostly, because their friendship had been a bit of a short-running show. Too good to be true, probably. In which universe could Rachel Berry become friends with the prettiest, most popular girl in school?

Once again, Rachel caught herself feeling small, but this time there was someone in front of her, waiting for her to speak, to articulate some words, so she let the emotion slip off her senses and put on a smile. She didn't feel bitter towards Quinn. Just lucky there had been a time when they had managed to be friends, despite how briefly.

"Hey, Quinn!" Rachel exclaimed and automatically went for a hug – there had been a lot of hugs that day, even with Sue, which had shocked her profoundly.

Quinn looked surprised for a moment but thankfully returned it. That did annoy Rachel – the way Quinn or Santana kept startling or feeling surprise when Rachel hugged them. As if Rachel was going out of her way of something. As usual, too, Rachel shook the annoyance off.

"So" Quinn's eyes showed slight uncertainty, although her confident presence was still there, unaltered. "How you've been?"

There was always some restraint on Quinn's words. Not just with her, but with everybody, Rachel always noticed. Some well-hidden study, which Rachel used to translate as intelligence. She had always believed Quinn to be smarter than pretty – and she was very pretty.

But what it used to look like conscious superiority – about her intelligence, her beauty – now it looked somewhat old and unnecessary. It had been five years. High school was long over, and it seemed to Rachel that it was just mature to feel no need to be so guarded.

However, it made her feel somehow closer to the blonde. Like, it was also nice when people didn't change that much. It gave you the false impression that you still knew them – if she had ever known Quinn Fabray at all, that was.

"I've been good, thank you for asking" Rachel smiled sincerely. Quinn nodded, and Rachel took it as she was welcome to elaborate on that. "I've been starring on the off-Broadway production of the new Sondheim play, which I imagine you might've heard by now" Rachel considered for a moment. She didn't like being redundant or boring people with small, non transcendent chit-chat. Quinn's lip wrinkled slightly – a sign Rachel still remembered meant the girl had no clue was she was talking about, therefore felt uncertain. And Quinn Fabray didn't feel uncertain very often. "Your hair's longer, I notice, which suits you well, of course – but, if you ask me, I think short-hair suited you even better. Even if it might have seemed an impulsive, little conscious decision at the time, I think you've never looked more… well, you" Rachel couldn't help but observe then. Quinn's hair was a thing of beauty.

Quinn laughed spontaneously then, which Rachel wasn't used to see so close. She had seen Quinn laughing before, of course; but normally at a distance. They had never been the kind of friends that had fun together, sadly. Rachel liked to think the reason was their friendship had been of a deep, more mature kind. And, even if she was happy with that thought, she now had to admit – if only to herself – that laughing with the girl was nicer. Even if she had no idea what the laughing was about.

"My God, Rachel – you haven't changed in the slightest" Quinn explained, still smiling, and Rachel noticed there was no resistance or restraint now.

Rachel returned the smile but it was a small one. "I appreciate your fondness on that, but I'd be sad if that was entirely true" she admitted, still smiling politely. "I'd like to believe I'm a more mature person now."

Quinn frowned amused first, then stopped laughing. "Of course" the girl nodded, placing a hand on the brunette's arm. "I'd like to believe we all are" the blonde added, half-joking, then pointed with her head at Noah, who was making his silly saw-dancing-moves for a very unimpressed Lauren Sizes, who kept chatting with Brittany, under the boring yet annoyed glance of Santana.

Rachel laughed, then remembered. "Oh, how did it go with Noah? Are you guys still dating?" A part of her had always rooted for the two of them, although right now she couldn't remember why.

Quinn laughed spontaneously again. For the second time. "Please, Rachel" the girl folded her arms, then regarded Puckerman with such condescension that Rachel was surprised that look hadn't been aimed at her instead. "I'm just surprised he's not wearing that uniform today" she shook her head.

Well, this was refreshing. Quinn Fabray joking, once again. "Yeah, I may have had something to do with that" Rachel pondered. "I had a very serious talk with him when he showed up at my wedding with that thing" she recalled.

Quinn looked at Rachel amused, then her gaze fell down momentarily and her lips pursed as if looking for some words they wouldn't find somewhere else. "I should have loved to see that" she finally commented, kindly.

