I'm going to make a ton of money off of this drivel and use it to buy fur coats made of endangered baby seals and omelettes made of endangered condor eggs!
No, seriously. Labyrinth belongs to Jim Henson and George Lucas. I'm just borrowing it. And possibly leaving some questionable stains.
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Prologue
The mirror in the corner of the room may as well have been designed for giants. The glass was shaped like a pear and the frame stood over ten feet tall on intricately carved wooden legs. Weathered from centuries of abuse, it seemed to be held together by a combination of magic and the sheer cussedness of old things that refuse to die.
It was also unspeakably filthy.
"Stop… smacking… the damn thing," wheezed the dwarf, pinching his great nostrils shut and choking back what would've been his eleventh consecutive sneeze. "Yer makin' the dust fly around and it's goin' straight up my nose."
"My good man, we haven't the time to proceed with caution!" cried his companion, a little fox decked out in full knight regalia who was currently running his gloved paws up and down the sides of the dust mirror frame in search of an opening or secret knob. As usual, he seemed oblivious to life's nasal torments. "Zounds! How must we restore this blasted thing to order?"
A great red shadow loomed over them and inched closer, peering down at the dwarf and the fox-knight. "Ludo scared," it rumbled fearfully.
"Quit yer whining," muttered the dwarf acerbically, but it was out of habit. In all honesty, he wholeheartedly shared the sentiment.
"Never fear, my brother!" cried the fox. "We shall find our way through this mire! Now if only we could activate this portal…"
In the course of his ministrations, he had wiped a great blot of dust off the glass (much of which had wound up in the dwarf's nose). He paused in thought, then stepped back to seek confirmation of his suspicions. Sure enough, the blot of relatively clean glass was faintly glowing, emanating a soft light the color of the moon.
"Aha!" exclaimed the little knight. He bolted to the other side of the cavernous room and seized the knob of an enormous wooden door, swinging it open. The yawning chasm of the night outside was visible, interspaced with dimly burning stars.
It was also interspaced with tall, apelike silhouettes with enormous hands and glowing eyes affixed directly upon the fox.
"Close it!" hissed the dwarf through his teeth, the fear palpable in his voice. "Close the door for God's sake, do you want to get us killed?"
The fox slammed the door shut and then opened it again. Inexplicable, the doorway now led to a broom closet instead of an exit. The fox scampered inside, rummaging through the cleaning supplies, and eventually emerged carrying a bucket of water, some bottles of fluid, and some rags.
"At last, I've discovered the heart of the matter!" Didymus announced triumphantly, handing a rag to each of his companions and seizing a final one for himself. "We must clean the mirror and prepare it for travel!"
"Ah," replied the dwarf, visibly relaxing. "First thing I've heard all day that makes sense." He accepted the rag, and with that, the three of them began wiping the mirror clean.
Magical artifacts respond poorly to neglect. They go into fits of depression, do things they later regret, and lash out in embarrassing or inappropriate ways. Magic is not meant to occupy attics and old boxes; its place is deeply embedded in the messy and frenetic daily paths of the living. In the case of the three comrades who were now hard at work, all this ancient mirror really needed was to feel good about itself.
The three creatures stepped back to admire their handiwork. The glass sparkled with both cleanliness and the silver glow of magic. The wooden frame smelled faintly of wood oil, and the carvings of dancing goblins seemed deeper and more sculptural now that the cocoon of dust was no more.
The mirror creaked with age. It was the sound of a thing that felt pampered and was subsequently in a generous mood.
"Dost thou suppose it has worked?" queried the knight.
"Only one way to find out," answered the dwarf quietly. He drew himself up to his full height- roughly three feet tall- and announced, "Show us Sarah."
Hoggle, Sir Didymus, and Ludo gazed eagerly as a cloudy form appeared in the mirror, lengthening and darkening into a human figure. A female human figure.
Her.
A long moment of reverence passed.
"Sawah," said Ludo, cutting into the silence at last. "Sawah fwend."
"I… I reckon we can try and get her attention," said Hoggle, who was unable to tear his eyes away from the young woman. "I don't know how well the sound'll carry through it after all these years."
Sir Didymus winced at the thought of peering into a young woman's bedchamber unannounced. "Would it not be imprudent to call upon my lady in the dead of night? Perhaps she might be asleep or unprepared for uninvited guests-"
A dry scraping noise rent the air; the sound of a very long, thick claw scraping slowly down the wood of a rather thin door.
"…Or, we could try just going right through the mirror," added Hoggle hastily. As the scraping noise intensified- clearly, more of the things outside decided they wanted to sample the wares in the room- the three creatures decided that this was an excellent course of action.
Hoggle gripped the wooden mirror frame in both hands and hoisted a foot up as if to kick through the glass. Instead, it disappeared neatly into the glass as though penetrating the surface of a pond. Hoggle started, as though slapped.
"What wrong?" asked Ludo, clearly nervous.
"No, it's just chilly," said Hoggle, shivering. He swung his other foot up, stumbled briefly, and then disappeared into the mirror with nary a ripple as though he'd never been there at all.
Suddenly, an ear-splitting howl rent the air and the violent scratching against the door began anew. Sir Didymus and Ludo leapt into action, and with a bit of fumbling, and a great deal of glancing nervously over their shoulders, they climbed into the mirror themselves. The door smashed open and a flurry of shadows with long, spindly arms poured into the room. They searched the room, frantically in pursuit of their prey, but it was too late. The fox, the dwarf, and the giant were gone.