Disclaimer-- I don't own the Harry Potter characters
Five years, it had been five years. Five years since the defeat of Voldemort, five years since the death of Mr. and Mrs. Granger, and five years since anyone had seen Hermione Granger. As soon as the news came that Voldemort was dead Hermione walked off in a daze. Everyone figured she just needed some time to think after finding out that the creature that had killed her parents was gone. Only Hermione never came back. For the first few years everyone worked like crazy to find her, but after three years with no clues they gave up, even Ron. Everyone figured that she simply didn't want to be found. Everyone that is, except for Harry.
Harry worked every day, but in his spare time he looked for clues as to where Hermione was. He had informants all through the wizarding world looking for her who he made contact with periodically. So far no one had turned her up. Some of his friends thought he was going mad, but he had his reasons, and he would find her.
"No I don't have a free moment to help you with a cursed bathtub!" Harry shouted a moment before slamming the door in the young wizards face. "I don't have a free moment to do anything," he muttered to himself. He walked over to his desk and went back to the memo he was working on. When the same young wizard opened the door again Harry looked ready to kill, but the young man only ushered in a few fluttering memos and made a hasty exit.
"Great, more work." Harry sighed as the memos landed on his desk. He opened them one by one but stopped in his tracks at the last.
I just received word. She's in New York
Zabini
Harry smiled and thanked every power he knew that Blaise Zabini had decided all those years ago to join his team. Tomorrow he was headed to the States.
About a week later Harry had an address in hand, but as his cab pulled up in front of one of the shabbiest buildings he had ever seen he couldn't believe Hermione would be living here. A quick glance at the address told him that it was unbelievably the right place. He tossed some bills at the cabbie and shook his head as he climbed out of the car. The cab raced from the curb, leaving Harry alone on the street.
When Harry found that the door was secure, he simply had to use his wand to get into the building. He felt a powerful anticipation build as he walked up three flights of stairs to apartment 3C. Knowing he was so close to finally finding her was causing his pulse to race, so he took a deep breath, and knocked.
"Hold on, I'm coming," the so familiar voice said.
The door opened and Harry heard her gasp. "Hello Hermione," he said. He took her in from head to foot. She looked healthy, if a bit thin, and the surprisingly short swing of straight hair that brushed her chin suited her. He turned his attention to her eyes right as they fluttered closed and she hit the floor.
When Hermione came to she contemplated the dream she'd had. Harry had been at her front door, imagine that. Then she turned and saw the concerned face of the man watching her and tears sprang into her eyes.
"Hermione," he whispered as he stood.
The tears came faster at the sound of his voice. "Harry. Oh Harry, I've missed you so much." With a sob she launched herself into his arms.
Harry couldn't believe that after so many years he had found her. "I've missed you too, Hermione, more than you know."
She pulled back from him and regarded him at arms length. "Look at you; you've grown up so much."
He smiled. "I have. I've had to really."
"And now you're here. Looking for answers I suppose."
He shook his head. "Answers will come later. I've been looking for you Hermione, just you, and I've finally found you."
Tears returned to her eyes and she nodded. "Yes you have. Let's sit, we'll talk."
They were settled on the couch minutes later, each with a glass of good wine. Much to Harry's relief the inside of the apartment was a great deal nicer than the building. Hermione had done well. Though Harry knew he should hold off the third degree he couldn't help but ask the question that had been tugging at him for five years.
"Why did you leave Hermione?"
She took a sip of her wine and contemplated the question for a moment. "I simply couldn't handle it. My parents were dead because I was a witch, they never would have died at Voldemort's hand if I had been normal, and I had killed. Yes I killed to save myself and others, but there was blood on my hands. I never could have imagined that's the direction my life would go. When they told me that Voldemort was dead, I was filled with this joy, this horrible joy at someone's death. It didn't matter that it was Voldermort or that he deserved to die, that I was filled with such overwhelming joy at the death of another frightened me. It made me wonder what kind of person I was."
"Hermione, you have to know that it was only natural to feel that way."
"I do, but at the time I couldn't reconcile with all that I had learned I was capable of. So I walked away."
Harry pressed on. "Why didn't you come back Hermione?"
When she turned to him her eyes were shining with tears again. "Because no one came after me."
It hit him like a ton of bricks. No, they hadn't gone after her. "Hermione." He sat his wine down and pulled her into his arms in more of an attempt to comfort himself than to comfort her. "We didn't. What you must have thought of us."