Rachel shook her head, cheerily. "Oh, I just told him that enough was enough" she joked. "That we all get that he's on the Air Force. I didn't tell him that makes me worry deeply about the security of our country – I thought it better to leave that out, it was a day of celebration, after all."

"I meant your wedding, Rachel" Quinn corrected her, amused. "I've had my fair share of conversations with Puck about the uniform and the Forces, thank-you-very-much" she said without hiding her disapproval about her ex-boyfriend habits, once again. The girl was giving Noah the look of doom, and oh boy, Rachel thought then, it must be scary to have you as a girlfriend.

"Oh, don't mention it – I got your card and present" Rachel assured her. Some really lovely and stylish Arabic vases for her newly-weds apartment that were always on display on the living room. "I wrote you back with my appreciation, didn't I?" Rachel panicked momentarily. It was unlike her to have left someone out of her thank-you-letters. How rude of her!

"Of course you did" Quinn said, and Rachel felt relieved. "A very sweet and effusive letter" the girl pointed out playfully, but Rachel decided to see no malice on that. "But seriously" her tone changed, "I'm sad I didn't get to see you in white. What is it about me missing your weddings?" The girl had the humor to say.

It took Rachel a few seconds to get it, then she made a dramatic and disturbed face. "Quinn!" Rachel called her out but failed to sound authoritarian, which only made the blonde laugh. "Don't joke about that!"

Quinn gave her a knowing smile then and Rachel found herself relaxing. Just like that, Quinn had managed to turn a subject that Rachel used to consider of a certain awkwardness between them into a thing that belonged in the past. Both girls knew that had not Quinn got into that tragic car accident, Finn and Rachel would've probably got married. And, while letting go of the past was neither easy nor necessary, you could always treat it with a little bit of decency and humor.

After all, Finn was the reason they were all gathered there today. Hell, Finn was probably the reason that the heterogeneous first glee club had happened. Had he not joined the New Directions, Quinn would've never joined them either, nor Puck, nor Mike.

And though his loss was still painful at times for Rachel, the need to talk about him was even more painful sometimes. Not that she couldn't – she talked about him every now and then with Kurt, with Sam, with her parents even. But never with Quinn, and Rachel failed to see the reason.

Now, with that simple, natural joke of the blonde, she felt like she could, though.

"You think he would've liked this?" Rachel asked, impulsively. She realized shortly after she hadn't specified 'Finn', but she hoped Quinn would get it. She actually needed an answer to this.

Quinn didn't answer right away, though. The girl held Rachel's inquisitive stare and studied her response. The girl suddenly lost some of that spontaneity she had been showing, but Rachel guessed it was just natural.

"I think so" Quinn finally said, confident. She looked around then. "I was a little afraid to come today myself" she admitted. "I don't like pity-parties, but I'd say we managed to turn his memory into a reason for celebration. I mean – look around" the girl's gaze wandered along their peers, and Rachel followed her, "everyone looks happy. This was the good kind of tribute."

Rachel felt oddly comforted, at least about the 'everybody looking happy' part. She couldn't help but wonder if there was a hidden meaning on Quinn's last words, though. The good kind of tribute. Rachel remembered Quinn hadn't attended the first tribute they ever made on Finn's honor, just weeks after his passing.

"Everyone looks happy, yeah" Rachel simply agreed, though. That was all that mattered. "Are you – happy?" She found herself asking, then, unable to control the impulse.

Quinn looked unaltered, thankfully. "I guess" the girl shrugged. "I mean – if this is as happy as it gets, then well, it's not bad" she smiled politely, somewhat satisfied.

Rachel regarded her with intrigue. Part of her didn't think Quinn had it in herself to reach a satisfied mind. Not in her twenties, at least. She wished her well, of course, but if there were three things Rachel had always seen on Quinn, those were intelligence, beauty and sadness.

But the girl looked sincere. Her answers were well-thought and careful as usual, but not bitter, for bitterness was a hard thing to hide. Rachel supposed that maybe Quinn was a bit more mature now. And it suited her well.

There was a small silence between them, as if they suddenly were the kind of people who could stood next to each other in comfortable acquiescence.

"What about you, Rach?" Quinn turned her gaze on the brunette girl then, and Rachel felt so caught up on reading the blonde's smallest gestures that the moment felt unexpectedly close. "Are you happy?"

