Summary: Sequel to 'Happy Birthday, Une-baby!' But no worries! This is naught but a fun, silly drabble and it can completely be read by itself! I'm considering call this my 'LOL arc' of fics! *giggles* Because that's what I do while I'm writing them!
Disclaimer: I don't own GW, or the song. *sighs*
Dedications: Huggles and kisses to my darling Quatre and Duo! *glomps*
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Barbie Doll
also entitled
Barbie's Such A Bitch
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"You slipped up, Maxwell," She smirked, glaring at him over the top of her glasses. "You got overconfident... and you got caught. I am so looking forward to... interrogating you. Especially after that fiasco with the water guns."
"Aww... you remembered my birthday present! Guess I made an impression, huh?" Duo grinned, deciding to stop struggling for the moment- seeing as his hands were handcuffed now anyways. That was a good prank, he thought. Replacing every gun on the base with water pistols. They'd never known what to think! And they'd never realized he'd even *been* there. At least not until they'd woke up.
"A negative impression, I'm sure," Une snipped dryly, remembering her vow to *personally* put a bullet between Zero Two's eyes the next time she saw him. Her fingers itched to pull the trigger now, but she demurred. There were other things to be done first, and protocol to follow.. She looked at her guards. "Did he have anything on him?"
"Explosives, a variety of knives. Two pistols," The guard said. "And this was in his pocket." He handed his commander a small flash disk.
"Hmm. What is this?" Une pondered out loud.
"Hey! Give that back!" Duo's eyes widened. "That's got my brownie recipes on it! If Wuffers finds out I got his granny's secret brownie recipe, he'll skewer me with that big old sword of his! You've got to give it back!"
"When we captured him," The guard interrupted, "He was muttering something about he'll 'never understand why the doc's wanted' him to transport some file instead of 'Chang'."
"Hmm. Brownie recipe, neh? Interesting." Une turned the disk over in her hands, decided that decapitating the braided boy could wait for later. "Lock him up. I'll take him to Treize as soon as I find out what's on this disk... just make sure there are no guns pointing at the door of the hangar, alright? I don't want a repeat of the 'Birthday Fiasco'. I'm not sure I could live that down again."
"Yes, Ma'am!"
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Four hours later, Une was frustrated. There were so many levels of encryption on this disk she'd had to work backwards to get forwards and go upside down to get anywhere. Now... she was stuck. It required one last password, and she couldn't bypass it.
She'd tried anything and everything she could think of. From any variation of pilot Zero Two's initials, name, codename. Anything she could find out about him, she'd tried. She'd tried variations of 'Deathscythe', since that was Zero Two's Gundam's name, apparently. But nothing worked.
She sighed frustratedly. This was as annoying, if not more annoying, as that time Zero One and Zero Two had snuck in and pulled off the water pistol scam during what most soldiers called the 'Birthday Fiasco'. She'd figured it was just Zero Two at first... but security video found later... much later... had clearly shown both pilots making their way through the base systematically and efficiently. If she didn't know any better, she'd think that Zero Two had a thing for Zero One.
She snapped back to attention, hands flying to the keyboard. She *did* know better. There most definitely was something between those boys.
"DuoLovesHeero," she muttered, then clicked the enter button. And nearly whooped for joy when the simple password was accepted, and a file blinked up on her screen.
"What the fuck?" She demanded. It was... a recipe... for double chocolate chunk-walnut brownies with caramel topping. That sooooooooo couldn't be right. She knew it was a trick by Maxwell. It had to be. Somehow...
She clicked the file closed, and tried to find something else... then... her screen went black...and rebooted.
"What the fuck?" she demanded again as cartoon brownies with walnut eyes and caramel hair started to dance across her screen for one... two moments, before it went completely pink... with neon green lettering typing across the screen.
You've Been Served.
Oh... she was going to kill Maxwell for this. Not again, she groaned. She stood up and went to pull the computer's plug before the virus that she just *knew* was on that disk finished downloading.
Then... the screen changed again, and she had to blink at it. It was her... in a pink bikini... with blond hair! It was obviously her face, but it seemed like it had been pasted over the face of an animated... barbie doll?
And that's when it started.
"Oh, god, no," she muttered as a chibi and quite credible version of Zech Merquise's voice started singing.
"Barbie's such a bitch, she is such a witch! I really hate her! Why does Ken date her?"
Barbie Une danced across the screen, joined by a Treize Ken. Oh, God, she thought, covering her face with her hands and running from the room to go find Maxwell.
"Ken is such a man, I do all I can... just to DO him! I just really wanna screw him!"
It came as no surprise to her that every computer terminal and vid screen between her and the cell block was stuck on replay of Barbie Une and Treize Ken dancing and... other things... as the cutesy Zechs voice continued to sing and rant about the wicked Barbie and wanting to kiss Ken.
"... But Barbie's such a slut! With her cute little butt! And I guess Ken likes boobs made of fake parts..." echoed and chased her down the hall.
"Maxwell!" she screamed, throwing open the cell door... and stopping to stare. There was no one there. It was completely empty. Save for one thing... well... two things.
A pair of very *empty* and *open* handcuffs laying right in the middle of the floor and...
A black and lime green note taped to the wall, signed with a green skull and crossbones.
Une didn't know whether to scream or cry or laugh at that note. But she had to admire Maxwell. He was certainly imaginative.
'Barbie's Such A Bitch!'