Rawesome
ELE Application
Open on two twenty-something
year old girls whispering to each
other as one types on the keyboard.
Prof- (typing) I know, he was HOT, right? (looking up at camera) Oh shh! We're on. (to camera) Good evening, Bad Horse and all League members.
Col- (sitting up straight) Hi.
Prof- This is our Official Application to the Evil League of Evil.
Col- I am Colonel Raw.
Prof- And I am Professor Awesome. Together we are...
Both- (bump fists) Rawesome
Col- And this (motioning around them) is our secret lair. Otherwise known as Professor Awesome's guest boudoir.
The Professor elbows the Colonel.
And whispers angrily to her. They
begin to whisper fight and then
abruptly stopped.
Prof- Okay, I know what you're thinking. "Hey, that Professor... looks familiar. Didn't she apply before?" (sighs) The answer is, "Yes". I am the villain formally known as Rina Riot.
Col- (mock salesman style) Why, Professor, what happened to "Rina"?
Prof- (mock salesman style) That's a good question, Colonel. (they stare at the camera with smiles) Gather 'round children and I will tel you the story of "Rina Riot". About three years ago, "Rina" was partnered with one Miss Mary Mayhem and we ran this city.
Col- (quietly) In a quiet, subdued, almost not hears of kind of way.
Prof- RAW!! Come on! (elbows again)
Col- (clueless) What? Even I didn't know you were a (finger quotation marks) "villain" and I'm your sister.
The Professor slaps down the
Colonel's hands. They whisper
argue again. Stop.
Col- (exaggeratedly) Anyhoo!
Prof- (brushing her hair back) Right, yes, back to my story. Mary and I would cause commotion wherever we went and while everyone was busy we would do our evil deeds. (whispering into the camera) FYI, some of those deeds helped pay for this current lair of mine.
The Colonel coughs.
Prof- (stammers) Our lair. This current lair of ours.
Col- Yea, you better correct yourself, (rolls eyes) Professor.
Prof- (shakes head) But alas, Mary Mayhem decided that evil was... well, evil and abandoned our cause and turned herself in. And now she's been taken under the wing of the "oh-so-good" and just another lap dog to the US commercial mill known as the "Side of Good".
Her voice rising the whole time in
anger and uses her fingers to
emphasize the ridiculousness of it.
The Colonel rubs her shoulder to calm
her down.
Col- Right, okay. (to the Professor) You okay? (she nods) Okay, um, yea, so now Mary Mayhem is Mary Vigilante. The Professor's arch nemesis.
Prof- (head snaps up) Damn right! I had to leave the city and change my name just so I could regroup.
Col- (whispers to camera) Meaning she came home.
They whisper argue again. Stop.
Col- What I meant was, the Professor went back to find herself, her new self. Where all this (hand scanning the Professor) started. (smiles) Where we started.
Prof- (calm now) Yes. Back I went to my childhood home and though you may think it's a little lame just know that my folks are pretty kick ass. (shrugs) They're rouge CIA agents.
The Colonel leans back and shakes
her head 'No'. The Professor
doesn't realize. Colonel then
reaches out and types. "Dentists"
appears on screen.
Prof- (to her typing) What are you doing?
Col- (flustered) Um... just making sure the saturation is good. I know you don't want to look like a crazy red head in front of the ELE.
Prof- (nods) True. (back to the camera) And while I was back home I realized all that I could become. I realized Mary "whatever she's into this week" was holding me back and that to be truly evil I had to (stands) become more than "Rina Riot"!
Col- (leaning toward the camera) You're out of the shot.
Prof- (moment) Sorry. (sits, embarrassed)
Col- Let's keep going, shall we?
Prof- Yes (runs hands through hair) we shall. Back home I decided to better myself and my resolve. I studied the evil doers of yester-years and all the Physics used in the fight against all others. (shyly) I guess you can say I have a PhD in Horribleness.
Quietly, the Colonel holds up a
t-shirt with Dr Horrible's face on it.
Col- (behind shirt) Big fans.
The Colonel comes from around
the shirt and kisses Dr Horrible's
likeness.
Prof- (dreamy) Yea. (second) Um, right. I guess that takes us to Colonel Raw's story.
Col- (smiles big) That's me! (casually) Basically, I'm the "muscle" of this operation. I have a black belt in several martial art forms. (holds her hand around her mouth) Thank you, avoiding regular Junior High Phys Ed.
Prof- (slaps her arm) Would you take this seriously?!
They whisper argue, Stop.
Col- I am also a master of disguise.
Prof- A demonstration?
Col- Of course. (they stare at the camera with smiles) Say the Professor and I are planning a little heist and there's a little Miss "I'll call for help" in the room and she decides to (a second) call for help. She's going to need a little persuasion to put down her phone, isn't she?
The Colonel ducks off screen only
to appear seconds later, now a man
wearing a nice suit with a
charming British accent.
Col- (as man) Miss, the safest thing to do now is what they say. They won't hurt us if we cooperate, don't be a hero.
The Colonel ducks off screen
again and comes back seconds
later as herself.
Prof- And that's only one of her characters.
Col- I call him Lord Randall. (starts counting on fingers) Then there's Adam Benson Jr: he's a yuppy college kid; and Mrs. Jenkins: she's a local deli owners and knows her faults; and Madam Noxon: she's a respected dominatrix with a heart of gold. Oh! And of course there's (long high-pitched beep over the Colonel's voice)
Prof- (elbows) I can't believe you just used your real name. That is not one of your characters!
Col- (upset) Well, they wouldn't have known it was my real name if you didn't just out me!
They whisper argue. Stop.
Prof- I guess we can edit that out later.
Col- (clears throat) Obviously, our little Super Villain duo still has a few kinks to work out.
Prof- (loudly) But that's sisters for you, huh? (chuckles, embarrassed) So that's our story, or should we say, the beginning of our story. All Rawesome is missing is the allies of the ELE.
Col- And to be honest, that is everything to us. (Professor nods) Here we are, Rawesome (quietly fist bump) and our official application to the Evil League of Evil.
Prof- We ask you, in all your evil glory, consider us for the League. There's nothing like the backing of the thorough-bred of sin to scare Mary Vigilante straight.
Col- (whispers) Or crocked, I'd guess.
Prof- (whispers) Well, good or bad, we are right.
Col- (nods) True. Good point. (to camera) Yea, okay, so thanks, I guess, for your time.
Prof- Yes! Thank you. And we hope to see you all soon. I mean, even if you don't pick us (both snicker in disbelief) the annual Super Villain Masquerade is coming up.
The Professor and Colonel
salute to camera.
Col- Good evening, ELE and Bad Horse.
Prof- Thanks for all the encouragement a villain could ask for.
Col- Again, I am Colonel Raw.
Prof- And I'm Professor Awesome.
Both- Together we are (fist bump) Rawesome.
The Professor types something
and the screen goes black.