Words got stuck on Rachel's throat. It was a funny thing coming home. You caught yourself taking on old habits you had long ago forgotten. Like the way Rachel studied with fascination Quinn's corporal language. It made her feel fairly awkward – it was one thing to fangirl about Barbra, Patti or Dianne Keaton, but Quinn… Rachel was not ashamed to admit she could appreciate fairly enough women. She admired women with talent, intelligence and drive. She always had. She supposed then that her brain couldn't tell the difference between celebrities or old high-school classmates. It was just women.

"I wish I could borrow your answer" Rachel said, feeling somewhat guilty. It was not an easy question to answer, yet that hadn't stopped her from asking Quinn. "Although I do hope it gets better than this" she thought out loud.

Quinn looked at her surprised, but didn't say anything.

Rachel sighed, holding her hands together behind her back. "I just want too many things too bad" she half-lamented, half-joked.

Her ambition had already played against her in the past, and yet she always caught herself wishing for more. More interesting parts to play. Better crafted scripts to do a movie on occasion. Better nails, like Quinn's. Quinn had really nice hands and nails. But she was deflecting – she just wanted more. More than Broadway. It stunned her, that even after screwing everything up with Funny Girl and That's so Rachel, she still secretly hoped for her one big chance to make it big on the screen.

"Oh, that's not so surprising" Quinn smiled knowingly then. "You've always been very ambitious. I'd personally feel let down if you weren't anymore" she commented like no biggie, but Rachel felt slightly shaken.

The way she saw it, there was a time for wanting more and a time for seeking a satisfied mind, like Quinn seemed to have reached herself. And Rachel, well, Rachel had already achieved a lot. So when would she find some peace of mind as well?

"What about the domestic life" Quinn interrupted her thoughts. "How's that working out for you?" There was a slight hint of skepticism on her tone, but Rachel couldn't be too sure.

"Oh, that's a work-in-progress" Rachel joked, looking for Jesse with her gaze. "I've never really enjoyed the idea of living with a man, to be honest. I'm feeling inclined to believe that my dads and Kurt are the only clean, tidy men I'll ever meet. Not that Santana was any better, but she was fun" Rachel added on a positive note. She missed living with her. "Jesse is a mess by principle. He believes all artists ought to live in chaos, as a way to increase their creativity" she shook her head, annoyed.

Quinn clicked her tongue softly, with disdain. "He never was the smartest."

"Oh, no, he's a genius" Rachel nodded emphatically. She had always believed her husband to be a genius, and even if she regarded Quinn's opinion worth consideration, she did not believe the girl to have the sensitivity that artistic minds like Jesse's required in order to be understood.

Quinn just rolled her eyes. "I never took you for someone who'd use words that lightly" she commented with certain malice. "Just tell me that you're on birth-control?" The blonde inquired, and if Rachel didn't know any better, she would've have translated her look as concern, but she did.

The question took Rachel a little bit off-guard, nonetheless. "I am" she confirmed. "I'm not looking forward to delivering more babies any time soon" she joked, then remembered she was talking to Quinn Fabray.

A cold smile grazed Quinn's lips. "Good. So, have we finally closed the circle now?"

How strange life could get. How cyclical. Shelby had delivered Rachel to her dads, and Quinn had delivered Beth to Shelby. Now, to close the circle, Rachel had delivered a beautiful baby girl to Kurt and Blaine. Yet another sensitive point she and Quinn had never discussed properly. Until now.

Rachel felt the situation getting weirdly intimate again, more awkward than tense. She wondered if any of their peers would be discussing death and surrogate mothers as well. Somehow she found it unlikely.

"I believe we have" Rachel said, suddenly embarrassed. Something on Quinn's tone told her that the blonde didn't approve of her being a surrogate. "I think there's some balance to it, don't you?"

Quinn didn't look very convinced. Her smile had turned sarcastic. "Do you find comfort in that?"

Rachel realized then that the conversation had gone sour at some point and she hadn't been fast enough to stop it. There was a few inches between them now, but the distance felt wider, and cold. Had she upset Quinn somehow?

"I- uh" Rachel noticed she shouldn't have opened her mouth until she knew what to say, because now she was just babbling. Quinn looked at her once more, and Rachel could feel her cold, sad green eyes resting her weight on her own. It felt heavy. "I do" she admitted. "Not that I need to – I'm happy with my choices."

Quinn's eyes faltered and then left Rachel's. She sighed and looked lighter again. "You just never doubt your judgment, do you?" She asked, intrigued.