She pulled away and wrapped her arms around herself. "I thought any number of uncomplimentary things, but mostly I just felt hurt."
"I can't tell you how sorry I am Hermione. We all thought you wanted some time to yourself. By the time we came looking for you, you had disappeared. We were stupid, so stupid. I feel like the world's biggest prat."
Hermione shook her head. "You're not Harry. It took me a while, but I realize now that there was no way that any of you could have known what I needed. It was silly of me to hold it against everyone for so long, but nobody ever found me. So I stayed here and tried to move on. I don't know any wizards here, so I started over. I live as a muggle."
"It must have been so hard for you, I can't even imagine."
"Don't blame yourself Harry. You couldn't have known. Besides, you found me, and that means something."
He nodded, but knew there was more to be said. There was one thing that they had left unsaid, but Harry didn't know how to bring it up. Hermione saved him the trouble of thinking up a way.
"Harry, that night before the final battle…"
"I remember. We were both terrified, and both afraid we'd die before we ever had the chance."
"And Ron and I had just had a fight, so I came to you" she said quietly.
Though it pained him deeply Harry tried to remain light hearted. "Don't worry about it Hermione. It was one night." One unforgettable night. "We both got what we wanted."
She frowned. "Don't cheapen that night Harry; we both know it was more than that."
"I'm sorry. I would never cheapen that experience Hermione. I've never forgotten that night. It meant more to me than anything ever has."
"There's something else I need to tell you about that night, something important."
The change in her tone had Harry worried. He shifted so they sat face to face. "Tell me."
"This is so hard Harry. I thought I had put all the pain behind me, I didn't know if I'd ever see you again. But here you are."
"Please just tell me."
Her mouth was open to speak when the door slammed. Her mouth formed a surprised little o and her eyes widened perceptibly. "Oh…"
"Hermione?" A young woman with long blonde hair and a cheerful smile came around the corner still talking. "I know we were supposed to be back an hour ago but he was so excited to feed the ducks in the park I just…. Oh wow." She came to a complete stop, eyes wide.
Harry smiled at the girl bemusedly. "Hello I'm…" he came to an abrupt halt when he saw the little boy clutching at the teen's hand.
The little guy inclined his head and studied Harry intently. "You're kinda like a big version of me," he said plainly.
And Harry could see it; the hair was lighter, more like Hermione's, but the eyes were the same bright emerald green. "Yeah, I guess I kind of am," he managed weakly.
Hermione stood quickly and went over to the girl. "Amber would you take him to his room, and then you're free to go. Thanks." She leaned down. "Go with Amber and play with your toys, okay."
"K momma." He looked at Harry once more before he and the babysitter walked past.
Hermione turned back to him, her arms wrapped tight around her body. "That wasn't exactly how I imagined telling you," she whispered sadly.
"He's mine." There was no need to make it a question, he knew without a doubt.
She nodded. "He's yours."
Harry felt his heart fill even as his anger grew. "Were you ever going to tell me?"
She sat back down, though about as far away from him as she could get. "Honestly? I don't know."
He nodded and silence fell heavily between them for what seemed like a lifetime. Finally Harry spoke. "I've got a son who doesn't know me." The look on his face was that of pure devastation.
"Harry I'm so sorry."
He held out his hand. "He's what, four?"
"Yes, he'll be five in a couple of months."
"I missed everything. I wasn't there when he was born, I didn't get to see his first steps or hear his first words, and I can't get any of that back."
Tears were pouring down her cheeks. "I know. I know you can't and I'm so sorry that I took that from you."
"Why?"
"I was eighteen years old and terrified. We were only together once and I was so…" She closed her eyes to gather her thoughts. "I found out a couple months after I got here and I was still so raw. The first thing I thought of was calling you, but I... I don't know what else to say to you Harry."
He turned to face her directly and shook his head. "I can't imagine what it must have been like for you, being all alone and pregnant, away from home. But Hermione you didn't have to be alone. You could have contacted anyone, you could have contacted me," he asserted, anger bubbling below the surface with every word.
"I…" she trailed off and seemed to take a moment to gather her strength. "I didn't think you would want us," she whispered.
"Hermione…"
"Just let me finish please?" He nodded and she continued. "We slept together once, the night before what could have been the last day of our lives. I knew what it was to me, but I didn't know what it was for you; I had cheated on Ron. By the time I gave birth I didn't think it would ever be the right time to show up on your doorstep and say 'hey Harry by the way this is your son.'"
"And I didn't come after you."
