INTRO: I wrote this story a long time ago with the intention of making it longer. But reading it over now, I thought I might as well post it because it can stand on its own. I've never published a Bleach fanfic before so I hope you like it.
No Clear Victor Still
Rukia had thought there was no contest – that the victor had been clear, right from the beginning.
She was dismayed to find that she was wrong.
How could that be? Since the moment he had thrown himself upon her sword, she had known that she would love Ichigo Kurosaki. Yes, it was his resemblance to Kaien Shiba. It could not be helped. She had been stunned when he saw her, like no human should; she had been more stunned when she saw him, the same shape to his face, same stubborn expression.
But it was not his physical resemblance that made the difference.
It was the resemblance of his soul to Kaien-dono's: it was his soul of honour. With nothing more than her word that he would survive, he had hurled himself on her sword for a chance to save his sister. That was Ichigo's way: he would do whatever was necessary, whatever the cost to himself, to uphold his honour and protect those weaker than him.
Who could do anything but love a man like that? Kaien-dono had been such a man, but always ahead of her – her mentor, her trainer, married. Rukia would have given him fealty all her life, but it could never have been more. She could never have asked for more than simply to be near him. And there was Ichigo, a man who would treat her on equal terms – would fight beside her on equal terms. Who she could train, but who would continually surprise her with his ability to instead show her the way at the last moment. A man who she would risk it all just to help.
So much for Renji.
At least, that's what she'd thought. Her feelings for Renji... Those, too, could not be helped. He had always been there, from her beginnings in the slums of Soul Society, and then through her training at the Seireitei. Always struggling to impress her, catch up with her, tease her when she fell short of him, help her when she was hurt – either in training or in her own pride. He had always loved her.
And she had never loved him.
She could not reciprocate those feelings. Respect, admiration, loyalty? Of course. Love? Love, yes – but never in love. She could never feel passion for him like he felt for her. Or like she felt for Ichigo.
She'd hidden it well, for a long time – her feelings for Ichigo. He'd hidden his just the same. There was never any time for those feelings, or any sense in acknowledging them. Life since she had met him was a constant series of battles, all of them necessary. For Ichigo, it was a series of tests, from state to state, strength to strength. Shared glances could hold partnership, respect, fear, silent plans – but not love. Love, silliness, awkwardness; all of these things would destroy that balance, jeopardise all their achievements. Could destroy their whole team. Ishida's feelings for Orihime, Orihime's feelings for Ichigo, Renji's feelings for her... All of these could disturb that equilibrium so essential for survival, time after time.
Rukia ignored it. They all ignored it. Until, one day, the battles stopped. At first it seemed another quiet interlude, but then the interlude stretched on and on. No massive uprisings, new enemies, societal restructurings, threats to the fabric of time and space. This wasn't that surprising. Rukia's life in the 13th division had never been quiet – there was training and fighting hollows, not to mention dealing with Seireitei politics and in-fighting. But the Court of Pure Souls had stood for thousands of years before Aizen, before Ichigo. Rukia herself had been around long enough to see that time passed slowly there, and often uneventfully, with little change.
It was quiet. And then two things happened. First – Ichigo's sister Karin took off with Sado. No one was expecting that, except possibly Yuzu. Sado confronted Ichigo before they actually left – he wasn't the type to just vanish without a word with his best friend's sister. In fact, Ichigo seemed baffled by the number of words Sado spoke all in one go, just to explain things. Sado promised to be back soon, and at the first sign of any trouble. If it had been another man, Ichigo would have acted affronted, challenged him to a fight, and then probably let him win after he had been suitably chastised, but Ichigo couldn't bring himself to do that to Sado. Sado had always been there as his support, as his friend, and Ichigo wanted his happiness, as well as Karin's. She left to start a year of university in America, and Sado went with her.
Second – Rukia was ordered back to Soul Society as her permanent base. It wasn't such a shock; between Ichigo and his friends, there was more than enough power to deter ordinary hollows in Karakura town. And Ichigo had earned his place in Soul Society – was invited to come visit and train, in order to maintain his unprecedented power levels. So it wasn't a total separation, but there was still a sense of finality to things – that they would each be resuming their place in the world.
That's when the trouble really started, and not the kind she could fight with a sword.
"Hey, Rukia!" a familiar voice called to her.
"What is it now?" she'd asked, exasperated.
Orihime had insisted on throwing her a farewell party, and she had finally managed to speak to everyone one last time, and slip out the door. She'd planned on disappearing without any huge fanfare, yet here was Ichigo, chasing her down the dark street.