Rachel had to study her face for a couple of seconds to understand that there was no hostility in her words. Then she noticed that it was a rhetorical question, as Quinn continued talking.

"I've always envied that about you, Rachel" the blonde commented, swinging her legs lightly so her dress would move along, almost playfully. It looked like Quinn was going to add something else, but then she didn't, and Rachel missed her opportunity to speak up: "Anyway, it was nice seeing you again" Quinn stopped swinging and her honest, almost fond smile was back. She squeezed Rachel's arm lightly. "Take care and stick to those pills" she joked.

Rachel smiled back and nodded, unable to say anything else. She, the ever articulated Rachel Berry, unable of formulating a simple 'you too'. How rude!

"You too, Fabray" a male voice stated over Rachel's shoulder. A pair of lips rested softly on her cheek then, and Rachel recognized Jesse's scent over her skin, which felt warmer than usual.

Quinn just nodded and disappeared behind Sue and Sheldon. Rachel tried to follow the blonde with her gaze but Jesse stood up in front of her then.

"Ready to leave?"

Rachel felt uncertain, looked around once again and noticed a lot of the glee kids had left already. "Yeah" she guessed.

But she wasn't. There were so many words and thoughts still floating right there where Quinn had stood just seconds ago. A lot of things they had never dared to talk about before, were laying now on the table, bare and vulnerable, merely touched and waiting for more.

Rachel shook her head, slightly annoyed at her disability to let things be. Why did she always need more? She hadn't even come to the reunion hoping for a rapprochement with Quinn – so why did it feel now like the whole evening had been about that?

She felt guilty. For all those years of silence between them, as if they had nothing to talk about. No soar subjects, no sensitive points. When the truth was, there was nothing but that.

Had they really closed the circle?

And that was how, one week later, on her Brooklyn apartment, Rachel was sitting in front of her computer, looking for Quinn's profile on Facebook. And this was anything but an impulsive decision. No, she had thought this through.

She had fought the annoying voice on her head that told her that she was delusional. That even if she believed it certain that there were things left to discuss with Quinn, who said the blonde would feel the same?

That voice only got sharper when Rachel argued that she wasn't just looking for a conversation. Truth was, Rachel didn't feel confident that the next time she stood next to Quinn she would dare to bring up all those things.

What Rachel was looking for, truly, was a chance to make things right with the blonde. That long forgotten project of a friendship that they had started to build on their senior year – only to ignore it completely as soon as they left Lima – felt urgent now.

Rachel had always been convinced that Quinn and she had the potential to be friends. I mean, how could two people whose lives were so entangled be nothing more than acquaintances? Liked it or not, they would always be part of a particularly creepy circle. And being a part of that circle could be an unbearable thing without a friend.

The only thing that worried her, really – other than the possibility of Quinn ignoring her message – was the investment of energy that a "new" friendship supposed. That was the way Rachel was when it came to friendship – all in. And the blonde wouldn't be any different.

Dear Quinn,

I hope this message finds you well spirited. I, for my part, couldn't feel more uplifted this week. My new play has received official confirmation to move to Broadway next month, to the Majestic Theatre – so you can imagine my excitement. If not, just picture us winning Nationals all over again and you might get an idea.

I believe, too, that the motive of my writing to you might be also considered uplifting, if you may. Even though I loved and enjoyed catching up with you on Lima, it only made me realize how much was left unsaid. For instance: how could I be so unapologetically self-centered as to no inquire for your whereabouts? Last I knew from you is that you were working on a law firm in Boston. May I conclude your situation remains unaltered? Also, you asked me about the domestic life, and I didn't think of asking about yours. Since Noah is no longer in the picture, have you been lucky enough to find yourself falling in love again?

You don't need to answer these questions right now. You see, I'm merely exposing them as proof that we could use some more talking, if you'd like. Truth is I really enjoy your company, Quinn, and I'm sad that we failed to become the great friends I always knew we could be.

I'm still convinced that we can, so I have a proposition for you: how would you feel about coming to my opening night next July 9th? Tickets are my treat, as well as accommodation. Unless you want to book yourself an hotel – either way, I'll be happy if you joined me, my husband, Kurt and the gang on the party afterward the performance that Saturday night. Also, if you'd like to stay one day more, I'll be free on Sunday and we should enjoy a great time in the city.

Looking forward to hearing from you,

Rachel.