"No, but I already said, you couldn't have known. I waited a year to see what would happen then we disappeared. I should have told you, I kept our son from you and I can't ever replace those years."
"No, but I think I understand. You were so young and frightened, and how could you have known how I felt? It was only natural for you to worry. I wish I had done something to deserve your trust in me, but I didn't, not really. You trusted me with your body and your heart and I messed up," he said sadly. "No wonder you didn't think I would want you."
"Harry please, this isn't any time to lay blame on yourself, if anything we both messed up."
He nodded. "You're right. We both did our part in screwing this up. But I don't want to keep it that way, Hermione."
"No, no we shouldn't keep it this way. You need to be in your son's life. You both need it."
"Yes, I do need to be in his life, but I need to be in yours as well."
Her eyes widened and for some reason she couldn't stop the tears that welled up. "Harry."
"Just let me get this out." He reached out to take her hands. "There hasn't been anyone since you. In five years I've never thought of anyone else; I haven't touched another woman since that night. Even before you came to me there was something there, something that's somehow only gotten stronger over the last five years."
Tears spilled over as she listened. "Oh Harry."
He took a deep breath before he continued. "I wanted to tell you that night, but I didn't think you'd believe me. I love you Hermione, I did then and I do now. I think I've loved you ever since the day you brought your bossy self into my compartment on the train all those years ago."
After such a declaration Hermione wasn't sure what to do with herself. She felt as if she was about to burst from all the joy she felt. Finally, unable to contain it she threw her arms around him. "I would have believed you that night. Why did you think I came to you? I've been in love with you all along."
Harry held her close and soaked up the words he'd dreamed of hearing for so long. "Thank God," he murmured before bending to kiss her long and hard.
When they pulled apart Hermione took a shuddering breath and gazed into his eyes. "I want to go home Harry. I want my magic back, I want England. Take us home."
He nodded as a grin spread across his features. "Anything. We'll leave tonight if you want."
She nodded and laughed magically. "Oh that would be glorious." She stood and held out her hand. "Come and meet your son Harry."
He stood and took her hand, feeling absurd when he had to swallow the lump in his throat. He was suddenly incredibly nervous about meeting this little person he'd helped to create. Before he knew it they were standing in front of his door and Harry paused. "Hermione, what's his name?"
She blinked. "Goodness, all that talking, how could I forget to tell you a thing like that? It's James, James Granger Potter."
Harry felt tears well up and blinked them back. "You named him after my father, and you gave him my name."
"He's as much yours as he is mine. I wanted to have that piece of you to keep."
Without further warning she opened the door and for a moment they just stood there watching. James sat on the floor, concentrating very hard on a little toy train. Harry's eyes immediately went to the mural on the wall and smiled when he realized that the wizard behind his son bore a remarkable resemblance to Albus Dumbledore.
Hermione caught his grin and smiled sheepishly. "He doesn't know what we are but he's fascinated by magic. When he asked for the painting I couldn't resist the homage," she whispered. Still smiling she dropped his hand and went to kneel down in front of James. "Sweetie, there's someone here I want you to meet okay?"
James nodded. "Okay."
Hermione lifted him up with a little noise of protest. "You may be getting too big for that," she said as he giggled. Turning she brought them back over to Harry, but before she could make the introductions James spoke up.
"You're my daddy aren't you?"
"Yes I am," he responded quietly.
As boy and man simply marveled at each other Hermione addressed her son. "James I know you're dad hasn't been here but that's only because he didn't know about you. I didn't tell him about you."
"That wasn't very nice momma," he scolded with a frown.
She laughed freely, relieved that he wasn't too upset. "No it wasn't, but he knows now and he very much wants to be a part of our lives. We both want to go back to England and be a family. Would you like that?"
Tears welled up in his big green eyes. "Yes," he said tremulously.
Hermione hugged him tight. "Good."
For only the second time Harry spoke to their son. "James, I know I've missed an awful lot, but I really want to make up for that. I love you and your mum and I want us all to be together for a long time."
He nodded. "Okay."
With a quaking breath he held out his arms. "Do you mind if I just…"
James' answer was to throw himself into his father's arms. Harry caught him and held on tight to the son he'd never known, amazed that he could feel so much love for him already. He let go of the tears he'd been fighting back and looked over to see Hermione crying again, moved by the scene.
After a moment Harry broke the silence. "Now all three of us are crying," he said, shifting James to his hip. "We should all be laughing."
"You can cry when you're happy," James told him plainly.