"Wait a minute, would you?" he shouted.
She stopped to let him catch up. Watching him run toward her, she had just enough time to start feeling nervous. All their years as a true team were coming to an end. This was it, the last possible chance. She thought he would say something stupid, something practical, something down to earth – in just his way, with his sense of matter-of-factness. There could never be a confession from a man like Ichigo, only an acknowledgement. Or geez, maybe he just wanted some fighting advice. Who could know?
Instead, he didn't speak at all. As soon as he caught her, he grabbed her by both arms.
"Hey!" Rukia had time to protest, and then his mouth was covering hers, his arms crushing her to him. She was too stunned to react.
A moment later he drew back, still holding her immobile.
"Idiot!" she exclaimed. "What do you think you're doing? Are you always going to leap in without explanation, even over things like this?"
"Shut up!" he responded. And then he kissed her again. This time Rukia felt herself respond. She felt Ichigo's arms slide from her own and grab her waist, pulling her forward, his hands large and possessive. Her own hands were grabbing the front of his t shirt, curled tightly into fists as if she might strike him at any moment.
Finally, they stopped.
"Ichigo – " she tried to say.
"Don't worry," he said. "I know you're still going; I'm not an idiot. I just wanted you to take that with you."
"Oh, well, if that's all you wanted!"
"I'll be visiting you in Soul Society soon, Rukia."
Rukia took a deep breath and tried to think. "That doesn't mean we can do this."
"Why not?"
She blinked at him. "Well... Because... This peace may not last, Ichigo."
"Of course it won't."
"Would you speak some sense?!" she yelled.
Ichigo just shrugged at her. It was infuriating. "No peace lasts too long, Rukia. We should appreciate it while we have it. I've thought about it, since Karin and Sado left. There might come a time when this will be a problem. It might endanger you, or me, or someone else, because we care too much about each other. But it makes no sense to pretend that isn't the case. Everything I've ever done is to protect the people I care about."
"I still don't understand." Well, perhaps she did. But claiming ignorance was one way to avoid getting involved.
"We have to take these chances while we can, Rukia. We can't ignore that part of our lives because one day we might face another powerful enemy. I will probably die fighting one day. So will you. Because of this, we should live a life without regrets."
Rukia hung her head.
"You don't have to say anything now. But I will see you again, Rukia Kuchiki. And one day you will have to give me an answer."
Rukia scowled. "Is that a fact?"
Ichigo pretended to look thoughtful in response. "Yes, although... To think about it... The way you kissed me just then is probably answer enough."
Rukia lashed out her hand, intending to punch him in the shoulder, but he only caught it with a smile.
"This isn't goodbye, Rukia. Only, see you soon."
And with that, Ichigo had turned and walked away. And Rukia, muttering "See you later," in return, had passed through the gate into Soul Society.
Weeks went by. Rukia was assigned to protect the first district in Rukongai, presumably because anything less would be an insult to her noble family, but it was far enough to keep her from trouble in the Seireitei. She was well-liked and respected for everything she had done, but the fact remained that she was still an unranked division member. Byakuya had become more supportive of her over the years, but he still had yet to formally acknowledge that she was capable of holding a ranked seat herself, and Rukia was loathe to get involved in the politics necessary to make that happen. Rukongai suited her just find, providing access to the Court of Pure Souls when she needed it, and contact with Uruhara. She was hoping a quiet turn there dispensing law and helpings others would give her time to think about the situation with Ichigo. There were many other reasons it was a problem beyond what she'd said to him.
Today, on her day off from official duty, she was thinking of these problems as she made her way to the training academy to work out. Rukia rounded the corner to her favourite training room, only to bump into a familiar figure.
"Rukia!"
"Renji. Were you going to use this room? I was just about to get some practice in."
Renji grinned at her. "Well, did you remember to actually book the room?"
Rukia flushed with chagrin. "... No."
"If you're nice to me, I might share."
"I'll wait."
"You'll be waiting a while. I'm training a class in here." As he spoke, the first group of students appeared behind him.
Rukia stuck her tongue out at him. "What are you going to teach them? What NOT to do with a zanpakuto?"
Renji grinned, used to being ribbed about his new role training recent recruits. "How about I teach them how to beat a shinigami who is trying to steal their training room?"
Rukia laughed. "Oh Renji, you don't really want to be humiliated in front of your students, do you? You can let me walk away now without beating you up."
One of the students behind him – a small girl, with light hair and dark eyes – giggled, and Renji glared at Rukia. More students were filing up behind him as they spoke.
"Come on, Rukia. I'll give you a sporting chance. This bunch can't even control their shikai properly yet – why don't we give them a little demonstration of swordplay without releasing their zanpakuto? That way you won't be beaten by me in the first twenty seconds."
Rukia narrowed her eyes. Smart ass. There were enough students gathered in the hall behind him now that he knew she wouldn't say no.
"Fine, I look forward to showing them what a terrible teacher they have!"
Renji clapped his hands in delight and turned to face his students. "All right everybody, what are you standing around out here for? You know that class is in a training room. Get inside!"
Rukia bit back a smile as the students leapt for the door. They all looked so young. Surely she and Renji didn't seem much older than them when they began – really, they couldn't seem much older than the new recruits even now, the way that time passed here. And yet they had so much experience behind them.
Rukia followed him into the training room, a round space with a large, fenced dirt circle in the middle, and room for spectators around the fence.
"Listen up, everyone! Today we have a special guest sensei. Rukia Kuchiki is here to help train you all!"
Rukia whirled on him. "Renji, you bastard," Rukia growled, too low for most of the group to hear. "This is my day off! I agreed to fight you, not train them!"
Renji grinned broadly but otherwise ignored her. "At the end, she will be giving you a special demonstration of her renowned suuuuuper swordsmanship."
There was a murmur from the group. Rukia continued to glare at him. "My renowned swordsmanship? What are you doing, trying to make me look like an idiot?"
"Now, begin. Formation one to formation five!"
The response was a chorus of, "Yes, sensei!" Behind Rukia, the students hustled into lines and began practicing manoeuvres with their swords.
"Relax, Rukia." Renji was still grinning, and Rukia intended to wipe that smile into the dirt. "These kids just got here. It impresses them to have a real shinigami come and train with them. Besides, I'm going to beat you so quickly, they won't even be able to see me doing it. Don't worry about your reputation."
Rukia felt a muscle behind her eye twitch. So much for a nice, zen-like training session to collect her thoughts! She didn't dignify Renji's insult with an answer. Instead, she stormed up to the nearest recruit.
"You there!" she barked. "What do you think you're doing? Is that how you think you should hold your zanpakuto? Your arm looks like a limp soba noodle!" The student, a gangly looking boy, went bright red as his partner, a girl, began to giggle. "And you!" Rukia rounded on her. "What are you doing with your footwork? Do you think this is a hoe-down? Focus on your movements!"
She heard Renji bark with laughter behind her. He could obviously see that she was taking her annoyance out on them, but on the other hand, harsh training was what they were used to. She'd never taught in a class before, but she'd attended enough of her own to know what was supposed to happen.
"Let me show you how you should move." Rukia stepped in front of the boy, who looked ready to cower and run. She took a deep breath to calm herself down. "Now. Stand up straight. Good. Brace your arms. No, not quite like that – " she stepped forward to correct him, moving his arms like a mannequin. "There, good. Now, show some resolve. More, put some more tension in your arms. Okay."
Rukia could see from her peripheral vision that most of the class had stopped focusing on their own training to watch her. Swords were moving slowly through the air, arms limp, and everyone had moved so their back was no longer to her. Renji merely stood by the fence, his arms crossed in amusement.
"All right, now, I am going to do the step that you were supposed to do," she said to the girl. She looked the boy in the eyes. "Attack me."
"Attack you?" he practically squeaked.
"Have you lost your resolve already? Attack me! Attack me with everything you've got! Come on! I dare you to hit me if you can!"
The boy's eyes lit suddenly, as if her words had struck a chord, and he surged forward.
Rukia forced herself to move slowly, so that the girl – and nearby rubberneckers – could see the pattern her feet were supposed to follow to evade the attack. As she turned, the boy suddenly realised she had moved behind him.
"Got it?" she said to the girl.
The girl nodded.
"Good. You, turn around and attack me again."
The student didn't hesitate this time, and he launched himself after her. And this time, Rukia leapt at high speed. At the same time, she unsheathed her zanpakuto. The boy found himself with his back to her again, but this time her sword was inches from his back, over his heart.
The class gasped. Instead of feeling pleased, Rukia felt like rolling her eyes. If they thought that was impressive, they ought to see a real fight. Judging by the state of them, she hoped that wouldn't be for a long, long time.
She grinned. "Honestly, Renji? What are you teaching these kids?"
He merely grinned back, and this time there was a hint of bloodlust in his smile. "Don't worry, Kuchiki. You'll get your own lesson at the end of the class."
There was a collective oooh from the students.