Harry laughed. "Yes you can. You're so like you're mother."
"He's more like you than you know," she said with a roll of her eyes.
"Really?" Harry asked, full of pride. "Well good, you'll be the perfect mix of brains and mischief then." Turning around he sat his son down in the little chair by the bed and kneeled to talk to him. "James can you do things that other kids can't?"
He looked over at his mom, who nodded. "I can, but it's not anything bad. I just make things move sometimes and stuff like that."
Harry grinned. "Boy have your mum and I got a lot to tell you."
A week later Hermione clutched Harry's hand in the back of a taxi back home in England. She knew there'd be a crowd waiting and she was indescribably nervous. She shut her eyes and tried to calm down as Harry answered question after question from James until finally the car came to a stop. Harry slipped out in front of her and Hermione tried to steady her breathing as she took her time unbuckling James and gathering their things. They climbed from the car together to stand with Harry.
"I had everyone wait inside," he told her as he picked up their bags. "I knew you'd be nervous." He bent to kiss her once. "Don't be. They've all just missed you."
Hermione nodded and they headed up the walk to the little cottage. With Harry's arms full Hermione opened the door for them and stepped in first. As soon as they set foot in the house everyone began to cheer. Hermione felt all of her fears melt away as she looked around at her friends. Everyone was there, all of the Weasleys, Luna, Neville, Dean and Seamus, Lavender and Parvati, Lupin, Tonks, even Fleur had come.
James stood clutching her hand with wide eyes. "Mum, who are all the people?"
"They're my and Daddy's friends, and our family," she said happily.
She searched the crowd for the person she knew she needed to talk to the most and she immediately found him in the crowd. She shook in fearful anticipation as she met Ron's blue eyes. With a small smile he carefully passed the baby in his arms to Luna and crossed the room; when he finally reached her neither of them quite knew what to say. A saving grace, Tonks chose that moment to appear.
"Welcome home Hermione," she cried, throwing her arms around the other woman. "We've all missed you." She crouched down in front of James. "Want to see something really cool?"
He nodded. "Yeah."
Screwing her face up in concentration she transformed her nose into a pig's snout, then back to normal in rapid succession. "How about that?"
"Wow! Can I see more?"
Tonks laughed. "Sure, come on." With a wink in Hermione's direction she took James' hand and walked him back to Lupin, who gave an enthusiastic wave.
"Ron," Hermione started helplessly. "I don't know what I can possibly say to make any of this better."
He shook his head. "Harry told me everything Hermione. I should have seen the connection between the two of you from the beginning. He always understood you better than I ever could."
"That doesn't make what we did right."
"Maybe not, but the two of you got something amazing out of it," he said with a small smile.
Hermione glanced over at her son, settled on Remus' lap while Tonk changed her hair color back and forth and smiled. "Yes we did."
"You love him Hermione, and even though we would have liked to have thought different back then you and I weren't in love. We were in lust to be sure, but never in love."
She laughed. "I suppose you're right. Oh Ron I'm so glad to have you back."
"Me too," he said earnestly. He pulled her into his arms for a bone crushing hug.
"Welcome back Hermione," a dreamy voice floated in.
Hermione looked up and smiled when she saw Luna standing there. She released Ron and took Luna into her arms briefly, being careful of the baby. "Thank you Luna, you're practically glowing."
"I know, it's been this way ever since I had the baby. There's just something about her."
"There's just something about both of you," Ron said lovingly, kissing his wife's forehead.
Hermione smiled at them, her heart warming at the tender gesture. "Well you're both absolutely gorgeous. Her name's Evangeline isn't it."
"Mmhmm," Luna murmured.
The conversation broke of abruptly when Ginny, with something incredibly similar to a war cry, launched herself at Hermione. "Oh I'm so glad you're back, it's been dreadful without you!"
"Hey!" Neville protested from behind her.
"Well, not entirely dreadful, but I've missed you so much."
"I know the feeling," Hermione laughed, pulling back to look at Ginny. "My you certainly have grown up haven't you?"
"I have," Ginny said with a grin. "Neville and I are still newlyweds but being married makes me feel ages older and wiser."
"Even if she still can't manage to have an argument without sticking her tongue out at me or threatening a bat bogey hex," Neville said fondly.
"I've missed, this," Hermione said. "All of this, and all of you." Her heart swelled when she felt Harry slip his hand into hers.
"Good thing you're home then," he said quietly.
"Good thing you found us."
Note From The Author-- This story was inspired by the Kelly Clarkson song of the same name