"And you lot! What do you think this is, a social gathering? Get back in your pairs and keep going! Kuchiki-san and will come around and correct you all, so there's no need to be so interested in someone else's criticisms. You'll have enough of your own to deal with."
Two hours later, the students were sweating and groaning with exhaustion.
"All right, class. That's enough."
Another chorus of "Yes, sensei."
"For those of you who wish to remain behind after class, Kuchiki-san and I are going to give a quick – very quick –demonstration match."
Rukia had never seen a training arena clear so quickly. Suddenly the students were outside, looking in, lining the fence. One or two disappeared out the back door at a run, and Rukia wondered if they had another class.
"Well, Rukia." Renji stood next to her, surveying the students. "Sure you don't want to back out now?"
"Why, are you looking for an excuse?" she retorted.
There was a flurry of movement at the rear door, and Rukia raised her eyebrows as the students who had left not only rushed back in, but brought another entire group of students with them.
"Oh, great. I hope you're happy, cornering me into some school yard fight."
"Oh, so you admit, I cornered you? You are scared, aren't you?"
Rukia snorted. "Let's just get this over with, so you can go home and nurse your wounds."
"If you insist!" Renji said. And he rushed at her.
Rukia dodged his attack effortlessly, and twisted to strike at him with her own sword. He dodged in turn, and feinted to one side before attacking from the other.
For the first few minutes, they matched each other evenly. Rukia tried not to smile as they went through all the basic paces Renji had taught today, albeit at high speed – this was, after all, a class demonstration. Their flurry of strikes and parries was effortless, more like a dance than a fight. The group of students on the sidelines was not only hushed, but growing steadily. Word was obviously getting around.
Renji ducked around an attack of hers, and paused for a moment.
"All right, enough of a warm-up. I think you should really attack me now."
"If you insist!" Rukia said, and as she leapt forward, her level of reiatsu soared Dimly, in the back of her mind, she heard the students gasp as her power rippled in the room and she flashed too fast for them to see.
Her zenpakuto came crashing down, but Renji wasn't under it. Instead, she felt his own reiatsu pulse from behind her and she dodged a lightning-fast strike from Zabimaru on her right side. Rukia didn't hesitate, turning her dodging into a tuck-roll, lunging at Renji's legs. Equally as fast, he suddenly was no longer there.
The fight went on and on, and again, Rukia could see they were still evenly matched. Renji had increased his spirit force only as much as she had increased her own. She was still holding back, of course, but the question was, how much was he? At this rate, they would continue to fight for hours.
Rukia pulsed forward and landed a rounded kick to the side of Renji's face. The crowd of students cheered, but Renji, barely staggered, instead turning to follow her through the air.
"Fine, let's play it rough!" he shouted.
And suddenly he was on her, his sword moving unbelievably fast. Rukia struggled to counter his blows, and the force he was sending down Zabimaru was making her arms ache with every pass. This was no good. She would have to counter heaviness with lightness. Rukia gathered her energy and focused into speed, not force. The minutes flew by. Finally Renji took another blow, this time to his stomach, but only a moment later Rukia felt his counterattack smash into her and she dived face-forward into the dirt. She rolled on impact, grunting with the force, and sprung up to come at him again.
They were trading blows in now earnest, over and over, but it still wasn't enough. Neither of them wanted to hit the other hard enough to inflict real damage. This fight was as much tactics as skill. How to win without brute force?
Rukia continued to concentrate her energy on her speed, but now she focused more steadily on the pattern of her blows. Switching from defensive to offensive, delivering a textbook example of sword passes, her zanpakuto moved with precision as well as speed.
Renji met her attacks. His blows were huge, massive – each one that landed on her blade causing her to shudder with the impact of his reiatsu – but those blows were more force than finesse. Rukia matched his speed, but as they fought, it was beginning to become clear that her technique was better. For brute force he was stronger, far stronger than her – but for swordsmanship, she might just be better.
Suddenly, Renji took at step backward as she lunged into the spaces his blade couldn't fill. Rukia could see the realisation on his face that she might drive him back, back into a wall. Suddenly, there – an opening! Rukia pushed forward again – but as she did, Renji aside to trip her. She was too fast for the trip, but not fast enough to evade him entirely. The result was that her blade plunged forward, slicing Renji's shirt – and his abdomen, too.
Their student audience didn't have time to react. Renji moved so fast in response that even Rukia was caught off guard, horrified as she was how she had actually cut him. With his free hand, Renji ripped at his torn shirt, hauling it off and somehow wrapping it around his hand and her zanpakuto's blade at the same time. Renji wrenched her sword towards his body, using the momentum from her zanpakuto to spin them around. The hand that held his own zanpakuto moved at the same time, and Rukia suddenly found herself with her back against the arena wall, her own sword held immobile by Renji, and Zabimaru's blade at her throat.
The students directly behind that section of the fence scattered, squealing. Rukia barely heard them. Renji stared into her face at close range. They were both breathing heavily. Rukia's eyes flicked down to the wound she'd accidentally inflicted. It was bleeding freely. She also realised that Renji's muscled, tattooed chest was bare, and very close to her.
"Do you surrender, Rukia?"
Rukia looked into his eyes. She opened her mouth and shut it again. She tried a second time. "I surrender."
"Chuh," Renji tsked. He lowered Zabimaru. "Are you surrendering because you realise that can't beat me, or because you feel guilty that you are so clumsy?"
Rukia narrowed her eyes. "This was a demonstration, remember? I think the students have seen enough. Besides, I got first blood. Technically, I did beat you."
"I don't remember agreeing to that rule, especially since you only got this close to me from clumsiness."
Rukia willed herself not to blush, thinking of how close he was standing right that second. She concentrated so hard on that, she couldn't think of a retort.
Renji stared down at her. All of a sudden, he seemed to recollect where they were. Renji stepped back. He let go off his bundled shirt, and Rukia extracted her zanpakuto from it.
"Class dismissed!" he shouted.
The arena suddenly came to life with movement. Instead of leaving, the students applauded.
"Go on, you suck ups. Get out of here."
The crowd began to slowly leave. Rukia stayed against the wall. She and Renji watched the crowd dissipate, neither looking at the other. After a few moments, they were alone.
Rukia stared at the ground. "I apologise, Renji. I should have had more control than that."
Her head snapped up, startled, as she felt his reiatsu spike and Renji flashed to stand in front of her, over her. Rukia felt her breath hitch. He was so close, she barely had to move to touch him.
"Uh, you should dress your wound."
"It's only shallow."
"Still."
"Am I making you uncomfortable?"
"Don't be an ass, Renji. You're being weird. Don't think you can bully me just because you beat me this time."
"Ah, so you admit that I did beat you." Renji didn't smile. "Rukia... Would you be more comfortable if I bandaged myself up and put a shirt on?"
"Renji – "
"But this shouldn't make you uncomfortable, should it? You've seen me like this before."
Rukia frowned. "Shut up, Renji!" She had every intention of telling him that he was full of himself, out of line, being an asshole. Her mistake was that she reached out to push him away from her, and her hand connected with his bare stomach. It was like touching hot, breathing stone – firm, immovable. She stared at her hand on him for a moment, then looked up into his eyes.
This time when Renji spoke, his voice was hoarse. "Rukia."
Rukia felt as if she were frozen in time, as if she couldn't think. She knew she ought to push him away, but couldn't remember why. The urge to move her hand, to trace the lines of his tattoos, run her palm across his skin, to slide it up across his chest, or even further down – the urge was almost overwhelming.
Slowly, so slowly, Renji lifted his hand. His fingertips traced across her cheek, cupped her face, and then his fingers gently slipped into her hair. Rukia could have stopped him at any time – but, she was surprised to realise, she didn't want to. Renji drew her face up, towards his own. When his lips connected with hers, it was soft, slow, questioning. The kiss was gentle, and lingering, and when Renji pulled back, Rukia felt as if he'd breathed life into her.
She gasped and dropped her hand from his stomach.
Renji stared into her eyes. "Rukia," he said. "I knew how Kurosaki felt about you, and how you felt about him. I know he said something to you before you came back here. But I didn't know how you felt about me. I thought you'd already made your choice and I was going to say nothing."
He stepped back from her, and there was a steely glint in his eyes.
"But I've changed my mind. I'm not going to bow out of the arena without a fight. I don't think you know what you want. Sooner or later, you're going to have to figure that out. Maybe I don't have much of a chance, but I have decided I'm going to try to increase my odds. I won't let you go that easily, Rukia."
And without another word, Renji left the training room.
Rukia stood in shock a few moments longer. What was that? How had that happened? She had been so sure that she would never feel that way around him. Instead, her hand burned where it had touched his bare skin, and her lips tingled. Good god, when had her feelings for him changed? How had she failed to notice it?
Somehow, the fighting was over; the fight for Karakura, the fight for Soul Society, the fight in Renji's class. So why didn't Rukia have a clue who the victor was - who the victor would be?